Talkin’ The Talk

"Yeah no joke, it was there one minute and then whoosh it was gone!"

“Yeah no joke, it was there one minute, and then whoosh, it was all gone!”

Turned on the television and there was my favorite Texas Waddie explaining to the American people the current economic mess we seem to find ourselves immersed in. “We currently have a shortage of some $2.5 trillion dollars in the Wall Street Market, and gosh, uh gee whill-ickers, we just don’t know where it went?”

It is not easy being the President of Ameri-kuh. Once again … Proof positive, you can take the boy out of the country, but you cannot take the country out of the boy.

Where he gets this stuff is anyone’s guess. It reminds me of the story where the old man and woman are sitting in the kitchen and the kid comes home from college for the holidays. The old man looks at the boy and says, “Son, give me and your mama some of the benefits of that there Kollege edumaycayshun you been getting.”

So the boy thinks a little bit and then replies, “Eisenstein is quoted as saying pi is square.” The old man looks at the woman and says, “See, I told you it was a waste of time sending him to kollege, corn bread are square … pie is round!”

Education has taken a backseat to a lot of things in this country. It doesn’t seem all that important, and this will come back to haunt us, it is a tragic mistake.

Not long ago, someone sponsored a bill to make English the national language in this country, but it didn’t make it thru Congress. Recently in Oklahoma and several other states similar legislation was attempted and failed, trying to accomplish the very same goal.

Then later on, someone in Oakland, California suggested that “Ebonics” might be good for grade school children, which was a street based version of slang communication. It is currently being used quite a bit on Rap CD’s, Hip-Hop music and has enjoyed wide circulation on MTV.

Me?

I just butcher it up to the best of my abilities and keep right on trucking most of the time. English, I confess, has not always been my strongest suite. Communication is my strongest attribute, I am a pretty good story teller and I use any and all forms to do this in an effective manner.

And then you come across the people who just flat out, do not know how to put it (the language) to good use and effectively communicate in our culture. Here is a prime example that I found this morning surfing the net:

“What is your education for, anyway?” blogging on this site is wreched ok so i have tried to post like 2 time already(that would make this my third attempt) and i’m just going to throw this out there i don’t get blogging. like it doesn’t make sence why cant we all get together and have a conversation, or atleast chat over scype…i understand that this has the advantage of anyone being able to chime in at an time but i can never rember to come on and then when i do it like never gets posted!!!! AHHH

This (the text above) was lifted in its entirety and has not been corrected. I like the header … “What is your education for, anyway?”Uh … Better living thru chemistry?

It is also pretty frightening when you stop to consider it was written (according to the blog author) on a college students’ site. Unfortunately, he is not the exception to the rule, but more so, the norm in this country.

It is no wonder that this country is slowly going to hell in a hand basket.

Seven out of ten sixth-graders believe Pearl Harbor was some woman who used to sing country music tunes. They know who “Beavis & Butt-head” are, but cannot identify the Vice President of the United States, tell you the capitol of Kansas, really don’t know ho to make change for a twenty, other than from your hand to theirs and that is about it.

Recently I read a survey that said 63% of high school seniors move their lips when they read and this I suppose the survey doesn’t even include the ones who cannot read a lick to begin with. Our kids are in the fast lane to Moronville because there is not enough discipline in the classrooms.

Remember those late, great school house days of yesteryear, when hard-a** teachers would slap the fire out of a kid just for the fun of it. Some would say that is what we need more of today. I am not all that big on discipline, having received my fair share of it as a child. But we do need one thing for sure:

What we need is compulsory learning AND discipline.

When all those bleeding-heart liberals banned paddles from the classroom, we might as well have locked the school house doors. When you can get 75 days in the county jail for spanking your own kid for skipping school, then you might as well hang it up. Maybe we need to get back to the “Old Days” for a brief period, and make a necessary course correction for our country.

This why we end up with college students who write:

“Who needs school? Why reads a book, when you can see the movie, stay in an plays Nintendo. Why graduate, when you can sell crack and ride in’s a limo?”

And a sitting Lame Duck U.S. President that says:

Reading is the basics for all learning. Put food on your family. The senator cannot have it both ways. He can’t take the high horse and then claim the low road. Never squat down with your spurs on.”

Not being an expert in language like I said, I don’t believe the above is exactly correct, politically speaking or otherwise.

Two Point Five Trillion dollars  … That is a lot of bucks, wonder where it went?  C’mon Dubyah, give us some good news, tell us something we don’t know.

000

Related: The Old Days

Parting shot: “It is important for parents to live the same things they teach.”

Honey Wagon Xpress

Someone told me that in Korea, the truck that comes around and empties the septic tank and hauls off the human waste is refered to as the “Honey Wagon.” Which got me to thinking, “If that is the case, then there must be a REALLY BIG Bee Hive around here somewhere!” And if you think that is bad, try doing this woman’s job (A really stinky job) and then be glad you are where you are.

Senator Joe Biden has done nearly one hundred press interviews since being tapped as Obammers running mate on August 23rd. Alaska governor Palin has done three. September was a great month to write about politics on the Web. The Los Angeles Times had an all-time-high (137 million page views last month), the Washington Post (topped 33 million) and both Slate and the Huffington Post set their own traffic records.

