Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

January 30, 2012

Monday Morning Mega-Meltdown

Filed under: Blogging,humor,Life,Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 7:39 AM
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Six Miles Outside Of Clovis NM

WordPress Junk Files January:  Fresh Pressed 01-04 …. “Snowboarding post, high in the Rocky Mountains where the snowboarder finds himself gasping for air at 10,000 feet above sea level, a place generally reserved for mule deer, mountain goats, and the skeletal remains of the pioneering Donner party.  The ill fated Donner party met their demise in the Sierra Nevada Mountains outside Truckee California not in the Rockies.  So much for “checking for accuracy and source material” before being Fresh Pressed huh?

If I see that J.C. Penny Commercial one more time with the women screaming at the top of their lungs, I am going to go bonkers.  That has to be the worst commercial currently running on television these days.  How they equate screaming with a desire to shop, I will never know.  My girlfriend on Trop 50 has a new one out, and it is a kick in the you-know-what.  You Had Work Done? 

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.  ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.  Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand,

and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

No good huh.  Well, whadya want for free?

Do you know what a woman’s’ thong and a barbwire fence have in common?

They both restrict access … but they don’t spoil the view.  One thing we can all agree on, “they are not for everyone.

Now here is something to boast about.  I have not watched one episode of the new season of American Idol … Not one minute of it.  I deserve an award.  It is almost as if I am on the twelve step program concerning reality television.  Come to think of it, I never won an award, trophy or prize in my life.

One time when I was about 10 or 11 years old, I ran a race and my father came to watch me.  I didn’t do so well, came in about 8 or 9th as I remember.  On the way home, my father took his watch off, and handed it to me.  Not a new watch, and old watch, but to a ten year old kid, this is a big thing.

Taking it, I put it on my wrist and said to my father, “I didn’t win the race.  Why are you giving me this?” and he said, “Well, I am not giving it to you for winning, I am giving it to you for trying.”

That is better than any old trophy.

Try this one.  Ready?  Two candy bars for two dollars, or one at the regular price.  Better yet, ready?  Two KING-SIZED candy bars for three dollars or one at the regular price.  My old man used to squeal like a stuck pig when I asked him for two bits (a quarter) for a coke AND a candy bar.

I don’t understand.  Girls with tattoos’, what is up with that?  Guys with pierced lips and eyebrows.  I just cannot figure it out to beat the band.

Some more things I do not understand:

Popcorn Chicken … What in the world is that?
Anyone?
Buffalo Wings … Uh huh, sure.
New Sexy Hair (only $13) and I just have to chuckle, no really, I just have to.
New Skin?  Yeah, I know.  Think about it.
Let’s eat out:  “Chase every skillet bite with one of five lip-smacking, fruity fusion favorites.”  Cool, tangy and loaded with “Ah.”
Uh huh, sure.
Maybe it is just me … but I just don’t get it.

Now this, this is really something else.  Try it, it will blow you away.  A super cool optical illusion 

A brand new week on tap, make it or waste it, as always, your choice.

One way or the other … It is all up to you.

OOO


November 5, 2008

Obama – Change Is A Coming

Obama Wins It!

Congratulations are in order for a long, hard, protracted nasty fight.  How do you spell relief?  O-B-A-M-A- WINS.  Good Morning America!  Here is another “Brain Freeze” from the middle of the country.  I found this amusing, came across this yesterday.

Willie King made a bad mistake.  He decided to snatch a wallet from the coat of an elderly woman in Greenwich Village, New York City.  The woman turned out to be a 94-year old Yolanda Gigante, mother of Vincent “The Chin” Gigante, reputed head of the Genovese crime family.

King was caught a short time later and as soon as he learned who he’d mugged he agreed to plead guilty to grand larceny.  His sentence was determined to be one to three up river in prison.  At his sentencing hearing his lawyer commented, “My client your honor admitted his guilt at the earliest opportunity, because he wants to put this incident behind him, and he hopes the Gigante family will, too.”

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Have you been reading all this hoopla on people with tattoo’s?  Municipalities and city governments, even some universities are now demanding that people cover up their tattoo’s when at work.  But there is a way around that, you can now get FAKE TATTOO SLEEVES if nothing more than to rankle your boss.

Now you can get “inked” by night and still keep your day job with our “tattoo sleeves”. The tattoo is printed directly on the stretchable fabric sleeves fabric which is a machine washable nylon. They come in pairs; wear one or both.  Wonder if they have the naked babe like on the Semi-truck mud-flaps?  Please have your credit card and expiration date handy … Every offensive thing you can think of, all at your fingertips, is this a great country or what?

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Cedar Rapids Iowa – A jury awarded more than $55,000 total to two former teachers who said they were illegally strip searched after they protested against President Bush in 2004. It was the second trial for Alice McCabe and Christine Nelson, who were initially awarded a total of $750,000. A judge lowered it to $75,000 and told the women they could accept it or have a second trial.  They agreed on the later, and I hope every dime of it comes out of Bush or Cheney’s paycheck.

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Not long after the wind turbines began to spin in March near Gerry Meyer’s home, his son Robert, 13, and wife, Cheryl, complained of headaches.  They have trouble sleeping, and Cheryl Meyer, 55, sometimes feels a fluttering in her chest. Gerry is sometimes nauseated and hears crackling.

The culprit, they say, is the whooshing sound from the five industrial wind turbines near the 6-acre spread where they have lived for 37 years. “I don’t think anyone should have to put up with this,” says Gerry Meyer, who compares the sound to a helicopter or a jet taking off.

As more turbines are built, the noise they create is stirring debate. Industry groups such as the American Wind Energy Association say there’s no proof they make people sick, but complaints of nausea, insomnia and other problems have surfaced near wind farms across the USA.  If my memory serves me correctly, I remember the same problems with people who lived too close to high intensity power transmission towers in the sixties and seventies.

