After watching this so-called “debate” last night. I have decided that I am going to take action. I am sure I can do as good as they promise to do.
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
Here is my platform.
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned nationwide. English is the official language, speak it or wait at the border until you can. All ballots will be printed in English only and if you cannot read it, find someone who can or don’t vote. Driving while talking on the telephone, $500 fine nationwide, and forfeiture of the automobile on second offense.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country’s attitude. NO imports, NO exports. We will use the ‘China-Mart’ policy … ‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’ Our #1 burning desire or goal, will be the retirement of the Federal debt.
(3) When imports are again allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on them. This applies to everything from luxury automobiles to baby shoes. NO tax on groceries or medicine nationwide. When up and coming countries come to shop, they can bring back dollars instead of junk.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (1 month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. Northbound? You buy your ticket … You take your chances. 18 years old, you get drafted, serve YOUR country for 2 to 4 years.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put nuttin in, you ain’t gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare – Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. You check positive for drugs, you pick up trash on the highway in order to receive your “free” check.
(7) Professional Athletes/Steroids – The FIRST time you check positive/banned for life. Stop wasting our time with Congressional Hearings, we have more important fish to fry, and you are not it.
(8) Crime – We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences, if convicted you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
Contrary to all this Politically Correct nonsense we will impose a punishment that fits the crime. No more segregation of criminals “for their own protection” all convicted baby molesters and rapo’s to be released into the general population of the prison and let them fend for themselves.
People who throw dirty or used diapers down in a parking lot, will be immediately shot … No exceptions.
(9) Our exports will be selective. Wheat, corn or rice. The world needs to eat. A bushel of each will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. If OPEC and these other petroleum thugs don’t want to participate, then let them eat their oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it’s a worthy cause.
Develop and establish a policy of “Charity begins at home, and then adhere to it.”
(11) No more federal insurance for people who build condo’s six feet from the water and expect the rest of us to rebuild them after each and every storm. You live below sea level … buy your own insurance or move uphill.
Send “businessman” overseas to negotiate for the best interests and cut the politicians out of the process completely. Get the brightest and the best …and to hell with the rest. Send them Richard Simmons, they will give him anything we want, just to get rid of him.
(12) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. Establish a national limit to the terms a Senator can serve and impose strict age limits for Congress. If you are 84 years old, you should be sitting on a boat dock in Alabama fishing, not sending kids off to war.
Revamp the current tax system, if General Motors only pays 14% of their gross income … Then the taxpayer should have to pay the same.
(13) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc and sung without personal embellishments, as originally written. Anyone refusing to remove their ball cap should be shown to the nearest exit. Spitting, make a fist, grabbing your crotch while performing will not be tolerated.
(14) National elections will be limited to a 30-60 day period, beginning in July, and no more. If you are elected to office, and choose to run all over the country campaigning, your paycheck and/or benefits, are frozen. When you come back AND START DOING YOUR JOB AGAIN you will be reinstated. Candidates for office should “willingly supply” all documents necessary for election (IE: Birth certificate, residency requirements, etc).
(15) The use of Teleprompters by moron’s and public debate with pre-advanced knowledge of the questions beforehand should be suspended immediately.
If I think of anything else, I will let you know. Please check your local listings for time and place.
Parting shot: “There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.”