Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

June 10, 2011

Lock N Load

Filed under: Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 4:59 AM
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A woman walks into the kitchen, her husband is sitting at the kitchen table, with a shotgun in his hands, and he is crying. 

She asks him “What is going on?”

The mournful husband replies, “Twenty five years ago, on our wedding day, your father walked in with this shotgun and said to me … If you don’t love that girl, then take this shotgun go over there to that other room and blow her brains out, she is hopelessly in love with you.”

So why are you crying the wife asks.

He looks her straight in the eye and replies, “I would be getting outta prison today.”

[San Jose Mercury News]:  
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girl friend’s windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

[Kalamazoo Gazette]:
  James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a “farm-type truck.” Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns’ clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns “wrapped in the drive shaft.”

[Hickory Daily Record]:
  Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

[UPI, Toronto]:
  Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students.

Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was “one of the best and brightest” members of the 200-man association.

[The News of the Weird]:
  Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina’s electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

[The Indianapolis Star]:
  A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle-loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff’s investigators said.. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents’ rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited..

[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
  A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. “Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred,” said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. “It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,” Honer said.

She’s got a gun … and she wants to be president.

[ Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
  The best is always last.

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.  Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole’s pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the ..22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. “Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead,” stated Wallis. “I’ve been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can’t believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,” said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole’s wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

Have a great weekend …

OOO

July 6, 2009

Another Canicular Summer Day

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 4:30 AM
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Going to get hot today, might be time to find a shady spot and get in it.  Oklahoma is that way in the summertime, hot and muggy.  El Ex-Presendente Mr. Bush came and gave his speech in the Oklahoma Panhandle this weekend, he is currently stumping all the Dairy Queens and 7-11 stores across the nation, watch your local paper for another appearance by him soon.

I suppose he said something brilliant like:  “I’ve reminded the prime minister … the American people, Mr. Prime Minister …. Over the past months, that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.”

Spoken like a true national spokesperson if I ever heard one.

Grandbabies have packed up and headed south, they live in Houston, Texas.  It is always interesting when they are here, listening to them talk, what they say, the questions they ask.  All part of the growing up process.  I am so happy that they do not live in Florida.

Florida prison officials are apologizing for using 50,000 volt stun guns on children on Take Your Sons and Daughters to Work Day.  State corrections officers report that 43 children were stunned at three separate prisons, most with their parent permission.  Never the less, I cannot imagine what these people were thinking to administer this device to children.

The thing that got to me was the article said, “most” of them with parental permission, does this mean that “some” didn’t want it, but got it anyway?

Pretty sick, no matter how you color it.

New word for the day boys N girls, are you ready?  HETEROPATERNAL SUPERFECUNDATION.  Now that is a mouth full.  This is a totally new word that was put into the dictionaries here lately in Texas after a woman gave birth to two twins that had DIFFERENT DNA and she admitted to have been sleeping with two men when they were conceived.

Learn something new every day ……

A small Spokane, Washington, distillery developed a small army of volunteers to bottle and package its vodka and gin for NO pay, as long as they get free shots of the products and the end of their shift.  It has grown quickly by word-of-mouth (the best advertising in the world) and has become very popular.  I worked for an outfit for over twenty-four years, and all they ever gave me was a paycheck and a hard time.

The current debacle over the Michael Jackson death continues, all the tabloids have jumped on it, and every stupid commentator in America has an opinion on what actually or really went down.  I just cannot fathom America’s obsession with celebrities and the fact that they almost canonize a drug addict and do their best to elevate him to sainthood.

Meanwhile, down in Texas (again), a couple reported finding a Cheetos cheese snack that bears a strange resemblance to Jesus.  They are currently trying to sell it on Ebay and claim that “if it only brings .25 cents, we’re going to eat it.” Now if that don’t bring a tear to your eye, nothing will.

I see where Congress has passed legislation on the credit card companies and they cannot raise interest rates unless you are 60 days in arrears, and have to put the rate back down, if you make your payments for six months on time.  No more penalties on borrowers who exceed their limits on their cards.  And they have to give your children back to you when you pay up.

Of course the credit card people countered with “they would be FORCED to issue fewer cards, and credit would be harder to come by, and the economy would suffer because of this.”  Which in essence means, no more mail solicited cards to dogs and cats, 4 year old children and whatever.

