Into The Mix

A wealthy Manhattan mother posted a Craiglist ad for a nanny that began, “My kids are a pain in the a**,” and went onto describe in 1,000 words, why the job would make most people miserable. Fifteen people applied, and a 25-year old woman accepted the job without ever meeting the children.

I am staying put!  36 year old Hattie Callan of New Orleans decided to be among the few residents who stayed in town to ride out Hurricane Gustav. “I have liquor, cash, food, ammo and weed” Callan explained.

Who needs reality.

Callan, that is Irish isn’t it? Here is an Irish joke for ya ….Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, ‘Top O’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?’

She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there any wee little ones yet?’ She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’ The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week and I’ll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.’

She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father.’ They then parted ways.

Some years later they meet again.  The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’ She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’ The Father asked, ‘And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?’ She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father!  Three sets of twins and four singles, ten in all!’

The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful!  How is yer lovin’ hoosband doin’?’ She replied, ‘E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer dam’ candle.’

No good huh … Well, whadya expect for free?

Deep Poo-poo.  A man in Tampa Florida who locked himself into a construction site’s portable toilet while allegedly fleeing the scene of a crime. Two angry burglary victims tipped over the potty, and when police arrived, the found the man covered in its contents.

No! I don’t have any recent photo’s of America’s favorite new political neophyte who one day might find herself the new leader of the Free Western World. And I am not selling photo’s of Sarah Palin in the bikini with the automatic weapon … Try U-Tube. (Please feel free to use the private Email feature for more details)

Must be tough file.

Sean “Diddy” Combs the music mogul announced on YouTube that he is grounding his private jet, which was costing him something in the neighborhood of $200,000 per trip for aviation fuel and is now flying commercial. (Wait until he hears what they are charging for the peanuts!)

The word most often uttered by speakers during the Democratic Convention in Denver was “change.” It was used an average of 89 times per day, followed by “McCain” which came in at 78. Energy followed at 49. In 2004 the most common used words were “healthcare” (49), “Jobs” (42) and the word change was only invoked 11 times.

The most popular word in the Bush administration used about “one-thousand-million-billion times” was “Evil Doers” which had the Scotch-Whiskey Distillery people really nervous for a long time.

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Parting Shot: “A man is not a man, unless he can find his way to Sears’ blind-folded and the tool department makes his nipples rock hard.” (Tim Allen, Tool Time)

Change in the air

Stepping outside you can almost feel the change in the air, fall is just around the corner.  There seems to be an “air about it” if you will pardon the pun.  My old bones are starting to creak in the wind, they do that every fall season, nothing much you can do about it.  Still have not seen the southerly parade of Dragon Flies and the Cicada’s have not started singing in the trees, but there definitely is change in the air.

The cool down is nice, even if it is a bit premature and is at best, hurricane residue from Ike, our latest storm.

Now I don’t want to sound callous, cruel or un-carrying about this, but I find hurricane victims kind of hard to understand.  (1)  A hurricane is coming, they are warned in advance to evacuate, get out, while you have time.  (2)  They stay, against all sane advice and warnings, they virtually ignore all up-to-date information, choose to stay put and weather out the storm.  (3)  They do not leave and after wards when they are in terrible shape, call out for public assistance.

This morning there are some 2,000 people in Galveston, Texas that are crying for water and relief from the Red Cross and other similar relief providers.  It seems to me, that if they had heeded the advice like all the others, they would not be in this dire predicament.  What is it about the human psyche that demands that “the government take care of you” after you do something decidedly stupid, like refuse to evacuate?

As soon as the wind dies down, up from the rubble and chaos, they pop up like misplaced prairie dogs and call for water!  Ice!  Help us .. Help us!  If they had left with all the other sane people, they could be sitting down to breakfast at The International House Of Pancakes like everyone else in Texarkana, Texas, safe and sound.

Sorry but I don’t get it.

An open apology to CrackerBoy … On September 4th, I wrote a post on WordPress.com Global Dashboard Fastest Rising Blogs and what a crock of …  Well  …. you spread it on your flowers and it makes them grow better … a crock of that.

Cracker Bill at that time suggested in the comments section that it is a “Strange combination of circumstances. It’s all done by the system. No human hands.” And I summarily dismissed that.  It appears that I now know differently (You can teach an old dawg new tricks!) and that Bill is right.  Over the weekend they again posted another bogus fastest growing blog, because:

(A)  They are stupid.

(B)  They don’t know better

(C)  It was generated by a machine.

Proudly displayed in spot #6 this weekend as a “fastest growing blog” was a site who has posted “7” posts in …… get this … you will love this.  They had posted 7 times in 11 months. From October 2007 to date the entire site consisted of seven posts.  How fast growing and noteworthy is this?  Not very.

I owe you an apology Bill ….. You my friend were right.

Watching the television and they are running this commercial for one of the sagging and slowly dying American car companies.  In this commercial they are showing the latest new wrinkle a television screen built into the dash.  Now do we really need this?  Haven’t we enough problems with cell phones, pagers, DVD players, text messaging, and now a TV in the dash?

