Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

November 26, 2012

We’re Back – Gobble Gobble

Filed under: Blogging,Life — ldsrr91 @ 5:17 AM
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It is our hope that all of you enjoyed the Holiday and that you traveled to and fro, safely, without a hitch.  We have just ended a trip into the Heartland, put some down some miles, burned some fossil fuels, and took in a little cranberry sauce and a little of the dark meat.

If I hear one more soundbite on Black Friday I think I am gonna lose it. 

Being a man I am not a big shopper, nor do I understand America’s preoccupation with the practice.  What is the big rush to acquire all of this stuff, that no one needs, no one is impressed with, and certainly no one can pay cash for?  The thing that really scares me about these throngs of unruly shoppers, is the mere fact that a lot of them are packing roscoe’s in their purse.

And now they are armed.  Oklahoma recently passed the “right to carry law” which means if you have a permit, you can openly carry a firearm in this state.  86 people have been gunned down in Oklahoma City this year, the latest was some poor guy vacuuming out his car at a car wash over the weekend.  Do we really need all of these people walking around packing heat?  

I fully expect to turn on the television some night and hear:  “Light to moderate gunfire with occasional shower of automatic weapons on the south-side, weather is perfect for intermittent gun sale activity at the fairgrounds, with scattered drive by shootings in the late afternoon.”

Cover me honey, I am changing lanes.

Quick!  To the bat pole!  A New Jersey man claims police overreacted when they arrested him for being dressed like a superhero.  He admits he was wearing a bulletproof vest, mask, cape, and hand cuffs, but says he wore his superhero getup “to inspire hope.”  His lawyer says there is no law that “would prohibit anyone from dressing how they want to dress.”  Yeah, these people never met my mother.  Kind of ironic, at a time when America is fresh out of hero’s, here we find one, and they are cuffing him and carting him away.

Couch Potato’s.  A global study has found that the United States ranked among the most physically lazy countries in the world (big surprise there huh?), with some forty percent of Americans engaging in little or no physical activity.  Greece was found to be the most active country in the Western World, with just fifteen percent of their citizenry inactive.

Grand theft auto:  I just love stooopid criminals.  A man in Louisiana tried to carjack an unmarked police car at a traffic light.  Inside were a state police detective and two U.S. Marshals.  “He evidently was not one of the smarter criminals in the area.”

Good deal on a car.  While we are on the subject of cars, a guy in Nebraska is selling off is huge fleet of antique cars so he can free up enough time to find a wife.  The 74 year old man says he spent so much time and energy acquiring and restoring his 90 classic cars that he “never had time for a date.”  His plan is to sell the cars and look for a wife, and he said “I don’t care if she has a half dozen kids.” 

Which to me says, “You have spent far too much time in the garage.”  He then went on to say … “The cars took up all of my time, and I had nothing left over for anything else.”  I got news for you sport, you hook up with some gal and six kids, you aint gonna have time for anything.

One more.  A Chinese woman upset about speeding cars roaring by her home purchased a sex doll, dressed in a sexy red lingerie and positioned it in her garden in view of passing motorists.  Most of who now hit the brakes to get a better look.  No word on what the local police think about this tactic.  I do just faintly remember a red nightgown in my past.  One night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy red negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

See you in the funny papers.

OOO

May 4, 2011

Just In Time For Summer

Let’s see, we have a cat with an arrow thru its head in Santa Cruz California (no real story there, they are looking for the cat hater), Osamma-been-forgotten is now no longer with us and Facebook is alive with virus attacks (I found that somewhat amusing, all these ding-dongs clicking on the death video, which we all know, there wasn’t one, and then getting infected … gives a totally new meaning to the term “friending another person” now doesn’t it.).

Charlie Sheen tours tornado damage in the deep south (I am not making this up people!)

How about Manuel Albert Soares, an international fugitive sought by Portugal since he skipped out on a prison sentence in 2008.  He was caught driving in the carpool lane of the New Jersey Turnpike this week without enough passengers.  Now that was stoooopid …  So I guess that leaves us with the milk truck?  Remember those ad’s on television awhile back …  “Milk … It does a body good.?”  Well a quick thinking driver of a milk tanker in Northern Ireland saved the lives of two men trapped in a burning car by dousing the flames with milk.

When he came across the crash scene, he positioned his truck so he could hose the fire from the tank’s rear valve.  When firefighters arrived on the scene, they rescued the trapped men, and then they were transported to a local hospital.

A high school janitor has paid for a new running track in White Center Washington.  He won $3.4 million on the lottery (over five years ago incidentally) and has continued to work at the school during this time.  Last week, he donated $40,0000 toward the installation of a new track.  He is retiring, and he said that “kids do things for you, they keep you young.”  I will have to remember that one.

