Being as I am terminally afflicted with a modern illness termed “Road Rage” it is often that I have to self diagnose myself and quickly take measures to protect not only myself, but also the general public at large. This morning, I am cruising down the boulevard; all is well in my world. Traffic is light, most of it has cleared out, and the road for the most part is quite empty. I am pleased, I chuckle and think, “If I was any happier I would have to pay an amusement tax.”
The radio is playing Keith Urban, and I think to myself, “this guy isn’t country; he wouldn’t make a pimple on a country singers …. Uh, he just isn’t country.” Once again, I have to remind myself to …. Leave it alone.
And there he is … Out of the corner of my eye, I see him.
The dumb-bell in the Little Debbie’s Snack Cakes truck, he is going to blow thru that yield sign and push me over. I feel the heat building; road rage is coming on board to make another trip with me this day. It doesn’t take much in my old age to set me off like a rocket at Cape Canaveral in Florida, I don’t even hit simmer on most days, just go straight to boil.
I have him figured right, here he comes.
Bigger than Dallas, in less than a New York minute, he blows thru the sign and I have to move over, no sense in seeing who has the best insurance this day. Face it, Eagle bodywork is not like taking the family hoopie into the local Ford dealer. I succumb to his rude entry into my world, and I note that he is also talking on his cell phone. Man, that rankles me, only thing worse than this would be text messaging, currently illegal in five states and in my opinion worthy of five to ten in the state pen.
Okie drivers (and I suppose drivers in other states) these days leave a lot to be desired. Most of them have their head so far up their collective hinnies, they need a plexi-glass stomach just to see where they are going. Adding a cell phone, the modern equivalent of a cigarette in the twenty-first century, just makes it worse. Often technology does the exact reverse of what it was designed to do, mainly, improving the quality of life.
I heat up, I growl, I wish bad things on this person AND his cat.
Knowing full well that this volatile behavior on my part, is not conducive to good mental health or otherwise, I sit back in the seat, I smile and say to no one in particular, “get out of here moron, I have better things to do with my time this day, than mess with you.” (When it gets really bad, I find a exit ramp, walk around the bus four or five times, stopped in New Mexico one time and got a piece of apple pie …. Whatever works, right?) I was in Sweetwater, Texas a few summers back and this woman in a mini-van with a little faces in every window, loaded to the gills with kids, blew thru a stop sign right in front of me.
Standing on the breaks hard, shifting the contents of just about everything to the front of the truck, I wanted to kill her. But I understand that even in Texas, this is illegal. So I shouted out at her, “Don’t you know when to stop!” She yelled back, “these aint all my kids!” Texas, it is like a totally other world ….. Y’all.
Most truckers look at bus drivers with disdain and something less than outright disgust. They feel we do not have a right to be on the road with them, same as four wheelers and the like, and have told me so on several occasions. But the simple truth of the matter is we share a common problem, and that problem is bad drivers and attitudes. When you get right down to it, where the rubber meets the road, we actually share the same universe, our world’s are not all that different.
The sign reads “Flyin J at exit 194” and a nice looking KW, clearly a garbage hauler, with a half-million dollars in chrome, naked women on his mudflaps and at least five dozen made in Hong Kong LED lights, comes barging onto the scene with a vengeance. I move over, the lettering on the back of his trailer reads, “Every courtesy of the road is yours.”
Now isn’t that ironic?
Time to back out of it, and get some pie. Won’t help my boyish figure any but it will almost certainly improve my attitude.
Life is short … enjoy the ride.