Random Musings

Just finished reading some 1400 words some guy wrote on why he wants to commit suicide, and I thought to myself, “Man, talk about writer’s block?” There has to be something better than that to keep a guys fire stoked than that.

Friday Nite in the Metroplex, should be starting out for a night on the town! Y’sir, like them “good old days” when you rocked the house down and ate at Denny’s at 2:30 a.m., with the rest of middle class white trash, and other forms of humanity. Now is the time, when we should be starting out, but we are actually heading for bed. Times change, such are the frustrations of life.

Gonna get cool tonight, might have to lite up the old heater? Believe it or not. I am reminded of the old joke where a guy goes skydiving in Oklahoma. He is taken up about 12,000 feet into the air, and the door opens and he goes out. Geeeeeeronimo! He yells, reaches down and pulls his rip chord and nothing happens, he looks up and there is no chute!

At about that time, he looks down and sees this body hurtling upward from the ground at a high rate of speed, and he yells out to the guy …… “Hey Buddy! Do you know anything about rip chords?” and the guy approaching at hundreds of miles per hour shouts back ….. “No, do you know how to lite a gas burning heater?”

No good huh. Well whadya expect for free?

Took the lawnmower to the lawnmower shop and was going to drop it off, but there were no people there to leave it with, it appears that even lawnmower people take a holiday. I had originally bought the thing because I got tired of pushing one and I wanted a lawnmower that pulled itself. In the beginning, when it was new, it did just that, but now it has reverted to the status of a PUSH mower and that simply will not cut it. Thus the need for a trip to the repair shop. Such are the frustrations of life ….

Uh, give it up boys! No more nude pictures of Sarah Palin please, I am not stupid. Someone is going to get into serious trouble passing out all of this bogus garbage. Contrary to popular opinion, it will not be me. What I consider interesting, when Hillary was running, they were not passing anything like this from site to site, she must not have what it takes to excite the average voter.

Often I will dream something that is so vivid, so real, and then later on, wish that I could remember the dream in its entirety. Today during an afternoon nap, I had such a dream. It was about a Chicago crack-head, lying in a sterile room in a hospital, on the verge of dying. His wife and his kids were there, just slightly out of reach and the dream dealt with his thoughts of life and death. The dream dealt with the processes in play, as life ebbed and slowly drained away …….

It was so dramatic and very profound, it touched the core of my being, and yet, I am sad because I cannot remember the body of the dream, only bits and snatches of it. Now later on, I am at a definite impasse, I feel a loss, because I am unable to illustrate it. Such are the frustrations of life.

A good lunch today, Chinese Food, my favorite.

It is healthy fare, and these days, most of everything that we eat is not. Again, I am on a quest for the “ideal solution to health issues” and wondering about what it is that I am supposed to eat. Much like the crack-head in Chicago, I am struggling with what will keep me alive and what will eventually lead to my demise, we have a lot in common, he and I. Most everything we eat is unhealthy because the food companies are good at finding ways around the FDA guidelines and usually give us something “other than what we are buying” anyway. Best bet, if you see the word “contains” anywhere in the packaging, pass. It is not going to be good for you.

ASK NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY … ASK WHAT IS FOR LUNCH?

Along the same vein … Rumor going around that Joe Biden is going to bow out for “health reasons” and that you-know-who is going to take the second spot for the-you-know-what … and that should effectively be the absolute end to American politics’ as we currently know it. Now I am not all that sure it is real or rumor, as I read it on another site …Such are the frustrations of life …..

Gasoline dropped fifty-cents per gallon in two days, reason I know, I filled up two days ago, at the HIGHER price. Someone, I don’t know who, has gouged me out of about $12 or $14 on this tank, and I am somewhat piqued (upset) about it. That is hard on a guy, trying to meet all these things head on, how are you supposed to keep it within the guidelines, when someone is always coming by and moving the sticks.

Now the latest wrinkle seems to be “Zero Interest – Zero Financing” on a new car, which appears to be a tad bit on the desperate side to me. Why not just give me the car and be done with it?

Sitting on the porch this afternoon, cool breeze caressing and stroking my tired brow. Often wish I was independently wealthy and could afford a laptop. I could sit out there and write, write, write. Dell has one out now that has a battery life of 19 hours, and it is under $700. One feature that really appeals to me is “instant on” that is cool, no time lost sitting there waiting for it to load. But there is no laptop in my future, I am too busy trying to tank up at a reasonable price (I told you I was hacked off about it, didn’t I?) and buy a burger from time to time.

