MARCH 2008

MARCH 2008, date, brief description and direct link to posts.

IF YOU DISCOVER A LINK THAT ISN’T WORKING, LEAVE A COMMENT AND I WILL FIX IT FOR YOU.

Back To Rommance (prose)

I yearn to journey to a time so very long ago,
A time of misguided youth
Of long lazy summer days
A blanket of little white lies
And whispered simple truths.

Back to a time of simplicity
When life was but a joy
So care free
Uncluttered with obligations
When my vigor and strength
Remained with me all day
A time of few responsibilities.

Back to a time
When I was trim and fit
My arms taught as iron
Back straight and lean
A time now almost obscured and forgotten
A time that somehow sadly escapes me.

Sad truth is
The doctor says I smoke too much
That I am carrying excess
Weight upon my frame
My belly is hanging over the belt
And sometimes
I have trouble hearing the words
My sweet little woman has to say.

For the years are catching me
Fate somehow has my name
I will never, never again
Relive those days
As I search the lines upon my face
As my beard slowly turns grey.

So I trudge on
Day by day
Shouldering the load
I have been appointed to carry
Filling my plate to the brim
Eating too much
Lifting my glass
Drinking to be merry.

Now in the late hours of the night
I steal back to romance
Back to the years of my misguided youth
A time of little white lies
And whispered simple truths

And in the background
The fiddler of time is softly playing
But I am too fat, too tired,
To hear the tune for by one more short dance
Here it is he find me
Sitting in my easy chair
Sadly wishing I had it all back
My misguided youth
Yearning to be back to Romance.

***

Proof Of Insurance

A man is tooling down the Interstate Highway with his wife and they are heading down the road at a high rate of speed, when the Highway Patrol spots them. He is immediately pulled over, and the cop gets his lic., and proof of insurance. He then opens his ticket book and says to the guy, “I am going to have to issue you a citation for exceeding the legal speed limit by some 18 miles per hour.”

So the guy looks up and says to the cop, “Uh, I don’t know what is going on, I had my cruise control set on 70 MPH, and there must be some mistake.” The wife, who is sitting next to him says, “There sure is, we don’t even have a cruise control, they wanted to put one on the car at the dealers, but you said it cost too much money.”

Then the cop looks down again and notes that he his safety sticker is out of date, so he flips another page, then he says, “I am going to have to write you another one on the safety sticker. You are out of date.” The cop then flips the page on the book and starts writing but yet again.

Police officers are like nosy neighbors, they look at everything. The officer looks down and notes that he is not wearing his seat belt, so he flips another page, again he says, “I am going to have to write you another one on the seat belt. You are not wearing one.”

So the guy says to the cop, “I was wearing it, I just unbuckled it when you walked up to the car.” The wife, without looking up from what she is knitting in her lap says out loud, “That is a joke. You NEVER wear your seat belt you told me that seat belts were for dummies!”

The driver of the car goes ballistic, starts ranting and raving, gesturing with his hands, beating profusely on the steering wheel, screaming at his wife at the top of his lungs! When his irritation and frustration has been spent, he sinks into the seat.

The cop leans down, peers at the woman on the other side and asks her: “Is he always like this?” And she, without looking up from her knitting says … “No, only when he has been drinking a little.”

See you in the funny papers.

***

Feels Like Today

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”
                                               Dorothy Thompson in the Associated Press.

Came in here this morning to do some downloads, and as usual, it seems as if it is taking forever. I wonder? Is there such a thing as a download accelerator, perhaps I could download one somewhere off the net and make this process more bearable? Have you noticed or is it just me, “but it seems that everything at the drive thru window is taking MUCH LONGER since gasoline exceeded the three dollar benchmark” at least to me it seems that way.

Just when I believe I have found a comfortable point in time, where the computer and I can co-exist, to be friends to each other, it takes off on one of its tangents and upsets my apple cart like you would not believe. This day it appears to have a mind of its own, and is driving me up the wall. Really bothers me when it does all that whirring and clicking in the background, and I don’t have a clue as to what is really going on. I will be right back, have to check our bank account on-line.

Okay I am back, everything is swell over there. The point is kind of mute anyway, like most American’s we are marginally bankrupt 26 days out of the month. Most of our life savings consists of loose change, deposited in an old Folgers Coffee Can on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen anyway.

