Monkey Business

I have always wondered about it all, the descent of humanity from the trees, back when we decided that being monkeys, while fun, wasn’t getting the job done. How did we take that leap into consciousness, and how on earth could we have been so shortsighted – or something like that.  IF man did truly ascend from the Apes then how come we still have apes?

If all these monkeys made it over to our side, and George Bush made it across, where are the rest of them?

I read an interesting treatise not long ago written by a guy in Colorado.  He said that perhaps a monkey, or a clan of them, got hold of some psilocybin, mescaline, or some other psychotropic herb, fungus or substance, ate it and had a sudden epiphany about how life should be.

What a lucky bunch of “Stoned Apes” who came down out of the forest and started following the deer and elk herds around the grassy plains.  Eating whatever they could kill or pluck. Stumbling on psilocybin mushrooms growing out of the dung of the ungulates, they naturally ate it. That changed their outlook, led them to invent language, and generally developed consciousness for a brief period of Nirvana-like enlightenment.

Of course, about 12,000 years ago the ‘shrooms disappeared, victims of climate change. We lost our psychedelic edge and, perhaps due to the influence of monkeys that never tasted the ‘shrooms, fell back into the bad old ways of nomadic, violent savages.

Well, I guess that could explain a lot of things, such as why we twice sent Ronald Reagan to the White House. It cannot have been coincidental that his most famous movie had a monkey as its central character.  I aired this theory with my spousal unit, who, while not entirely convinced, noted that it’s too bad that not all monkeys got a taste of psychedelicized (sp) enlightenment.

If they had, the world might be a better place.

Her assumption is that it is the descendants of the enlightened monkeys who now prefer organic foods grown on small farms, bicycles over cars, a life of exercise and outdoor fun over the kind of sloth and piggish-ness that seems to have gripped the culture, and the like.

Following that logical trail, if all the monkeys had munched on mushrooms, we might all be wearing sensible shoes and hemp clothing, buying hybrid cars or insisting on jobs within walking distance of home, refusing to eat the crap turned out by corporate farmers and their fast-food partners, and generally treating the planet with a little more respect.

Hey, it’s just a theory, but I kind of like it.

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Tuesday Funnies

This morning as it is my nature, I took a stroll around the internet and found some interesting things.  I found out that Mr. Bush is still blaming everyone else for the ills that are infecting the country, and steadfast refuses to assume any kind of responsibility for any action on his part.

Two of his claims are a real hoot.

He says “Americans voted for Mr. Obama because of me.”  Which is ludicrous.  And number two this is really rich …  Now he is actually blaming other governments around the world for the invasion of Iraq.  Incredible. Like Margaret & Helen are so fond of saying …. “Sit down and shaddup.” More of his drivel here.

Now this next piece or comment is going to “sound like sour grapes” and more than likely it is to some extent, but it still needs saying.  WordPress,com consistently over and over, runs all these “fastest growing blogs” on their home page, when in fact, they are bogus and are actually not fastest growing anything.

Fastest Growing Blog Of The Day

Today it is http://naturalborncitizen.wordpress.com/  Now here is a joke.  One post.  ONE LOUSY POST and these idiots say it is a “fastest growing blog.”  Give us a break.  If WordPress.com isn’t even going to bother reading some of these blogs they “say are the fastest growing” then they should just flat out discontinue the practice as advertising them as same.  One post on one page, doesn’t constitute a fast growing blog in any way shape form or manner.

This is not the first time it has happened, and I am sure they will pull it down as fast as they can.  To cover their sorry ass.  (Pardon my French but my English isn’t much better!)

This is just another insult to all the people who work hard at trying to provide something substantial each and every day to the wordpress.com forum and should be discontinued if they are not going to be at least “half-way honest about it.”  It is a joke and a fraud.

If you are new to WordPress.com and actually believe that you have a “shot at being a number one blog” here, then you best rethink your position on it.  Because at best it is a crap shoot and nothing more.  Luck of the draw kind of thing.  Unfortunately for you and a lot of others just like you, hard work, quality of material, number of hits, has nothing to do with any of it.  It is not gonna happen.  You people at WordPress,com need to clean up your act.

Forget the tide

Have we got a deal for you, no more laundry days, that sound good?  A scientist at the University of Massachusetts is trying a different approach to dirty clothes.  He has invented a technique that impregnates fabric fibers with bacteria engineered to consume organic materials.  If he’s successful, your clothes would in fact, eat their own dirt.  The only problem:  You have to keep the bacteria alive by waring the shirt a lot.  Or as the scientist puts it, “You could end up having to feed your shirt instead of washing it.”  C’mere honey, I want to give you a big ol hug.

