For The Girls

<><><> News Flash … No Mirrors In the Obama Camp! <><><>

Here we go, hang onto your panty hose!  Shadows-of-my-feminine-side … Was that a nite gown Michelle Obama was wearing the other night or was it a dress?  The normally impeccable Michelle O made a questionable choice if you ask me, your wide-eyed fashion reporter here on the plains of America.  Most of the time she looks rather sharp, but not this time.  Only 35% of America liked the dress according to USA Today, you better watch it Michelle, you drop another 15-18% in percentage points and you will right there in Bush’s approval neighborhood.

You surely don’t want that.

Here is another one a little taste of the estrogen enriched world I am denied access to.  Tina Fey of SNL (Saturday Night Live) television fame recently commented on Sarah Palin.  She said that Palin was “I’ll tell you, that lady is five times better-looking than I am.  She’s 44?  She’s got none of that droopy s—-.  She is keeping it tight.”  There they go again, using them football terms that I do not understand, hey Cup Cake, where are you girl?

<><><> Somebody is Watching you <><><>

Has Big Brother truly arrived … Portend of the future?  Demonstrators in Washington DC and around the world protested this past weekend the imprisonment of Egyptian blogger Abdekareem Nabil Soliman, 24, also known as “Kareem Amer,” a student who was arrested two years ago for criticizing the Egyptian government on his personal website.  Might think about it the next time you reach up to hit “publish.”

<><><> A new and unusual use for duct tape <><><>

Now I know good ol boys in the south use it to keep their pickups together, to make sure the fishing rig, doesn’t sink and all that.  But I never heard of it applied in this manner or fashion.  A New York woman is due in court Monday charge with resisting arrest and interfering with the operations of a flight crew aboard United Airlines flight from Puerto Rico to Chicago.

After her ankle cuffs slipped off, she was “duct taped” to a chair for the remainder of her flight, which was delayed to land in North Carolina to remove the offending passenger.  Who had at that time slapped a flight attendant, punched a blind person and pulled her hair.  Just sounds like your average business class patron to me.

They should have dropped to 500 ft, opened the door when they were over Alabama and threw her out, with a sign taped to her (with duct tape of course) that read I love alligator farmers and crackers.  (Sorry Bill)

<><><> Fido’s Drive By <><><>

A woman in Oklahoma was washing her car when her 70 pound pit bull jumped on the dash and shifted the car into reverse.  The car then backed out of the car wash washbay continuing onto a highway and then looped around before coming to a stop at the automated carwash line.  When police arrived they discovered that the owner of the car did not have car insurance and impounded the car.  This is what they should have done with that unruly airline passenger, checked her for flight insurance and ….. No good huh?  Well, whadya expect, it is after all, Monday.

<><><> It’s about time …We have been wondering when? <><><>

Craiglist has pledged to crack down on ads for prostitution, part of an agreement forged with state attorneys general across the nation.  So I guess all the Meth and Crack Dealers can relax now, law enforcement is again going after the oldest profession in the world.  Anyone who posts and “erotic services” ad will be required to provide a working phone number and pay a fee with a valid credit card.

Yes, you read that right.

If men knew how to do it … then it seems that they wouldn’t have to seek out a girl and pay her for it.  We don’t have this service in Oklahoma.  We have massage parlors here, but they are self-serve.  But all is not lost, media is reporting that “The Governator” of Caliyfornyuh is now being allowed back into the bedroom, so there may be hope for us all yet.

Let’s face it men, the girls rule the planet and they are all sitting on the world we all want to win.  It is time to enter into a spirit of cooperation with women, into an endeavor that is not only profitable but also enjoying for women.  That is why I have decided to go into business with them, instead of combat.

Mama's Boy Toy

This could be the very well be the economic boost, the proverbial shot in the arm for a better life for me and Cup Cake.  Never having given this a lot of thought, there might be a money-making opportunity here for me.

