Frost On The Pumpkin

I am a little late with my hauling today, please excuse me.  Listening to “Oldies on the Radio” so this could get a little strange … Which is an Oxymoron for this blog to be sure.  Strange is my by-line.

Most accidents happen in the home

Woke up to a rather chilly house this morning and it sure has cooled down here in the Heart Land.  This morning I was recalling my first winter on my own in Oklahoma.  I left home at an early age and went into the service, returning from the service I did what most guys did, located a job, found a place, and kind of settled in.

See there, all of us Viet Nam Vets are not messed up.

Having lived at home all of my life, I quickly discovered that having my own place was really kind of unique and different.  My apartment, built in the fifties had a “floor furnace” it did not have Central Heat Air as with today’s modern abodes.

Not really knowing how to lite the dad-gum thing, I just kind of took it on myself to try and get it going.  Too proud to ask the landlord and yes, to stuuuupid to not try.

So I take the inspection cover off and I turn on the gas … first bad move.

The furnace in the floor has a two inch inspection port on the very top of it.  Now here it comes … Second bad move … I start dropping lighted matches into the hole, all the time, staring straight down the port to see if it lites.

Several attempts were unsuccessful, meanwhile, the chamber is rapidly filling with raw gas. Well, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist or the next contestant on Jeopardy to figure out what happens next.

The floor furnace comes alive with a boom something akin to a explosion in a coal mine, and whoosh, and I do mean ….. WHOOSH!… at that time, this incredibly beautiful, rather blue looking flame, not to mention extremely hot as I recall, comes out of this hole that I am staring in, at about the speed of light!

No more eyebrows, eyelashes, and I now have a nice kind of tomato hot chilly pepper “red color” about my face and neck.  Which believe me was the talk of the lunch table for about ten days afterwards.

Just thought I would share that with you and what my grandfather said to me, “Son!  What happened to your face?”  So I told him and then he remarked something to grandmother about me being her son’s child or something.

So for god’s sake, be careful lighting up the furnace y’all, it can be a real butt kicker if done incorrectly.  So much for the “public safety” portion of today’s post.

Politics’ that pay off

Rhode Island state senator John Orabona claimed an annual pension of $106,000 when he retired in 1995, based on 79 years worth of state service.  Only one problem:  He was 51 years old at the time.  So how did he acquire more years in pension credits than he’d been alive?  He found and exploited a loophole in the state’s pension legislation that made it possible for him to combine benefits from various jobs.  Must be nice, the world of politics.

Fannie Mae Comes Clean

Mortgage financing company Fannie Mae acknowledged this week that it has spent more that $6,000 on a golf outing after it was seized by the government this year.  But it said it is halting similar company sponsored events.  I just love it when they come clean after the fact and it makes me wonder just how it is that they can manage to keep their shirts on with those big hearts that they have.

Open Wide

This year’s ozone hole over Antarctica was the fifth-biggest on record and reached a mximum area of 10.5 million square miles which scientists consider “moderately large.”  Gawd, wonder what a Big Hole would consist of?  Last year, it was 9.7 million square miles, smaller than this year, and that was approximately about the size NORTH AMERICA.  Think about that … that would be considered adequately large I guess, which my wife often uses to describe my mouth or behavior at parties.

Reverse Escape

I just love stupid criminals, they rock!  As my grandson would say.  Police in Nassau County, New York said a man, the brother of a man already incarcerated, broke into jail because of his displeasure with the visitors policy.  He pleaded not guilty to trespassing and other charges and was ordered held in leui of $6K in bail.  His lawyer said that his client was “going thru a lot of emotional turmoil.”  Now you know the economy and things are getting bad, when people are actually trying to BREAK INTO OUR JAILS.  I recommend probation and Prozac for at least 6 months.

Check the bag

Ramsey Minn.  Parents found methamphetamine and $85 in cash in the Halloween stash of their 7 year old son.  When they asked him about it, he replied, “Some bigger kid ran by him and asked if he wanted some candy” so I took it.  When I was twelve, I dressed up in women’s apparel, and went as my mother.  I just stood at the door, and critized everyone who came by about what they were wearing.

No small wonder … Drill this

In a review of the 55,000 federal oil and gas leases issued to energy companies by the Interior Department from 1987 to 1996, the General Accountability Office found that the majority expired without being drilled and an even smaller amount produced oil and natural gas.  This boys & girls is why drilling for oil is risky … 15% of nothing … equals nothing.

Do you still have the number for the truck driving school?

“I just thank God for this opportunity that I have to be your governor” ~ Sarah Palin, arriving home in Alaska Well, yeah.  I mean, uh, she’d be like – unemployed – otherwise, wouldn’t she?  It’s a downright shame when the “Greatest Nation On Earth” cannot find people to lead it.  The only people in America these days that know what is really going on are driving cabs and cutting hair.

I don’t know about you … but I am ready for a change … Bring it on.

As usual, thanks for stopping by and if you have any comments that you wish to leave go ahead.  The wave seems to have crested and things are back to normal now, or at least something that resembles normal.  Kind of nice opening up the email box and not finding 200 messages.  We continue to receive our fair share of cranky, attitude packing misfits, but they just go to comment oblivion now, this is an adult site, we don’t cater much to ill bred children and their cheap email threats or poorly written diatribes.

Oh my gosh, look what time it is, it’s time for Family Feud, I am outta here.