So now we have a new ailment Wind Turbine Syndrome (WTS) an industrial plague with a new scientific name.   It is man-made and easily fixed.  Proper Propeller setbacks are the best cure.  There are at last count, almost 15,000 wind turbines in the USA, and most people live near them without incident.

Isn’t it amazing how we can come up with a scientific reason almost immediately for just about anything?  I always like it when we can readily come up with some kind of logical explanation for that which is not easily explained.  WTS, PMS, ADDD, we are so quick to find the appropriate politically correct abbreviation.

Like PMS … I asked my doctor, how come we call it PMS?

And he said “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.

(Yeah I know, don’t write me any letters)

Wash your hands, folks, especially you ladies.  A new study found that women have a greater variety of bacteria on their hands than men do.  That is the good news, now here is the bad.  Everybody has more types of bacteria than the researchers expected to find.  So the Politicians aren’t the only folks in town with dirty hands these days, contrary to popular opinion.

“The sheer number of bacteria species detected on the hands of the study participants was a big surprise, and so was the greater diversity of bacteria we found on the hands of women,”   The researchers aren’t sure why women harbored a greater variety of bacteria than men, but have suggested it may have to so with the acidity of the skin. Men it was noted, generally have more acidic skin than women.

So, all you big, burly NFL-types, remember this the next time you decide to make a lunch outta your fingernails.  Bottom of the page rolling up, need to wrap this up and get on to other things.

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Yesterday at the café, the waitress looked at me and asked, “Have you voted yet?” and I replied, “No, later on this afternoon, you?” She smiled a big smile and said, “Yes!” So out of idle curiosity, I asked her, “Who did you vote for?”

Her smile quickly disappeared and she got very reserved, unwilling to tell me her choice, so sensing her apprehension I said, “It’s okay, who did you vote for?” She smiled and said, “McCain.”

Then I said, “Good for you girl, everyone should vote and I am glad that you did.”

Perhaps this special moment in time will be the vehicle that will change America I don’t know.  But a person should never have to be apprehensive or fearful of telling another person in this country who it was they voted for.  I cannot remember an election in my lifetime that has been so tense, so mean spirited, so disruptive for the country as a whole.  It is my profound hope that somehow, someway, something good comes out of this for our country.

As I have in the past made it perfectly clear, “I don’t give a damn about politics or politicians” but I do love America.  And I will fully support anyone or any thing, that will preserve the American way of life, for not only me, but my grandchildren, my friends and neighbors.  This particular mindset has a name, it is called patriotism, a phrase that has become old hat, passé’, relegated to the back burner of the stove here lately.

Our friends overseas in Europe should be happy, perhaps now their collective newspapers and media outlets will give them some news of what is happening in their respective countries, instead of shoving American politics down their throat each and every day.  So as you can see, some good has come out of this already, there is no telling where it will lead us to in the future.

Like Yogi Berra, retired Coach of the New York Yankee’s,  was quoted as saying, “When you come to the fork in the road, you can go both ways*.”

Congratulations Mr. Obama on your victory, now roll up your sleeves, WE have a lot of work to do.

000

RELATED: Baracks House (audio)

*  Yogi lived on a Cul-de-Sac and the fork in the road led to his house, by going either left or right.

October 28, 2008

Juggling Reality

Excuse me, would it be alright if we ….

Dover Delaware – A lawyer representing a condemned ax murderer told the state Supreme Court that prison officials violated state law by adopting a new lethal-injection protocol without allowing for public review or comment. An attorney for the Department of Correction argued that its policies and procedures are confidential and not routinely subject to disclosure. This is a new wrinkle in the fabric of society, getting pre-authorized permission and approval in order to execute an “AX Killer?”  Give me a break.

Could not happen to a nicer guy.

OJ Simpson is suffering through agonizing drug withdrawal behind bars says the National Enquirer. Simpson, recently convicted of armed robbery for trying to steal some of his old sports memorabilia suffers from severe arthritis because of old football injuries and was taking large doses of painkillers. Prison doctors have cut back on those medications, leavening Simpson hobbling and angry. “Sometimes he screams at his jailers, demanding pills,” a source tells the newspaper, “but his cries are being ignored.”  Welcome to your own personal hell OJ, enjoy your stay.

Trouble in Paradise.

There is now valid proof as to why Hawaii is the most expensive place in the U.S. to live. Honolulu – More Hawaii homeowners than ever are falling behind on mortgage payments; 594 home foreclosures were logged in September. The figure from Realty-Trac is more than three times the number for September 2007. A spokesman said the increase pushes Hawaii from 34th in the nation for foreclosures to 20th.

Gettin Tight In Suburbia

Coeur d’Alene, Idaho – Sales of booze are up at state-run stores in northern Idaho. State Liquor Dispensary Superintendent Dyke Nally said people are avoiding costlier bar and restaurant tabs and doing more parties at home to save money. Personally, I am all for people staying home to imbibe and make a fool of themselves. And please remember, “Friends do not let friends drive drunk.” If they insist, then you should shave their eyebrows and put them on a bus to Chicago. It is a public service, and actually quite entertaining at the same time.  Speaking of buses? (Nice blend huh) Check this out.

Someone needs to remove her head from her you know what or head back home … We don’t need MORE twisted science.