The Downhome Okie Escort Service for Ladies. We could give it a catchy name like:  “Boy Toys” or “Play-Men For Women” experience your new adventure in living, we have THE man for you. I mean who needs the Home Shopping Channel when you can have this.

We could start one of these services (heh-heh) strictly for the ladies.  They would pay me money, and I would hire a bunch of guys (real pretty guys girls, no slobs) who would sit around and pretend to listen to them and agree with them.  Which their husbands never do at home. My wife said that, or at least, I think she said that?

They could say things like “Oooooooooo, you are so thin!” and generate big tips for the boys (by the way I said “tips”).  “Have you lost weight girl, you are really looking foxy.” On and on, let’s make a list, send in your suggestions by using the handy-all-purpose-dedicated email link above.

And just about the time they are finishing up with the sex, he could hold her really tight look up at the ceiling and scream …

“I can’t believe how great your shoes match your dress!

There could be a real future in this for me, I just know it.  Who needs a depleted 401K when you have this?  I can do this!  Let’s see … All I need is a working phone number, pay a fee with a valid credit card, wonder if they take VISA?

That’s priceless.

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Possibly Related: Gimme Some Lovin

Obama Free

This post in the interest of the General Public is guaranteed to be 99.3% Obama Free.

One of the things I like about Creative Endeavors is it isn’t being barraged right now with a comment section that is “fuming and ranting incessantly about the current political climate in America.”  Red State – Blue State … More labels. I am kind of tired of it … growing weary of what has been put up here lately. We need to come together, stop the bickering.

America it appears has its fair share of poor losers in the ranks.  You could possibly hang them all with a brand new rope, and they still would not be happy. Seems there is no pleasing some people these days. Don’t get me wrong, comments are welcome and it would be nice to receive more than we do, but is also nice that you don’t have to put up with hate speech, negative input, and profanity.  This is the only place on the net, where you can come and find the interesting and bizarre material (not!) and still feel good about it.

Stuff like, the longest case of constipation on record, lasted 102 days.  Never to have to worry about it being rude, crude or hateful, a nice place to sit a spell.  Relax, unwind, wonder.  All that ….  And informative too.

That is kind of nice.

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Up and at ’em early this morning.  Oh them Golden Griddles, Oh them Golden Griddles!  I am running thru the house singing like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Musak! …  That is until I run into the Misus, who informs me it would be in my best interest to just shaddup.

(No sense of humor I guess?)

Often in the morning she is like that.  “Goooooooooooood morning sweetheart, I made some fresh coffee, would you like a cup?” and she will look at me and say, “Coffee, two sugars, NO conversation.”  And I just know it is going to be another “fun day.”

Being a graduate of the school of hard knocks, some mornings I often find it hard to get started.  Before I do anything or “attempt to do anything with this information processing appliance” that rules my life.  I take the biggest, thickest, heaviest computer self-help manual available and hand it to Cup Cake.  Then I say, “Smack me with this sucker!”  Where upon she will let me have it and nails me upside the head rather violently (depending on her mood at the time) and I find myself sitting upright on the floor.

Uh … Heeeeeeeeeeeellllo?

I then pull myself together as best as I can, climb back into the chair and sit down in front of the computer and announce to no one in particular:  “Whew?  After that …. It just has to get better!”  When you get a little taste of “Windows for Dummies 98” upside the head (382 pages) you quickly discover that there ain’t nothing to working with these computers … It is a piece of cake.

Trust me.

I am reading this morning how a 15 year old child in California has shot and killed his mother, a citizen who ran down a purse snatcher is stabbed and the perma frost under the Alps is melting at an alarming rate.  Serious consequences can be expected for years I suppose, a lot of people receive their supply of water from mountain glaciers, especially in Europe.  What happens when they have all melted down and have disappeared?

Thank God I am in Oklahoma.

My telephone has settled down, no Robo calls, isn’t that great?  Did you know that the bathtub was invented some 74 years before the telephone.  That means you could have laid in the tub and soaked for a long, long time, without the telephone ringing.  Think of how badly wrinkled your toes would have been after that one.