Sometimes I feel as if we already live in a real-world version of George Orwell’s classic “1984.” Now some six decades after the term “Big Brother” epitomized Orwell’s account of how “every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized,” we find every computer keystroke we make is recorded, every phone call is logged at work and even home.

Don’t believe it? Step over to Google.Com and enter your name. If you do any of this on a regular basis, you will be surprised what you can find under your OWN name. I surely was. While we are at it. Orwell also said: “On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quiet all the time.”

Nugget of truth there, huh?

Have a good weekend.

***

DON’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS

Hard for me to get used to these changing times, I can still remember when the air was clean to breathe, and sex was dirty. Underground nuclear testing, defoliation of the rain forests, toxic waste … Let’s put it this way, if the world were a big apartment, we wouldn’t be getting our deposit back.

Sitting at home because of the motor fuel issue. I understand now, that the flu virus can stay alive on money for up to 14 days. If the bill is wet or has some kind of moisture content to it.

A lot of food commercials on television tonight, sure makes it rough on a guy who is trying his best to slim down, y’know it? I find myself moody and out of sync with my surroundings, once again battling my demons … both physical and mental.

One thing I find irksome, is all this constant “flippin’ around from one shot to the next, on a lot of these television shows” this machine gun style of video journalism. I have a theory on this, and it is this. Most of the people in television these days are of the Internet generation, they grew up flittin’ from one page to the next, surfing.

Now they are just applying that behavior to this old medium. All of us Old Coots find it somewhat irritating.

Not easy growing old, change is hard for me to adapt to. I seem to be heading towards a lifestyle of separation; will I now become a hermit of sorts? Internet, and cable TV, recent additions that will consume my time. Just this week shelled out for a new 24” video screen for the computer, would rather spend the coin on myself, than give it to the Oil Executive’s Retirement Fund.

More time is gradually being spent on books, even tho’ they are cost prohibitive. Magazine subscriptions are increasing, all of it designed to promote an isolationists lifestyle. Slowly I am retreating deep into a cave of my own making, is this good? I dunno.

Looking back on this past week, it has had its fair share of snares, pitfalls, and bear traps for me to step into, and I have. It isn’t good for a writer to be introspective. First thing you know he starts thinking about what he’s thinking and he’s in trouble. It gets so he can put words down on a paper without considering how wrong, inadequate or idiotic they are and he ends up not being able to write anything at all.

Such as the case here.

***

Another Chance (prose)

I guess I hurt you considerably
More than I imagined was heavenly possible
I guess I should be sorry for your misery
Your grief
Your sorrow
But I am not.

All the pain is yours, My Dear
All the frustration
Worry
Despair
Because you cast away a love so rare
In your haste to kill our love.

Now I am mostly alone
And I know that I am not ready for most of this
Losing my appetite
Doing the drugs and booze
Long days
Longer nights
This eternal emptiness
Mostly alone
Burning brightly on a short fuse.

Seat Of Power

The absolute best Email of the week … “Hey Don? If you do not get this, let me know.” It must really be HOT in Arizona! (Someone find the key to the liquor cabinet again?)  Here we go boys & girls, another rip-roaring episode in the whacky world of the marginally insane, cabin fever enduring, freewheeling, frontier changing, rule breaking permanent resident of the dark side of life.

Man, I need some sunshine and a day at the beach. If’n me and you were gold prospectors, and were locked in a Cabin, deep in the Sierras, somewhere like Bodie, Ca., one of us would be dead right now.

Pass them donuts, share.

In 2001 the Southampton, England, city council sent a letter to a tree to reassure it that it was safe from being cut down. I am not making this up. According to the letter, which was stuck to the trunk of the 60-year old tree on University Road.

The last letter I received was a terse thing on the windshield of my car, which read, “Thanks for taking up two spaces you inconsiderate no good _________ !” (he basically implied my parents were not married, which I know is a lie.) But that is another post all together, later on that.

This poor tree was issued an “official notice from these elected short sighted malcontents.” The tree was given a preservation order after environmental campaigners (Tree huggers/Conservationists) raised concerns about the poor tree getting axed.

The letter goes on to tell the tree that if it has any comments, it should make them in writing and send them to the city council. I really liked that part of the story. Let’s all form a committee and pool our ignorance. Now one more time ……. We need politicians and government because …..

Let me know if you didn’t get this.

***