Just the facts M’mam, just the facts.

Just the facts M’mam, just the facts. Myrtle Beach, Florida, police are searching for a man who borrowed a vehicle to buy crack cocaine then stole the car, according to a police report. A woman told police she met the suspect in the parking lot of the Admiral Inn last week. After a 20-minute conversation, the victim allowed the suspect to take her 2008 Kia Spectra to buy crack cocaine, the report states.

The suspect told the victim he would give her some cocaine in exchange for letting him borrow the vehicle, the report states. The suspect told the victims he would return the car the following night but didn’t. The victim told police that the suspect was from North Carolina and was accompanied by two prostitutes when he took the vehicle. Man, I read the word “suspect” so many times in that piece, I thought it was written by a cop!

Two drunks were sitting on the curb and they were arguing. One looking up said, “I tell ya, that is the moon up there.” And the other one said, “Naw, you are wrong, that is the sun.” So they both agreed, “We will ask the next guy who comes by.”

A short while passes and a crack head walks up and the first drunk says to him, “Hey Buddy? Is that the sun or the moon up there?” The little crack head takes a big pull on his pipe, looks up at the sky and then says ……… “Uh, I dunno? I don’t even live around here man.”

Women in a northern Malaysian city ruled by conservative Islamists are being urged by the city’s authorities to forsake bright lipstick and noisy high-heels “to preserve their dignity and avoid rape”.  Pamphlets have been distributed recommending that Muslim women shun heavy makeup and loud shoes.

In Oklahoma women have another system, they don’t dress that way and they hang out at Buffet’s instead of bars. Pretty safe bet no one is gonna find them there. And to further protect, Oklahoma has a law for it. It is illegal in the state of Oklahoma for a person to have sex with a buffalo. Yeah, I know, you think I am putting you on.

Law Summary It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.

37-537.2. Briefly it sez …. No owner, operator, partner, manager, or person having supervisory control of any establishment licensed to sell or serve intoxicating beverages shall permit any of the following on or about any commercial premises where intoxicating beverages are dispensed or consumed:

1. The performance by any person of acts, or simulated acts, of sexual intercourse, or any sexual acts which are otherwise prohibited by law; Any person to perform acts of, or acts which simulate, sexual acts which are prohibited by law, or permit any person to use artificial devices or inanimate objects to depict any prohibited activities or permit the showing of films, still pictures, electronic reproductions or other visual reproductions depicting any of the prohibited activities described in this paragraph.

Kinda nice to know you are being protected, isn’t it?  Now you know why they filmed “Dancing With Wolves” in South Dakota.

Okay I tried it. Alternative Transportation. I took a city bus downtown the other day to the VA and it is nine miles, and it only took 47 minutes and one dollar. There must be a better way. I guess I could have gone faster, but the bus operator told me it was “illegal” to leave the bus while it was still moving.

You are what you eat. At the Nevada State Fair in 2004, volunteers attempted to set a record for the world’s largest burrito. Ingredients consisted of 8,200 tortillas, 2,000 lbs of refried beans, and 1,000 pounds each of sour cream, cheese, and salsa.

The finished product was a mile and one-half long, and totaled about 8,433,200 calories. That would be enough calories to feed the average person for about eleven years. It also produced enough gas to run the entire city of Reno, Nevada for approximately 28 days.

A new report in Arizona has shed some interesting light on the existence of UFOs. According to KNXV of Phoenix, firefighters have been trained to handle UFO sightings and landings. The guidelines are listed in the Fire Officer’s Guide to Disaster Control. The book has an entire chapter on the subject called “Enemy Attack and UFO Potential” and lists possible scenarios for UFO encounters and even how to treat injured aliens.

And you thought today was going to be a boring day?

Beam me up Scottie, no intelligent life here.



Stoopid Is As Stoopid Does

As Forrest Gump would say … Mama Sez … Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

I could not believe my eyes, but there it was just sort of leaping from the front page of the paper. A new study in June said that tighter border controls have turned the two-way migration path into one heading only north. Traditionally, when the economy slumped, Mexicans would return home to Mexico.

But fortunately, the United States has a profound tendency to give away everything for free, to make available to almost anyone tantalizing lifestyles, far better than poverty, even at reduced levels.  This has enticed illegals to stay. And with housing going begging in this country, more and more are becoming property owners.

They used to go home … But not now.

They are staying longer, putting down roots, were here, get used to it. Why not? You sign up for welfare and the government gives you $1,200 to buy your kids clothing, our schools require us, to provide your kids with all the tools they need to work with (pencils, paper, etc, etc) and every _______ whim that you have is addressed with certainty. You come to Oklahoma to work in a pig factory, and they give you $2,800 to buy a house in the panhandle, and if you stay five years, they forgive the note.

You don’t buy car insurance, pay taxes, bother to get a drivers lic. and avail yourself of every free service you can locate, life here is good to you. We print up everything in your native language and because you are desperate and ignorant, and you will work for slave wages doing about just any kind menial non-skilled type of job that is available. You are employable, even tho you are basically unskilled and mostly illiterate.  Why wouldn’t you want to live here?

But wait, it gets ever better … Now for the really stupid part.

In some ways, we are making it harder for illegals, Mexicans, Latino’s, whatever they are calling them this week to leave the country. California’s border patrol has been pulling immigrants off buses HEADED FOR MEXICO and arresting others attempting TO DRIVE OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

True, they were caught on U.S. soil but if we want them to leave, this surely seems the wrong way to address the problem.

This weekend I learned that in Garden City, Kansas immigration arrested 48 hapless souls in a meat processing plant during a five day sweep. They were from El Salvador, Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras and Viet Nam.

33 of these “fine citizens that only come here to work” had previous criminal convictions.

Now let me see. 48 arrested in 5 days, that would be 48/5=10 per day (approx) and there are an estimated 22,000,000 in the country. Hmmm, that is pretty impressive, at these figures; we will be rid of all of them in a little under …. uh …. never!

Will the last person to leave “America” please turn off the lites.

USA Todays’ Headline for 6-30-08 BIRTHS FUELING HISPANIC GROWTH …. Man that is a no brainer there. There is another thing I suppose is new. Well maybe they can all go live at Baracks House.Throw another can of beans in the pot Obammer, company is a comin!