Instead I read.

I am reading this book that says “sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.” The other eight are not all that really important. Actually when you come to think about it, sex is nobody’s business except the three people involved. It has been so long since I had sex, I forget who gets tied up, that is from my cousin Steve. I had to bury this in the post, now let’s see if they can find it (perverts)? You want a big hit day on your internet site, just insert the S-E-X word somewhere in the title of your post. You see, I buried it here, 1,107 words deep, smart move, most folks have tired of this and moved on long ago.

There is another one … Verbose hacks on the Internet …… Such are the frustrations of life.

I sure wish someone like Ross Perot or Steve Forbes would run for president, get someone in there that “at least knows something about money” the economy needs a good shot in the arm, Larry King needs some more interesting guests. There has to be more to life than the occasional Bill Gates, Jerry Seinfeld commercial. Another thing is buggin’ me is movies, if they’re cranking out 10-20 new movies a year, how come we are relegated to old re-runs (encore performances) on every channel … Such are the frustrations of life.

Perhaps I have spent too much time dwelling on all this wretched sin in my life, this Friday evening. Beats watching an old re-run of Murder She (snooze) Wrote. Might be time to sit down and pound out something on all the indulgence in our wretched little lives, too much stuff, an article on being totally frustrated and lost, in our time of quiet desperation and hopeless addictions.

I don’t know if it would make me feel any better about things in general, but it would certainly get my word count up.

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Something Stinks

Yesterday, being the six month anniversary, I was busy with other things, so I only had time for one post. The WordPress.com set-up team came by for the publicity stunt, and I had to do that. We all have to give our best y’know, I am no exception. But I did have reservations about it.

I fear that when people look at my picture in a Best Blogger of The Year magazine, they see something that is so unreal … and they think, “Shoot, old Don’s got it made.” He has it so easy.

They should know that I just spent two and one-half hours with the professional people, doing my hair, doing my makeup, picking out my wardrobe and shooting me with a professional photographer who has been to professional camera school and knows how to use professional lighting.

Yeah, I got the look … but it is not easy.

They said that they had decided to do a piece on people who offer assistance to other people who need help and haven’t asked for it. They were looking for a fresh face who has not had any significant shortcomings in the past few months and one who was in constant pursuit of diligence and personal excellence. This not being an easy task for most folks, I found that someone had to do it, so I dutifully sat down and humbly endured the interview.

Took the better part of the day … yes it did, uh huh.

And I also had company yesterday. Nicholas came by to visit this week, he is my best-est little buddy from next door. He loves my parrot, he is five years old, and he usually, most always says what is on his mind. He wanted to see my parrot so I allowed him access to the house, and he confidently strides into the living room, turns and looks at me and says ….. “I like your house. It is cleaner than our house and it smells a lot better too.”

The wisdom of children.

Too often anymore something stinks! Did you know that of all adults, about 96% say they have noticed an offensive odor in someone’s else’s home at one time or another, but only 36% admit noticing such a a smell in their own home. The most commonly cited odors are: Cigarettes 81%, pets 80%, food 63%, musty odors 57% and overpowering air fresheners 50%.

I guess you could add perfume to the list. Man, sitting next to those old ladies in church (the ones with the purple hair) that appear to have bathed in it (cheap perfume) before Sunday School. Now that is often unbearable for me. I have a neighbor that doesn’t believe in deodorant, he will proudly boast, “I don’t need no deodorant, and I don’t use them at all!” Which believe me, isn’t all that big of a secret if you happen to be on the downwind side of him.

Then there is Betty Lyons job.

Betty is a scent technician or “odor judge” for Cincinnati Hilltop Labs. She tests smells and can identify thousands of different odors at up to 20 levels of intensity. Presented with a new scent, she can list what’s in it and in what proportion, which is very useful when the company wants to analyze a competitor’s product.

Lyon’s main job is to test deodorants. She spends her days smelling diapers, cat litter, shoes, and armpits to make sure each kind of deodorant works. Lyons doesn’t actually put her nose into the armpit per say, as I understand it, she keeps a safe distance from the things that she smells by placing a paper tube between her nose and the offending objects.

And you thought your job stunk?

Oh, wait! Stop. I just thought of one more household smell that is not on the list … “Hey Kid? C’mere and pull my finger!” that ought to be in about 99.6% of All American homes that have at least one uncle.

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Related: Ask A Kid , Ask a Kid II