Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

June 19, 2009

Summertime Weenies

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 4:22 AM
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Do good and they will screw you around anyway.

An Ohio man has been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct for mowing the grass in a neglected public park.  The man admitted he continued mowing the foot high grass in the park after park officials asked him to stop, but says that since budget cuts forced the city to scale back mowing operations, the park had become an eyesore.  “I was only trying to save the city some money” lamented the do-gooder now facing charges.

Religious Lip Service

A bad week for Rev. Alberto Cutie, the hunky Miami Beach celebrity priest was recently spotted on a beach smooching it up with a well-rounded, good looking, parishioner.  The Catholic Church however took a rather dim view of this and he was told he had to quit the church.  So with his girlfriend at his side, Alberto announced that he was quitting the church and becoming a Episcopalian, who will let him canoodle all he likes.  Where there is a will … there is a family squabble, no wait, that isn’t right.

Heating Up

global

Beginning to get hot here in the Heartland, summer it seems is in full swing, soon to be, triple digit heat and I suppose numerous news related articles on the heat and melt down of the polar ice caps.  Which adds to the mix because there doesn’t seem to be a lot of anything going on around here lately.  Oklahoma is like that, not a whole lot of anything “going down” is normal procedure or protocol, oh sure, every now and then a report of someone seeing Elvis sneaking into a port-a-potty with suitcase full of cheese burrito’s or something like that, but most of the time it is just quiet.

TOP SECRET

Now the federal government is different, always some “news” about the govt.  Recently they mistakenly posted on the Internet a “highly confidential” 266-page report on the nations nuclear plants, weapons labs, and nuclear-storage sites, with specific locations and details on what can be found there.  Nothing like making it easy for those folks who are not so fond of us, to find what it is they need to put us away.

Find your Happy Place.

Remember all those old wacky episodes of Cheer’s when Frazier Crane would take all the nut jobs up in an airliner and help them with their respective phobias about flying?  And he would admonish them to “Find your happy place, get in your happy place,” turns out there are real issues here.

A man in New York recently began a month long odyssey in which he’ll take up to 12 airline flights per day to conquer is fear of flying.  He will be criss-crossing the country getting off only to switch flights, while following advice to “breathe, shut your eyes, and think tranquil thoughts.”  Takes all kinds to make a world I guess.

One more?  Okay I gnanked this one from True Blue Texan.

To Houston, in fact, where an unaccompanied 8-year-old girl was placed on the wrong Continental Airlines flight by staff. Meaning to go to Charlotte, she instead ended up in Fayetteville. And apparently the only way to fix the problem was to send her back to Houston and then on to Charlotte.

To make matters worse, Continental had a two fer that weekend on losing children. In Boston, a 10-year-old headed from Boston to Cleveland ended up in Newark, NJ. Maybe next time, the parents should write a big tag that gives the destination and flight number and pin it on their kiddo. Maybe this way more “miscommunication” will be avoided.  Read the entire story here.

While we are on the subject of New York?

The FBI just released a new crime statistic and they say that New York “is the lowest of the 25 cities in the country that they checked.”  They ranked New York City at 246 on a list of 261 with cities having more than 100,000 citizens.  Just barely beating out Oakland California, a city that is so dog-gone bad, so crime ridden and miserable that McDonalds is now selling a “Happy To Be Alive Meal.”

Multi-tasking on the run.

This has to be the loser of the week.  Mr. James Coleman of Bristol, U.K., who became a national laughing stock when he cracked his skull on a low lying branch while simultaneously jogging to work and tweeting on this BlackBerry.

“Hurts” Coleman tweeted when he got up off the ground.

“Forget how tall I am.”

Have A Great Weekend, we will see you on Monday.

OOO

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

June 8, 2009

Refilling the coffers.

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 5:21 AM
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Recently President, or Ex-Presidente George Dubya Bush, was spotted giving the graduating seniors of a high school in Artesia, New Mexico, a commencement speech (how sad is that?).  He told them that he no longer felt the pressure and responsibility of being our president, and that in fact, it was kind of liberating.  Since leaving office Bush has given one speech in Canada, and is supposed to be busy writing his memoirs, which should be a real yawner.  Coming to a Burger King in your area, a one time visit from a ex-president of the United States on a limited speaking engagement, come early and beat the rush.

Things are not all that well for the rich here lately.

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend were recently thrown off a yacht in Cannes France at the annual film festival.  It seems that they started “hooking up” as the youngsters are prone to say, and she got a little frisky, so they decided to take it below decks and up a level or two on the excitement scale.  Another guest discovered the amorous couple in what do they call it?  Flagrante Delicto and she informed the captain of the vessel, who in turn ejected the loving couple.

The captain then insisted that they depart for the shore.  For what he called “unsociable behavior” which I do not understand, seems like they were being quite sociable at the time, which is when all the trouble started.

You would think that old geezers like myself would be the first to catch these particularly nasty diseases going around.  But a recent survey has disclosed that only 1% of people over 65 actually got swine flu, and the majority of the cases in the country were with 18-24 year olds.  Of the two-thirds of the 5,000 confirmed cases in the U.S. thus far, the CDC revealed  that many older people, blood studies show, have partial immunity to the swine variant because of a life time of exposure to other similar flu viruses.

So I guess it would be safe to say, “that over the years, all of those shots, paid off.”

The current candidate running for governor of Georgia on a platform encouraging the quaint Peach State Legal theory of “nullification (meaning the state has the right to override the U.S. Constitution) who is known as  staunch foe of abortion who once posted a “hit list”  of doctors in that state.

He is also quoted as saying during his childhood “When you grow up on a farm in Georgia your first girlfriend is a mule.”   That should just about sum it up.  Yeppers …. Now that explains it. Stick a pin in the map, another “new age Republican” has been identified.