Man what a trip that would be, humming down the old boulevard watching a salute to Rock N Roll hosted by Michael Jackson and Dick Clark, doing about 75 mph in the fast lane.  Which I suppose would be like a preview of people on the first boat load headed for hell.  Thank heavens for the mute button!  As I am not all that interested in becoming a rap singer, and my driving skills are not what they used to be, I am going to pass.

B’sides, I don’t own a lot of jewelry and I am extremely uncomfortable grabbing my crotch in public.

If my memory serves me correctly (here lately it is a 50/50 deal) Jerry Lewis had a movie out about 40 years ago, where a guy believed everything that his television told him.  He dashed out to shop every time a commercial told him exactly what to buy.  Then he would sit in front of the set, dying his hair and smoking cigars, awaiting further instructions.  Which is mainly what it was that I did this past weekend, sat in front of the set and awaited my instructions but they never came.  Has anyone heard from the Mother Ship?

I think my link is down.

Sunday’s paper had an article in it where it said that a meteorite roughly the size of France missed the earth by about half the distance to the moon (in space terms that would be close, almost a near miss according to the Bush administration).  So I am reading this and I am thinking to myself, “Is this some kind of twisted math exam?”  Sure glad it missed, isn’t NORAD or someone supposed to be tracking stuff like this, so Morgan Freeman can make a statement to the American people about it?

We ought to rename this piece … Earth … Wind … Fire.

Next it will be sunspots, have not heard anything on them for awhile, there has definitely been a sunspot deficit going on here lately.  Sunspots often cause weird side effects.  For example:  In the movie “Frequency” a New York cop operating a ham radio during an aurora borealis in 1999 is mysteriously able to communicate with actor Dennis Quaid in 1969.

Bear with me … I am almost done.

Normally, this would be dangerous, since tampering with the past can disrupt the present (Doc, in Back To The Future II 1986).  But in the movie, everything ends happily.  The cop saves Quaid’s life, helps him find a serial killer and in a major break through persuades him not to make Jaws 3 in 3-D! in the early eighties.

Along the way, there are thrilling plot twists.

In one scene, the cop’s ham radio inadvertently contacts RANDY QUAID in his 1989 role as Cousin Eddie in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  Apparently the metal plate in Cousin Eddie’s head picks up radio messages?  This causes everyone else in the movie to incorrectly assume that Chevy Chase is the murderer.

Now it is time for me to get back to my book that is so utterly fascinating, I could hardly put it down.  Definitely one for the coffee table set, (I wonder if Oprah has heard about it?).  I found it in the specialty aisle of Barnes & Nobles this past weekend, in the Society of Toxicology section.

Compelling, interesting, spell binding reading.  Comparison of Pulmonary and Pleural responses of rats and hamsters to inhaled refractory ceramic fibers.

I suppose if you are not much of a reader, you will just have to wait for the movie to come out.

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Busted Flat in Baton Rogue

Oklahoma Bull Hauler

Oklahoma Bull Hauler

Hurricanes and natural disasters are supposed to bring out the best in people, unfortunately in the USA it seems the exact opposite.  Gasoline in the gulf states has jumped to over $5 a gallon in the wake of Hurricane Ike.  Thank God I have an Oklahoma Economy car.  Reports circulating out of the Gulf States are not all that encouraging, but at least Ike was a “sleeper category” storm.  It could have been considerably worse.

It’s about time.

There hasn’t been an oil refinery built in this country in over 30 years, but at least ConocoPhillips is expanding one. Roxana Illinois – Leaders here heralded a decision by environmental regulators to grant final approval to a $2 billion expansion of a ConocoPhillips refinery. The project is expected to need at least 1,500 construction workers, and will add as many as 100 permanent jobs. The upgraded facility will be able to process more than 350,000 barrels of crude oil a day.

It is a small step in the right direction.

First it was manhole covers and now they have moved onto statues. A 3 ft tall figure of a WW I soldier was stolen in Ohio, from the place where it has stood for over 70 years. Unfortunately for the thief who didn’t know much about materials (must not teach this in thievery school 101) the statue was made of zinc alloy, and not valuable bronze. He won’t be getting much for it at the local recycling center. It appears to be spreading nationwide as times get hard.

Woburn Mass – Two state employees were charged with stealing decorative cast iron trim that had been removed from Boston‘s Longfellow Bridge. Richard Stewart, 42, and Joseph Falzone, 43, worked for the department overseeing the bridge.  Prosecutors said the men stole the metal, which will cost more than $500,000 to replace, from a storage facility and sold it for about $12,000 to a scrap yard.

You would think a scrap dealer would be smart enough to figure this out, wouldn’t you?

I mean it is like two guys, dressed in camouflage fatigue outfits, walking into an Arkansas Feed Dealer and trying to purchase 60 bags of Nitrogen Fertilizer and wanting to pay cash for it.  Around here, that dog isn’t gonna hunt.

On most days, we can smell a skunk in the woodpile. People in this neck of the woods don’t cotton to someone trying to purchase 60 bags of Nitrogen Fertilizer (Oklahoma City Bombing material) especially if they are wearing camouflage attire.

When some crack-head walks into a recycling center with 200 feet of guardrail, well, a warning flag ought to go up somewhere, don’tha think?

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