It is awfully hard for me to feel sorry for these bozo’s, who charge 37% on their money, but pay you less than 1% on YOUR MONEY in savings accounts in their institutions.

Here you go …. It must be true, I mean, I read it in the tabloids.

I am standing at the checkout counter at the local China-Mart and there it is.  An ingenious North Carolina teenager allegedly brandished a banana rather than a gun while holding up a store then he tried to eat the evidence.  The 17 year-old tried to rob an Internet Café with the fruit held beneath his shirt, but the staff overcame him, said the police.  He did manage to eat the banana, but failed to eat the peel, which the police duly photographed and took into evidence.

It has to be Monday … It just has to be.

OOO

December 4, 2008

Number Six Hundred

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:49 PM
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Greetings.  If you haven’t been here before and this is your first time, welcome to Creative Endeavors, The Home Of BoxcarOkie.com.  Today is a milestone for us, this is our 600th post this year, in the past 9 months we have posted to this blog-page a plethora of articles, some good, some not so good, a bunch of them were not even worthy of tossing into the fire.

But my, my they were so much fun.

In the past 15 days we have had over 160,000 people come by this site, which I certainly believe establishes it as a “Fast Growing Blog” and in this time span of some nine months, three quarters of a million visitors have come to this site, to stop, read, browse and comment. We might not be the best, but we are in the top 100 consistently and with wordpress, Live Journal or any other social networking site, that is a worthy accomplishment.

Creative Endeavors is one of the fastest growing WordPress.com blogs and we plan to grow even more in the future.  It is our profound hope to see at least one million people stop by and visit this blog by our Anniversary date which is March 12th, 2009 …… tell all your friends, help us out, spread the word!

As always we want you to stop by from time to time and watch us do just that.  Add your two cents into the comments and we will keep a light on in the window for you like the hotel chain advertises.  We always accept and welcome your company … This is and will continue to be …. One of the fastest and best reading blog pages on WordPress.com. and any other social networking site and it is important that you be a part of it.

120108

We Need to Get the Bloom Back on the Rose

The United States has an economic imperative to develop reliable, affordable,
clean sources of energy and use them more efficiently.

We Have Bubbles, Lot‘s and lot’s of Bubbles

Post Falls Idaho Two new waterfall-style fountains welcoming visitors here are a tempting target for vandals. The city said pranksters most recently filled the fountains with dish soap, forming a wall of foam 10 feet high. A fund raising effort has been launched to pay for a $3,000 lighting upgrade.  Rubber duckies are an option.

Another Honor of Public Service

Raleigh North Carolina Insurance Commissioner Jim Long has bequeathed his title of “oldest rat in the barn” to Secretary of State Elaine Marshall – along with a hunk of cheddar cheese. Long is the longest serving Democrat on the Council of State. He didn’t run for re-election. Marshall, also a Democrat, was the first woman on the panel when she was elected in 1996.

Speaking of Rats

OJ Simpson is scheduled to be sentenced on Friday for his conviction of kidnapping and extortion charges, which could mean life in the slammer for the Heisman Trophy Winner and present holder of low-life of the year award in America.  His attorney’s are hoping for a speedy sentencing so that they might appeal and get the “juice” back on the street while appealing his conviction which could take upwards of a year or more.  No word on what the official line is on him at the Casino’s.

Trouble On Walton’s Mountain

Charleston West Virginia State officials are looking for someone to encourage West Virginia natives to come home. And they’ve decided that no one is better for the role than a real West Virginian. The Department of Commerce is sponsoring an essay contest to find a resident to promote the state to those who have left home. None of the Walton Family could be located, and John Boy hasn’t been seen in years.  Entry forms are at www.hometowv.com.

Ahead of the curve

Once again, I pick up the paper and there it is “after” we have already run something on it.  Now they are saying that American’s are purchasing firewood and alternate forms of heating equipment in record numbers.  Shipments of wood stoves and fireplace inserts which can more efficiently burn firewood are up 54% in the first six months of this year over last year.  Some folks spent as much as $750 a month to heat their homes last winter, and there were even reports of desperate people in New England burning household furniture to stay warm.  As the price of motor fuel and groceries, other household staples continue to rise, Americans are seeking out alternative measures to insure they stay warm this winter.