It reminds me of the old joke, where the preacher found a dead mule on the road, so he called the sheriff.  The sheriff after listening to what the preacher had to say, suggested that he say a few words over the dead animal and go about his business, that was after all, what preachers were supposed to do.

Then he inquired of the preacher, “Why in the world are you calling me about this anyway?” and the preacher said, “It is our custom to notify the next of kin, whenever we do a service.”

Please don’t feed the lizards.

The world’s largest lizards, have been attacking humans with increasing frequency, villagers in Indonesia report attacks are up this year.  The Komodo dragons are 10 foot long reptiles and they are becoming more aggressive and out of hunger as poaching reduces the population of the deer that they survive on.  A park ranger was recently sitting in his office in Komodo National Park when a dragon appeared and chomped down on his leg.  Indonesia is the only place in the world where these huge reptiles are found.  Might want to scratch this one off your vacation list for this summer, and head to Orlando instead.

Now I like this one.  British police thought they had a standoff on their hands when they received an emergency call in which the caller could be heard whimpering and a man shouting “Come out or else!” in the background.

At that point the line apparently went dead, and the police just knew that they had a possible hostage standoff situation on their hands.  Immediately redialing the number they reached a woman who reported that her golden retriever, had stolen her cordless phone, and pursued by her angry husband, taken it to his favorite hiding place in the backyard.

Behind the garden shed, where he crawled underneath and promptly started gnawing on the key pad.

A Florida woman visibly upset because her local McDonald’s did not have Chicken McNuggets, phoned the 911 emergency service line for help.  In an unrelated incident, a Florida man took the same action when Burger King told him it had no lemonade to sell him.

Clearly these are over reactions, majoring in minor stuff.  I recommend that you not indulge in similar overreactions in the coming week.  When you feel that the drama queen or drama king archetype is threatening to posse you and you need to forcefully keep it away, take immediate action.

If you’re successful, you’ll be visited by a far more congenial archetype … the Social Butterfly …. Someone like Britney or Paris and that would prove to be amusing and who knows, maybe a little productive in the end.

Have to run, some guy named Obama sent me $250 over the weekend and I got to sock it into my “friendly” savings institution currently being run by foreign nationals recently released from Guantanamo Bay, which I think is somewhere south of Atlanta.

OOO

March 30, 2009

Another Mantic Interlude

­­

This post will be “One Hundred percent A.I.G. free” and there will be no mention of Rush Limbaugh, Larry King or Jane Fonda.

Now I ask you … “Where could you get a better deal than that?”

To all my rowdy friends in the Internet world, I hope that you had a great weekend, and that things went well for you and yours.  I spent the majority of mine (if anyone cares) hanging around the house and no trips to the Big Town.

Like Mama sez, “it is a lazy snow-day, go away boy, you are bothering me.”

So I just assumed a low profile and that was that.  I became “Polar” as my grandson would say, which is for the uninitiated, “Beyond cool.  Colder than Ice.”  Spent the majority of my time trying to retrieve my email system that went south, and it only took two and one-half days to get my somewhat illiterate, un-edumaycated computer assisted dumb butt back into working order.

Bought a new laptop, I am now also into the wonderful world of Microsoft Vista and I am working on the learning curve on that.  Which is okay if you are young and quick on the uptake, and we all know my answer to that, don’t we?

Unfortunately, I did manage to somehow lose most all of my email addresses of those folks who were communicating with me when I made a data transfer.  So if you see this, read this, come across this on a bulletin board at the local laundry, stuck up there with a piece of plastic in the shape of a Pear or Banana, get back to me.

I am somewhat excommunicated but still online.

computerThe weekend was not fraught without its fair share of problems.  My old printer went south on me this past week, it had served me well, first purchased in November of 1998 I have no earthly idea as to how many reams of paper has gone thru this machine.

It was an HP model 722 Deskjet I believe that is what it was called.  Figuring that I had such good fortune with HP then it just seemed natural to pick out another HP for the replacement.

So I trot off to China-World and I find one on the shelves for under $40 with taxes included.  I pay for it bring it home and open it up and start unhooking wires and all that.  Getting down like a reptile and crawling around in the dust of man, hooking and hooking in the limited space area under my desk.

First thing I find out is the thing has TWO INKERS a #22 and a #21, the #22 is there (color) but the #21 (black is not).  I didn’t care for this at all, but it is not the end of the world, I go back to the store, and I purchase the errant cartridge, $13.47 plus tax.

Now I have both inkers installed, I hook up the power cord, little green lite comes on, everything is working out swimmingly.  I look around for the printer cable, it turns out that this model has a USB port type printer cable, it is not there.  I search the box again, it is not there.  Now this … This has a profound tendency to hack me off, I look at the instruction sheet and it reads:  “You may or may not have a printer cable, and might have to purchase one separately.”

Are you kidding me?

You sell a printer and it does NOT HAVE A PRINTER CABLE?

Carefully I inspect the box (which evidently every consumer in America ought to do when purchasing an American Product these days) and low and behold, there it is.  “Requires USB printer cable, not included.” In somewhat smaller print than the rest of the nomenclature on the box.

I go back to China-Mart and locate the USB printer cable, $14.80 plus tax, and take a guess who manufacturer of this particular cable …. Yeppers …. you guessed it.  HP.

computer-duckNow here is the rub.

If I had bought a printer that was manufactured by say the Japanese, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that the machine needed in order to function would be in the box.

It would be all there, and I might even add, possibly contain a note of thanks for purchasing their new product. It would NOT be missing key items and parts needed for proper printing.

This is lousy business, no matter how you look at it.  HP can kiss the part of me that goes over the fence last, I am not buying another thing from HP and I suggest the very same thing to you.  Unless you just happen to be into aggravation, unwarranted frustration and haven’t any better ideas as to where to spend your time and money.