Just when you thought it could not get any worse. In an election that has been fought on an astoundingly low cultural and intellectual level, with both candidates pretending that tax cuts can go like peaches and cream with the staggering new levels of federal deficit, and paltry charges being traded in petty ways, and with Joe the Plumber becoming the emblematic stupidity of the campaign, it didn’t seem possible that things could go any lower or get any dumber. But they did last Friday, when, at a speech in Pittsburgh, Gov. Sarah Palin denounced wasteful expenditure on fruit-fly research, adding for good xenophobic and anti-elitist measure that some of this research took place “in Paris, France” and winding up with a folksy “I kid you not.” [...] More >>>

LOOKS LIKE THE SAME OLD CIRCUS TO ME

Turning Off The Juice

Concord New Hampshire . The state plans to turn off more than half of the 621 highway lights along Interstate 95 in the Portsmouth area and along Interstate 93 in Hooksett and Manchester. It said flipping the switches will save energy and about $250,000 a year. We did that last year, we turned the heat down, shut off the lights, we sat in the dark, my cup cake and I, froze our hinny’s off, and we saved twelve bucks.

Check The Garage

Fayetteville Arkansas – Police have arrested an armored car driver who had reported that the truck he drove was stolen by men who took him hostage. Police recovered nearly $500,000 from the residence of Brandon Whitehouse, 21, after he told investigators he acted alone. Whitehouse is charged with theft and filing a false police report. Kind of like the guy who got caught with fifteen pounds of smoke and claimed the C.I.A. planted it on him … that one didn’t fly either.

Better Living Thru Chemistry

San Francisco – An organic chemistry student at the University of California, Santa Cruz, pleaded no contest to heroin possession after police found drug-laced beer in his garage. Chaz Renzelman, 28, said he created the concoction by adding a handful of poppy pods to his homemade beer to improve the flavor. Renzelman was sentenced to a drug diversion program.

A Rude Awakening

A Pennsylvania woman was asleep in her bed last week when a large chunk of ice exploded thru the ceiling and hit her on the forehead. Mary Ann Foster, 66, was left with a large lump, and said that she could easily have been killed if the projectile hadn’t broken into pieces as it passed through the roof of her house. Authorities say the ice, which Foster saved most likely fell from a passing plane, but Foster isn’t so sure. “There is a little fish smell to it,” she says. “Which is weird.” And now this Tuesday, I have a totally new definition of the word “weird.”

Hard Times In Texas

Things are so bad of the seven gift shops in Crawford, Texas, that once sold George W. Bush souvenirs, three have gone broke and only one still maintains regular hours. Meanwhile the White House press corps released a national policy statement on the economy just yesterday. It read: “Save a little money each month and the end of the year, you will be surprised at how little you have.”

If you are not all that crazy about this (pardon the pun) then check out what this guy in LA says the “New America” is going to be like, little eye opener here for sure. Seven more days until the Obammer Rapture.

And finally … Melt Down In The Heart Land

Psychiatric hospitals nationwide are reporting that admissions have more than doubled due to people suffering extreme stress about home foreclosures, job losses, and plunging stock prices. It appears that the appropriate response to our current reality in America, is to simply just go insane.

Have to go!  I am late for group …

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online), Sarah Palin article Slate Online.

October 21, 2008

Rated “E”

This post is rated “E” for entertaining.  No, educational, uh, erratic.  THIS POST IS FOR EVERYONE … Whew?  Sure glad we got that out of the way.

Oh well, it is Tuesday, and as with all Tuesday’s I have my problems.  Much like a child in grammar school, I am never prepared for the lesson on Tuesday, I am geared up for recess instead.

Most of my days, were spent in desperate contemplation of the hour in Gym class and a considerable amount of time was devoted to “the fine art of pencil sharpening and the observation of the world’ just outside the window.  I excelled in that, but unfortunately, I found out later in life, not much demand for it in the marketplace.

I used to really get into recess, which should not come as any big surprise to anyone that is a regular reader of this page.

You cannot always effectively plan for the future, especially when you are young.  I remember when released from the U.S. Military, they told me that “I could use the skills that were taught to me in the service” in my civilian occupation.  So when I found out that American Airlines wasn’t hiring any tail gunners …. I went to work for the Railroad.

This is what happens to you when you major in recess, remember this.

USA Today is reporting that stress levels are up nationwide and surprisingly, the most affected, are not adults.  The highest stress levels in the past six months have been reported by the 18-24 crowd at 64% coming in second is the 24-34 bunch 55%, 35-44 at 47%, 45-54 at close behind, 46%.  The old geezers like myself, we are just laid back and cooling it, only 37% of them reported stress.

Which is reasonable, when you stop to think about it.  We moved all “those hard to live with people out of the house” years ago.  And we are not forced to watch “Dancin’ With The Stars” three nights a week.  Did you know that more American’s voted for the winner of American Idol than voted for Bush in the last election?  True.

Might be a good day to talk about that “three ring circus” (the great American Dog & Pony Show) in the Nation’s Capitol, but to tell you the truth, I am really tired of it.  So much like T.Boone Pickens latest book (The First Billion is the hardest – Crown Business, 260 pages, $26.95) I am going to take a pass.  Having the lowest stress levels in the above group did not “just naturally occur.”  Often you have to work at it.

Good and Bad News:

Phoenix, Arizona has told home builders there that they are to install water collection systems on new homes and that they are going to collect rainwater from these systems for the watering of plants and outside shrubs.  Which is a good idea and a bad idea.  It is good to be geared up to “green thinking” and all that, it is bad, because as anyone knows.  Phoenix is in the Sonoran Desert portion of the American Southwest and generally speaking …. It doesn’t rain there much, if at all.

Biting the hand that feeds them.

Hard to believe, but like beggar’s with outstretched hands the U.S. Auto companies are trying to entice the public to purchase a new car.  Only thing is, “they are going about it in the wrong manner or fashion” if you ask me.  Now they are telling us that in order to buy a new car, we need to bring MORE cash and a larger down payment is going to be required of us.

