Just Plain Weird

A little taste of what has been going on around the country, some of it good, and some of it not so good.  For instance, I got a haircut on Friday and then went to eat.  The waitress at the beanery says to me, You don’t look good in that haircut, I don’t like it.” Geeze, now women that don’t even know me are getting ugly … What is happening in this world, anyway.

Predatory Lenders.

Little Rock – A new study said the number of payday lenders operating in Arkansas dropped by about 86% after state Attorney General Dustin McDaniel threatened legal action over their high-interest loans. Arkansans Against Abusive Payday Lending said the survey showed the number of payday lenders went from 237 in March to 33 in the most recent count. Here is visible proof that we do not need NEW LAWS all we need to do is effectively enforce the law’s already on the books. We need to eradicate these bottom-feeders who prey on the people who can least afford it. Good for Arkansas!

Are you kidding me?

A federal appeals court and Ohio‘s high court have rejected a death row inmate’s argument that he is too fat to die by lethal injection. A three-judge panel of the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati and the Ohio Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Richard Cooey’s execution could go ahead as planned.

The 41-year-old Cooey is set to be executed Tuesday for killing two University of Akron students in 1986. Cooey’s attorneys argued that prison food and limited opportunities to exercise contributed to a weight problem that would make it difficult for the execution team to find a viable vein for lethal injection. Cooey is 5 feet, 7 inches tall and weighs 267 pounds. So what is the problem … Here’s your Kool Aid … Drink it!

News from down under.

Illegal prostitution rings masquerading as “escort services” will be targeted under changes to Queensland law. Police Minister Judy Spence today said the government would follow a recommendation from the Crime and Misconduct Commission to crack down on outcall prostitution services, which are illegal in Queensland. Ms Spence said some operators which advertised as “escort services” were actually a front for prostitution services. (Gee, no kidding.)

Under legislative changes, legitimate escort businesses will need to indicate that sexual services are not provided when advertising and when receiving phone calls from interested clients. “We want to make it more difficult for prostitution services to masquerade as social escort services and get by our tough restrictions,” she said. The offence (sp) will carry a maximum penalty of seven years imprisonment, or 14 years if the offenders are found to have been using intellectually disabled people.

So I guess if I am reading this right, the only people who avail themselves of prostitutes down under are highly-paid, intellectually disabled, over achievers?

Not So Politically Correct In Wisconsin

The University of Wisconsin-Madison has apologized to a black student who during a class last year was shown a clip of the movie “Blazing Saddles” that features racial epithets. During a workshop for working professionals last year, an instructor showed a scene of the 1974 comedy in which blacks are shown working on a railroad.

Whites call the workers racial epithets and an overseer orders them to sing like slaves. The student complained and the school’s Office of Equity and Diversity, which investigates racial discrimination, got involved, and an apology was issued. Nothing was forthcoming for the poor white students who were forced to sit all the way thru an incredibly bad movie.

Skeee-ratch this!

Arthur Watkins, 53, of Kansas City has won more than $400,000 in two Powerball drawings within a four-month period. Missouri Lottery officials said Watkins selected the Powerball numbers to win $200,000 in the Sept. 24 drawing. He matched five white-ball numbers in the May 21 game to pick up $200,000. Watkins bought both winners at the Longview Apple Market in Kansas City. I have figured out what the problem seems to be, they roll the numbers too fast on the PowerBall drawings, and they are not giving the rest of us enough time to wish on the balls.

Vote … And Vote Often … For Your Candidate of Choice

Early voting has started in some of the key states, and apparently, the democrats need some extra time getting all those dead people to the polls.  The moderator for the recent debates, who came from PBS, has a new book coming out, which is pro-Obammer.

But then again, every PBS station is pro-Obammer.

America in an election year moves on. Events and schedules are being met. And it appears that my interview for the second job as an early morning paperboy may have been accepted. (The McDonalds min-wage work until you die program, did not pay off … I am not Latino … I am after all Caucasian so therefore unemployable.)

The paper route thing fortunately is happening … I start on Thursday.

Dick Cheney has cut back on the speaking engagements, figuring that it is awful hard to get people to follow a parked car; he is strangely silent these days. It has been rumored he has been observed to be sitting in his office most of the day, oiling his shotgun and muttering something about lame ducks.

Chris Matthews has accused Sarah Palin of staring into the camera like a dolf, he said this, while staring into the camera like a dolf.  Albert Gore is now calling for “civil disobedience” on the building of new coal fired electricity plants, but this is not to include those that help pay for Lear Jets, long limo’s and huge massive square footage houses.

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Parting shot: “All people smile in the same language.”


Enter Your Password

Duckies

Duckies

QUESTION:  “Is your life any better because of computers?

Tough question. Like my crazy Aunt Martha used to say … Don’t get me started. So is it yay or nay on the computer issue? Good or bad.

