Another Crap Sandwich


A lot of talk here lately about newspapers folding or shutting down and stopping.  It might be because of the popularity of the Internet or the plain simple fact, that a lot of what they print is not news, it doesn’t even come close to being described as news.

A lot of it is just garbage.  People want more news, not garbage.

From time to time, I will write an article on the media in this country and I usually frame them with titles that say “Media Fatigue” or “Crap Sandwich.”  Last week USA Today, The Nation’s Newspaper, fed us some more perhaps you caught it. 

If you didn’t here is the link.

In this article written by Thurston Clarke in the opinion or forum page, we were fed another media crap sandwich.  In this article “Can We Handle The Truth?” that used a tired line out of an old movie, “A few Good Men.” (You want the truth Danny?  You cannot stand the truth! Jack Nicholson)  Mr. Clarke implies that most of the problems in this country, or at least, some of the problems we are currently facing are “OUR” responsibility and we need to as citizens, assume some of the burden.

Well we all know what that is ….. You spread it on your rose’s in the spring, water it, and it makes them grow better, it is a bovine by-product you can buy at the home garden center.  And I assume, that his book that is now on sale, is just some more of the same.

There seems to be this under-current running thru our country that we all need to acknowledge our collective culpability for the major issues here at home and for some of the damage that is being done in the Middle East under the guise of “Democracy.”

That our environmental degrading is somehow a product of our making, and that we are in fact willing participants in an unnecessary and illegal war, that we as citizens of this country condone torture of other human beings.

Again … We all know what that type of thinking or free speech idiom this seems to be.

Mr. Clarke states in part that “we all bear some responsibility for what has happened on Wall Street and Main Street.”  Which is a crap sandwich for sure.  How is it that I as a citizen of this country, who bought a house that I could afford, pay my bills and obligations on time, month after month, can be responsible for any of this garbage?  That is simply ludicrous.

Why is it as a taxpayer and good citizen I am to assume a measure of responsibility for what are clearly in my book, morally reprehensible and border line criminal acts by dishonest, lying politicians and those bonus motivated bottom feeders in the business sector.

It is far too easy to sit back and write, that American’s who bought houses they could not afford are clearly the problem.  We didn’t coin the phrase “Ninja” loan, the bankers did (No Income – No Job – No Assets) they were the people who APPROVED THESE BAD LOANS how it the average American is supposed to assume ownership of that?

Get real.

When the war started I called my representatives in Congress and strongly urged them to NOT support it, and called to their attention that it was all based on a lie, from the data available to me at that time.  We know who the “guilty” are in this, and we sat back and we did nothing about it.  The media it seems to me should be sharing the lion’s share of the blame on the majority of this.

They are the folks who conveniently looked the other way when Bush flat out said, “He was sick of questions on the subject, and was not going to answer any more.  The world is a safer place without Saddam and that was the end of the story.” Instead of pressing the issues, the press folded up their tents, and moved on.

So life as we know it moved to the back of the stove, and our media reported that Donald Rummsfield was “the sexiest man in America” and that “Britney wasn’t wearing her underwear” and the dirt was swept under the rug and we moved on to the next big non-story in America.

I got news for you.

Most of the people in this country, a large percentage of them are paying their mortgages on time.  Most of us did not vote to prolong this war or ask for or order the incarceration of people in Gitmo or secret prisons in Europe, and find that just as equally insulting as the rest of this tripe.

I buy a cop of USA Today almost every day, and frankly folks, this is just more “kicking the wrong dog.”  You want to write about responsibilities lacking and falling short of the mark, just take a look around the room, plenty of candidates there.

I am not buying your book Mr. Clarke and I don’t buy any of this … “Can We Handle The Truth” garbage either.  If you feel the need to walk around carrying a #3 washtub of guilt about any of this or all of it … fine.  Don’t try and lay it off on me.  I personally find it just as disgusting as your so-called article.

We need and desire news, not this watered down McLean Virginia cup full of horse crap, with the foam farted off of it.  Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.  Aren’t we just as responsible not only for the lies we speak but for the truth we fail to speak.

The average American on whatever street, is NOT responsible for any of this, this idea that we are all in this collective boat of despair because we wanted it is rubbish if not an outright lie.

In my neck of the woods (Oklahoma) they have an expression.  “You can buy oats two ways.  Before they have been thru the horse or after.”

And this article is definitely … After.


Absorbing Questions

Sitting here this morning as is my usual practice, sipping on my cup of coffee and contemplating the issues of the day, impotent stuff, stuff I is supposed to know.

Often it is a heavy issue of “soft power” what Mr. Obama plans to use when he affects America’s foreign policy and whether or not Bill Clinton will be an asset or a detriment (You do know, if you get Hillary, you gonna get Bill too.  You do know that dont’cha?)  Often I will think about other important issues too.

Like why do we have eyebrows?

The peradventure word, do we need this word?  The evidence establishes beyond peradventure that the Grinch masterminded a highly organized and intricate plot to steal Christmas. Where does that one missing sock go when you empty the laundry basket, it is NOT in the bottom of the washer.

Important issues early in the morning.