Tighter credit standards are forcing many car buyers to put up more cash in order to qualify for a loan.  The average down payment last month was $3,108.00 which is up 42% from the same time last year ($2,194.00).  It is like some kind of shark feeding frenzy on the American consumer these days.  General Motors wants to buy Chrysler and of course, they are lining up at the Federal trough to see if they can get some creative financing in the Great American Give-Away currently enjoying a nice run in Washington DC these days.

These dumb-bells ought to take a lesson from U.S. Oil, we stopped buying their products, and we effectively proved to them that we can do without oil based-products and we can do without these new cars too.

Eat Your Oil

OPEC (namely Venezuela and Iran) are crying the blues, they are now saying that they are cutting back on spending and projects in their respective countries because of the low demand for oil.  It seems that their profits are down some fifty percent and they are experiencing a hardship.  Now everyone …. All together now … One big collective sigh for our poor energy rich oil partners. Now didn’t that feel just swell boys & girls.  Actually that is a misnomer, we (America) get most of our foreign oil from places other than Venezuela and Iran.

Canada and Mexico for instance, are big suppliers to the U.S. and it is not $700 billion as previously reported but rather around $230 billion per year, big difference.

Anchor’s Aweigh

Not to be deterred, the Boys in Dubai went shopping this week, the oil rich energy czars bought the Queen Mary II and she is going to sail to Dubai on her last voyage.  After four decades of plying the oceans of the world she is being retired and will be converted into a five-star hotel in Dubai, the flashy Arab resort Center of the Middle East (United Arab Emirates).

This leaves the sister ship with the same name still plying the oceans for a little while longer, with peak oil, there will come a time in the not so distant future, when all of them are parked and converted.

“Uh, maybe the Woodpeckers were not a good idea?”

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark . One: Don’t miss the boat. Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine: When you’re stressed, float awhile. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

Now, wasn’t that nice? Pass it along this Tuesday, tell all your friends, and make someone else smile, too

000

October 17, 2008

Say It Isn’t So Joe

A record 90 percent of voters say country is seriously off track. According to a new ABC poll, 90 percent of registered voters say the country is going in the wrong direction. Only 23 percent approve of President Bush. After the recent presidential debate someone on McSame’s bus was heard to say … “It’s 10pm, does anyone know what time it is?”

Given the global economic crisis, a record number of registered voters say the country is seriously off on the wrong track, the most since this question first was asked in 1973. At 23 percent, Bush’s job approval rating has fallen below Nixon’s lowest; it’s a point away from the lowest in 70 years of polling, set by Harry Truman in early 1952.

Bush’s disapproval, meanwhile, is at an all-time record — 73 percent. … Reflecting these economic worries, just 44 percent of Americans are confident they’ll have enough money to carry them through retirement. The other 56% are seriously worried about just making it to payday on next Tuesday.

This sure is getting tired and old at this point in the game, I mean, just elect “somebody” and get it over with.

John McSame and Obammer both promised and vowed a different kind of campaign. Yet this one has devolved into the tried and true: Destroy the enemy truth and fairness be damned.

Is this the way to lift up America during these most trying times.

Joe the Plumber = twenty references. Middle Class = True to form, zero.

McSame looked like McCranky this last go around, and unfortunately, not much was new.

One more disturbing item and then I will move on.  Doubt has been cast over the story of “Joe the plumber”, the man who unexpectedly became the star of this week’s US presidential debate. Joe Wurzelbacher, of Ohio, was thrown into the spotlight after he was used by John McCain as an example of who might suffer under Barack Obama’s tax plans.

But it now emerges he is not a licensed plumber and owes $1,200 in back taxes.

The complete article is here, including a short video interview with “our man Joe” at the end of article.  Groan. I am going to write a totally new version of history just like these bozo’s routinely offer us. I will call it Highlights in History, watch for it, coming to a webpage near you soon.

The folks from Somalia are back in the news. Requests by Muslims to pray at work in Grand Island, Nebraska and Colorado, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot accommodate the strictly scheduled prayers.

Requests by Muslims to pray at work, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot apease the meat cutting religious zealots.

The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims say they are being discriminated against and are taking their complaints to the courts and the federal government.

Employers say the time out for prayer can burden other workers and disrupt operations.  The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims are the most vocal complainers of all the religions in the united states.  This is the best part of the article, “As he voiced his complaints through a translator.”

Here is a novel idea, “if you don’t like it here, why not pack up your sorry butt and go back to the Middle East and you can pray there all you want. That is, when you are not ducking and looking for cover.”

East Brunswick, N.J., football coach Marcus Borden has filed a petition with the U.S. Supreme Court for a review of a federal appeals court ruling that prohibits him from participating in team prayer. Borden’s case began, when in 2005, he was told by school administrators not to lead his players in a team prayer.

Borden is asking the court to review an April ruling from the U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals. The appeals panel had reversed a 2006 ruling that said Borden and other public school coaches could silently bow their heads and “take a knee” with players as their teams prayed.

Down here, in the states of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, we pray before Friday Night Football and we don’t think anything about it, but then again, we live in America, not where the rest of these folks apparently live.

Des Moines, Iowa. Operating room nurse Pauline Taylor knows her refusal to get a flu shot is based on faulty logic. But ever since she got sick after getting a shot a few years ago, she’s sworn off the vaccine. “I rarely get sick. The only thing I could narrow it down to is that I had gotten this shot,” said Taylor, who works at University Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City.

“I know that it’s not a live virus. It just seemed pretty coincidental. Such stories frustrate me, the poor sap, who has to be handled by these so-called “health workers” who do not bother to get a shot. A surprising statistic — nearly 60% of health care workers fail to get a flu shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, nurses have worked hard to advance their profession and dispite some sexist myths do a great job. Portraying nurses as empty-headed bimbos demeans their important work and the education and skills it demands.

