At A Glance

By The Numbers

In the wake of Barack Obama’s election as president a record number of American’s are optimistic that relations between blacks and whites in America will improve.  67% said racial problems would eventually be worked out, while 30% said race would always be a problem in America, and the remaining 3% in the swamps of the Everglades could not be reached for comment.

By a margin of 55% to 37% most are Americans are not confident that Iraq will be successful in developing a stable and “reasonably democratic” government.  A significant number of Americans, 37% still believe that Iaq was in possession of weapons of mass destruction when the U.S. invaded in 2003.

Sign Here and Trust Me

Hong Kong – Asia’s richest woman allegedly gave away her multi-billion-US-dollar fortune to a Hong Kong feng shui master in return for a promise of eternal life.  Nina Wang, who died of cancer last year at age 69, signed over her vast fortune to previously unknown feng shui master as a result of the promise, a lawyer quoted by the South China Morning Post said.

The claim was made by a barrister for the late billionaire’s charitable foundation in a preliminary hearing Monday to challenge the will.  Well, I hope so, geeeze.

Phylis used to do that but they laid her off last year.

(Any resemblance to anyone living or dead named Phylis is purely coincidental.  Lawyer boys said for me to put that in there … Hah!)

Phoenix Arizona – Arizonans who have lost their jobs will have to wait nearly a month to get their first unemployment benefits. Normal wait time is 10 days. The delays are because of a surge in applicants and a lack of workers processing claims. Last week, the state received more than 9,100 first-time unemployment claims, more than double in the same week a year ago.

Get Out And Pick Up Your Trash

Louisville, Kentucky – James Gissendaner, 47, said he gathered nearly 1,000 campaign signs that were incorrectly placed in state rights of way – such as the area between sidewalks and roads, or the medians separating traffic lanes.

The final batch of more than 300 signs, from Republican and Democratic candidates, went to a city facility that will hold them for 30 days then offer them back to the candidates.  Also trash related, the Federal government reports that they pick up “nine times the national average in trash alongside Oklahoma Interstate highways” what does that tell you about the people that live in Oklahoma.  Here is a clue …. “Oink-Oink.”

Three Years For Your Thoughts

Santa Fe, New Mexico – A jury found a Japanese man guilty but mentally ill in the stabbing of an English biologist who was speaking on “thought transference” during an international conference. The verdict requires the state to treat Kazuki Hirano, 34, if he is incarcerated. Hirano accused the victim of controlling his thoughts. Hirano faces up to three years behind bars.

No Happy Trails In Utah

Logan Utah – People aren’t the only ones to suffer in this lousy economy.  Cache County has a growing population of abandoned horses because of tough economic times and the loss of horse processing facilities, according to equine experts. Utah State University veterinarian Kerry Rood said some owners mistakenly think an abandoned horse will adapt, but most horses are unable to find enough food.

New Math In The Sunshine State

Naples, Florida – The Collier County school district has replaced zero with 50 as the lowest score an elementary school student can get on an assignment. Officials said zeros are punitive and rarely reflect a student’s overall abilities. The union that represents most of the district’s teachers said the new scoring system undermines teachers’ credibility.

The last time Cup Cake and I had problems with “zero’s” was when that plumber came by, looked at the work to be done, and then whispered to the idiot kid assistant with him …. “Go out to the truck and fetch me some zero’s for this estimate.”

(Any resemblance to anyone living or dead who is or has been described as an idiot is purely coincidental)

Hide it in there somewhere … They won’t notice at all.

In case you missed this story in Creative Endeavors the other day, USA Today writes “Airlines last week eliminated or significantly lowered fuel surcharges for tens of thousands of domestic fares, but consumers are not paying less for most tickets.  We have seen a tectonic shift in domestic airfares, but it’s not great news for consumers, because the major airlines have, for the most part, simply shifted the surcharge amount into the base airfare,”  I swear it is almost as if they are reading my mind.  Check out the full story online.

Bad Taste

Now I am not a big fan of Sarah Palin, but writing articles on “her children s underwear?”  C’mon, give me a break.  That is just lame, downright lame.  That isn’t news.  What a crock that is.  Link is here. Be sure to look at comment #2 it is a hoot.  Today’s big story on the CNN Political line is how the Bush people sent out a Christmas card to a bunch of Jewish folks with a Christmas tree on it.  (Which in some circles would be considered offensive)  This is news?

Give us a break, find some news or just be quiet.  How about an article on the ghosts that live in the White House, the fundead of Washington DC.  Corpses who walk around at night with lampshades on their heads.  Yeah that would be news.

Bad Roads … Even Badder News.

SEATTLE, Washington – Expect a bumpier drive. An asphalt shortage is delaying road maintenance projects in communities nationwide. Asphalt is becoming scarce as U.S. refiners overhaul their equipment to maximize output of highly profitable fuels such as diesel and gasoline, using inexpensive — and hard to process — crude oil.

