I was sitting and resting and talking with a friend as he passed my way. We talked of neighbors, the weather, and the crops, of all the men who had left the farm, to work in the big city shops. Of the girl who married the boy from out California way, the work being done on the new Intra-State Highway. Of sickness and of health of money and things, of all this government spending the people in Washington are doing these days and all the unwanted trouble it seems to bring.
And then the rain came.
It came in buckets last night, the wind was incredible and this morning, I am facing a Rocky Mountain High Sized pile of leaves in my yard. Which is ironic, because they are not my leaves, they are the leaves of my neighbors, I have pine trees in my yard.
One thing you can count on living in Oklahoma, smack-dab in the center of the U.S.A. is that the weather is going to be terrible. This is the only place in the continental United States where you can stand up to your rear in mud, and get dust in your eyes.
A friend of mine came out to visit us one time from California (the Sunshine State) and she saw a bird running across the road and inquired of me, “What type of bird was that?” So jokingly I said “Bird Of Paradise” (as I did not know exactly what type of bird it was).
She laughed, and said to me, “Bit lost isn’t he?”
So it rained and it has disturbed my peace of mind. My telephone rings and it is my neighbor and he says, “the rain has stopped, best get out your mower and take care of all them leaves. Don’t forget to put gas in it first, and make sure the blade is attached.“
Blade, it has a blade?
(Why am I always the last person to know these things?)
Over the years, men have come up with thousands of excuses for NOT doing yard work. War, Religion, Pyramids, The United States Senate. Finally they came up with the ultimate excuse. Business. My job will not allow me to do the yard work.
As much as I desire to do yard work, as much as I want a front yard devoid of leaves, as much as I want to do yard work, trimming, bagging, cutting and mowing. As much as every fiber of my being cries out …. I WANT YARD WORK … PLEASE LET ME DO SOME YARD WORK … I just cannot find time to do it these days.
Man, has finally figured it out.
Every day after breakfast he would announce to the wife, “Well honey, I am off to my office or factory now. I will see you later.” The man would just leave and never return until later, when supper was on the table and ready (that would be dinner for all you folks in California and the west coast, Europe and Asia, I am not sure).
He would conveniently arrive home much too late to do yard work.
It was a lot simpler when man lived in the cave, all he had to do is hunt down some food, drag it back to the cave, paint a drawing on the wall every now and then, and stay away from “primitive woman.” Now look what we have progressed to?
It was much better back then. Primitive woman would say, “You! How come you are not outside doing yard work?” Whereupon, me (primitive man) would say … “Hey, get off my back! I haven’t even invented fire yet.”
So back to yard work, I would much rather spend my time this day watching anthropology studies on the PBS network than get outside and rake up the leaves of my neighbors. I would rather get down on all fours and peck at the dirt like a chicken than do yard work. I would spend an hour watching monkey’s pick fleas off of each other and scratch parts of their bodies usually reserved for private, than do yard work.
Bay Watch comes on at 3:30 PM another anthropology study where primitive-well-developed-woman runs up and down the beach wearing a stretch garment that, if not occupied by Pammy Sue, would contract to the size of a gum wrapper.
That beats raking leaves any time.
A blade? Hmmmm, well, I’ll be dipped.
All Gods Children
Here comes a Baptist, Here comes a Jew There goes a Mormon and a Muslim too I see a Buddhist and a Hindu I see a Catholic and I see you
We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children Why can’t we beeeeeeeeeeeeeee One big happy family?
You like the day and I like the night She’s into country and he isn’t quite There’s folks on the left and on the far right But that doesn’t mean that we have to fight
We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children Why can’t we beeeeeeeeeee … one big happy family?
White folks, Yellow folks, Black and tan All on the same planet in the same land A feminist woman and a he-man Were all playin’ in the Masters Hand.
We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children Well, we’re all Gods’ children Why can’t we beeeeeeeeee … one big happy family?
All Gods’ children, all Gods’ children yea, we’re all Gods’ children Why can’t we beeeeee One big happy family
We’re all Gods’ children (all Gods’ children) we’re all Gods’ children (yes, we be) we’re all Gods’ children we’re all Gods’ children Why can’t we beeeee one big happy family?
We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children We’re all Gods’ children Why can’t we bee one big happy family?
I figured since this day of elections can be a bit stressful with long lines and expectations, that a good laugh would do you all wonders. I certainly believe it would help me. Who wants to sit around thinking about all those wonderful days back in the past.
Sitting on the edge on your bunk, in that tiny room, waiting for roll call for supper, 2-20 outside your door! Stand at the wall and no talking. The messed up arraignment and the bill for the attorney that did you no good at all, waiting for the family of quail to come by your window at 5:30 PM the high point of your day.
Naw, I would rather think about happier things, that is a given this day.
The Motivational Speaker and Preacher Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. You know’ he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?”
The driver thought about it a little and then said, “No problem. Have at it.”
So Mr. Graham gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away they happened upon a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black stretch limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo, he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. He told the supervisor, “I know we are supposed to enforce the law…. But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.”
The supervisor asked, “Is it the governor?” The young trooper said, “No, he’s more important than that.” The supervisor said, “Oh, so it’s the president.” The young trooper said, “No, he’s even more important than that.”