It’s tempting to give Sarah Palin credit for these new waterlines—she’s ubiquitous on every site’s most-read lineup, among the most blogged-about people in the country (including celebrities and fictional characters), and far and away the most searched-for political figure in America.

So, how much credit does Palin deserve for driving page views to the media elite she so disdains? Beats me, but she is stirring up the pot that is for sure. Meanwhile I hear Obammer is speaking to a group of Missouri hog farmers, concluding that Democrats need candidates who “speak in language familiar to, among others, the disaffected hog farmers of Missouri.”

I also read where the Nobel Peace Prize’s have been awarded.

Finland‘s ex-president Martti Ahtisaari received the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for his efforts to build a lasting peace from Africa and Asia to Europe and the Middle East.

George Bush did not receive an award for economics.

Iranian President Mahmoud I-got-my-dinner-jacket-on who famously claimed last year in New York that there were no homosexuals in Iran has conceded that “there might be a few gay people” in Iran practicing what he calls a “unlikable and foreign act.”

This from a guy who helps to provide and build roadside bombs in Iraq.

A Connecticut judge has given the brush-off to a blonde woman’s lawsuit claiming L’Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products. Charlotte Feeney of Stratford says she can never return to her natural blonde hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time. But most of all, she is going to miss being locked in the basement and being declared last year’s hide and seek winner.

Been There .. Done That … Got the Shaft.

Four miles under the ocean’s surface off Brazil‘s lush coast lie billions of barrels of recently discovered light crude — a treasure that could transform the country into an oil superpower. President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva called it “a gift from God” and pledged to end chronic poverty and narrow the country’s broad gap between the rich and the poor.

Yeah, that is what we thought too.

But before rhetoric becomes reality, Brazil must first get to the underwater reserves, among the world’s deepest, and then manage a massive influx of wealth — a formidable task that has left other national economies awash in corruption and even greater gaps between the rich and poor.

Meanwhile here at home. Oil tumbled more than $4 to a one-year low on Friday as growing fears that financial market turmoil will squash demand for fuel outweighed the possibility of an OPEC production cut at an emergency meeting in November.  But it has made driving to the unemployment office a little bit cheaper.

No Room At The Inn

Now here is something that is bass-ack-wards if I ever heard of it … Most Japanese inns and hotels that didn’t have foreign guests last year don’t want any in the future, according to a government survey released Thursday.  The survey carried out by the Ministry of Internal Affairs shows that 72 percent of establishments that didn’t have foreign customers in the past year don’t want any, and the majority are ryokans and hotels with fewer than 30 rooms.

While the majority of such establishments do accept foreigners, the survey showed the country’s more traditional inns are not as hospitable, even as the government mounts a major campaign to draw more tourists from abroad.  Duh?  I don’t think you have this right, if you want tourists, you don’t tell them they are not welcome. C’mon over here to America, everything is dirt cheap and we will leave a lite on in the window for ya.

PSST…can you keep a sexy secret?

The credit crunch is getting us all down but here’s some news to put a smile on your face: great sex is free! Sex therapists Georgia Foster and Beverley Anne Foster reckon they know four secrets to unlock your passion potential.

The secrets are revealed in their new book The Four Secrets Of Amazing Sex which says: “We focus on the mind as much as the body. It’s not a book about sexual positions. Anyone can have sex, but to have amazing sex, your mind needs to be participating.” So read the guide, below, and make going through the motions a thing of the past.

1. SEDUCTION

The first secret deals with how to sustain a heady passion. Most people assume they need to be seduced to feel sexy – wrong! We first create the desire in our own mind. It’s your responsibility to understand what turns you on.

2. SENSATION

The second secret is all about the six senses. Absorb the energy, as well as remembering smell, touch, sound and taste. The six senses are often overlooked in our busy lives, but without them sex is dull.

3. SURRENDER

The third secret is when you feel safe to surrender and have sex. Thanks to secrets one and two, your mind is ready and your senses alive. You need to feel you want to be there and your mind is present to feel connected.”

4. REFLECTION

If you’ve had fun with the first three secrets, reflection is about looking back on the experience and feeling you want to do it all again. If the experience is bad, people will look back on it negatively and may avoid a repeat performance and lack confidence.

Now here are some more tips to help create a new sexual you. Ignore that niggly voice in your head saying your thighs are fat or your bum wobbles and tell yourself you are gorgeous and believe it. Trying new moves in the bedroom can be scary, so agreeing on a non-verbal sign on when to call time can help build trust and confidence. Purchase a cheap police style whistle. Grab a moment to sit down with your other half and make a list of what originally made them turn your knees to jelly; it’s easy to forget why what you found attractive next to a mound of washing up. When you are down there, remember to breathe. When people are anxious they shallow breathe. A good relaxation method is; take deep breath, hold it for five and exhale. Repeat three times and feel your nerves melt. Make one small change each time you have sex. It will keep it fresh and stop you from just going through the motions. If you cannot remember who’s turn it is to get tied up … Do what me and the miss’es do …. Play Prisoner Of War instead.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST … THIS COULD BE TIP #5 … IT IS ALSO VERY, VERY IMPORTANT … YOU MUST FIND A WILLING PARTNER.

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