Yule Time Ring

August Memmi was ringing his bell at a Salvation Army kettle in Harrisburg, Pa. this week when someone handed him a very special donation a rive-diamond ring.  The young donor, who wished to remain anon. explained that he had purchased the ring for his mother, with money he made by mowing lawns.  His mother died this year, and he said he wanted to put the jewelry to good use.  Every now and then we run across something positive and good, and feel it is necessary to share this with you.  This is the true spirit of Christmas, the story is heartwarming.  There might be hope for mankind yet.

Snitches Needed in Albuquerque New Mexico

The Albuquerque Police Department is running classified ads in newspapers to recruit informants.  The help-wanted ad invites “people who hang out with crooks” to make some extra cash by sharing information with the police, up to $50 for drug-crime info and $700 for murder.  Now I know this sounds crazy, but it is true.

The ad also assures potential applicants that their résumés won’t be scrutinized.  It says “drug use and criminal record okay.” Now who says that New Mexico isn’t progressive?  They are borrowing a procedure right out of the Washington DC playbook. “Uh, don’t worry about the guy standing here with the gun, he is my character witness from my last job.”

Pull My Finger!

Don’t you just love Thanksgiving and Uncle Frank?  A kid in Florida, 12 years old, has been arrested for farting in school!  Yes I said “arrested.”  The arresting officer was summoned to the school by the schools’ principle and he was charged with “continually disrupting his classroom environment by breaking wind and shutting off several computers.”  (Now I know that is not a fact, I do it all the time, and my computer never shuts down, never.)  The kid was later released to the custody of his “maternal” parent (whatever that means?).  Oh by the way, any resemblance to anyone living or dead, or named Uncle Frank is purely co-incidental and should not be represented as a representation of a wordpress.com fact or fast growing blog.

Next time?

The Chinese college student who climbed into a Panda Enclosure so he could hug a Panda Bear … Which should be pretty self explanatory … Even George Bush could figure this one out, maybe.

Is the world going nuts, or is it just me?

Now I am back to my stated mission in life …. My absolute driving force, that burning desire that stokes the fires of my soul …. Saving the world one post at a time here in the loving arms of WordPress.com. 

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Related:

Made In China

bsong_chienWhen I was a small lad, sitting at the supper table, and I did not eat all that was on my plate (usually vegetables) my father would say to me.  “Eat your food, there are kids in China that are starving too death.”

And I would think to myself, “What does he know?  He has NEVER been to China.  He’s from Watonga, Oklahoma for cryin’ out loud.”

When my father barked or growled, you listened and you ate whatever he told you to eat.  So I would eat them, I learned early in life, to not dispute or debate geographical issues with my father.

But this morning, right now, one of those thoughts came to me.

My wife hates that.  When I turn and look at her and say, “Hey honey, did you ever stop to think about … ” and she just knows it is coming.  There is in life, one other possible thing that could produce this type of reaction in my wife.  And that is the momentary frenzy that ensues the instant that a cashier calls out, “This register is now open!”  But I digress, sorry.

Did you ever stop to think about all this China stuff floating around our culture?

Here is one that is really familiar, “If you dig down, straight down, you will end up in China.”  How many times have you heard that one?  Now being as I am the curious sort, I got a globe out, and it turns out that if I dig straight down, I come out in India ……. Man, I miss China by a long ways.  So that doesn’t wash.

Fine China.

The majority of the world’s finest china is manufactured not in China, but rather in England, Italy and the United States.  Now I suppose there is some “fine china” coming out of China today, but that is not all that correct either it turns out.  Chinese standards as lax as they are, I am not sure if I want to eat off their plates.

All the tea in China.

The phrase “not for all the tea in China” is misleading.  India it turns out is the world’s largest grower of black tea, accounting for a third of the worlds supply.  China, where tea originated, produces just 10 percent and that is it.

Rice.

Rice is closely associated with Chinese Food.  Which I dearly love and try to consume as much of as possible.  But as it turns out, China isn’t the world’s largest exporter of rice.  Not even close.  China is the third largest producer of rice, behind Thailand and Vietnam.

And because of bad air quality (acid rain) rice production in China is now falling off rapidly because of the harmful effects of pollution and will suffer substantial decreases in production in the future.  Adding to the world shortage of food.  Here is another fact, “the best rice in the world, is grown in Louisiana.”  Bet you didn’t know that.

We currently owe China $541 billion dollars, this is the share of the National Debt they have incurred for us and/or trade differences.  Every third person in the world is Chinese, that is why we, Cup Cake and I stopped at two boys … I don’t speak Chinese.

Stop by tomorrow when will take a closer look at the Sahara Desert, which isn’t really all sand, a lot of it is rocks! (No seriously, bet you didn’t know that huh?  Only 20% is covered in sand.  Remember, you read it here first!)  … Or …. I just thought of something … Here it comes:  “How about?  Politicians that believe that you can solve a financial problem simply by opening up another casino?”

That could be a topic.

I will let you know.

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