The supervisor finally asked, “Well then, who is it?” The young trooper said, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”
Every now and then you find something in the email box that just makes your day. I got that one yesterday and it just cracked me up. Here is another one for you.
This Nuclear Physicist (try spelling those without a spelling checker!) and his chauffeur were driving along one night and they were talking with each other through the partition. The Chauffeur said to the scientist, “You have it made.” And the scientist said, “How’s that?”
So the chauffeur replies, “Every night you get up and give that forty-five minute speech on Nuclear Energy, ask for questions, no one ever has one, you collect your bag of money and walk off. I have heard that speech so many times, I could give it myself.”
So the scientist says, “Okay, tonight, you give the speech and I will drive the car.”
The chauffeur quickly agrees. They are in the massive hall and the chauffeur goes through the speech with precision, never missing a key point or an issue. The scientist, dressed in the chauffeur’s uniform stood in the back of the room listening and was visibly impressed.
At the conclusion of the speech, the chauffeur asked if there were any questions. Never, absolutely never had anyone asked a question. This night however, one lone soul stands up and says, “I would like your view on particle distribution and quark separation in real time.”
The chauffeur thought about it a minute and then said, “Y’know in all my years on the lecture circuit, giving this speech on Nuclear Energy, that has be the dumbest question I have ever heard in all my years. That question in particular is so simple I am going to call my chauffeur who is standing in the back of the room up here to the stage so that he might answer that for you.”
This is why most of us are riding up front.
Have a good weekend.
I had something unusually witty planned for today’s posting, but my internet friend, Linda in Ohio tagged me with a MeMe. Please do not ask me the definition of the word MeMe, because I don’t know. I believe it is French for disjointed but I am not all that sure.
The last time I was tagged on one of these things I didn’t play because I don’t really think anyone cares to find out these obscure bits of trivia about me … most people just check out the poster on the wall down at the Post Office. However, my CPA informs me that my 307K retirement fund is doing marginally well, and I have some spare time, so this time I will make an exception.
So, onto the rules, as I understand them.
Meme Terms and Conditions:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. List six unspectacular things about you.
4. Tag six other bloggers by linking to them.
If you do not want to participate, that is understandable and are not required to participate.
Six Unspectacular Things About Me:
1. I love NASCAR, George Straight, Vince Gill, long slow wet kisses and a woman’s husky laugh in the dark. Microwave popcorn and Chicken and Dumplings Y’all.
2. I enjoy biking and being outdoors, nature, photography, puppies, parrots and donkey’s crack me up … Most everyone agrees that I am too verbose and talk way too much.
3. Children amaze and amuse me, my granddaughter has my heart, I absolutely detest people who are not handicapped parking in spaces reserved for those less fortunate.
4. I have drank an ocean of coffee, late afternoon is the best part of the day, make use of a spelling checker often, use Dial Soap, don’t you wish everyone did? If offered a ride on the Space Shuttle I would gladly go in a Hong Kong second.
5. I Secretly yearn to slap Judge Judy upside her obnoxious head, Ugly Betty is the dumbest show of all time on television, Reality TV sucks. I don’t watch professional football because I know when they all huddle up, they are talking about me. The best part of writing on the internet is when you get email from Japan.
6. One thing most people do not know about me is that I am extremely good at picking up the seat, but rather lax at putting it back down.
Whew, that was way too difficult; it certainly isn’t my bag doing retrospective pieces on myself. Now I am to tag six other bloggers. Contrary to popular opinion I am not known for my legions of friends in the bloggin’ community, so this was kind of a stretch for me. As most of my close personal friends are not bloggers this chore was rather daunting, but I did find six candidates that I feel are more than interesting:
1. Author … Jen is an fascinating gal who lives idyllically on the shores of the ocean in England, a witty and attention-grabbing writer, motivator, counselor, cat, art and music lover and generally speaking all around nice girl.
2. Crackerboy … DRACO DORMIENS NVNQVAM TITILLANDVS … Bill is a gifted photographer and social commentator who resides in Florida, an environmentalist and educator of nature, well schooled and most likely to find this trivial and not all that interesting, but I decided to give him a shot anyway.
3. Locomotive Engineer … My friend Sam in Nevada, who is a locomotive engineer for the BNSF Railway, photo journalist and blog writer. Running up and down the mainlines of America, I don’t know if he will be able to find the time or not.
4. Brother John .. John is a computer programmer, webmaster, gifted and talented person who lives in Pennsylvania, very helpful at almost any problem, grower of crystals and a different and unique sort of guy. He writes and help maintain his sisters web page Eydie & Sammy, I don’t know if he would be able to find the time or not.
5. Radio Girl … Kelsi is a working DJ and radio producer in Canada, outdoors person, photo journalist and blogger. She is witty and has a good persona, a fun person to know and chat with.
6. BetMe … A very funny Domestic Engineer and working gal in the Houston Texas area, I am not sure if she wants me to divulge her first name or not, so we will leave it at that. She is a gifted, wacky writer of humor and other things, another talented blog host.
There you go, you has been tagged! You can play or pass, the option is yours.
Come back on Monday – I’ve got something I just know will tease and tantalize you beyond measure, and then again, maybe it won’t.
You know how Mondays go … Right?