Nobody’s Watching


Shoppin for the holidays

It is late in the day, you are loaded down with bags of recent purchases, in tow are three little dinkers, it is cold and the wind has a bite to it.  They are cold and they are cranky.  And to make matters worse, you cannot for the life of you figure out where it was exactly that you have parked the family car.

You walk a ways, stop, lean down and admonish everyone to just “shush, so Mommie can find the car” and then slowly the right arm goes up, at the end of the arm in her hand, the keys to the automobile and the remote control.  She pushes it several times and changes the angle and direction, again she clicks it and nothing.

Then she says, “Okay we will have to walk some more.”  Life in America.  Christmas time at the mall.

Actually I did that once.  Well, I had a similar experience you might say.  It was at the State Fair, we walked out into this vast lot and down the row, at the end of the row I stopped in front of what was a vacant spot.  The wife looked at me and said, “Where is the car?  Where did you park the car?” and I pointed to the vacant spot and said, “right there.”

She then in a very understanding manner blurted out ……. “Don’t screw around I am cold.”  But that is where I parked it, and then later on, someone came by and stole it.  I sure hope Mommie finds the car this day, I know exactly how she feels.

You Want Fries With That?

Americans now weigh on average, six pounds more than they did some seven years ago.  Nearly 60% of American’s say they would like to lose weight, while 34% want to maintain their weight, 6% were busy eating and would not talk with their mouth full.  Here are some other numbers for you.  59% of all Americans say they favor a labor union compared with 31% who hold an unfavorable opinion of unions.

Good News For Our Border Buddies.

The dollar in recent weeks has made a small comeback, and has actually risen against the Mexican Peso spurring a new flood of Mexican immigration.  The favorable exchange rate enables Mexicans in the U.S., to send even more money home.

Just one very apparent snag, all of the jobs for immigrants in the U.S. have dried up with this dog economy that Bush has left us with.  A year ago $1,000 bought about 10,000 peso’s.  Today the same sum buys 13,400 peso’s.  But it is the same old sad story … those who need it most, don’t have it.

Sticky Fingers

Winona Ryder maybe in a little hot water, it seems some $125,000 worth of jewelry she had on loan, has disappeared.  She claims that she left it with the desk clerk in the hotel after the party and that they had them for “safe keeping.”  The actress, who was convicted of shoplifting in 2001 swears that she doesn’t know what happened to them, and the hotel has no video tape evidence of her ever turning the items over to the desk clerk.  Hmmm?

T’is the season to be generous

Fort Myers Florida.   For the third year in a row, a gold coin worth about $1,000 has shown up in a Salvation Army kettle in Lee County. The Liberty Eagle coin was left with a message on its case: “In Memory of Mimi.” Salvation Army Maj. Art Penhale said the money will help 3,200 families.

I didn’t see nuthin’

Washington DC.  An independent review of the city tax office said manager Harriette Walters was able to embezzle more than $48 million largely because of a “culture of apathy and silence” in the office. The conclusion is part of a report by law firm WilmerHale, hired by the City Council.

Now let us pause to stop and reflect, shall we?

  • Security in our society is everywhere.
  • There are camera’s at the mall, cameras in the convenience stores, at the stop lights.
  • There are cameras at the bank, guards at the bank, and cameras at the ATM Machines
  • We are for the most part … Constantly watched …
  • Yet this gal walks off with $48 million and some banker toad in New York fleeces investors out of over $50 Billion.

Things have surely gotten better in this country.  When they dug the Erie Canal, they paid $1 and a quart of whiskey per day … Now people are walking off with an ocean of money and no one sees them do it.

Do The Math

My friend Bill in Florida, he will love this one.  Now here is something interesting.  31% of Americans say that the recession has forced them to cut back on necessities such as food and medicine.  While 38% say they have cut their heating and electric bills.  And additional 67% say they plan to spend less on Christmas and Hanukkah gifts this year, this according to a CNN/Opinion Research.

Did you catch it?

That is 136% and this shows you why you can never believe statistic’s for their face value and of course, watch CNN for anything other than simple entertainment or time wasting.

Pull Up Yo’ Droppy Drawers … It’s about time.

Beaufort South Carolina.   The Jasper County Council passed an ordinance prohibiting sagging pants in public – defined as more than 3 inches below the hips and exposing skin or underwear. The vote was 2-1, with two council members absent. The ordinance carries fines between $25 and $500. It also bars parents from allowing minors’ pants to sag. Dissenting Councilwoman Gladys Jones said sagging pants indicate a negative self-image, but the government should not dictate to parents.

So much for another Thursday gang, tomorrow we will talk about Mr. Bush and his farewell tour, “glad you are here, this is my version of 9-11 and how I did not start a pointless war, dismantle your Constitution or superciliously delete your rights, and would you please put your shoes back on, it is really stinking up the hall.

Now even Condolesa is confessing “that in reality, nothing really bad ever happened, and it has been one big happy mistake.”  Seems that if you lie down with a dog, you do get up smelling like one.  Bush is leaving office with what might be a possible all time unfavorable record for a departing president.

Something like 18% of all American’s now say that they will definitely not miss him.