A New Bail Out

Hillary Clinton is now in debt $7.5 million to consultants and vendors at the end of October according to election reports.  Her campaign committee sent an e-mail to supporters Tuesday inviting them to congratulate the New York senator on her nomination as Secretary of State and to also while they were at it, drop a buck or two in the envelope for the cause.  Why doesn’t she just declare herself a bank and get the way the rest of ‘em are getting it, seems to be working pretty good for everyone else.

More High Numbers For The Slap Happy Xpress

Mr. Obama continues to get high numbers on his performance so far from the American public.  A Gallup Poll finds, even at a time the public is down about the economy, they are up on his performance.  More than three of four Americans, including a majority of Republicans (who generally do not like anyone period) approve of the job Mr. Obama had done so far.  He needs this kind of broad based support for the job ahead of him.

Meanwhile at the White House, Shorty was spotted off in the corner, muttering something about the difference between a chimichanga, and enchilada, and a quesadilla.  He is after all, headed back to Texas.

It’s an attitude thang Y’all … Doubt if you would understand.

#600 another one in the bag!  Stick around, we are just getting warmed up.

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)


September 26, 2008

Water Woes

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:58 AM
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All day I face, the barren waste, without the taste of water, cool, clear water. Old Dan and I, with throats burned dry, souls that cry for water, cool, clear water.” Did you know that “Dan” in that song was a donkey?

Yup, true.

The last time I ventured into these familiar waters (pardon the pun) I was called an “Eco Freak” by some knot-head that wanted to go round and round with me on the subject. Personally I prefer the term “Tree Hugger” it just seems to me, more personal and friendly.

The city is raising the rates on my water again. Not because I am using a lot of it, but because they are a city, and they KNOW that they can always milk the consumer for the life blood that he needs, and he will pay it.  You see, “You need water, and if you live in a city, you are going to pay for it.”

Some big challenges facing this country in the future, providing we make it thru this Wall Street debacle. One of them is going to be water. Fresh water is running out on a grand scale worldwide. The world is running out of potable water, which unfortunately, is a key ingredient to life as we know it. The last time I checked, the current numbers reflected less than 5% of the worlds water is now drinkable (potable) and that number is shrinking.

The latest data suggests we might be in big trouble, when it comes to water.

North America: The United States and Canada are the largest per capita consumers of freshwater, double that of our neighbors to the south in Mexico. Though supply has been abundant in the past, that may change. The High Plains Aquifer in the central United States that Mr. Pickens wants to deplete is expected to “decline dramatically.” Pollution, invasive species and under-priced water add to the stress of the region. In Canada, the demands put on water to harvest oil-sand petroleum is ruining the Frazier River Basin at an alarming rate.

South America: Due to fast population growth, the region’s major environmental problem of the next decade is expected to be a shortage of potable water.

Europe: Western Europe is pricing water at levels that allow for reinvestment and management of an adequate water supply. Easter Europe and the former Soviet Union, on the other hand, are still using more water per capita than Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, a business-as-usual scenario estimates water use will nearly double. Overall, water issues have more to do with quality and ecosystems than with quantity, which appears for the time being, sufficient.

But then again, Global Warming enters into the picture. A lot of people in Europe live below quickly melting glaciers, their primary water supply, when the glaciers have receded and are gone, then what?

Africa: More than half the population has no access to safe water, fewer today than in 1990. Almost half the population of the areas suffer from water-related diseases. In southern Africa, a business-as-usual scenario estimates water use will rise by half in just a few short years.

Asia: Nearly a third of the region has no access to safe water. Central Asia is already using 85% of available water, and South Asia nearly half that. Per capita availability of water has dropped by 70% in Central and Southern Asia since roughly 1950. In China the same applies, another business-as-usual scenario sees water consumption doubling in that country by 2025. Recently China has had to import huge quantities of rice, because acid rain has ruined the water in the surround country side and they are now growing crops in sterile soil.

Australia: Water usage increased by 25% in the mid ‘90’s, compared with the mid 80’s. At the same time, the water supply has been degraded, particularly in the Murray-Darling Basin in the southeast. A prolonged drought hasn’t helped matters at all.

You pick up any newspaper in this country and each day there is an item in there about the shortage of water or the possible contamination of an Aquifer that is used for public consumption. Water who most of believe is just plentiful and everywhere, is in fact, a precious resource (mostly non-renewable) and is being squandered.

Monroe Louisiana – Sixteen parishes in northern Louisiana depend on the Sparta Aquifer for drinking water, but one expert said the water is slowly deteriorating in quality because of drawdown. Ben McGee, a supervisory hydrologist with the U.S. Geological Survey, said the aquifer is tapped into at a rate of 70 million gallons a day by users from paper mills to residential homes.

