Chummin The Waters

Down Girl … Down!

With his electoral prospects fading by the day, Senator John McCain has fallen out with his vice-presidential running mate about the direction of his White House campaign. McCain has become alarmed about the fury unleashed by Sarah Palin, the moose-hunting “pitbull in lipstick”, against Senator Barack Obama. Cries of “terrorist” and “kill him” have accompanied the tirades by the governor of Alaska against the Democratic nominee at Republican rallies.

Mark Salter, McCain’s long-serving chief of staff, is understood to have told campaign insiders that he would prefer his boss, a former Vietnam prisoner of war, to suffer an “honorable defeat” rather than conduct a campaign that would be out of character – and likely to lose him the election.

“Some will say, jeez Sarah, it’s getting negative. No it’s not negativity. It’s truthfulness.” The crowd bellowed its appreciation with chants of “Nobama” and “Go Sarah Go!” Meanwhile back at the cabin, ninety miles from Russia …. Look kids … Mommies’ on TV!

All Juiced out

OJ Simpson is still locked down in Sin City, Las Vegas, after recently losing his court battle, some say he should have played the “race card” and he said that he would have, but the Obammer crowd was already using it.  The New Jersey Hall Of Fame is open now, some of the exhibits are Jack Nicholson, Bon Jovi, and some dude named Vinny.

Thanks … But No Thanks

Laxatives at dinner, drinking vinegar and electric shock treatment… Welcome to extreme spa detox. Anna Pasternak spends a week extreme detoxing. Here she reveals the results As a spoiled spa junkie, I’ve pretty much covered the whole global gamut: ayurvedic abhyanga (oily massage) in the Alps, Chi Nei Tsang (deep and delicate abdominal delving) in Thailand and shamanic stuff in the States.

Man, you have to be kidding me. I think I would rather be fat and lonely than do this. This is worse than my last job at Weight Watchers. Yeah, no joke. I got $8.40 an hour just to stand in the corner, and the instructor would point at me and yell …. If you keep eating Twinkies girls … THIS is what you will look like! Read the entire story here.

Keeping Track

Last week’s papers were full of Hazel Wheeler, and her amazing life story. In 1941, aged 14, Wheeler found a blank diary in her parents’ attic. She then went on to post an entry every day, without exception, for the next 67 years. Now that is what you call discipline, eh?

The main joy for the press has been that, in the past 67 years, there has been no global event – however cataclysmic – that didn’t take second place to Wheeler’s reports on her knitting, baking, or domestic arrangements.

Actual entry: “President Kennedy was assassinated as he drove through Dallas today. Shot through the head. Baked macaroons and scones. Did knitting”

Now who says “Politics’ are important in America?”

000

Related:  Baracks House

The Old Days

Think back to when you were growing up in South Dakota or Nebraska or somewhere where three billion people have never been and times were just as tough.

When you had to, like my dad, walk 14 miles to school each day round trip, uphill BOTH ways on never a nice day, to a one-room school house.

This after he had milked twenty-seven cows, strung a mile of barbed wire and plowed two acres by flashlight behind Ol Rivers the family Mule.

You remember those days … don’tcha?

Every now and then I will remember them when my four year old grandchild climbs up in my lap and says “Tell me a story about the olden days Grandpa.” Then it all comes rushing back, the seat on a bucket in the high-chair-step-ladder in the kitchen, and the home style haircut that dad used to give me to save .75 cents.

A haircut that was so bad that it made me cry when the kids at school laughed at me the next day. The afternoon sitting at the kitchen table “writing my words” on the paper with big lines and a pencil.

Reading the newspaper to my mama when she cooked supper because my teacher sent a note home that said “Donnie isn’t reading very good, he needs a lot of work.” Learning how to do fractions and homework instead of going outside to play with the dog.

No daycare in the fifties … Back in those days … You raised YOUR kid. Someone else did not do it.  It was your JOB … It was expected of YOU.

Kids today have it good, they are too soft, and we are turning them into non functioning dummies. Video gaming, text messaging (which butchers the language brutally), and an age of convenient shortcuts. Cell phones, cheat sheets, calculators, computers.

The short road to oblivion.

In my 19 — none on your business — school photo album I see all the pictures of the generation that was going to change it all. Glancing thru my old classmates book I see seven future doctors, two Nobel Prize Winners, three preachers, two generals and one of the first female airline pilots. Missing are lying senators, presidents, bankrupt savings and loan officers, stock merchants, very few rotten apples in the entire bunch.

Why? Because they slapped the crap out of us in those days and they MADE US learn something, they forced us to take something with us on our journey thru puberty. If you were a problem, they didn’t cut you loose at the end of the day, you got detention. You paid for your sins.

They made us learn how to read.

It used to be “if you got into trouble at school, you were in trouble at home. And I mean BEFORE you got home” now days it just isn’t so. So now you know why eight out of ten American high school graduates cannot even make change for a dollar, because they never had the daylights’ beat out of them in the primary grades that is why. Why kids in Eastern/Western Europe, Japan and most of Asia kick our butts in just about any type of scholarly competition.

When you do not learn, then you are doomed to a lifetime of Anger Management classes at the local family health clinic, instead of being a productive citizen and family maker. Having virtually no education disables a kid before they even have a shot at the American Dream, that is, what is left of it these days.

We have a society being run increasing by dysfunctional illiterates and we have no one to blame but ourselves.  Our neglect of our young is now our curse

The sixties were very good to me, so therefore, I can understand our President who frequently speaks in terms of often-mocked malapropisms that could stem from dyslexia, or a lack of education in his youth. He certain seems to have his share of problems forming and processing words or sentences.

But when you stop to think about it, he doesn’t need to be big on language, he is after all from Texas.

So when he says something like: “We brung some dead deer parts that Cheney shot to Aunt Martha’s place and she showed us how to stew ‘em in this big pot and then we gorged ourselves on them to excess” that is wrong.

But it sounds much better than “bursting.”

In closing I must admit that I haven’t a clue on the use of the split infinitive, I might have known it at one time or another, but like I have said before, “The sixties were really good to me” and that is my only proffered excuse at this time.

Today I find myself thankful that I can read, I do have a command of the language, and I can thank my teachers, my parents for that. Also, I am just glad that my current social status in this life, doesn’t require me to have a “power vocabulary, do simple math, dress for success or to live in Texas.”

Got to go! I am late for my class on Pumpkin Carving for the Criminally Insane.

000

RELATED: Talkin The Talk