As my grandmother used to say, “always look for the rainbow.”  All is not lost, there is good news in some of this.  At this particular juncture in time, I fail to see it, but I know it will improve, if not naturally, then maybe I will have to “help it along.”

Now I am off to see if I can find a link for HP on the net, and I am going to send them a copy of this article and then wait for them to reply back to me and tell me it was “the Viet-Namese-Dude who packed it” he is the guy that screwed it all up.

So there you are, today’s wonderful little post-it-note from my corner of the yard.  Another diatribe on America, a fine and proud country who now has unfortunately plummeted to the status of third-world-knuckle-draggin-boobs, a disorganized clump of business incompetent greed hungry dollar mongers, a country that is now where most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are, like HP, really good at it.

Printers without ink AND printer cables, what a novel idea.

A little less than honest I would say, but then again, what do I know, I am just a consumer.  And the rest of the world wonders why we have to bail these American companies out?

OOO

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March 19, 2009

Clear Blue Sky

blue-sky

Early in the morning, it is cool, not cold mind you, but cool.  That is nice, spring is in the air, it cannot be long now, but there is the distinct odor of burnt grass in the air, and another wildfire is taking its toll somewhere.  Very dry here, I cannot remember for the life of me, when it was that we received a good soaking rain, been awhile.

Another thing that I find somewhat disturbing is the color of the sky, there doesn’t seem to be any blue sky left anywhere, just this dingy Grey color, void of clouds and seemingly full of the pollution of man.

Back in the day, I would lie down in the grass and peer up into the summer sky, rich and blue, filled with white wispy clouds and I would imagine they were different animals or shapes.   I see a cow, and Indian, there is a ducky …… that kind of deal.

Now I look up and I see the remnants of yesterdays’ commute in Dallas, a cold dead gray sky, and no rain.

Getting Casual.

Another sign that spring is coming, the Idaho House waived its decorum rule for the rest of the season.  Members can take off their jackets and eat or drink on the floor of the House, they are just not allowed to smoke or spit, we can still do that here in Oklahoma, but it is evidently illegal in other parts of the country.

Not long ago I took a vow to lay off politics’ and religion on this site, and so far, I have managed to stay fairly close to the goal and within the self-imposed perimeters of good taste.  It is so hard to come in here each day and write something that is NOT political and I have adjusted to that.  It is as a matter of fact, a lot harder than I imagined it to be a few weeks back.

Mr. Obamma is going to be on the Tonight Show this evening, if you are so inclined, you can tune in there and get the straight poop from the head nin-com-poop!  Perhaps he will explain on how “giving A.I.G. billions which they in turn gave to the banks of England, Germany and France will help the AMERICAN economy” I cannot for the life of me, figure that one out.

bush-sticker

U.S. Credit Card defaults rose in February to their highest level in 20 years, with losses particularly severe at American Express and Citigroup.  AMEX came in with 8.7% and Citibank at 8.3% what I cannot figure out is why is this so bad?  Even at those rates that means at least 91% of their accounts are paid up or paying on time, seems like a rock steady business figure to me.

All around me I hear the sound of money, but I don’t have a dog-gone nickel to my name, I see a light at the end of the tunnel …. Man, I sure hope it’s not some dog-gone train!  If counted out in $1,000 bills, a million dollars would be a stack of bills approximately 4″ high.  To reach a billion dollars, that same stack of $1,000 dollar bills would have to be 358 feet tall.  To reach a trillion dollars (and remember we are up in the 12/15 trillion range now) the stack would stand 67.9 miles high!

change

This could be the reason Americans are only getting an average of 6.7 hours of sleep on weekdays, down from seven hours in 2001.  Anyone see the news piece on the janitorial position offered in Massillon, Ohio?  The job paid about $15 per hour and 700 people showed up to apply for it.  Maine is forcing people to buy one of three license’s in order to increase revenue, latest to hit the list is canoeists or kayaking.  They want $3.50 for “boat lic.fees.”  Oklahoma increases the fee for electricity by some $8 per month, cable TV switched over to this new crap, and as usual, it cost us something, about $3 a month.

Point being, “You get a $26 increase in your income this month, I sure didn’t.”

This could be the primary reason Oklahoma and Utah now lead the nation in people hanging up landlines (regular telephone service) and switching over to cell phone usage (which we have been on for about five years, once again, ahead of the curve).  At least 26% of all households in these two states have got rid of regular phone service.  As times continue to get rough, medicine and groceries will fall beside the way, as the population searches for a way to cope.

But all hope is not lost.

Washington state this week passed a new same sex marriage proposal.  It would extend domestic partners all the rights and benefits that the state offers married couples under a measure passed by both houses.  Currently only married couples are mentioned including employment pensions, and public employee benefits.  Washington State is clearly stepping out into uncharted waters when compared to the rest of the country.

gay-girls

Another good news item is the James River in Richmond Virginia is now clean enough to swim in.  Now there is a novel idea, a river you can actually swim in.  Water tests showed that fecal bacteria had dropped to acceptable levels the Department of Environmental Quality said.  Which brings me to the obvious question:  “What is an acceptable level of poo-poo kaw-kaw nothing is acceptable to me, absolutely nothing is the level I want. anyway?” I mean, gee whiz, give me a break.  That is not acceptable in any way, shape, form or manner.

And finally.

If all this fails, you can move to California, where they are proposing to tax “pot sales.”  Now if you think about it, the nation’s pot heads have been paying a really high tax for years on this product, but it was to the Mafia or Organized Crime. 

Why not pay a tax to the local government instead, put the money in the hands of all those folks who KNOW how to spend it for your public GOOD.

