Something Stinks

Yesterday, being the six month anniversary, I was busy with other things, so I only had time for one post. The set-up team came by for the publicity stunt, and I had to do that. We all have to give our best y’know, I am no exception. But I did have reservations about it.

I fear that when people look at my picture in a Best Blogger of The Year magazine, they see something that is so unreal … and they think, “Shoot, old Don’s got it made.” He has it so easy.

They should know that I just spent two and one-half hours with the professional people, doing my hair, doing my makeup, picking out my wardrobe and shooting me with a professional photographer who has been to professional camera school and knows how to use professional lighting.

Yeah, I got the look … but it is not easy.

They said that they had decided to do a piece on people who offer assistance to other people who need help and haven’t asked for it. They were looking for a fresh face who has not had any significant shortcomings in the past few months and one who was in constant pursuit of diligence and personal excellence. This not being an easy task for most folks, I found that someone had to do it, so I dutifully sat down and humbly endured the interview.

Took the better part of the day … yes it did, uh huh.

And I also had company yesterday. Nicholas came by to visit this week, he is my best-est little buddy from next door. He loves my parrot, he is five years old, and he usually, most always says what is on his mind. He wanted to see my parrot so I allowed him access to the house, and he confidently strides into the living room, turns and looks at me and says ….. “I like your house. It is cleaner than our house and it smells a lot better too.”

The wisdom of children.

Too often anymore something stinks! Did you know that of all adults, about 96% say they have noticed an offensive odor in someone’s else’s home at one time or another, but only 36% admit noticing such a a smell in their own home. The most commonly cited odors are: Cigarettes 81%, pets 80%, food 63%, musty odors 57% and overpowering air fresheners 50%.

I guess you could add perfume to the list. Man, sitting next to those old ladies in church (the ones with the purple hair) that appear to have bathed in it (cheap perfume) before Sunday School. Now that is often unbearable for me. I have a neighbor that doesn’t believe in deodorant, he will proudly boast, “I don’t need no deodorant, and I don’t use them at all!” Which believe me, isn’t all that big of a secret if you happen to be on the downwind side of him.

Then there is Betty Lyons job.

Betty is a scent technician or “odor judge” for Cincinnati Hilltop Labs. She tests smells and can identify thousands of different odors at up to 20 levels of intensity. Presented with a new scent, she can list what’s in it and in what proportion, which is very useful when the company wants to analyze a competitor’s product.

Lyon’s main job is to test deodorants. She spends her days smelling diapers, cat litter, shoes, and armpits to make sure each kind of deodorant works. Lyons doesn’t actually put her nose into the armpit per say, as I understand it, she keeps a safe distance from the things that she smells by placing a paper tube between her nose and the offending objects.

And you thought your job stunk?

Oh, wait! Stop. I just thought of one more household smell that is not on the list … “Hey Kid? C’mere and pull my finger!” that ought to be in about 99.6% of All American homes that have at least one uncle.


Related: Ask A Kid , Ask a Kid II