News Flush

TIP FOR THE DAY: “When four out of five voices in your head tell you it is time to kill something.  It might be a good idea to switch to something decaffeinated.”

Accountant Danny Miller considers his two Cockapoos his children.  That is why he was particularly horrified when he watched a PetsMart groomer use his dog, Mocha, as a mop, wiping up a puddle of urine she had created.  “I was speechless,” he said.  The store says the groomer was using a form of “aversive training.” But was not acting in accordance with the store’s philosophy of animal training.  Mr. Miller received a refund on his $36 grooming charge for Mocha.

My dad used to give his dog, Major, a bath in a #3 washtub of lukewarm water in the backyard.  The dog didn’t want it, my dad wasn’t very good at it, and it was always fun for a ten year old kid to watch.  The good old days.  But this is now, it is hip, it is chic, to let others do the soaking, people taking their dogs to a store to have them bathed?

Now that to me is horrifying.

While we are on the subject of dogs.  A beagle that strayed from the front yard of a home in New York some five years ago was located this week, 850 miles away in Georgia.  A microchip under the dogs skin was what helped to trace him to the owner who lived in Queens.  Pretty amazing ….

A woman in Wisconsin was arrested this week for bringing a rat into a restaurant, then claiming it had been in her meal and was seeking $500,000 in order to keep quiet about it.  The woman started a claim with Secura Insurance, saying she had medical expenses.  Investigators were suspicious and called the police who promptly arrested the alleged rat diner.

Shouldn’t that be “taking a rat into a restaurant?”

People it seems that live in Wisconsin might be wound a little bit tight?  A pizza delivery driver is accused of shooting a man with a BB gun in retaliation for a taunt.  He is now charged with two felony counts of recklessly endangering safety.  He shot at two brothers who were ages 17 & 23 for yelling “Hey pizza guy, can I get a pizza?”  So Mr. I got to get it there on time, or I lose out, pizza man pops them with his BB gun.  Incredible.  I am sticking with Ham-Burgers if I head out to the Cheese State this summer.

I was going to write about something happening in Kansas at this point … but as usual, nothing happened in Kansas this week.  In Washington State they purchased 25 life jackets for swimmers at Spanaway Lake, which I thought was a good idea.

In four days only two were left.

So the district, not having learned anything from this lesson in lack of good citizen behavior, went out and purchased 20 more.  You can probably guess where this is going huh?  By the end of the week, they were down to just five.

So if the lady in front of you at Wal-Mart happens to be wearing a a sailors hat and a lifejacket or her kid is attired in the same thing, it is a pretty good indicator that they have been swummin’ at Lake Spanaway recently.

It’s not just about cookies anymore.

Sign of the times I guess.  Authorities found approximately 5,000 marijuana plants growing in a remote part of a Girl Scout Camp this week in Indiana.  The leaders of the girl scout camp were said to be aghast and appalled when told of the recent development.  They were also in possession of a half-eaten bag of Fig Newtons at the time.  Investigators commented that they “were a tad bit slow answering their inquiries.”  So I guess a box of Pecan Sandies just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Lights out!

Excel Energy in Denver is reporting that 47,000 customers are going to have their power shut off for non-payment , last year at this same time, the number was around 19,000.  It is apparent that this year, Americans in some part of the country are going to be sitting in the dark, freezing their a** off, trying to save enough money to purchase a tank of fuel.

Quick quiz:  “What are the three most common elements in the universe?” … Hydrogen, helium and oxygen.  How many of them are we currently availing ourselves of to make or produce energy.

Think about it.

Now I like this one, I like this one a whole lot.  I would be willing to bet, you will like this one too.  Last night I am sitting in my bright orange naugahyde-fake-leather bean bag chair, completely naked, eating a bag of Cheeto’s and I read about this poor woman in New Jersey.

(Yeah I know TM! — Wayyyyyyyy too much information!)

She goes into a hospital for BACK SURGERY and when she wakes up later on in recovery she discovers on her TUMMY just below the panty line, a small rose tattoo.  Which would be enough to make anyone upset, discovering a tattoo on the WRONG SIDE of your body and you did not order a small wrong side of the body tattoo.

She is suing her doctor for punitive damages and compensatory damages (which seems to me, are the same thing).  The doctor’s lawyer stated that “His client leaves the mark on patients to cheer them up.”

Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt.  Get your checkbook out boys.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go back in here and check on Kansas, I could have been wrong about that.  But I am pretty sure I am not going to find anything.


Will It Ever End

July 7th, 1931 …  The Standard Oil company of New Jersey has reduced the price of diesel fuel oil 10 cents a barrel to $1.40 at gulf coast ports.

July 2nd, 1982 …  French consumption of diesel exceeded for the first time in 1991 demand for other fuels.  All fuels sold in France, the pre-tax price of diesel is by far, the cheapest in Europe, on account of strong completion on the national market.

July 17th, 2004 …  The government will continue to cap the retail price of diesel fuel at its current level until the end of the year, even thought the actual price has reached historical local highs.

July 27th …  With demand growing and supplies limited, the nationwide average for on-highway diesel fuel is about $1.75 per gallon, not far from the $1.77 record set in March 2003.

And today the “official explanation is:”

These tectonic shifts are driven in large part by the surging development of China and its 1.3 billion people. While the demand for oil in most western countries has flat-lined or even declined over the past 12 months as economic conditions have worsened, in China it is powering away. This demand, and for other commodities, is driving up prices – but also spurring investment in technologies that might unlock a new era of clean, affordable energy.

It prompts several questions: Are consumers finally beginning to change their habits? Will alternative energy sources become economically competitive? And could China’s thirst for oil in fact save the planet?

And the official reply is: 

“There aint no answer.  There aint gonna be any answer.  There never has been an answer.  That’s the answer.”