Shapleigh MAINE – Voters in Shapleigh, in a setback for bottler Poland Spring, imposed a six-month moratorium on the testing or large-scale extraction of water. Residents voted 204-38 to adopt the moratorium, intended to give the town time to work on a regulatory ordinance.

Rockingham, North Carolina - Residents in three counties are concerned that pesticides used by peach farmers decades ago may be polluting well water. The Charlotte Observer reports that tests by health officials found 117 tainted wells in Montgomery, Richmond and Moore counties. For now, state officials are delivering drinking water weekly to affected homes.

Lubbock Texas – Billionaire T. Boone Pickens put plans on hold for a pipeline to send water from a Panhandle aquifer to cities downstate. A Pickens spokesman said the suspension of the Mesa Water pipeline has nothing to do with a Justice Department ruling in August that blocked changes to Texas law that helped create a water supply district. The district was dominated by employees of Pickens. He is all set to drain this aquifer (Ogallala) to supply Dallas with drinking water. He has however one big snag, “no one has asked him to provide them with water at this time.” Meanwhile, on the western fringe area’s of this water system they are starting to suck sand.

Slowly people are starting to realize that we have to do something to conserve this resource or we will perish. This week in Tucson Arizona, a dry and arid portion of the United States legislation was passed to conserve or re-use water. Homes built there after 2009 will be required to have wastewater systems that use drainage from sinks, showers and tubs to irrigate landscaping.

The ordinance adopted by the City Council requires new homes to have “gray-water” plumbing systems separate from piping that takes toilet waste to sewers. The new systems will cost about $500 per house.

It isn’t much, but at least it is a start.

000


September 22, 2008

Monday-Monday

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 9:33 AM
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Man, I love dumb crooks. Police in Hillsborough, North Carolina, responded to a call from a bank about a man who was acting suspiciously. Capt. Dexter Davis confronted the man asked if he had a weapon. “He pushed his book bag off his shoulders, opened the bag up and held it open to me to show he didn’t have a gun,” Davis said. When Davis looked inside, there was a note in clear view. It read, “I want $10,000 in $100 bills. Don’t push no buttons, or I’ll shot you.” Davis laughed out loud, and then arrested Christopher Fields (who was also carrying a 10 inch knife) and turned him over to the F.B.I..

Now this, is an addiction. Fairbanks – A man is accused of using a chain saw to break into the village store and steal thousands of dollars worth of tobacco and candy. Nathan Henry, 19, was charged with felony burglary and felony theft, according to state troopers. A manager of the store complained after finding a 3-foot hole in one side of the log building that had apparently been cut by a chain saw.

Thieves are the hardest working people I know.

A cool one?  Temper-temper. Boise – A woman who dumped a soft drink she hadn’t paid for onto a counter at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center here was charged in federal court with three misdemeanors. Natalie Walters, 39, faces one count of larceny of government property and two counts of disturbance. Walters said she was overcharged for the soda and dumped it rather than pay.

It is good to see the government cracking down on these wanton lawbreakers in our midst. They cannot locate the terrorists or the illegal aliens, so it appears they have shifted resources to the drink counters of America.

First they started checking our email, then started listening to our phone calls, and now it has digressed to our electric meters  The Delaware Public Service Commission approved a Delmarva Power plan to install “smart meters” to reduce customers energy use.  The approval means the meters will be installed possibly as early as next fall, for more than 300,000 gas and electric customers.  The meters allow for two-way communication between the utility and its customers and of course, “track” energy use.

If this isn’t Big Brother, I don’t know what is.

Poo-Poo occurs, it seems the poo-poo has hit the whirly-dirly in Reno – The city cracked down on recreational vehicles that park overnight in casino parking lots, prompting some RVers to say they’ll boycott Reno. City officials said an ordinance on the books since 1996 outlaws RV camping anywhere except designated parks with water and sewage hookups. The concerns are health-related, a city official said.

What is happening here is Californian’s heading north to the gambling joints and losing their money are dumping their black water (raw sewage or human waste) in the parking lots of the casino’s before they head home. Nasty huh.

Good gosh!  Just give me the ticket.

