Looking thru the keyhole.

Lying here in the bed this morning and I am thinking, “I don’t get out of my bed because it is uncomfortable, cold or anything like that. I get out of it because I know that some time during the day I am going to have to separate from it. It is too heavy to carry around on my back with me all day long..”

On terribly depressing days, I get up and get dressed and I do my bang the head on the upper bunk until I pass out thing, but today feels alright ….. sorta.

So, somewhat tepidly, I will continue.

Click, another minute of time, hits the dust. I am lying there, watching the minutes tick off the red clock on top of the drawers and I am thinking about doing something about the front lawn. I still like the idea of painting the lawn green.

My wife says that I am insane and have lost it, but it appeals to me. Regardless of preference, I am not giving up that idea, it has promise. I don’t care what the South Side Business Association says, it is a good idea. And now, with the fuel price thing, it just makes good sense.

The coffee is good this morning, the television in the corner barks out at me. THE MONEY YOU SAVE ON FUEL WILL MAKE YOUR CAR PAYMENT! Uh huh, I am sure. No one is going to knock off $10,000 off the price of a new car, I am not stooooopid. I cannot understand how deodorant can advertise “Invisible Solid Protection”

Just checked my gasoline consumption for the month, add three, carry over the six, times two … Eeeeeouch, that sure do hurt, don’t it. Wonder what “five bucks a gallon” is going to feel like? I am just feeling ripped off. This not good.

Again the “tree house in Belize or Honduras” idea surfaces, can a man truly live on Bananas alone? Where is that National Geographic. I am not being or thinking positive now, licking two fingers and inserting them into the electric socket, often helps to bring things into proper perspective.

I know everything is okay, Dick Cheney said so. He has to be right, I mean he is in the government and on top of that, “a guy that shoots another lawyer, cannot be all that bad in my book.” Trust & Obey, Trust & Obey ,,, be a good lil’ Democrat.

What goes up will eventually come down I tell myself, licking my fingers one more time …

In the meantime, Dub-ya is over in Europe trying to convince the Soviets that the “missiles are not pointed at them.” It seems he finally did find some weapons of mass destruction, right there in Europe where we put them.

If I were your average Soviet, I might want to watch this drama intensely as it unfolds. I am sure that they believe that these cylindrical behemoths are not pointed their way? There isn’t enough Russian Vodka in the world to ease that kind of anxiety.

The United States right now is simultaneously the world’s most loved, hated, feared, and admired nation on earth. In short … We are the late Frank Sinatra. Lucky for us, God protects fools, drunks and the United States of America.

(By the way … The mailbox is currently full, don’t send me any fan mail.)

You are the sum total of all your choices, up and until now.

***

English Class

A long time ago, an ocean of time would be closer to the truth; I would sit in Mrs. McGee’s English Class and look out the window, and wonder what was out there? English sucked and I didn’t want any part of it when I was sixteen years old. I felt that there were more important things in life than a good working knowledge of the language, a command of the written word.

When you are sixteen, expressing the wisdom you posses thru words, is kind of impossible, because when you are sixteen, you are woefully short on wisdom. I had no real knowledge to acquire through words, I had no patience or desire. After all, “I was a teenager, and I knew it all.”

Been there. Done that. Got the diploma. Time to move on.

Youth and that unchaste salute, time for deep inner reflection and strong will. I did not feel the need to collect and arrange words in the form of proverbs, epigrams, pithy sayings. I did not feel any compulsion to communicate truth thru words.

I knew no truth. I had no passion.

Here we are Mrs. McGee, all these years later, and I find myself sitting in front of a screen, almost daily, doggedly and exhaustively pursing all the worldly ways I know, in the pursuit to make sense of life. As an educator, you would be so proud.

One by one, almost as if mile markers on the railroad right away, I knock them down. Hedonism. Materialism. Philosophy. Intellectualism. Religion. Most of the time, only to come up on empty. Every now and then I get lucky, one item resonates with the spirit and I get a “good job” …” I like that” … or something along those lines.

Been there. Done that. Now what?

Suit up for the game, get in there and get a hit, it doesn’t matter if it is a Home Run or not. Just that you are ready to play the game.

This is gonna be a good day, I can just feel it in my bones.

***

Moses’ Dies

The Hollywood Moses’ died today, I don’t know how many movies I saw that man star in, I grew up with Charleston Heston. America loses another great actor, box office draw, and Babylon’s (Hollywood) star doesn’t shine so bright anymore. In my minds’ eye, I can see him holding up his rifle and saying ….. “Mr. President, when you pry my cold dead hands from it.” Yeah, that is my kind of guy.

We will miss him.

Slice of life. Watched a young teenager tonight at Wal*Mart emptying her purse, all her old crumpled up dollar bills, all the change that she had, just to buy some fuel for her old hoopie out the parking lot. And the only thing that crossed my mind was “Damn The Oil Companies” and all the political whores in Congress that they have in their respective pockets.

Then to come home and receive the ultimate insult, the television pumping out some more disinformation on the benefits of burning “clean” coal. Yeah, and if frogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their butts when they hopped. If coal is so dog-gone clean, why is it that the men that mine it end up dying of black lung disease?

One by-product of this “clean fuel” is carbon dioxide. Which we all know, is a green house gas, and scrubbers or not, it is not good news for Mother Earth. If I were walking thru a pasture and I came across a snake and a politician … I believe I would have to shoot the politician. I am really getting tired of “being dumbed down” by the media and Washington.

Bored? Run over to Google.com type in the word “Elvis” and watch what comes up. 44,200,000 hits, that should keep a body busy reading for say … six or seven days. Out of curiosity I typed in my name, and immediately it came up … “Dumb Hilly Billy living on the outskirts of Oklahoma City Oklahoma who …… “ Uh, this isn’t good.

Just finished reading an article that states that it is the little things that matter the most. Which is not always a good thing. While Americans are finding it harder and harder to afford big ticket purchases in our shrinking economy (a dying economy), it is the little items that are getting them in trouble.

Consumers in a recent survey conceded that they splurge on items that are small, but at the same time, prevent families from reaching their savings goals. Which isn’t a big problem with me and the miss’es, we started out a long time ago with absolutely nothing, and now after all this time, we basically have most of that left.

A few years ago, we instituted a new financial policy. I took a credit card, and showed the wife the sixteen digit number on the card (your identity code) and politely pointed out to her that “this is WHO you are … It is NOT what you can spend, okay?” This worked out rather well for us.

Surprisingly, the biggest culprit isn’t a trip to the mall, but dining out at restaurants is the thing that Americans seem to splurge on the most. We (the wife and I) being acutely aware of our impulse spending, do our level best to reign it in, when it gets out of control,

Just this past weekend, Cup Cake made a decision to “take back the fur lined house slippers” she bought on sale this week. I, on the other hand, doing my part, took back the electric dog washer.

There are limits y’know.

***