Which gives us about $1 billion per year in added taxes revenue for all these tax strapped states that just cannot live on billions and billions per year in collected tax revenue.

Taxing Pot Heads … I Believe I have heard it all now.  A totally new meaning to the word “Reefer Madness.”

It is now time for me to close this off, head out to the front porch and maybe see if I can borrow some “medical marijuana” from my next door neighbor with the five dogs (the people who live two doors down on public assistance) . Mailman says every time he walks by there, they are out in the garage shooting pool on their cheap table with the crooked sticks, pumping out the rap on the boom-boxes and he says …. “I smell it, no doubt about it.”

Perhaps in the spirit of the day, they will share with me?

Twist one up and then I will sit there in the spring time warmth, and ask myself whether I want to hold the bowl of love or go out there in the Universe, in search of the meaning of life.  To do this with another person or do it alone, to feel that shield of love and glow that is incredible.  Again the nagging questions of life, to enter into another drug induced deep value introspective view of shallow relationships or just go back inside and watch The View.

Another wacky Thursday in a long line of run together crazy insane days.  When you give up religion and politics’ this is what is left ……. Not much.  Kind of like this bailout routine, this financial black hole we seem to find ourselves being sucked in to.  Think about it.

socilaism

OOO

February 6, 2009

Engage Dammit


Welcome to my world, won’t you step in and stay awhile.  Your outer world … your environment, the noise level, the relative calm or chaos in your life … is usually a reflection of your inner world, the degree of peace and equanimity you experience in your mind.  You made it, it is Friday, you are here, right on time!

Earthlings Beware

After a former British Ministry of Defense official revealed this week, that the Royal Air Force has fired on UFOs several times “with little effect.”  RAF planes had had numerous encounters with mysterious aircraft, and had only fired when a UFO was “deemed a threat.”  Perhaps after a visit to the local Sushi Bar and a generous helping of Blowfish?

Noise Abatement Down Under

Two things I am not a big fan of, #1 is Boom Boxes, and the people who drive around all day long with vibrating trunk lids and scream at the girl at the counter when they order their food.  #2 is this ridiculous fad of these incredibly over-sized non-mufflers on these small foreign imports.  Both I find equally irritating.

I found this over on Dustbury.comBeware of the Phantom Expander.  Not a new lingerie feature, but a vigilante of sorts: A “phantom” with a grudge is roaming the streets of Blenheim [NZ] armed with tubes of expanding building foam, exacting revenge on “wide-mouthed” boy-racer style car exhausts.

In an anonymous letter sent to The Marlborough Express, the self-styled “Phantom Expander” said he or she was randomly targeting vehicles with wide exhausts and filling them with the expanding foam.

“I have taken it upon myself to respond to the socially maladjusted Blenheim pinheads that have chosen to have a wide-mouthed-boy-racer exhaust installed on their car,” the letter said.  The writer said in the letter received late last week that eight vehicles had already been targeted.

I hold no brief for non-muffling mufflers with fart-can outlets, but I have a feeling that the Expander will be fairly quickly caught in the act, and that the catcher, far from being amused, will take action against the lad’s own exhaust, as it were. One can only hope.

Southbound and Down

Newport News Virginia – A monarch butterfly released at the Virginia Living Museum made it all the way to Austin, Texas, covering more than 1,300 miles in three weeks. It was spotted by a 6-year-old boy doing a science project on monarch migration, the Newport News museum said. It’s the third time since 1996 that a butterfly tagged by the museum has been located.

Finally a CEO and a Company that gets it.

Read all about here at the TrueBlueTexan.

Smile You Are Busted

Flagstaff Arizona – Drivers busted by photo-enforcement cameras along state highways in northern Arizona’s Coconino County will have to pay to challenge speeding tickets. Coconino County Justice Courts will charge $20 extra when drivers challenge or ignore their tickets. The only way for drivers to avoid the extra fee is to pay the ticket without question.  There is a word for this in the legal community; it is called “extortion.”

Nice try … No Cigar

Minneapolis, Minnesota – A University of Minnesota study found that corn ethanol is no better than gasoline as a fuel and may be worse for air quality. The study estimated the economic costs to human health and well-being from gasoline, corn-based ethanol and plant-based ethanol. Researchers concluded that ethanol made from switchgrass and other plant materials is best.

Scientific proof now exists that it actually uses MORE energy to produce ethanol than it produces, so much for the miracle cure-all for America.

Here is another one that I like:  “There’s been a lot of talk about coal being an unclean energy source.  But the truth is, Southern Company is working toward building the world’s first zero-emissions, coal-fired generating plant.” Now let’s review, “zero emissions” does this mean that absolutely no CO2 is released into the atmosphere, is this a true statement or not?

Isn’t it curious, there are methods or procedures to use coal for gasoline, but no one in this country seems to want to investigate it or make use of the technology.

The procedure or formula was first introduced to the world during WWII when the German’s first discovered it, and South Africa has taken it upon themselves to improve the process and make it even more profitable.

So why is it that in South Africa, they are currently producing gasoline from coal, but in this country, which has an abundant supply of coal, the effort is not considered worthy of mention. Wonder why?

Punching In Early

Charleston West Virginia – Kanawha County teachers who come to work every day will no longer receive up to $1,050 in incentive pay. The attendance incentive was created in an effort to save on costs for substitute teachers. In the last school year, the county spent $582,000 more in incentive pay than it saved hiring fewer substitutes.

I wonder who it was that came up with this no-brainer, paying people bonus money just to show up?  And of course, “where do I go to collect the $42,000.00 that someone owes me for my years of faithful on-time performance.”

On the same token, another school this week announced that they “were suspending Veteran’s Day and not celebrating it any more, as the majority of the students did not know the meaning of it.”