A New York jury has awarded $4.5 million to a city detective who fell off his chair and shot himself in the knee.  He consequently retired on a disability pension because of the accident, he was only 49 years old.  The jury ruled that he deserved extra compensation for his pain and the end of his career and the end of his stint as an “amateur weekend warrior athlete” (don’t ask me, I don’t have a clue either?)  They gave him the money because they said he was “just a poor unfortunate guy who happened to lean back in a defective chair.”  Man, are you kidding me?

No Visible Means Of Support

Atheists are suing Kentucky’s Office of Homeland Security for thanking “almighty God” for protecting the sate from terrorists.  Ten secular Kentuckians charge that a law requires the office to show its gratitude to God is “breathtakingly unconstitutional.”  They say that they have too suffered anxiety form realizing that “their very safety as residents of Kentucky may be in the hands of fanatics, traitors or fools.”  Welcome to the “real world” folks, the rest of us been dealing with these bozo’s a long time before you decided to sue them.

Be All You Can Be …  Maybe You Will Live

More cannon fodder for the Emperor of Democracy.  Nothing brings out the best for Army recruiters than a recession, for the first time in recent history, the Army was able to realize recruitment goals and some 80,000 boys & girls signed up to serve.

More employment news.  Nearly 300,000 people have signed up or applied for the approximately 7,000 available jobs in the new Obama administration. That means that one out of every 42,000 applicants will be accepted, hey, that is almost as good as the Lottery.

No Room At The Inn

Hotels in Washington DC are rapidly filling up for the Barack Obama Jan inauguration, area college students have been renting out their dorm rooms for anywhere from $500 a night all the way up to $1500.

Been There … Done That …. Got The T-Shirt

Obama memorabilia continues to set all time records, if it has Obama on it, it will sell. Presidential plates, coins, t-shirts, you name it and it is going fast.  Consumers have already spent an estimated $200 million on Barack Obama merchandise, with another splurge expected around the inauguration.   The items being marketed with Obama’s likeness include mugs, stationary, posters, aprons, coasters, dog jerseys, and mouse pads.  Dog Jerseys?  Ah c’mon.

The Check Isn’t In The Mail

The Donald (Mr. Trump) has missed his interest note payment on a $53 million in bonds this week, throwing the company’s survival into question.  So it appears that all of this is kind of trickling down, even the super rich are now feeling the crunch.  The Donald has done this before, this is not his first rodeo when it comes to bankruptcy.

Happens to all of us sooner or later I guess, all of us power-broker A-Types we have our problems.  Did I ever tell you about the time me and the cable company we went head to head on this  … Oh I did, sorry.

When a preachers car broke down, he walked into a neighborhood bar to use the pay phone in order to call a tow truck.  At the bar, was his friend, Frank, drunk and shabbily dressed.  “What happened to you, Frank?” asked the good reverend.  “You used to be rich.”

Frank then unloaded his sad tale of woe, and told of bad investments in the real estate market, his shares evaporating on the New York Stock Market, his Wall Street losses.  The preacher listened intently to his story and at conclusion said to Frank, “I want you to go home, sober up, open up your Bible and you will find God’s answer there.”

So Frank agreed, and left the bar.  Some time later, the preacher bumped into Frank, who was wearing Gucci Shoes, sporting a new Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a brand new Mercedes.  “Frank” said the preacher, “I am so glad to see things really turned around for you.”

“Yes preacher, I owe it all to you” said Frank.  “I did as you said, I went home, I sobered up, made some coffee, sat down with my bible.  And just as you said, the answer was there.”

The preacher being curious inquired, “Oh, and how was that.”  His friend replied, “I just sat down, grabbed my bible, and opened it up and there was the answer … Chapter 11.”

So there you go, answers to absorbing questions of the day.

One last thing.  Underneath the eyebrow is a bump, and if it’s hit with something, the eyebrow cushions the blow.  It is believe that early humans actually had thicker eyebrows, which provided more padding.

“This is always handy when you come up with your hand at a rapid rate of speed, and smack yourself on the forehead, and then exclaim …. We can just bail out everybody!  Why didn’t I think of that?”

That … Boys & Girls … is why we have eyebrows and of course, the stock market.


Chipmunks Roasting (audio)

10 Days until Christmas!

We are kicking off Christmas Week here at Creative Endeavors, each day a different rendition of your favorite Christmas song …. And as is our practice and when practical, we will include “absolutely free” the lyric’s of each song.  Christmas Week At Creative Endeavors … From now until Christmas Day 2008. Tell all your friends and most importantly …. Enjoy.

Chipmunks Roasting On an Open Fire

(Parody of The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) by Nat King Cole)

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
(“Oh! That tickles!”)
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
(“Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!”)

Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight

And now when Santa sees his tray
(“Ho ho ho ho ho ho”)
There’ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
(“Mmmm…Hey, look at that!”)
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry

And so I’m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let’s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks, good food

“On that… Mr. Cole?”
“Yes, sir. Mr. Seville?”
“Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!”
”Oh! No problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin’ two of those drumsticks, ‘cause they’re oh-so tiny and there ain’t much meat upon ‘em”
“What about animal rights, Dave?”
“Put a sock in it Melvin”
“You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you’re my meal!”
“That’s a good one, Dave…I always knew you was the funny one in the group!”
“Damn straight!”

And so I’m offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I’m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you

“Did you hear that Melvin?

Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiiin?”
“Why, I’m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There’s plenty of Theodore left though…”

Thanks to KZOK 102.5 FM