As I am old and somewhat bent out of shape ninety-two-point five percent of the time, I desire clean and healthy hands on my body at all times …. Aw what the hey, who am I kidding ….. I’ll take clean hands on my body at any time.

Be Nice – Play Fair – Share.

Civility lessons for the commuter. The Boston-area transit system has placed posters on 600 subway cars and 400 buses, reminding riders to pick up trash, tone it down on the phone, offer seats to those who need them, and let people off trains before getting on themselves. Officials said complaints about poor manners have increased along with rider-ship on MBTA buses and trolleys lately. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when children do not have any social mores, and the parents of the same kids, do not know how to ride politely with other commuters. Is it no small wonder when other nation’s observe us and feel that we are crude, rude and obnoxious.

Great Falls – Montana. The first turbines at a wind farm in north-central Montana are online, supplying power to customers in California. The $500 million Glacier Wind Farm is being developed by Spain-based NaturEner.

The first phase of 71 towers will be producing 106.5 megawatts of power within two weeks, a company spokesman said. Most of the wind farms in our state are owned by outside interests (foreign investment) and it appears that around the country, the trend seems to be the same, people other than the U.S. building public works/private interest for us.

Might be why they are living in robust economies, have rewarding careers and good jobs, and we are headed for the dumpster.

CLEARFIELD, Pa. A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — includes a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: “I wanted to see if I could.”

“I’ve always had a heck of a capacity and I can down about two gallons of water and I can do a gallon of milk in 20-some seconds,” said Sciullo, a chef at Pasta Lorenzo’s in Uniontown. He was later spotted on the house telephone calling Joe The Plumber.

NASA has commissioned a specialist to recreate the smell of outer space – which has been described as being similar to fried steak and hot metal. The research is being conducted so astronauts can get an idea of the kinds of conditions they will experience. Once again, the prudent spending of your tax dollar for the benefit of a greater society.

Steven Pearce, a chemist and managing director of fragrance manufacturing company Omega Ingredients, has been working since August to recreate the smell – he hopes to be finished by the end of the year.

“We have a few clues as to what space smells like. First of all, there were interviews with astronauts that we were given, when they had been outside and then returned to the space station and were de-suiting and taking off their helmets, they all reported quite particular odors.”.

“For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal and even welding a motorcycle. NASA said he has successfully produced the smell of fried steak, but recreating the smell of hot metal has proven to be quite difficult. Perhaps a sniff of the end of the barrel of Cheney’s shotgun would do it?

Hey, feed me two Taco’s and one super-sized all bean Burrito and I will give you all the smell and space you need!

Yeah, I know gross. Don’t write me any letters, the box is full.

Have A Great Weekend.

000

The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)

October 14, 2008

Lost In Washington

It always amazed me how George Hubert Walker Bush, who only served one term in the Presidency of the United States could get Barbara’s picture on a dollar bill.  Now along comes George Dubya Bush and he has his picture on a dollar too.

Received a smattering of emails over the weekend from people wanting me to lay off Bush and the State of Texas in general. (Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt?)  So if you are wondering if the “Tag Feature” of WordPress.com is working, well it is doing just fine. Also, I dutifully filed most all of them under the big “Red X” in the upper left hand quadrant of my mailbox.

As for Bush?

Now, as he spends his last months in office trying to avert a global economic collapse, Mr. Bush has been telling people privately that it’s a good thing he’s in charge. He said that if it was going to happen at all, he was glad it was happening under his presidency, because he had a good group of people in D.C. working for him. 

Perhaps those that live south of the Red River have a different meaning to this term. Surrounded by “competent good people.” Which mainly consists of educated, well paid baby killers, private company mercenaries (overseas) and a covert 24 hour a day staff of paper and document shredders.

Bush also said that whoever was going to take over in January was going to have a huge crisis on their hands the day they come into office. Which is more than likely, the biggest political gaff of the year. The only thing that I could possibly think of more absurd than this is “Read My Lips … No New Taxes.”

I believe that is a Bushism too if I am not correct?

Dubya later said when regaining consciousness that he thought by this happening now, that perhaps everyone could see signs of improvement before the next president comes into office.

That is, if the lights are still on …

Read the whole story here.

Don’t you just love it when they look into the old teleprompter with that deer in the headlight look, and explain to you how everything is just going to be swell in River City.  Now when you spin it that way, well, it just sounds a lot better doesn’t it?

Let me try it …. Bubonic Financial Plague … Yeah, that works just fine.

And I’ll lay you six to five, Ol’ Ben is rolling over in his grave.


000


October 11, 2008

Honey Wagon Xpress

Someone told me that in Korea, the truck that comes around and empties the septic tank and hauls off the human waste is refered to as the “Honey Wagon.” Which got me to thinking, “If that is the case, then there must be a REALLY BIG Bee Hive around here somewhere!” And if you think that is bad, try doing this woman’s job (A really stinky job) and then be glad you are where you are.

Senator Joe Biden has done nearly one hundred press interviews since being tapped as Obammers running mate on August 23rd. Alaska governor Palin has done three. September was a great month to write about politics on the Web. The Los Angeles Times had an all-time-high (137 million page views last month), the Washington Post (topped 33 million) and both Slate and the Huffington Post set their own traffic records.

It’s tempting to give Sarah Palin credit for these new waterlines—she’s ubiquitous on every site’s most-read lineup, among the most blogged-about people in the country (including celebrities and fictional characters), and far and away the most searched-for political figure in America.

So, how much credit does Palin deserve for driving page views to the media elite she so disdains? Beats me, but she is stirring up the pot that is for sure. Meanwhile I hear Obammer is speaking to a group of Missouri hog farmers, concluding that Democrats need candidates who “speak in language familiar to, among others, the disaffected hog farmers of Missouri.”