Here is another observation for you over your first cup of coffee for the day.

You know how to tell if you are getting old?  Growing old is mandatory, no one gets a choice in the matter, it is in the rules.  Growing up however, is optional, a lot of people grow old, but unfortunately never grow up.  If you want to grow up, then the military is the best experience I can think of.  I remember standing there in boot camp, big bag, piece of paper in my mouth.  This old timer reads the paper, grabs a huge pair of trousers and throws them into my bag, then rather violently barks “Next!”

And I say, “Hey?  Those won’t fit me!”

He looks at me and screams …. “Grow!”  …

“NEXT!”

The U.S. military grows you up quickly.  And they teach you a skill.  For instance, “I was a pilot in Viet Nam; most folks do not know that.  But I was.  For the better part of four years, some guy would scream at me … Smith!  Pick that up and pile it over there.  And that is what I did.”  If you are little bit off center (crazy) that seems to help some too.

After reading today’s news headlines I know that insanity is my own true means of relaxation these days.  My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely, another sign of maturity (or age).  Every time I think of exercise, I just lie down until the thought goes away.  When you stop and think about it, “if the television and the refrigerator were not so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.”

Lately I find that I am behind on everything.

The Lord put me on this planet, much like you, to accomplish a certain amount of things.  Right now, I am so far behind on my list of things to do, I figure I am certain to live for forever!  Retirement didn’t work out all that swell either, my 401K grew wings and flew away, and don’t tell me I should have fed it more.  When I finally did get my head together after the sixties, and everything in one sock, my body fell apart.

Just like this bad economy, banking crisis thing, there simply cannot be another one this week, my schedule is already full.  I like to take my five  year old grand-daughter to the bank with me, she watches intently as I put the card in the machine and it whirrs and whirrs, then the money comes popping out ,she screams gleefully then jumps up and down shouting …. WE HAVE MONEY!  WE HAVE MONEY!

So the Muny-thang is over for awhile, we all take a big collectively sigh, relax a little, and the fear goes away (temporarily). And now that Bush appears to be sequestered to the back burner of the stove or socked away playing Grand Theft Auto in the Oval Office.  I can let down my guard a little.  In a few short months, we can all sing a new song as a threnody for the absolute worst president in the history of the United States.

So as you can readily see … The nice part about living in my small world is, when I don’t know what I am doing, everyone else seems to know exactly what it is that I need.  Is this a great country or what?

Here is something else to concern yourself about, the older you get the harder it is to lose weight.  Walking by the Ice Cream Coolers at China-Mart just naturally increases my body mass and my weight.  Why?  Because as you get older, your body and your fat, become really close friends.  And when you try and work it off, and are mostly unsuccessful, you tell your friends that you are just “metabolically challenged.”  You know you are lost when you secretly conspire to do bodily harm to Richard Simmons.

Then we find ourselves stuck with what I call the “memory thing.”

Sometimes I think that I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.  In short, this means, “Seen it all .. Done it all … Cannot remember it all.”  So now that the election has FINALLY wound down, Yummy Mummy is back up in the frozen tundra, and I am not overdrawn at the bank, I think I will get out of the house today.  Find four things to do that will bring me not only a new challenge, but perhaps, some peace of mind.

  1. Get out of the house and go to a restaurant and have something to eat off of a Menu and not out of a bag.
  2. Go to a restaurant and have something completely different to eat.
  3. Go to a completely different restaurant.
  4. Go visit interesting places such as Dallas, Amarillo, Austin, Kansas City, and see if they have any restaurants.

There you go, as promised a post completely devoid of any mention of Mr. Obama … What else could you possibly ask for in life?  Now get ready for work, and remember “It is your patriotic duty to pay taxes” and you know who said that, dont’cha?

(I will give you a clue, it wasn’t Mr. Obama)

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