Monkey Business

I have always wondered about it all, the descent of humanity from the trees, back when we decided that being monkeys, while fun, wasn’t getting the job done. How did we take that leap into consciousness, and how on earth could we have been so shortsighted – or something like that.  IF man did truly ascend from the Apes then how come we still have apes?

If all these monkeys made it over to our side, and George Bush made it across, where are the rest of them?

I read an interesting treatise not long ago written by a guy in Colorado.  He said that perhaps a monkey, or a clan of them, got hold of some psilocybin, mescaline, or some other psychotropic herb, fungus or substance, ate it and had a sudden epiphany about how life should be.

What a lucky bunch of “Stoned Apes” who came down out of the forest and started following the deer and elk herds around the grassy plains.  Eating whatever they could kill or pluck. Stumbling on psilocybin mushrooms growing out of the dung of the ungulates, they naturally ate it. That changed their outlook, led them to invent language, and generally developed consciousness for a brief period of Nirvana-like enlightenment.

Of course, about 12,000 years ago the ‘shrooms disappeared, victims of climate change. We lost our psychedelic edge and, perhaps due to the influence of monkeys that never tasted the ‘shrooms, fell back into the bad old ways of nomadic, violent savages.

Well, I guess that could explain a lot of things, such as why we twice sent Ronald Reagan to the White House. It cannot have been coincidental that his most famous movie had a monkey as its central character.  I aired this theory with my spousal unit, who, while not entirely convinced, noted that it’s too bad that not all monkeys got a taste of psychedelicized (sp) enlightenment.

If they had, the world might be a better place.

Her assumption is that it is the descendants of the enlightened monkeys who now prefer organic foods grown on small farms, bicycles over cars, a life of exercise and outdoor fun over the kind of sloth and piggish-ness that seems to have gripped the culture, and the like.

Following that logical trail, if all the monkeys had munched on mushrooms, we might all be wearing sensible shoes and hemp clothing, buying hybrid cars or insisting on jobs within walking distance of home, refusing to eat the crap turned out by corporate farmers and their fast-food partners, and generally treating the planet with a little more respect.

Hey, it’s just a theory, but I kind of like it.


5 thoughts on “Monkey Business

  1. Nice Post…….
    Denny Crane …….. Thanx


  2. Perhaps scientists can recreate the mushrooms with genetic engineering and then we can plant millions of them. I suggest the first mushroom farm should be near Washington, D. C. If anyone needs enlightenment, it is our politicians. Have you ever seen a monkey destroying the planet?
    Have you ever seen my neighbor mowing his lawn?



  3. Funny, but entirely improbable!

    I studied anthropology in college. Our Evolutionary tree is a many-branched tree, kind of like a family tree. You know, what I mean, right?

    Every family has that really ugly cousin, and we all wonder, “How the hell did they end up in my family?”

    And Bush could never be a monkey, realistically. But if he was, I’m sure he’d be dumber than a Caphuchin. I’ve seen them groom each other’s booties. Bush would never do that, except maybe for Cheney.
    When “Roots” was really big, I did the genealogy bit and traced my roots back to a courthouse fire in Tenn. and to Guben, Germany on my fathers side, believe it was 1866 or something like that.

    Now I did discover that some of my ancestors did indeed swing from tree’s … but they were horse thieves in Kentucky.


  4. I believewe are now being led by a nation of monkey;s and they will not be satisfied until every last bnanna is gone.
    Moron’s or monkeys … hard choice to make, let me think about it.


  5. I heard during the Nixon administration Grace Slick got busted with a sheet of acid she was carrying into the White House that she planned on dosing the punch with at a party there.

    Nixon on acid; well he for sure was on something already.
    Went to a party like that. This girl asked me if I wanted a drink, so I said yes, and told her what I wanted, then she kept asking me “How is your drink?” after about the third or fourth time I asked her, “Why do you keep asking me that?” and she smiled real big and said “I put two hits of Window Pane in it” and about 45 minutes later I was making a trip and I didn’t have any luggage.

    Nixon on Crack … Yeah that I would have to see to believe. Here is a little snippet on our friend Milhouse: I really liked comment #4.


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