Here is a novel idea, you are a SCHOOL why don’t you TEACH THEM THE MEANING of the holiday.

Like the poster in the home room reads:  “There is no end to your limitations, study hard, and always be on time.”  Gawd, and we wonder why we are behind the rest of the world in scholastic endeavors.

There is no end to stupid, stupid is all around you, just look for it.

The next time you’re feeling a little uptight in your home, try to imagine that a total stranger somewhere, is taking notes on your behavior. You should be alright, just remember a few key points in life.  The third donut is 1.5 donut’s too many, and the last piece of pie, is the best.  Take a lesson from Wall Street, “Money cannot buy happiness … but it sure makes a pretty good down payment.”  A few simple rules … for a better U.S.A..

Have a great weekend and keep a sharp eye peeled for the occasional UFO.

000

think



January 6, 2009

Tuesday Morning Epiphany

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 4:45 AM
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Tapped Out In Phoenix

The state could run out of money to pay its bills as early as next month and may have to borrow in the short term for the first time since World War II. An analysis by the state treasurer’s office shows that Arizona’s fund balance could dip to negative $50 million on Feb. 23 or by mid-March under a more optimistic scenario.  Not long ago, California was reporting the same problem, no money in the till.  It is amazing, they collect all of this money, tons of money, and they never seem to have enough.

One More Fallen Flag

Griffin Georgia – Spalding County officials said a textile plant that employs about 350 people is expected to close next month and move its operations to Brazil. The plant, formerly called Dundee Mills, manufactures towels and other textiles and was once the county’s largest employer. It is operated by Fort Mill, S.C. based Springs Industries.  Will the last person to leave America, please turn off the lites.

What’s In A Name — Evidently big bucks.

When I registered http://www.BoxcarOkie.com it cost me $15, why?  Because no one else had it, no one else wanted it, and I thought it up.  Unfortunately for President Bush and his handlers, it didn’t work out that way.  George W. Bush’s presidential  library domain name has been retrieved after a Web developing company accidentally let it expire – and it apparently came at a high price.

Raleigh, N.C.- based Illuminati Karate paid less than $10 for the http://www.GeorgeWBushLibrary.com domain name and sold it back earlier this year for $35,000 to the library’s contracted Web developers, Yuma Solutions, said George Huger, lead Web developer for Illuminati Karate.

Like P.T. Barium was fond of saying, “There is a sucker born every minute.”

The George W. Bush Presidential Center – which will eventually include a library, museum and public policy institute – is being built at Southern Methodist University in Dallas.  Although it is built on the grounds of an institution of higher learning, it will be staffed with people who are not professors or scholars, but rather, government lackeys.  I suppose most of the information contained will be of the “fiction variety.”

If you are a big Bush fan, come on back at Six O’clock we are going to have a doozy for you it is entitled … “It’s On The Tip Of My Tongue.” … Come early in order to get those choice seats up front, beat the rush, Six O’clock tonight.

Class Act – Pay Attention General Motors

Hyundai is allowing consumers with problems to return their cars to the dealers.  If the purchasers have problems with their job (lose it) or undergo an adverse life occurrence such as physical disability or self employment bankruptcy.  Now here is a class act, General Motors could learn a lot from these people, but of course, after losing market share to them anyway, I suppose they already have.

What’s On The Tube

Early converter purchasers for the new converter boxes that will hook everyone up to the new television network next month are finding that the picture is a lot clearer.  Everything is becoming crystal clear and they are finding a nice surprise in the quality.  About 93% of the nations 1,759 stations are now broadcasting in digital.  Word has it there is hope that there might be an improvement in programming, and actually something worth watching on NBC, but reports on that are still kind of sketchy.

Turn it Off Save Some Money For Your Bail

A man in Port St. John Florida, was jailed for allegedly stealing electricity from Florida Power and Light. The house was decked out with Christmas lights on top of that. Neighbors said, at night, it was one of the brightest homes on the block and investigators said the man living there didn’t have to pay a dime for the power.

He is accused of stealing electricity for months for his home, by rewiring the inside of the meter and then closing it up and replacing a red tag to conceal the change from meter readers.

Electricity theft can cost power companies millions of dollars, passed on to other consumers, and they say re-wiring live power lines could end up costing you your life.  Now as we understand it, he is being held in the County jail on charges of grand theft of services and petty theft. Not only does he have his power bill to pay, he needs $25,000 to bond out of jail.

Pow!  Pow!  Halt — It’s the Police.

Oakland California’s BART’s (Bay Area Rapid Transit) police chief asked for patience from the public on Sunday after video footage surfaced showing one of his officers fatally shooting an unarmed man who was on the ground on a station platform on New Year’s Day.  This plea of compassion came after an attorney for the dead man’s family said he planned to sue the transit agency for $25 million.

After California police officers accidentally made the unarmed man lie face down on the floor and accidentally handcuffed him, and then one of them accidentally draws his gun and accidentally shoots the guy in the back.  Bad Cop No Donut.

Georgia Crack Down

Atlanta soon could be the latest city to outlaw sagging pants. The City Council is set to consider the issue at its weekly meeting.  Council members are proposing the new law, which would “make it illegal to expose one’s undergarments in a public setting.” The measure would be included in an ordinance already on the books which bans simulated acts of intercourse and exposing or touching one’s genitals or breasts.

Atlanta must be a fun place, eh?

If approved, anyone found in violation of the rule could be fined up to $100 and given eight hours of “work on the public streets of the city.” (most likely sweeping up old used condoms)  Proponents have called the sagging pants, crack showing, snoop dawg droopy drawers issue “an epidemic” and “a major concern” as the issue has been debated nationwide and similar laws have been passed.