I also read where the Nobel Peace Prize’s have been awarded.

Finland‘s ex-president Martti Ahtisaari received the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for his efforts to build a lasting peace from Africa and Asia to Europe and the Middle East.

George Bush did not receive an award for economics.

Iranian President Mahmoud I-got-my-dinner-jacket-on who famously claimed last year in New York that there were no homosexuals in Iran has conceded that “there might be a few gay people” in Iran practicing what he calls a “unlikable and foreign act.”

This from a guy who helps to provide and build roadside bombs in Iraq.

A Connecticut judge has given the brush-off to a blonde woman’s lawsuit claiming L’Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products. Charlotte Feeney of Stratford says she can never return to her natural blonde hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time. But most of all, she is going to miss being locked in the basement and being declared last year’s hide and seek winner.

Been There .. Done That … Got the Shaft.

Four miles under the ocean’s surface off Brazil‘s lush coast lie billions of barrels of recently discovered light crude — a treasure that could transform the country into an oil superpower. President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva called it “a gift from God” and pledged to end chronic poverty and narrow the country’s broad gap between the rich and the poor.

Yeah, that is what we thought too.

But before rhetoric becomes reality, Brazil must first get to the underwater reserves, among the world’s deepest, and then manage a massive influx of wealth — a formidable task that has left other national economies awash in corruption and even greater gaps between the rich and poor.

Meanwhile here at home. Oil tumbled more than $4 to a one-year low on Friday as growing fears that financial market turmoil will squash demand for fuel outweighed the possibility of an OPEC production cut at an emergency meeting in November.  But it has made driving to the unemployment office a little bit cheaper.

No Room At The Inn

Now here is something that is bass-ack-wards if I ever heard of it … Most Japanese inns and hotels that didn’t have foreign guests last year don’t want any in the future, according to a government survey released Thursday.  The survey carried out by the Ministry of Internal Affairs shows that 72 percent of establishments that didn’t have foreign customers in the past year don’t want any, and the majority are ryokans and hotels with fewer than 30 rooms.

While the majority of such establishments do accept foreigners, the survey showed the country’s more traditional inns are not as hospitable, even as the government mounts a major campaign to draw more tourists from abroad.  Duh?  I don’t think you have this right, if you want tourists, you don’t tell them they are not welcome. C’mon over here to America, everything is dirt cheap and we will leave a lite on in the window for ya.

PSST…can you keep a sexy secret?

The credit crunch is getting us all down but here’s some news to put a smile on your face: great sex is free! Sex therapists Georgia Foster and Beverley Anne Foster reckon they know four secrets to unlock your passion potential.

The secrets are revealed in their new book The Four Secrets Of Amazing Sex which says: “We focus on the mind as much as the body. It’s not a book about sexual positions. Anyone can have sex, but to have amazing sex, your mind needs to be participating.” So read the guide, below, and make going through the motions a thing of the past.

1. SEDUCTION

The first secret deals with how to sustain a heady passion. Most people assume they need to be seduced to feel sexy – wrong! We first create the desire in our own mind. It’s your responsibility to understand what turns you on.

2. SENSATION

The second secret is all about the six senses. Absorb the energy, as well as remembering smell, touch, sound and taste. The six senses are often overlooked in our busy lives, but without them sex is dull.

3. SURRENDER

The third secret is when you feel safe to surrender and have sex. Thanks to secrets one and two, your mind is ready and your senses alive. You need to feel you want to be there and your mind is present to feel connected.”

4. REFLECTION

If you’ve had fun with the first three secrets, reflection is about looking back on the experience and feeling you want to do it all again. If the experience is bad, people will look back on it negatively and may avoid a repeat performance and lack confidence.

Now here are some more tips to help create a new sexual you. Ignore that niggly voice in your head saying your thighs are fat or your bum wobbles and tell yourself you are gorgeous and believe it. Trying new moves in the bedroom can be scary, so agreeing on a non-verbal sign on when to call time can help build trust and confidence. Purchase a cheap police style whistle. Grab a moment to sit down with your other half and make a list of what originally made them turn your knees to jelly; it’s easy to forget why what you found attractive next to a mound of washing up. When you are down there, remember to breathe. When people are anxious they shallow breathe. A good relaxation method is; take deep breath, hold it for five and exhale. Repeat three times and feel your nerves melt. Make one small change each time you have sex. It will keep it fresh and stop you from just going through the motions. If you cannot remember who’s turn it is to get tied up … Do what me and the miss’es do …. Play Prisoner Of War instead.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST … THIS COULD BE TIP #5 … IT IS ALSO VERY, VERY IMPORTANT … YOU MUST FIND A WILLING PARTNER.

000

Sources:

October 7, 2008

Tooo Much Disunity

Coming back to bite you in the rear. Bail Out Blues.

What most people do not realize, is all of this, every stinking minute of it, has happened before. Just think back to the late seventies and eighties. Back to Charlie Keating, the banker and anti-pornography crusader would ultimately be convicted on 73 counts of fraud and racketeering for his role in the savings-and-loan scandal of the 1980s.

That crisis, much like today’s sub-prime-mortgage meltdown, resulted from misbegotten banking deregulation, and ultimately left taxpayers to pick up a tab of more than $124 billion. Keating, who raised more than $100,000 for McCain’s race, lavished the first-term congressman with the kind of political favors that would make Jack Abramoff blush.

Same circus … Just a different set of clowns. People who do not learn from their mistakes … are prone to repeat them.

How does this country or democracy ever figure it can conquer evil in the world, when it can’t even clean up its own act? Having failed miserably to effectively communicate with your own peers in society and do nothing to enhance the good life of others, what makes our government believe they can accomplish this lofty goal in other locales around the world.

