Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


McCain At Sunset

Now, with less than three weeks to the end, he comes to the country staggering toward defeat, his pride and honor certainly diminished by the incoherence of his campaign and the absurdity of the choice he agreed to when it came to picking someone who would share a national ticket charged with talking, coaxing, massaging the country through a tough and turbulent time.

It is a sad story: a proud and independent man permits a handful of advisers to take his hard-earned reputation and alter it to such an extent that the original is now hard to recognize, nearly invisible behind a curtain of cynical ads and the preposterous pronouncements of a woman whose candidacy is an insult to intelligence.

Unfortunately for McCain, he did little to stop the thieves who took his honor and reputation and tossed it out like so many discarded items for a yard sale, figuring that Americans could once again — one more time — be fooled into voting their fears.

Soon, the ‘Straight Talk Express’ will bank west and head for the Arizona desert and election eve. And John McCain will sit up front, staring out the window, exhausted, as the plane crosses the land he loves and the people — millions of them — he failed to connect with because while he was once indeed a prisoner of war, he has spent the last ten weeks letting himself become a prisoner of the past.” […]

Read the rest of this great article by Mike Barnicle at Huffington Post.com

Cheep Fills

So here I am boarding a plane for Seattle, and I was feeling a touch nervous because that morning a plane was forced to make an emergency landing at this very airport after a window blew out at 14,000 ft above sea level and this incredibly huge Wall Street Banking Investment Counselor was sucked right out the window headfirst!

Okay, you caught me, I am lying. What are you gonna do, sue me? It is a pleasant thought tho.

Being as I love to toss mostly unpopular ideas your way, and the thought of writing about warning decals on the side of my garbage truck being written in Spanish doesn’t seem to appeal to me this morning, I decided I am going to write about something important to us all. Male pattern baldness, no wait, Incontinence, which fork to use in a really good restaurant.

No, that was not it, what was it? Oh yeah, gasoline, the price at the pump.

Now no one wants to talk about gasoline, gas after all is old news, with all these crooked bankers cleaning up, the political candidates “rewriting history” as they go along, and I suppose the recent announcement that Britney Spears Mom and Dad have established a curfew for their “twenty-five year old daughter.”

I mean face it … Who wants to talk about gasoline?

I suppose my email will again heat up because of this unpopular subject. Your overriding concern for my well being is touching, don’t get me wrong. A few people here lately have actually inquired about my mental health, sobriety and or prospects for a continued life in this galaxy. And taking it one step further, some would actually like to run over me with a bus.

Such is life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to those of you who send me messaged laced with such kindness such as “You are a real Okie Squat, y’know that?” or “I hope you sit under a sick horse” or “Your parents were not married” something like that.

So in the spirit of gentle discourse, here goes: Please forward any and all complaints to the appropriate system coordinator at WordPress.com, whoever that is this week. Now that was funny, no? Here it comes, git reedy (As Toby Keith would say) … Gasoline is a great deal! Even if the price goes back up and we have to pay even more.

So in case you missed it, here it is again … Gas is a good deal.

Give me a freshly paved two-lane and a couple of gallons, throw in a good tail-wind for good measure, and I am happier than a wildcatter at a down-hole convention in Lubbock. (Try and make sense out of that one … I dare ya.) Being your typical American red-blooded truck lovin consumer, I would drive to hell and back if I thought I could make it in a weekend.

Unfortunately, I like you, have realized that a $20 bill won’t fill up my old Chevy-resale-red-hoopie any more, on most days in doesn’t even come close, in some parts of Utah, three times that ($60) won’t cut it either. But I am not complaining.

The fact is that gasoline remains relatively cheap right now (wait until the election is over boys & girls, this will go out the window, quickie pronto!) and I know that I have been a fortunate pilgrim up to this point. You see, we have had decades of cheap priced fuel. But those days are over, like an early morning mist, they have evaporated and no longer are to be found.

Back in the day, I could fill up my ‘47 model Plymouth for about $8, then later on, oil embargo prices arrived and the long lines formed. Our local gas station converted to the metric system so it could sell gasoline at more than $1 a gallon without saying so; 33 cents a liter sounds better. (Its no small wonder a gallon of fuel is over $9 in the U.K., look what they use for a standard of measure). Most countries around the world look at us, and consider us foolish (if not fuelish) and think we are crazy.

They KNOW what fuel costs, unlike us.

We know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

Two decades ago, during the Persian Gulf War, gasoline prices were about 32% lower than they are today, and adjusted for inflation it should be about $6 per gallon or more. We have celebrated low oil prices by buying fleets of gas guzzlers, military-size vehicles that boast of fuel efficiency of 10/15 mpg, have the aerodynamics of say, a brick. Our society has been spoiled by all the reduced energy costs over the past three decades, so much that we cannot even fathom that we have a good deal.

Cheap fuel after all, makes us feel better about our world.

So there, I said it, I feel better already.

Please forward your complaints to the appropriate system coordinator at Conoco-Phillips 66, Exxon, BP, or your nearest Arco Station. Now I am sneaking over across the street to siphon some gas, while it is still dark, I need to mow the lawns.

000

For Your Information:  Is Ethanol Really A Good Idea