Critics say the law unfairly targets youths of color.  Perhaps so, but the rest of us are sick of looking at yo nasty crack cause you are too lazy to hike up your pants.  I say go for it and make the fine $500.

It is just not worth it

One in ten young people in Britain think life is not worth living, a report published today has claimed.  Of 2,000 16- to 25-year-olds surveyed for the Prince’s Trust, 12% said their life was “meaningless”, while 14% thought “life has no purpose”.

One in five felt like crying “often” or “always” and nearly half (47%) felt regularly stressed.  Which really reminds me of my sex life right now, but that is another post altogether.

The worst affected were those not in education, employment or training (In the U.K as I understand it, this group of people are called Neets). Thirty seven per cent of Neets polled claimed to be down or depressed compared to 27% of all those surveyed by the polling body

Further reasons for unhappiness included feeling no sense of community, not feeling safe to walk around at night and not having anything to do.  Having a dead-end job was also cited as a major contributing factor. The findings revealed “an increasingly vulnerable generation.”  However, over 70% of all those surveyed and 60% of Neets said they felt happy with life.

We now have more TV channels than you can shake a digital box at, all offering total crap, thereby proving that choice and quality in broadcasting are inversely proportional to each other.  We have cell phones with cameras that have enabled juvenile thugs to go around filming each other attacking total strangers and sending the images to their equally reprobate friends via My Space, Utube.

We have removed the Pledge of Allegiance, God and Prayer from our schools.

Require that children in school speak a language other than their own; memorize instruction manuals written in Klingon by Martians who failed their high school course in intergalactic languages.

And any time they routinely bark at us, we give them every gadget, widget, and thing under the sun they desire … And we wonder why they are unhappy?

Well gotta run, time to mix my prescriptions and read Margaret & Helen.

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December 30, 2008

Mayberry’s Hero

opieWatched some captivating and interesting television last night (for a change).  It celebrated the history and the works of Ron Howard (Opie Taylor), all of his movies as a producer and director.

His efforts on the screen as a child actor and star.  I certainly was not aware of the copious volumes of his work, and it was interesting as all get out.

Glued to the tube, I microwaved me some day old pizza and stayed up well past my appointed retirement time, to finish it all.  I seldom do that.  If you missed it, I am so sorry for you, it was memorable TV and you don’t find that much anymore.

So what else is going on, let’s get started.

Now they are saying that “recyclables” are taking it in the shorts, and the price of everything, plastic, newsprint, cardboard, alum.cans, copper all of it is tanking.

The city is now reporting that recycling outfits are reneging on contracts and not taking any more material, because there is simply “no money in it anymore.”  All recyclables are now again, headed for the dumps or county landfill.

Did you ever think you would live long enough to see a time in your life when garbage was worthless?  Well, that time has arrived.

When economies shut down, as they are doing worldwide, then the demand for raw materials declines, and that seems to be in play here.  China having shut down a lot of its industrial might, Japan no longer needing steel for cars it cannot sell here or abroad, no one is buying.  And the people that do have it (material) are holding onto it hoping for better prices down the line.

The Age of Scarcity is here.

Kind of makes you wonder, “if everything is not in demand, and if it is all being packaged smaller and smaller” then why are some companies posting massive profits.  Because they are giving you less and charging you more.

Take Kraft Foods for instance.  The company’s income soars to new heights, and the first thing Kraft does is put out a statement to defend the obscene profits.

The CEO of Kraft foods put out an erroneous statement that a high percentage of food stocks are being diverted for use in the production of fuel, estimates as high as 40%.  Along with other absurd statements such as “almost half of all grains, dairy, vegetables, meats and fruit in the world are being used to convert into fuel.

Which is simply not true and in no way justifies the obscene profits that Kraft is making.  The United Nations reports that about 3.7 billion acres of land is used for farming and of that, less than 1% of that is used for the production of alternative fuels.

Food companies have blamed bio fuels all year long in order to justify high prices. Kraft posted $1.4 billion in earnings last quarter alone.

Adjusted for inflation, corn, and wheat have dropped by 50% since spring and soybean prices are lower than they have been since the great depression.  Isn’t it funny, when the price of a barrel of oil went down, so did the price of fuel.  But it evidently doesn’t work that way with the people who process food.

Anyone notice, or is it just me?  The count on the number of active rigs looking for new sources of oil nationwide has steadily declined in the past 4 to 6 weeks.  When the price of the product sinks, they stop looking, when someone stops buying their product, they don’t refine it, to drive up the price, and now according to the latest rig count, it appears that it is no longer profitable to drill for oil so they are shutting down all the rigs.

Surprisingly our dependence on foreign sources must have disappeared and there is no longer a viable reason to explore for more.  Who would’ve thought that?  I now understand in the U.K. they are trying to put “speed limiters” on automobiles (that would be an engine governor over here) in order to cut emissions and cut down on fuel use.

At least someone is still in the ballgame.

Here is today’s Rasberry Award to Redding California who should be moved to the top of the list (If you don’t know what list I am talking about, email me and I will gladly point it out to you) — Shasta County health officials are cracking down on an 86-year-old disabled World War II veteran who has been selling homemade fruitcakes for more than a decade.

An obscure law bans food businesses in private homes, the Department of Environmental Health said. Officials said Jack Melton must use a commercial bakery that has passed a health inspection. Melton said his sales helped supplement his Social Security benefits.

A scumbag banker can get away with murder, but we crank it down on an old Vet. that is so sad.

Providence Rhode Island residents are scooping up $20 dollar tickets in the hopes of hitting it big on a new $1 million state lottery. Only 120,000 tickets are being sold, with about 2,000 remaining. The winner will be chosen during a New Year’s Eve drawing. Besides the top prize, there are 10 drawings for $10,000, 100 chances to win $500 and 500 chances to win $100.

