Information Overload

Wake up on the bright side.  Your gasoline may have cost you $97 … But hey, you got 128 ounces of soda for .63 cents!  It is all in how you look at it, right? 

 

Panhandler came up to me this week and said, “Hey buddy, can I have $48 for a sandwich?”  Of course, I went ballistic and said, “What kind of sandwich is that, a sandwich that costs $48?”  And the panhandler replied, “Just an ordinary sandwich, but I want to eat it in Tulsa, I’m not really hungry, jus’ need gas money.” 

 

Harrison Ford wants to play the role of George Bush, which is what he says in the May Issue of Reader’s Digest.  He said if he could do one job for one day, if he could do this one thing, this is the role that he would aspire to.  The exact quote was “I ‘d like to be George W. Bush, and boy, I’d get a lot done.  You’d remember me for a long time.” 

 

I don’t know how to tell you this Harrison, but that role has already been taken …… And believe me …… IT will be remembered … for a long, long time.

 

(“Y’ou’d?” … Really Harrison, c’mon, even I know better’n that.)

 

California is now talking about a ban on sports fishing, another species is on the border of extinction, the Pacific Salmon, a fish that spawns in the Sacramento River in Northern California.  In 2002 they counted Three-Quarters of a million fish coming up the river to spawn (779,499) and this year wildlife officials only expect something like 58,200.  Salmon runs on the Columbia (before the dams) were about 33 million, now less than 30,000. 

 

Meanwhile back at the ranch, the carnage continues in the Old West. 

 

Bad time to be a wolf in the wild.  Wyoming not to be outdone by its neighbor, Idaho.  Has recently had a surge in wolf kills, six this week.  Since gray wolves in the northern Rockies were removed from the endangered species list, it has sort of been open season on the animal.  Meanwhile, even the ranchers are worried, saying that too much killing might give the animal lovers a step up with Federal judges, and bring the Fed’s back into the picture.  Regardless, something needs to be done, at the present rate the only wild animals that will be left, will be in a zoo.

 

Ahead of the curve again. 

 

Recently I wrote an article “Give up – Surrender” where I stated that politicians would come after the American motorist claiming poverty because of decreased gasoline consumption.  Iowa this week announced that their motoring public is driving less.  Iowan’s used 18.8 million fewer gallons of gasoline and blended methanol fuels in a 12 month period.  Gasoline taxes declined from $324 million to $318 million. 

 

Currently here in Sooner Land (Oklahoma) tax revenues are around $902 million per year, but they divert $450 million to the general fund, and the rest of us drive on pot-holes, and wagon trails.  We are #1 in the nation for defective bridges, remember that when you come to visit.

 

I am getting pretty good at seeing this coming before it gets here.  If I tell you to stay home from work next Monday, you better do it.  Maybe I can get an afternoon slot on Montel …  “I am crossing over to the dark side, I will be right back … Walk towards the bright lite Grandpa, it’s me!”

 

Oklahoma Attorney General says that a recently indicted state auditor can continue receiving pay from the state.  He and his wife were indicted on felony counts of conspiracy, fraud and racketeering.  The AG says that “there is no authority for an elected official to voluntarily step aside or to suspend himself without pay.”  Well, there sure should be.  We convict a politician in this state, and he gets community service in his home town, counting street lights on main street. 

 

What a joke.

 

I got an email this week from some guy in Arkansas, and he said that “He had weapons of Mass Destruction, and if I didn’t cease immediately writing about Arkansas and the wonderful people in that state” he was going to annihilate Cleveland. 

 

(Take Your Best Shot)

 

One of the things in life I really enjoy is the television series, “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  When I get down in the mount, I pull out a DVD and watch them (over and over).  One of my favorite episodes is when Frank (the father) tells the boys “that there isn’t a day that goes by, where he doesn’t wish a gigantic comet would come hurtling thru space and take him out of the picture.” 

 

Some funny stuff.

 

The news said last week that if a man had a “pot belly” it increased his chances of getting dementia.  Now I have been wearing an XLFB (Extra Large Full Belly) Fruit of the Loom(s) for years, is this why I can never find my car keys?  Now this week, to add even more fuel to the fire, they (the scientists) announce that depression leads to Alzheimer’s. 

 

I mean, what is next?  Eating the green M&M’s only will make you impotent or sterile? 

 

I have had this dementia thing for a long time now, every time I go purchase gasoline, it happens.  I feel like I am standing in a house of ill repute somewhere (aren’t you proud of me I didn’t say in Arkansas).  I know I have been screwed, but I don’t understand why I should have to pay for it.

 

One more thing and then I am outta here. 

 

The article also said if you got depressed “BEFORE FIFTY” your chances of getting Alzheimer’s was four times greater.  What in the world is that about?  The Oil Companies have given me “Anal-Glaucoma” (where you cannot see your butt going anywhere) and now this.  I am quickly reaching my threshold of patience with all of it. 

 

Starting the onset of information over-load or something.  I am getting where I flat don’t give a damn.  Which means to assign little or no significance to something.  The original phrase, “I don’t give a dam,” probably came to England from India via mid 18th century soldiers returning home.  A dam was an Indian coin of no value. 

 

Kind of like this article, come to think about it.  Some days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed. 

 

C’mon Comet!

 

***