The marvelous, wonderful world of computers, where nothing can go wrong, go wrong, go wrong.

A man, experiencing severe chest pains, goes to the local hospital. They feed his name and vitals into a computer, which promptly confuses him with another man who had died some eight months earlier, and the computer cancels his subscription to Field & Stream Magazine, turns off his electricity, water, and telephone without ever having bothering to ask.

Don’t talk to me about computers.

My computer in my truck senses that something is amiss in the system, I have a problem, it even goes to the trouble of turning on a warning buzzer and a lite on my dash, CHECK ENGINE flashes in front of my eyes. I stop, I open the hood, I check the engine. It is still there and I am hopeless lost.

Perhaps I missed the exit on the Information Highway or something, I am not a big fan of computers.

My clock radio is now smarter than I ever hope to be, and I don’t even know how to program the ____ thing! I tried loading a spelling checker into my hard drive back in ’98 and accidentally launched a nuclear missile attack on Norway … Don’t talk to me about computers.

You purchase a drill from Home Depot, they insert your credit card into the machine and swipe it, the lights in the building dim temporarily, and then instantly, you are charged for a complete Home Entertainment Center, with Surround Sound, and 48 easy payments.

All in a matter of seconds … a mere fraction in time. Computers’ isn’t technology grand.

I seem to be stuck in the horse and buggy age for some reason. I am locked down in the pre-computer age, an old fossilized Trantasouras Rex in limbo. I am still buying a Coke for a dime … Back when you opened the top of the Coke Machine and you slid the bottle down the long ramp, to the end, and then lifted it out.

Believe it or not, I still remember a gas pump where YOU actually pumped it in to this huge glass reservoir and then gravity did the rest of the job, getting the product to the tank in the car. At a very cheap and reasonable price of 15 cents per gallon.

How about the eight track tape, now that was an invention. Dunka Shane, oh darling Dunka Shane …. Whirrr, thunk-whirrr-KaThunk! Thank you for loving me today. Evaporative coolers (Swamp Coolers) the air conditioning of the fifties, remember that? Cool and wet on a hot day … M&M’s without the blue color, now that is odd huh?

Remember the old VCR’s, the first ones, that cost over $1,800 brand new, with a 24 hour timer and two speeds, non programmable. Pocket calculators were neat, when first introduced at something like $175 each! Man, I am so old, that I can still remember a dollar that was worth twenty-five cents and can recall when the National Debt was only calculated in the billions.

McDonalds’ used to give you change for a buck, I remember that, not any more. You cannot buy a “Rubber McMuffin” for less than $2.50 now days. It is getting where Ben isn’t worth a George anymore. That means … A hundred isn’t worth a dollar for all of you that are a little slow on the uptake this morning.

Computers and technology, all of this was supposed to free up our time, so we could do other things, wonder what actually happened to that grandiose concept? As for my part in all this, I have not noticed any perceivable increase in leisure time activities nor the increase of available time allotted to me to do other things, the things that I enjoy more.

Seems like I am always running late even with digital cell phone technology in place at sixty-five cents per minute, I am experiencing difficulty just keeping up.

We are living longer thanks to modern medicine, computers, antibiotics, nasal spray, Nintendo and Diet Coke. It has become quite routine for people to live in our civilized world past the age of say … forty … and even beyond.

Wow! Man walked on the moon in sixty-nine and that was, jeeze, over forty-years ago, can that be true? Where did the time go? Wonder how come we never went back?

  • A:> Hello?
  • BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
  • A:> Help?
  • BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
  • A:> Do something!
  • BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
  • A:> We want to go to the moon Dammit!
  • BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME
  • A:> Please help?
  • B:> NON-SYSTEM DISK OR DISK ERROR – INVALID SWITCH-PATH NOT FOUND
  • A:> Return to help?
  • C:> WARNING! ALL DATA WILL BE LOST … ABORT, RETRY OR FAIL?

WELCOME TO CREATIVE ENDEAVORS, THE HOTTEST LOCAL SITE ON WORDPRESS.COM, YOU ARE NOW BEING ISSUED AN ENTIRELY NEW SCREEN NAME, PASSWORD AND SUPER-SECRET CODE FOR ACCESS, PLEASE FORGET EVERYTHING THAT YOU EVER KNEW ABOUT THIS SITE. IN ONE SECOND YOU WILL BE TAKEN BACK TO THE PAGE WHERE YOU CAME FROM OR CLEVELAND, OHIO …WHICH EVER COMES FIRST. PRESS ANY KEY TO RECEIVE SOME SATISFACTION.

Computers handling life’s everyday pressures, simply, efficiently, and conveniently for us. Effectively putting all our … uh … “stuff” … in one sock. This in turn gives us plenty of time to sit back, suck down cool drinks the size of Lake Michigan in the late afternoon, and contemplate what it is that we can do today.