Meanwhile rumors are circulating that Exxon has sent representatives nationwide to seek out old drive in theaters because the understand a lot of there was a lot of ass felt there in the eighties ….. Wait that is not right.

(Any resemblance to anyone living or dead who ever went to a drive in and in the backseat had their … Oh never mind!)

There you go … All the news that is fit to be in print, or causes fits in print.

You be the judge, I am now going to retire to the TV Room and wait on a “settlement” of my bird and my stuffing

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Turkey Day

111908

Speaking of turkeys?  A day off for our new ramrod of the Fed. Mr. Paulson, who is currently heading into his THIRD PLAN on solving the banking crisis.  It seems that you just cannot get anything concrete or decisive any more, $800 billion just doesn’t buy what it used to buy.

Most certainly nothing in Leadership or problem solving skills.

The first Thanksgiving feast was a large turkey dinner that took place in November and lasted for hours.  That is what everyone is lead to believe, not exactly the way it went down.  It took place at some time between late September and Mid-October 1621 according to historians.

It wasn’t a solemn feast, but a raucous celebration that lasted for some three days.  And the main dish was deer … not turkey.  More than likely there wasn’t any turkey eaten at this celebration at all.  The celebrants did eat some kind of bird as a side dish, but the nature of that bird to this day is unknown.  No one actually knows what kind of bird it was.

Most Americans are suffering thru what they call “Turkey Trepidation.”  About 15% of Americans have refused to host Thanksgiving because they are wanting to avoid cooking the entire dinner.  There biggest fears are:  It will be too dry 43%, it will be overcooked 28%, that they will have to touch or clean a raw turkey 8%, it will taste bland 6% or my favorite, “if it is cooked by me” it will be burned beyond recognition and will be the centerpiece of black residue in the middle of the table.

Say No To Crack

Valentine Nebraska – Nine misdemeanor counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace were filed against Tom Larvie, 35. He’s suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind – and sometimes his groin – on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.

Too Much Camouflage

Wausau Wisconsin – Five hunters were shot and one died during the opening weekend of Wisconsin’s deer hunt – a number that a state safety expert described as fairly typical. The death and two other accidental shootings happened during deer drives, in which groups of hunters walk forward, pushing deer toward other hunters. The nine-day hunt opened Saturday, it will close in a few more days if the rest of the hunting population can manage to survive it.

Oops, did I say that?

Anyone catch Barbara Walters slip up on the interview with Michelle and Barack Obama last night?  During the interview while talking about the Barack girls living in the white house, Barbara said that “they had to adapt as they would be living there for the next “8” years?” Isn’t Mr. Barack’s term for “4” years?  I found that interesting, she will take some flack for that one.

All The Luck

In a span of 10 days, a man learned he won two automobiles in separate contests.  Michel Horton picked up his newest ride on Friday, a 2008 .  He was notified of the win on Oct. 15.

The entry also netted him a guitar and gold-plated Bon Jovi records.  But that was his second Lancer in a contest sponsored by Bic lighter. free vehicle. Horton was notified Oct. 5 he had won a Mitsubishi

As if that weren’t enough, he also won tickets to a recent Kansas City Chiefs game in
another drawing.  As he opted to take the cash-in value of $28,800 for the car. He said that will help pay the income tax and personal property taxes on his winnings.  When was the last time anyone ever won anything, certainly not me.  I won something for free when I was in the service, but I had to get shots for it later on.

Come Back When You’re Ready

Kalispell Montana- The Forest Service suspended work on an environmental analysis for a natural gas pipeline that NorthWestern Energy proposed building in the Flathead National Forest. NorthWestern said the pipeline won’t be needed until the heating season of 2012 or 2013. The Forest Service said its analysis can resume when the company is prepared to go forward.  Now someone needs to explain why if it has already been funded, why suspend it?

Why not, do the prudent thing, and finish the project, so that when the company is ready to build the pipeline the working documents are already in place.  Oh wait, that makes sense, we don’t want to do anything that actually makes sense, do we?  Sorry.  What was I thinking?

Down and Out In America

Food banks around the country are showing a sharp decline in donations to stock their shelves and at the same time a very marked increase in the amount of people needing their services.  It doesn’t look good for those that are out of work and out of luck.

I’m not sure if this is true, but it’s interesting.

1.      At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2.      This works out to $20,928 profit.  Every minute!

3.      Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4.      Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.

5.      Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. And most can’t speak English

6.       Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7.       Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8.      During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).

9.      Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10.  Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are SuperCenters;  This is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

11.  This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store (Earth’s population is approximately 6.5 billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

Let’s fire Paulson and let WalMart bail out Wall Street.

Enjoy your holiday everyone.

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)