Down and Dirty …

Some of you may have noted that I did not post over the weekend as is my custom. I was somewhat removed from it all on Saturday and as I was decidedly depressed and down in the mount, I chose to not share that with you.

It is bad enough that I have to endure it, why push it off on your readers.

So I chose to take a day or a weekend away from it. I am somewhat bewildered by depression, all of my life, I have been told men have it made. Makes me wonder why I am in the dumper. More …

Such is life, devoid of Prozac.

A great many people use this medium as some sort of emotional dumping ground, a repository to store their anger, disappointments, all their bad days. I don’t believe that was what it was designed for, so I just chose to take some time away from it and get some R&R.

On some days, I feel like I am living on a one-way, dead-end street, and I wake up and wonder how it is that I got here? So as Frazier Crane, my much beloved television shrink used to say, “I just went in search of my happy place.”

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Men Should Never Be Depressed ..

    • When you are a man …Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    • You don’t need instructions, just patience
    • When you get married your last name stays put.
    • The garage is all yours
    • Chocolate is just another snack.
    • You can be President.
    • You can scratch that what itches and not be all that worried about it.
    • You can belch the entire alphabet.
    • You can never be pregnant.
    • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    • You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    • The world is your urinal.
    • You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    • You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
    • Wrinkles and children add character.
    • Wedding dress $5,000.00
    • Tux rental-$100.00
    • People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
    • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    • One mood all the time.
    • You don’t have to worry about being a “smart shopper.”
    • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    • You know stuff about tanks, how to lite a gas stove, air compressors.
    • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    • You can open all your own jars.
    • You can scratch parts of your anatomy you haven’t seen in five years.
    • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    • You almost never have strap problems in public.
    • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    • Everything on your face stays its original color.
    • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    • You only have to shave your face and neck.
    • You can play with toys all your life.
    • One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
    • You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    • You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
    • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
    • You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
    • Men should be Happier People .. And of course …I wonder why we expect so much from such simple creatures?

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      Related: Tips For Men

      Happy Place …

      At the end of the week, with all of this starting to wear on me, I decided to go to a shrink and make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. I told him, “Doc, these people on the net, I think they are driving me crazy. Easy going folks that used to get along, seem to be at each others throats and I don’t know why. I cannot get them to listen. I cannot find the answers that I desperately need, nor can I provide the care and consideration that they seem to need in this trying and frustrating age we live in.”

      It appears that none of the people at WordPress.com understand me. Nor will they address my problems, but seem to add to them from day to day. They annoy me almost as much as some of these other people do. I have tried to talk it over with my wife, my kids, the neighbors, but they are just completely insensitive to my personal needs.

      They, in the words of the late Rodney Dangerfield, “give me no respect.”

      These people are really starting to irritate me to no end, they expect things from me that I simply cannot give. One of these days they are all going to wake up in a world devoid of all compassion, fair play, and understanding and it will not be my fault.

      To put this in layman’s terms doc, “they don’t understand the pressures of being a full time self-appoiinted-web-weasle-facilitator-blame assignor.”

      Nobody likes me. I called paranoids anonymous earlier in the week, and they hung up on me! No one will even stop to consider how much time is involved, how much pressure I am under, the dead-lines and scheduling needs I have to meet. And to top it all off, with my limited resources because of the high price of gasoline, I don’t know if I will have enough money to pay for this visit.

      The doctor looked up, and sad, “don’t worry about that. This visit is totally free.”

      I just could not believe what it was I was hearing.

      I said, “Doc, why? Why is this visit free?”

      The doctor said, “this is because this is your LAST visit. You see, I don’t like you either.”

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