What we desperately need to teach to our young, what we as a nation, need to observe and apply are a few basic rules. YOU are the answer to the dilemmas in YOUR life. You are the answer to God’s expectations for YOUR life. YOU are the answer to that which is required of you in this plan. Stop being a failure before God and men. Start doing what you know you are supposed to do. Quit waiting on others to get it together, you are the answer.

It appears that we have been at this so long; we have become dysfunctional and have forgotten the questions.

As my favorite Texas Chigger would say … “We have too much disunity in this country.” Kind of have to agree with that, at least today, I do. Let’s do some trash talking about this and that, see what pops up?  Find us some common ground with which to conversate … Whut up?

My other buddy, Bill Clinton is down in Florida stumping for the Obammer crowd and judging wet T-Shirt contests. I have not heard anything lately about the Born Again Moose Gooser, but I know she is out there somewhere, I feel her gun-sites on the back of my neck. In a few short minutes I will glean the net, and I am sure she will be there somewhere, she can run, but she cannot hide, as Reagan used to say.

Take a ride on the Peace Train Xpress here.

Here is another rule for you. It is called the 50-50-90 rule. It simply means that you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right in a conversation with other people, and that 90 percent of the time that you will more than likely have it wrong.

If you don’t believe me, I will introduce you to my Mother-In-Law and SHE will explain it to you.

A recent survey shows that three out of four people make up seventy-five percent of the world’s population. Here is something else I do not understand. If is hard for me to understand how a local cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the “high price of living.” That just doesn’t even come close to making sense to me.

If the shoe fits … get another one … just like it.

I got some new tennis shoes this past weekend, $39.95 and for that price, they do not blink, light up, have an arrow on the side, are too small for Michael Jordan, but they suit me just fine. I am saving up for some new sunglasses and my very own male thong.

While cruising the mall, I also thought about investing in one of these electronic play station things, man, they are totally out of control on these electronic gizmo’s! When the latest model comes out before Christmas, they will cost more than a three bedroom home in Los Gatos, California, for cyin’ out loud. Also looked at some digital cameras, now I have over 40 digital camera’s to choose from, it was a lot simpler a couple of years ago, when there were only 12.

  • A fine is for doing something wrong.
  • A tax is a fine for doing well
  • The lottery is a tax for taxpayers who are really bad at math.
  • I believe George Wubya ought to give me an additional $1200, $1800 if I have two kids.
  • Come to think of it, our kids are gone, you can keep the cash, I am doing just fine.

The only real cure for insomnia is to get more sleep. Money cannot buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. As I gaze into my magic crystal ball (actually it is a semi warm cup of coffee, but the reflections are adequate this morning in the dim light of my inner sanctuary … oooooh, that was nice, I liked that one) I see that life has taught us many lessons (some physically painful, others not) but always at the core of these teachings is one simple philosophy:

The World Wide Web Is For Sharing.

So as we stumble forth in our never-ending quest for unselfishness, the perfect Denver Omelet at the Local Denny’s Restaurant, we give the most generous gift we can offer you gracious web-surfer, it is the wisdom of our most wondrous sage, Ralph Henderson

Who said this: “Finding your Emu in Valhalla is the point of every man’s green piglet.”

Now reign in your disunity and go forth and have a wonderful day.

000


September 29, 2008

Salacious – Sad – Sunny

Welcome to the Creative Endeavors home page and gift shop … How may we serve you? Trusting that you had a marvelous weekend and things were pleasant and comfortable, it is now time to once again to face the new week.

What will this week bring?

Sarah Palins email got hacked and someone got into her computer, someone spent several hours trying to get into John McCain’s computer, but that is okay, it was John McCain. An Al Qaeda video that has surfaced has been called by the Bush administration, propaganda, Iran said it was noteworthy, and Hollywood as expected, gave it an Emmy for best video of the year.

N.O.W. (the National Organization For Women) has announced that they are endorsing Obamma for the presidential ticket, you know who Obamma is, the guy that doesn’t have a woman on his ticket. An Islamic cleric has legalized marriages between adult males and girls as young as nine years old. In related news, my cracker neighbor has just announced that he is converting to Islam.

In a recent poll, 57% verses 47% said that they would rather watch football with Obamma than with John McCain. However in another poll, 98% said that they would rather watch a football game with Sarah Palin, than with Joe Biden.

You remember Joe Biden don’t you. He is the guy who said that “FDR during the depression came on TV and got everyone up to speed on the crisis at hand, and that he was a take charge guy.”

Unfortunately, it was Herbert Hoover and sorry Joe, TV had not been invented at that time. Close but no cigar.  I know that you have to be a U.S. Citizen to be President of the United States, do you have to be a high-school graduate to be in Congress?  How can all these people “consistently get it wrong?”

When I heard that McCain’s running mate had named her children, Track, Willow, Bristol, Piper, and Trig I was kind of taken back. A lot of us like to believe that this is the country we grew up in, where people gave their kids names like Alameda, Savannah or Puff Daddy.  I miss Hillary.  Hillary after all was from Arkansas, a southern state, where things occur naturally.

Like the daughter coming in and sayin …  “Momma, Billy Ray stuck his Henry Johnson in my who-ha, and now my tummy is gettin’ big … If’n it’s a boy Momma, can we name him Skeeter?”

Over the weekend the Japanese announced a new fast speed camera lens. This thing is so fast, it can actually track Obamma changing his positions on Iraq, National Defense and gun ownership. China-Mart still has regular lenses on sale, these being much slower are perfect for capturing images of McCain driving down the interstate at 35 MPH in the Straight Talk Express in the FAST LANE with his left blinker on.