Mount Juliet Tennessee – A city police officer who used a choking maneuver on a man he suspected of hiding marijuana in his mouth has been fired. The city manager of this Nashville suburb terminated Cpl. William Cosby, who was charged earlier with aggravated assault and perjury. Video from a police car showed Cosby choking James Lawrence Anders Jr. during an April traffic stop until Anders passed out.

Who needs cops when you have bears? Panguitch, Utah. One Utah community is cheering a special bear but don’t call him Smokey. Investigators say a large black bear raided a clandestine marijuana growing operation so often that it chased the grower away. “This bear is definitely law-enforcement minded,” said Garfield County Sheriff Danny Perkins. “If I can find this bear I’m going to deputize him.”

Deputies found food containers ripped apart and strewn everywhere, cans with bear teeth marks, claw marks and bear prints across the Garfield County camp on Tuesday. Perkins said the operation on Boulder Mountain included 4,000 “starter” sacks of pot and 888 young plants. “This particular bear apparently was not going to give up and basically chased these marijuana farmers away,” Perkins said. “Our county is so tough on drugs that even the wildlife are getting in on the action.”

Deadly truck crash leaves $182K in nickels on I-95. One trucker died and two others were injured in a pre-dawn crash that left $182,000 worth of nickels on Interstate 95 near Orlando, Florida. State troopers and federal agents “are securing the scene, while local members of the Treasury are en route,” according to Florida Today. “The Treasury employees will pick up all the nickels.”

By our calculations, the U.S. Mint will have to pick up 3.64 million coins.  A state police spokesman warns that anyone who might stop to collect nickels … even ONE nickel … would face federal charges since the nickels belong to the Treasury Department.  And of course, “anyone with a soft drink in their hand, will automatically be considered “suspicious” for sure.”

And finally … Delhi,Ill..

Here’s a tip: Bar tending nude can get you arrested. Sheriff’s deputies doing a routine check this week at a southern Illinois bar say they discovered a not-so-routine sight. Authorities allege that 33-year-old Janet Brannon was naked while serving bar patrons at the Cabin Tavern in Delhi. Brannon was arrested and charged with misdemeanor public indecency. She was freed on $8,000 bond.

I would like to personally pay this lady’s fine, all we have in Oklahoma is Hooter Girls and 3.2 beer.

It just has to be Monday ……..

000

Good Ol Boys

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:20 AM
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Wrote a piece over the weekend on the election process in America, shaped it molded it, breathed into it life. Then I get an Email that says … “God, you are one of the good ol’ boys” and that was it.

So dutifully I answer the thing and of course it is a bogus address.

I may be a lot of things in life, but a dues paying member of the “good ol boy network” I am not.

Bridge to nowhere … News on the community of he weird. Media is reporting that these bozo’s spent over $96 million dollars last month on advertisements. This job must have a really good dental plan, to spend that much money trying to achieve the prize. Recent polls now show Obammer is falling behind McSame and that his only hope now is to somehow try to “outlive” McSame.

A new report is now claiming that Adiam Gaddan the American spokesman for the AL Qaeda network has died in a U.S. air strike, suspicions were raised when he did not show up at the Democratic Convention in Denver.

Meanwhile, the National Enquirer is reportedly under fire for falsely reporting that Sarah Palin had an affair.  I mean if it were true, that would like totally disqualify her from running, right.

Joe Biden in a surprise move to capture the “sympathy vote” has announced he is pregnant. Bill Clinton, not to be left out, has proposed a new federal office and will have Hillary lobby for it. It is the office of First Laddy.

Whatever it takes right?

Today is the first day of fall, the summer season officially ended yesterday. We are into the equinox either of the two times each year when the sun appears directly overhead at the equator and day and night, everywhere, are of equal length. After the autumnal equinox arrives in late September, temperatures will start to drop in most places north of the equator and Radio Girl in Canada, will dig out her sweaters.

The fall migration of monarch butterflies has started and it is nothing short of spectacular if you happen to be on their flight path to Mexico. They are coming thru here in droves, and they are nothing short of a navigational miracle as far as I am concerned.

In September and October these orange and black light winged beauties flit the 3,000 or so miles south to Mexico from the U.S.A.. One of the largest migrations of an insect from Canada to southern wintering grounds. They say down in Mexico that they have several acres of millions of the creatures, what a sight that would be to behold, eh?

“Hi honey, I am on the way home, is there anything that I can pick up for you on the way?” “Yes dear, there is. Maybe you could pick up a loaf of bread, some paper towels, a jar of pickles and a controlling interest in Lehman Brothers.”