New War in the Middle East or another round of the same old one, I am not sure.  Day after day the Love Fest in Washington DC continues, everyone gearing up for the big party.  Out with the old and in with the new.

Some things in the New Year will stay the same, we have what are known as constants in our lives and here are a few for you:

  • Insect spray:  “Harmful to bee’s.”  Sadly, just about everything these days is harmful to bee’s, and they are in serious decline, not only in this country, but around the world.
  • Motorcycle mirror: “Objects in the mirror are behind you.”  Duh, you think so?
  • Bag of peanuts:  “This bag contains nuts.”
  • Mattress:  “Do not attempt to swallow.  Do not remove tag under penalty of law?” There are actually people who enforce these laws?
  • Remote control:  “Not dishwasher safe.”
  • Hair blower/dryer:  “Do not use in the shower.”
  • Iron:  “Never Iron clothes on body.”
  • Wristwatch: “This is not underwear, do not put in pants.”
  • Life saving device:  “This is NOT a life saving device.”
  • “I just love that rich, beefy, hearty flavor.” People really talk like this?
  • Why is it that every tour boat on any lake in America is always called “Lady Of The Lake?”

Most of all I am so glad that we have people like Ron Howard, who can make a great movies that I can go to and get away from it all for just a little while.  It gives you a brief respite where you can mull over in your mind that terrible feeling you got as the woman drove away in her car and yells to you “Hey, Thanks A Million” and you suddenly realize that the directions you gave her were dead wrong.

Stuff like that.

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December 29, 2008

Cast Thy Booty On The Water

church-ladyTwo women have opened an unusual specialty shop in Raleigh, North Carolina.  Lingerie for religious women.  The Seek Ye First Lingerie Shop appeals to women who want to be “alluring” but not “sleazy,” said the two Baptist owners.  Apparently customers like the idea — the owners report brisk sales at the “thong rack.”

Hallelujah our prayers have been answered!  Ah Love.  There is a difference between love and sex.  Sex is for reliving tension and of course, love is what causes it.

Not So Swift Cracker

In Smyrna, Georgia a man was arrested after sending a hoax anthrax letter to the police chief … The tip off?  His return address was on the envelope.  I mean ….. Duh?  Can’t believe that?  Okay, try this.  “Yeah, I called earlier asking why my power was out, and you said it was because of the storm.  If that’s so, how come I just saw a car drive by my house a few minutes ago, and its lights were on?” From Leland H. Gregory’s book, “What’s the number for 9-11 again?”

Stella!  Stella!  No, wait, Adrian!  Adrian!

How about another Rocky?  Sly Stallone would love to bring Rock and Rambo back to the silver screen, but at his age, the Hollywood star fears his chances are slim.  The prospect of ANYONE paying good money to go see it is slim or next to nothing.   Traditionally movies during a recession or depression do rather well, one of the few items in a sinking economy that will still make a buck.

Heavenly Pay Back

A mother of three in the UK who claims that she had been visited by Jehovah’s Witnesses every month, for over 12 years, became fed up, stormed into Kingdom Hall, in Peace Haven, East Sussex, during a Jehovah’s Witness Service.

She began “handing out free magazines to see if they would like a copy, just like the copies of The Watchtower the Jehovah’s Witnesses hand out.  Nobody seemed to want them though and she wouldn’t leave until the police arrived.

This is why they are called “Dopers.”

A Ft. Smith Arkansas couple who called to report the theft of marijuana from their home, according to police.  And were promptly arrested for cultivation and drug paraphernalia.  And on the seventh day, God stepped back and said, “There is my creation, perfect in every way.  Oh damn it, I left pot all over the place.  Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it.  Now I have to create Republicans.”

Plum Nuts If You Ask Me

California Prune Producers have the right to change the name of prunes, the Food
and Drug Administration has ruled.  They can now call prunes, “dried plums” in order to reach a much younger segment of the American Market.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, the government at the same time, is paying prune-pickers some $17 million to take trees out of production, because of a 60,000 pound surplus.  Now that makes sense, what does that work out to?  $283 a ton … Now if that doesn’t make you – - – - nothing will.  (Blanks are optional Y’all, put in whatever works for you.)

I can hear mothers everywhere, “Johnny!  Eat your what-you-call-its?  They cost almost $8 a pound!”

December 22, 2008

How Can We Serve You

images3mMan, have you purchased any post-it notes lately?  They are up over $5 for one package, for post it notes, C’mon?  Things are so tight over there at 3-M, I understand they have officially changed their corporate logo to reflect it.  The new business mantra, “less for more.”

Flying High

I understand that the National Institute of Drug Abuse has made a grant of $480,000 to a University of Kentucky professor to investigate the effects of cocaine on the behavior of quails.  This is a four year funded study.  The findings are that “the birds find the drug stimulating and pleasing, much in the same way it affects humans.”  In other words, “drugs are for bird-brains.”

We will be with you shortly … Maybe.

Bank of America has announced that they are laying off some 35,000 people beginning in the new year.  That now means, “there will only be three tellers standing around talking to each other, while you wait at the window with one teller doing business.”



We Will Take Care Of You …  Trust Us.

The other day I got this credit card notice in the mail, free checks, free money!  Yeah sure.  And I was reminded of that old Agriculture term called “service.”  If you have a heifer (cow) and you want to breed her out for a new calf, you take her to the vet. or to another farmer and have her serviced.

You mate the cow with the bull and hopefully in the spring, a fresh new calf.  This is again, called “service.”

Now I look at the Credit Card come-on letter with the fresh new checks and at the bottom there it is is …  “It has been a pleasure serving you.”  And for once, I know exactly what it is that they mean.