The Food Network has changed their site, and it is almost impossible to find the TV shows and the recipes for the wife, she is miffed and frankly, so am I. What is it that makes these geeks constantly go in and tinker with sites and change them around? Why cannot they just leave it alone, when it is working just fine, and is not irritating the old geezers out there such as myself.

BTW (by the way) thanks for the encouraging emails on my recent doctor visit in preparation for another year of life.

I wasn’t feeling all that well, so I checked in for a check up, and the doctor said, “I have some disturbing news for you Mr. Smith. According to the latest lab work, you don’t have much time left.” Of course I responded with “that is terrible!, how long do I have Doc?” He paused a little and then said “Ten” and again … I flipped out totally and asked him … “Weeks? Months? What is it?” and the doctor interrupted and said …. “Nine … Eight …”

Been slow this weekend, Cracker Boy is changing up his webpage, Author is writing a piece on the dash, but her being English and all, she is calling it the “Mind The Gap.” I think it has something to do with the dash on your tombstone, the interval of time between when you are born and you die, but I am not sure. Local Malcontent is strangely silent, but he is in “love” so that is understandable.

There is this horrible email floating around on the A.I.G. $85 million dollar buy-out that is as bogus as the day is long, don’t buy into it.  Some really bad math in this thing, about as bad as Palin and Bidens’ recollections on past history. The usual assortment of the “this guy is a dirty low down no good egg sucking dog and cannot be trusted” floating around too.

Or in other words … Thirty-seven more days.

Well, if you will excuse me, I am gonna go watch the Food Network, today they are going to have Gina and Pat cook up some of their daughters’ favorite foods. With BBQ Shrimp, Sloppy Joes, Rotel Dip and Piggie Butter Cookies, Shelby and Spencer are sure to enjoy their favorite dishes! Later on, Duff takes the staff on a field trip to a tattoo museum and the staff works on cakes including a duck hunt, frogs and lily pads and an EMT from Amarillo revives a run over armadillo.

So much for the Salacious, Sad and Sunny on Monday.

000

September 27, 2008

Back Off (audio)

Leave Me Alone I am disgruntled

Leave Me Alone I am disgruntled

Went to the doctor on Friday, part of my yearly check up and planned maintenance schedule. You see life doesn’t begin after forty, maintenance begins after forty. Recently my sister said “that sixty was the new forty” and I love my sister, but she has that wrong, she isn’t even close … Sixty is the new Sixty and that is the name of that tune.

My doctor says my blood pressure is high, I am winning the lottery on my cholesterol and all in all, I should not be here, but I am. Another mystery of medical science.

He says that my weight is perfect if I was seven feet tall! He cannot do a thing about this fungus on my thumb and I should be encased in something that they make pickles out of.

So I am sitting there and I tell him (the doctor) that I am somewhat depressed with all this government crap, Obammer not willing to show his birth certificate to anyone, McSame not remembering where it is he lives, Sarah Palin and her views on loading your own ammo. So I ask him about some anti-depressants and what could he give me.

He said he could give me this stuff that would alleviate a lot of my anxiety, but that he would have to schedule checkup’s for at least 84 days to check on me. I suggested that perhaps he could pass on that, and instead, just listen to the Police Scanner.

But he said no dice.

So I am back to my own reality, not a good week for government, business, and doctor appointments. I suppose we are onto another four years of pretending that the Global Warming issue is NOT an issue and we are going to burn freight-train loads of “Clean Coal.” Which like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Big Foot and UFO’s, the Republican Flat Earth theory, all of which do not exist.

Bush did promise, exactly like McSame has promised, that he would impose mandatory emission controls not only on carbon dioxide but also on three other dangerous pollutants. Unfortunately in Bush’s case, that quickly took a back burner position in the government kitchen, and he went back to sitting in the oval office popping bubble wrap and playing video games.

With all this current rounds of check kiting schemes and far fetched financial programs going on, I have forgotten if we are going to drill the tundra or not? We are going to punch holes in this theory too. Welcome to the wonderful world of Washington Fuzzy Thinking.

What, you wonder, does drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge have to do with solving the energy problem in California? Absolutely, nothing. Less than one percent of California’s electricity comes from oil. So it pretty apparent that dog isn’t gonna hunt.

Wind power, Mr. T. Boone Pickens plan is currently being tossed about, take a look at that. He wants to be the Saudi Arabia of wind-power on the American plains. Take a gander at how much land it would take to accomplish this lofty goal, it boggles the mind.  To get the United States off foreign energy, we would need 41,767,850 turbines, which would over an area of 10,441,962.5 acres of land.  This is also 16,316 square miles or nearly the size of Vermont and New Hampshire combined.

The complete article can be found here ….

Perhaps after one solid week of “bad news” this is why this morning I find myself disgruntled. I always loved that word “disgruntled” my boss used it quite a lot. It has that “Metamucil” (laxative) sound to it. I am a bit disgruntled; I ate too much cheese last night on my pizza. You get disgruntled when you see that the amount of gas you used last year at this time was $54.54 and this year, the same amount of gas, is $110.47.

And then there is Joe Biden who this week is quoted as saying …. “It is your patriotic duty to pay higher taxes.”

That will make you disgruntled for sure.

Finding myself debilitated by a series of bad news announcements, I have sank into a truly pitiable senescence attitude, surrounded by newspapers I no longer can stand to read, and once again bitching about the moron’s in our government this morning.What the hey?  It beats mowing the lawn or finding yourself on the wrong-end of weed whacker.

Bad news just has that effect on me.  I just naturally find myself bent out of shape.  And after the week I have had … It is no small wonder I feel yucky.

000

Parting Shot: “Cheer up.  Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?  And Rap Music will be considered Golden Oldies!”

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