One thing for sure, the response “you are” is no longer acceptable as a response for the question “What’s Happening?”  Now you can pack up and head for Texas, where you can sit in your new million dollar home furiously pressing the “refresh button” on your computer, trying to find someone to give you a speaking engagement to “replenish the old coffers” as you put it.

Good luck.


“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Today’s Wordplay – Twisted Tunes

Looks like it is going to be one of those days.  I come in here, and the first thing I find is a 500 word comment from some guy in India using made up pretend words and wanting to argue.  Brad & Jolie Phone Home has him all up in a tizzy.

No sense of humor I guess.

When I wrote the piece in question, about channeling dead spirits, I messed up.   I should have conjured up some mystic shaman type from the deep inner regions of Central America instead of using an Indian/Buddhist/Asian Role model.  People in Central America for the most parts, speak Spanish, and therefore I would not have to contend with any kind of nonsense from them.

inchicuacetonatiuh0651Might have been better to have used an Inca/Aztec Priestess type, someone like InChicuaceTonatiuh, could have been more specific with the gender, and could have outfitted her in a thong and the whole nine yards.

That would have solved a lot of my problems with the piece and with my attitude.  Maybe next time.

My barn now having burned completely down to the ground, I can clearly see the moon.  I won’t make that mistake again.

Oh well, just one of those days.

We have been devoting a lot of time and effort toward Christmas Music this week, might talk about that for a change of pace.  I don’t feel like doing anything newsworthy today, mainly because the news is so downright depressing and almost comical.  People are throwing shoes everywhere now, not just at Bush, but at councilman at town meetings, transit officials in New York.

The new political statement of the times …. “If The Shoe Fits!” …. Incoming!

Let us talk about wordsmiths and music instead.

Lately I have been getting hammered by what I like to call pseudo intellectuals, people that seem to know it all, and feel compelled to use a vocabulary that is clearly a cut above the rest of us.  I often get tired of going to the dictionary because some closet intellectual wants to say invidious instead of discontent, animosity or envious.  I am as you may have already guessed … not impressed.  Guess it just comes with the territory.

Here is another … When someone says, “I liked this …. BUT … well, y’know it isn’t going to be good.”

Each day I wander all over the net, and I find stuff that just irks me to no end, I find material that literally in some cases makes my blood boil because of ignorance, racism, outright stupidity.  8,000 words on why I cannot stand Oatmeal and my mother messed me up.  But I don’t stop to criticize it, leave a terse or nasty comment.  I just say to myself, that really sucks, and make a mental note to never go there again.

What is the point?

I don’t leave a comment that is hateful, rude, indiscreet or insincere.  It seems there is a different standard when it comes to this site, I don’t know why, but it often appears that way to me.

Word games are just that.  They can amuse or they can hurt.  They can be fun or miserable, choice is up to the author.  That is the way I see it.  Nine times out of ten, I cut the verbose or nasty right off the bat.  Often I will allow something I consider borderline as long as it stays within reason.

But when it reaches the point of just outright bickering or bitching, argumentative intellectual word speak then it is time to grab your hat and head for the door. You are history.  When all you have to add to the collective mix is nothing short of rude complaining, it is time to as my friend is fond of saying … Cut ’em loose.

My house … My rules.

Having said all that, for no real apparent reason, other than to increase my daily word count.  Let us move on to more productive banter.  It is Christmas, pick out a tune and sing!


There that is better.

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you hear what I hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We three kinds disoriented are.

DEMENTIA: I think I will be home for Christmas?

NARCISSISTIC: Hark!  The herald angels sing about me!

MANIC: Deck the halls and walls and house and lawn and streets and stores and office and town and cars and busses and trucks and trees and fire hydrants ………..

PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You better watch out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I will tell you why.

DEPRESSION:  Silent Anhedonia, Poly-Anhedonia, all is flat, all is lonely.

Then there is OBESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:  Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ….(Please start over) … Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me (and then took it all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:  Thought of roasting on an open fire.

So as always, leave a comment but please keep in mind … “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a downcast spirit withers the bones.”

If you have some kind of ax to grind …. Please stay on the line, one of our representatives will be by Saturday to help you.  If none of this works for you, we understand, go back to popping your bubble wrap and leave us alone.



He’s So Jolly (audio)

08 Days Until Christmas

He’s So Jolly
(Parody of Hello Dolly by Louis Armstrong)
He’s so jolly
Santa’s so jolly
Christmas night
He’s in his sled where he belongs
You’re looking great
Lost some weight
Red cheeks glowin’
Ho-ho-ho in
You keep goin’ strong
I feel the roof shakin’
That whole house quakin’
When ever you grab that sack
Of toys and slide right on in
So Skip that nap
Kids are climbin’ on that lap
Jolly old Saint Nick’s on his way again
I see some snow blowin
Rudolph’s nose glowin’
Bringin’ our favorite frosty cat
Right back safe again
So deck the trees fellas
Leave him out some milk and cheese fellas
Jolly Saint Nick is comin’ your way
Jolly Saint Nick is ridin’ his sleigh
Jolly Saint Nick is on his way again
Jolly Saint Nick is on his way again
Thanks to KZOK 102.5 FM