Sure been a great week for government and an even better week for the credit card folks.  The government took the banks and the credit card people to task on the raping of the American Consumer on these credit cards.  Rolled up their sleeves and got down to the nitty gritty on all of this, and now some brand new legislated relief, all you have to do is find a way to survive a year and one-half (18 months) before it takes effect.

They also voted themselves a nice little $4700 raise, I almost forgot that.  Must be nice, an extra $375+ a month coming in to buy groceries …. Now tell me again ….

Why is it we have government?

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December 6, 2008

Saturday Wowser

I am sitting at the bank, and the banker says to me, “Do you have our new VISA with the photo ID yet?” and I say “No.” So then he says to me, “Why not?” And I reply, “You charge for your VISA and have all these fee’s, I am not into that.”

So then he inquires, “Where is yours located, which was kind of stupid, I mean I am a guy after all?  What kind of question is that?” But we were talking about banking and I missed the point.

So I said, “It is out of Boston or maybe Delaware, I believe, I am not sure, back east.” So he says, “You ought to be doing business in YOUR COMMUNITY and showing some loyalty to the folks who live with you.” So I say, “Okay, they gave me 15.9% annual PCR and no annual fee.” You want 25.5% and $25 per year fee, so why should I do business with you?  You give me the same deal, and I will switch it over.”

Then he smiles and says, “What else can I do for you today Mr. Smith?” and I smile and think “Well for a start you can pucker up and kiss …… Oh well, you know the rest dont’cha?”

By the way, “these folks are on the bail out train too.  My bank is on the list.”

Cover Me I Am Reloading

Awhile back we reported that the Interior Department was fixing to overturn regulation concerning guns in National Parks.  It appears that they have done just that.  Yesterday, the Department of Interior overturned a Reagan-era regulation, permitting loaded firearms at 388 of 391 national park sites. The decision allows guns in parks in “any states with concealed carry laws, not just those that allow guns in their state parks as originally proposed.” While the Department cited safety concerns as a factor, the National Park Conservation Association notes:

According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, there were 1.65 violent crimes per 100,000 national park visitors in 2006-making national parks some of the safest places in the United States. The new regulation could increase the risk for impulse shootings of wildlife, and risk the safety of visitors and rangers.

Despite the potential affect on national park wildlife and resources, the Administration did not conduct an environmental review as required by law. One more just for the fun of it.  The text of the rule notes that earlier, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) wrote to the Interior Dept. supporting the rule change. If you want more, check out ThinkProgress’s updated report on Bush’s 11th hour regulations and rule changes.

Here is some more “bad government for you” we in America don’t have the market cornered on bad politics (although it often seems as if we are the leaders in bad policy) in Britain they have it too.

In Worcester, England, they ordered a man to take down a 3 ft high barbed-wire fence that he had installed to deter the thieves who had broken into his storage building at least three times in the past four months.  According to the Daily Mail, the council said it was feared would be sued by a wounded trespasser.

Which brings up the age old question, “when was it that they changed it where the CRIMINAL has more rights than the VICTIM?”  Please enlighten me if you will?

The terror attacks in India this week certainly were horrible, I sure hope this is not some kind of prophetic new system of religious fanatical attacks and a new wave of terror for the future in our world.  I thought it was especially comforting how the United Nations promptly took charge and blamed Israel for it all.

Count Your Blessings

I know that Thanksgiving is over and all that stuff is behind us now, but if you want a fresh outlook on life, and something to be thankful for, trot over here and read this, it is an eye opener, a good piece of work.

Sign Of The Times

What is this “Office of the President Elect” signage going on?  I sure wish we could get all of this “locked down and in place” it sure looks like someone has a bad case of premature-inauguration to me.”  Barbara Wa-Wa was on last night, and had her top ten people in the entire world you should know show last night on ABC.  Does anyone know if Sarah Palin made the cut?  I was overhauling a ceiling fan and I missed it.

People Unlike Us

OJ got sentenced yesterday, looks like he will be an old codger when he gets out of the slammer, which is okay with most of us.  We tired of him and his act, a long time ago.  Bush is now scheduled on ABC and around the dial to give even more “farewell speeches” in which he denies any culpable knowledge of ever been elected or even visiting Washington DC in the past ten years.

Bush, Cheney and Rumsfield all meet up in Hell.  Cheney looks around and then snarls out of the side of his mouth, “I should have shot two lawyers, this isn’t right.”  Rumsfield said, “I missed the memo on this, I should have paid more attention.”  Bush sulks over in the corner, curled up in a fetal position mumbling …. “It’s not that hot and I am not here, it’s not that hot and I am not here.”

Self Inflicted Wounds

Rosie O’Donnell effectively murdered her career this week on NBC but it was okay, and I understand it “there were NO witnesses to the crime.”  I also understand that Paris Hilton and Paul Rubens are all set to star in a new movie to be released in 2009.

What are they going to call this.

Pee Wee gets an infection?

I read in USA Today that “unhappy people watch more television than happy people.”  Which figures, all the Happy People are over here on the Internet reading Creative Endeavors.

Bad Cop … No Donut.

A Beaumont, Texas police officer has been suspended from the force for crossing the line during an undercover prostitution sting (that is, he actually had sex) and defended himself in an August hearing.  He sated, “It was a job, sir.  I did not have any pleasure in doing it.  It was something that I was doing for the City.”

Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt, I wouldn’t look for any back pay on this one Sparky.

One more and then “I am outta here!” (there you go Bill)  Police in Covington, Kentucky arrested a 19 year old kid during a suspected drug deal at a local market.  Although several people were booked that night, he was the one wearing the T-Shirt that read, “It’s Not Illegal Unless You Get Caught.”

Have A Good Weekend, see you all on Monday.  Don’t miss Monday for sure, “Ladies Underwear” a real under 500 word eye popper …

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