Time to consider the important issues that confront each of us on a daily basis. Which it turn releases all this free time for us so we can have some fun. Well it sounds good anyway.

Good morning you poor soul, welcome to Heaven and the Pearly Gates, the Angel said. Please give me your access code and password …Nuts.

Technology, what would we do without it.

000

What your computer does at night when you are asleep here.

Gimme – Gimme

Not long ago I was watching the movie “Wall Street” starring Michael Douglas. This is where he plays the unscrupulous Wall Street financier Buddy Grekko (sp) I believe his name was, a Donald Trump Wall-Street-Wanna-be of the first order. In the movie he states that “GREED is good, and that it is not all that necessarily a bad thing.” So it got me to thinking, “If GREED is good, then why are we in such dire straights right now because of it.”

So today’s offering in literary junk food will be on the subject of GREED.

As I am often accused of picking on some of these pikers around here, and that I never seem to be able to get along with anyone, we shall talk about my favorite thing in life … GREED. Being fully aware that I am basically talking with honest people, who know the definition of true GREED (wanting more than you can honestly afford). By the way, you don’t have to be dishonest to be GREEDY, I know people who are in church every Sunday and they are just as GREEDY as the next old boy.

Now if you go through your wife’s pocket book, or take gifts from people that you know you shouldn’t accept, you could be GREEDY. GREED can be the most potent aphrodisiac know to anyone running for public office. GREED. Where GREED really plays a big hand is in politics. The more money someone raises to run for office the bigger his image and his ego gets, once again, a power trip. Fueled by GREED. Politicians are known for their GREED and at times, so are their respective parties that they belong to.

GREED can also be a good substitute for Viagra, one of the better know stimulants in the western world is GREED.

Today I received a notice of “change in terms” for my credit card. If I go over my limit, 30%, if I get a cash advance and overdraw, 30%, if I am late, 30% … GREED. Pure and simple, why do they do this to a up-to-date good customer … GREED.

And of course they can do this with impunity, because they are BANKERS and the GOVERNMENT is powerless to do anything about it.

Walking into an Indian Casino or playing Bingo once per week, watching the ponies run and wagering sums on them at the local track can also lead to GREED. This morning the price of gasoline was $2.31 per gallon, seven hours later, for no apparent reason, it is $2.45 per gallon … GREED.

A Hong Kong Jeweler named Lam Sai-Wing built a bathroom in which almost everything is made of 24 karat gold: the toilet, the floor tiles, the mirror frames — even a a chandelier. The only thing that’s not all-gold is the ceiling, which is studded with 6,200 diamonds, pearls, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. Cost to build this monster … $3.5 million for this high tech outrageous poop-shooter.

GREED also comes into play in sports, the late Vince Lombardi said that “winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.” Americans will do anything to win a golf tournament, a tennis match or a Little League Baseball game. Now days they even have competitions to see who can land the biggest fish. Who is it that pays upwards of $200 for a pair of Tennis Shoes, while the rest of the world goes barefooted? GREED. I have more than 1,000 DVD’s movies in my collection … GREED.

Enron was a prime example of GREED. It’s apparent reluctance to pay taxes to the IRS for a period of several years, this is another example of GREED. So what if the city loses money … GREED. Tax Time is especially a fruitful time for GREED lovers and seems to bring out the worst in us. We sit back and try to figure out new angles in order to pay the least amount of taxes owed … GREED.

GREED always rears its ugly head when you try to figure out how to cheat on your taxes without getting caught.

Even when it comes down to romance, we are GREEDY. You say things to another person that sound like the real thing, but you really don’t mean it. Fortunately you cannot go to jail for this one, unless of course, you try to make your loved one tax deductible.

Some folks are GREEDY about clothes, homes, automobiles. Once GREED strikes it is hard to shake off. I have a touch of it myself, probably a tad, but no more or less than your average American.

Now in closing I want you to take into consideration one thought and then we will be done. Here is your scary thought for the day.

Back in 1990, the Government (IRS) seized the Mustang Ranch Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of greedy-dumb-asses who couldn’t make money running a whore house and selling booze? And we are lending them the lifeblood of our U.S. Treasury without as much as collateral?

What is wrong with this picture?

I envy people who have more than I do, but when people ask how GREEDY I am, I always tell them to speak to my lawyer. *

000

*As promised yesterday

  • The five entertainers who had airports name after them: Bob Hope, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, John Lennon and Will Rogers.
  • Six stars who took Karate lessons from Chuck Norris: Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley, Steve McQueen, Michael Landon, Marie Osmond and Donny Osmond.
  • Why George Dubya Bush doesn’t wear a name tag at his Class Reunions. Who cares?

“The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)