Weekend Smokers

Olympia Washington has determined that 24 ounces of medical marijuana should be the two month supply for approved medical marijuana patients.  They had originally suggested “35” ounces for a bi-monthly supply.  Now let me see, “16” ounces in a pound right?

These guys must really be sick puppies.

Best not go skinny dippin’ in Wyoming this summer.  Officials there are reporting outbreaks of parasite-caused skin disorder in the area outside Boysen State Park.  The condition, also called swimmer’s itch, is caused by a worm like parasite that can burrow into the skin, causing a tingling, burning, itching sensations as well as small reddish pimples and blisters.

Talk about giving a totally new meaning to the phrase “off shore drilling” this is it boys & girls.  Now think about it, you are swimming totally nude in a lake, completely nakid as they say in Crawford Texas, and this thing decides to swim up your … man, talk about the eeeeck factor?

Find yourself a good book, get in the shade and sip some lemonade.  The price of diesel in this country continues to inch toward the $5 benchmark.  The oil companies seem to have effectively spread “Annal Glaucoma” across the land (This a new petroleum induced condition where you cannot see your butt going anywhere.  There seems to be no cure at the present time.  Sorry).

E-Mail of the week: 

So, I was talking to this little girl Catherine, the daughter of some friends, and she said she wanted to be President some day.   Both of her parents, liberal Democrats were standing there with us – and I asked Catherine – ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’

Catherine replied – ‘I would give houses to all the homeless people.’

‘Wow – what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.’  I told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up the entire dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.’

Catherine (who was about 4) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething,and Catherine replied, ‘why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?’

And I said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party’.

Things are getting bad, Nevada Brothels are reporting that the truckers are not stoppin and the brothel owners are get this, offering gas cards and other promotions after seeing business decline.  Now if you are a hooker in a brothel, what possible kind of “other promotions” could you have to offer?

Business is down some 25% since a year ago.  They may have to hold a yard sale or something, get yo’ camera ready Art! (Art is our 911-highly-mobile-Reno-Correspondent)

Burger King (in the U.K.) this week served up burgers made of Wagyu Beef and enhanced with white truffles and shallot-infused mayonnaise.  The proceeds from the $190 burgers went to the charity Help a London Child.  No word on how much the “barf bags” were which surely would have been necessary after eating this concoction of whatever it was?

So another win/win situation.  Some poor sucker purchases this thing and gets a “charity write off” on his taxes, Burger King gets “worldwide free advertising” and finally, I suppose someone gets a bonus for dreaming up this farce.

I knew it would happen, I just knew, before the week was over, I would hear of some idiot doing something dumb on the 4th of July.  Here it is.

“A Alabama man is in jail tonight after setting off fireworks inside his apartment. The fireworks set the building on fire and caused extensive damage to the ten-unit building.”

Investigators say 25-year-old Shawn Dennis suffered several burns and was treated at a local hospital, before he was arrested and charged with arson. “Dennis is now in the County Jail where he’s being held on $5,000 cash bail.”

Isn’t it wonderful when a man decides to celebrate July 4th like everybody else, with fireworks.

Of course, most people don’t set off the fireworks inside their apartment.  You really have to have a sense of humor to live in the South.

No really.

Have A Great Weekend.

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Sin Taxed …

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: If you live in the State Of Oklahoma … “At all times, wear your dentures, and never wave at the Video Camera.”

Woke up this morning, feeling absolutely terrible, stuck my finger and the sugar is out of sight again, digits are snake-bit high ….. No wonder I feel hammered. But boy the Fried Rice and the Almond Cookies last night, they were really good.  Today I have to pay the price.

As I understand it, motorists are still in trouble.  Earlier I reported that more and more folks are being towed in by wrecking services now with the rising price of fuel. AAA reports that tow-ins are increasing, as American’s are buying less motor fuel and leaving their tanks close to empty. AAA has reported a “doubling of calls” from stranded motorists needing a tow.

Some media outlets are reporting people pawning off personal items, in order to purchase fuel. Theft of some metals is up nationwide, and the scrap business has reached new highs. Forget the pawnshops, you may have a good source of extra cash right there in your own home.

Young audiophiles are rediscovering vinyl records, which many deem to have “better sound and quality” over CD’s and MP3 players. Artists such as Elvis Costello and Radio-head are releasing alums on vinyl, and sales of turntables have spiked about 500% every year for the past four years. Even my own grandson (14 yrs old) came over the other day and raided a box of old wax out in the garage and took several home with him.

So dust off that Arrow Smith, Pure Prairie League and The Dead, if you can bare to part with them, you could be sitting on a Goldmine. I would be willing to part with just about most all of it except my Lawrence Welk Remembers Woodstock Album, that is a keeper, I cannot sell that one.

A pack of smokes in New York has gone to $10 per pack ($100 a carton) yesterday as they again applied a sin tax to some poor sucker. The new plan in New York is to have the weak and the addicted take care of the majority I guess.

Why people continue to smoke at these prices amazes me, pack of Marlboro’s is over $4 in Oklahoma now. Having given up smoking some twelve years ago, I took a calculator and figured out my daily consumption rates on tobacco. Then I took the current price of a pack of Marlboro’s (my smoke of choice, which is now over $4.77 per pack) doing the math as my daddy used to say, it appears that someone owes me about $31,400 to be exact.

Where did the money go? I wonder why I don’t have that exact amount in my change drawer or a secret account at the bank?  I had this friend, a guy, who didn’t smoke.  He was adamant about it, he would not allow anyone to step inside his apartment that smoked.  But if he met some chick he wanted to bed, he would allow her to barbecue a goat in the living-room!

Not long ago, I asked this cute little girl, why in the world was she smoking. She said that it helped with her weight problem. Which I suppose is correct. In the end, it will cure your weight problems; smoking will cure ALL of your problems eventually.

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