The United States seems to be bending the rules on free markets, I don’t know who we have bought out this week with our newly printed funny money, but it has to be someone. Our nation sadly isn’t practicing what it preaches to other countries around the world. The only apparent difference between what the Fed.recently did and Hugo Chavez is doing in Venezuela is Chavez doesn’t put taxpayer dollars at risk when he takes over companies.

He just takes them.

DRILL HERE

000

September 11, 2008

The Simpatico Jogger

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 6:19 AM
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Big Daddy Is In Trouble

Big Daddy Is In Trouble

Ran into a friend at the Mall the other day, I went out there to carouse the book store and get some chinese, I like that Chinese Food.  He said “How you doing, I notice you have put on some weight.”

Which I thought was rude and I just told him that “I was my perfect weight if I was seven feet tall.”

And left it at that.

Contrary to popular belief, I do allow one every now and then to slip one by, and let them win a round.

Came home and turned on the TV, sat down with my take out of Moo Poo Gia Pan and finished off the day.  Watched the news and some infomercials.  There could be a small grain of truth in the statement, “Television will turn your brain to Oatmeal.”

I suppose if you watch it enough, it could be possible. I am especially drawn to those wonderful late-nite commercials where all the smiling people invite you to lose “30 lbs. in 30 days.”

Which we all know, is of course, impossible.

That was yesterday and this is today.  This morning, I am down around my ankles, wiping off the morning shower with a big fluffy towel, that is oh so warm and inviting, a caress to my tired old wrinkled skin. I am bent over and I am dutifully drying my ankles and I am wondering to myself, “Do I need to do anything else why I am down here, because I am definitely not coming back down here any time soon.”

And then there is the other nagging question of “Is a quart of water supposed to come out of your belly-button when you bend over?” … is that natural?  I wipe the condensate from the mirror and look upon my reflection in the mirror and I think to myself, “I need to lose some weight.”

Once again, I think of the “lose 30 lbs. in 30 day thing” as I scratch parts of my lower extremities I have not seen in close to five years now. It is appealing, the thought of being able to lose all that weight with the mere snap of a finger.

Stop and consider right now, how convenient that would be. You come home from a hard day at work, open the old mailbox and there it is, “the invite to the Class Reunion” and you suddenly discover that you have but six months to lose 30 lbs and of course, find a life.

But we all know that unless you are willing to sacrifice a limb or check yourself into a concentration style fat farm in Sunny-Southern-Arizona, losing 30 lbs in 30 days (yet alone six months) is virtually impossible.

As I am somewhat pragmatic I always try to do the math, see if it actually adds up.

In order to lose one pound of body mass (without sacrificing or losing a body part) you have to create a 3,500-calorie deficit. You can accomplish this feat in one or two ways. You can either feed your body, 3,500 fewer calories than it needs to support itself, or you can increase your activity level and burn off an extra 3,500 calories.

If you want to lose 30 lbs., you’ll have to create a total caloric deficit of 105,000 calories. The average person, eating 2,800 calories a day, consumes only about 84,000 calories. The average person, eating 2,800 calories a day, consumes only about 84,000 calories each month.

Even if you stopped eating completely, you’d still have to burn an extra 21,000 calories through exercise to lose some 30 lbs. in 30 days. (Is you’d a real word?) Running two miles or engaging in two hours of intense aerobic exercise every day for an entire month would take care of those extra 21,000 calories.

Maybe you can combine total starvation with a strenuous daily workout, but in my case, I just do not see that happening. Running two miles per day would put me some sixty miles out into the Panhandle of Oklahoma and a tad bit lighter.

Nope, that sure isn’t happening here, not today.

A wise person knows his limitations in life, I am not that heroic guy who rides the Tour De France with courage and ultimate victory, a Lance Armstrong I am not. I cannot make laps in an Olympic size pool and swim like a seal. I have to shoot for lesser events in my life, like maybe walking to the end of the driveway and back.

Might shoot for the Annual Mt Airy “Mayberry Festival” in Mt. Airy, North Carolina, where they celebrate each September “The Andy Griffith Show” and attend Mayberry Days. There is a statue of Andy and Opie and replicas of Floyd’s Barber Shop, the jail and Andy’s house.

I might fit in just fine there.

Screw the reunion, I am gonna have a Twinkie.

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