Wordplay

Pope Benedict XVI has attacked popular culture and consumerism in a formal address to tens of thousands of young Roman Catholics. The pontiff also warned that natural resources were being squandered, in a speech in Sydney, Australia.

Which I guess is a lot better than talking about pedophiles in the pulpit. Back in the USA Jesse Jackson responded with “No Comment, damn sure, No comment.”

Astronomers analyzing the first images captured by the new Hubble Space Kaleidoscope, which went online Tuesday, announced that they’ve acquired the first concrete evidence that the universe is in a constant state of total weirdness.

The economic news yesterday was bad, bad, and more bad, and it is the lead story of all the newspapers. “A sense of economic gloom gripped Washington on Tuesday,” the New York Times writes. The Washington Post goes with a near-banner headline, “An Economy Thrown Into Turmoil.” USA Today’s front page also features several big arrows; the ones for good things are going down and those for bad things are going up. “So this is what a day of reckoning feels like. … If it wasn’t clear before Tuesday, it is now: This is no ordinary economic crisis, and it won’t be over anytime soon,” the paper writes.

And they wonder why the American consumer confidence is down?

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke testified in front of Congress that economic growth was “on a sluggish pace,” and that on top of that, inflation was a risk.  The Commerce Department reported that wholesale prices were up 1.8 percent, and retail sales rose just 0.1 percent in June over the previous month and were down 0.5 percent when gas-station sales were excluded. The stock market was down 93 points, and stocks in London, Paris, and Tokyo suffered as well.

The dollar fell to a new low against the Euro. Police in California had to be summoned to restore order at a run on a bank, where customers waited in line to withdraw their money. “It was a day of ugliness,” said one analyst quoted in the L.A. Times … “What else can you say?”

Exxon raised the price of a gallon of gas four cents, because they heard that Bob wasn’t coming in on Friday to the refinery in Stickitinyourrear Parrish Louisana.  The lone (sort of) optimistic voice of the day belonged to President Bush, who held a snap press conference at which, in the words of the New York Times “he felt compelled to remind Americans that their deposits were insured up to $100,000.

Thatta boy Dubya, what a guy!  Off The Radar Again …. Houston we still have a problem.

If you act like a dick in Florida, you will be asked to pay for it.  A 19-year-old man must make an apology to the city of Saratoga Springs for dressing as an inflatable 6-foot penis and then parading across SPAC’s stage at the high school’s graduation last month.  While as an added touch, spraying the folks in the audience with silly string.

Who says you cannot get a quality education in this country anymore?

Calvin Morett of 337 Pyramid Pine Estates must also pay to have the open-apology letter published in the Saratogian newspaper as part of a City Court sentence that calls for him to pay $95 in court fees. He was also ordered to perform 24 hours of community service. Morett had previously pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, a violation. Morett graduated from Saratoga Springs High School last year.

And they sent me to Mr. Moody’s office for less than this, a whole lot less.

Well, that are about it for another one boys & girls, time to get back to work on my upcoming novel for the fall debut on the Oprah Book Club.

Still struggling for that catchy book cover that draws people in.  And I have not come up with a bold title for it, but the basic storyline is as follows:  “Aliens come to earth in a miniature spaceship, who are far more advanced than earthlings.  Apparently they are a important mission, they are in search of carbon based forms of fuel (of which earthlings are one) and they are undergoing a life or death undertaking for their society and/or planet.  Something like our National Elections.”

Earth has something that they need, so they send a representative in the form of these little men (I have not decided on a color as of yet, just know it will not be green) to negotiate a better deal with the inhabitants, kind of like a Connie-do-Leesa type negotiator on a mission for more oil or whatever natural resource you happen to have.

It is kind of a “fish out of water” kind of read, some people are going to hate it and others are going to lap it up. Have not located a publisher at this time.  I am hoping for a let’s all rip this page out, pin it on the wall, and stick in nails, needles, and staples, read it every day kind of thing. Perhaps Oprah will help me to find it a home and make it a must read, this could very well be the new work environment manifest for America.

Realistically speaking, it will probably end up pinned to a refrigerator somewhere with a magnet in the shape of a small piece of fruit, and that is the best I can hope for in the end.  (Hey?  It got my total word count up for the day, works for me)

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ASK A KID III

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man says after that … is the beginning of a new argument.

Unfortunately here lately, because of things out of my control, my wit and my speech seem to be punctuated by an acerbic tone and a lot of my comments seem to have been over the top at times.  It is now very apparent to me that I need to find some lighter fare and loosen up.

In all reality, there isn’t a whole lot I can do about any of this, other than complain, and even I get sick of that.  So today we will go a different route with the page.  Try this:  A handful of Seven year old children were asked ‘what they thought of beer. Some interesting responses, but the last one has a familiar ring.

Seven year old Tim- ‘I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.’

Seven year old Melanie – ‘ Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.’

Seven year old Grady – ‘My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn’t think this is very funny.’

Seven year old Toby – ‘My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.’

Seven year old Sarah – ‘My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn’t have too much.

Seven year old Lilly – ‘My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.’

Seven year old Ethan – ‘I don’t like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbeque and they taste disgusting.’

Seven year old Shirley – ‘I give Dad’s beer to the Dog and he goes to sleep.’

Seven year old Jack – ‘My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn’t make any sense.’

Learn from Yesterday
Live for Today
Hope for Tomorrow

If you happen across any more of these, send ‘em in and we will share them with everyone.

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