Reminds me of the principal of a grammar school who had a problem with all the girls in the girls bathroom smearing lipstick on the mirror.  They would apply their lipstick and then in turn, kiss the mirror to smear it.  When the principal told the janitor about it, he said, “I can fix that.”

So they both went into the girls bathroom when all the girls were present (forewarning them first that they were coming in) and the principal, in front of the little ladies “explained the problem to the janitor.”

The janitor then said to the principal, “I can fix that.”  He then walked over to the closest commode, stuck in his brush, pulled it out, smeared the liquid all over the mirror, then pulled a wipe rag from his pocket and rubbed vigorously until the mirror was again, squeaky clean.

From that day on … There was never a lip print on the mirror again.

Never underestimate the power of American ingenuity.  That is what they often like to call pro-active thinking, and then you run across non-productive thinking, such as in the next comment.

Just when you think “you have seen or read it all” you come across the moron’s in Thornton, Colorado, who have outlawed spinning barbershop poles.  Here is another bad case of legislated American overkill.

The tradition of marking barbershops with a red, white, and blue striped pole dates back to medieval times.  But the city fathers in this backwater stop to nowhere have said that a modern version of it poses a threat to public safety.  “We don’t want signs to be distracting especially to motorists who are driving by.  (Motorists who are most likely driving by and text messaging on their cell phones for cryin’ out loud)

We need a break from all of these elected “do gooders that over regulate our lives.”

One more and then I am outta here (Which my good friend in Florida, Bill, hates it when I say that).  Just this week, in New York a new law was passed regulating childhood games such as tag, Wiffle ball, and horseshoes, which will now soon be designated “non-passive recreational activities with significant risk of injury.”

Glad they got that straight, and lookie here, just in time for summer.

Give me a break.

OOO

October 18, 2008

Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


October 17, 2008

Say It Isn’t So Joe

A record 90 percent of voters say country is seriously off track. According to a new ABC poll, 90 percent of registered voters say the country is going in the wrong direction. Only 23 percent approve of President Bush. After the recent presidential debate someone on McSame’s bus was heard to say … “It’s 10pm, does anyone know what time it is?”

Given the global economic crisis, a record number of registered voters say the country is seriously off on the wrong track, the most since this question first was asked in 1973. At 23 percent, Bush’s job approval rating has fallen below Nixon’s lowest; it’s a point away from the lowest in 70 years of polling, set by Harry Truman in early 1952.

Bush’s disapproval, meanwhile, is at an all-time record — 73 percent. … Reflecting these economic worries, just 44 percent of Americans are confident they’ll have enough money to carry them through retirement. The other 56% are seriously worried about just making it to payday on next Tuesday.

This sure is getting tired and old at this point in the game, I mean, just elect “somebody” and get it over with.

John McSame and Obammer both promised and vowed a different kind of campaign. Yet this one has devolved into the tried and true: Destroy the enemy truth and fairness be damned.

Is this the way to lift up America during these most trying times.

Joe the Plumber = twenty references. Middle Class = True to form, zero.

McSame looked like McCranky this last go around, and unfortunately, not much was new.

One more disturbing item and then I will move on.  Doubt has been cast over the story of “Joe the plumber”, the man who unexpectedly became the star of this week’s US presidential debate. Joe Wurzelbacher, of Ohio, was thrown into the spotlight after he was used by John McCain as an example of who might suffer under Barack Obama’s tax plans.

But it now emerges he is not a licensed plumber and owes $1,200 in back taxes.

The complete article is here, including a short video interview with “our man Joe” at the end of article.  Groan. I am going to write a totally new version of history just like these bozo’s routinely offer us. I will call it Highlights in History, watch for it, coming to a webpage near you soon.

The folks from Somalia are back in the news. Requests by Muslims to pray at work in Grand Island, Nebraska and Colorado, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot accommodate the strictly scheduled prayers.

Requests by Muslims to pray at work, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot apease the meat cutting religious zealots.

The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims say they are being discriminated against and are taking their complaints to the courts and the federal government.

Employers say the time out for prayer can burden other workers and disrupt operations.  The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims are the most vocal complainers of all the religions in the united states.  This is the best part of the article, “As he voiced his complaints through a translator.”

Here is a novel idea, “if you don’t like it here, why not pack up your sorry butt and go back to the Middle East and you can pray there all you want. That is, when you are not ducking and looking for cover.”

East Brunswick, N.J., football coach Marcus Borden has filed a petition with the U.S. Supreme Court for a review of a federal appeals court ruling that prohibits him from participating in team prayer. Borden’s case began, when in 2005, he was told by school administrators not to lead his players in a team prayer.

Borden is asking the court to review an April ruling from the U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals. The appeals panel had reversed a 2006 ruling that said Borden and other public school coaches could silently bow their heads and “take a knee” with players as their teams prayed.

Down here, in the states of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, we pray before Friday Night Football and we don’t think anything about it, but then again, we live in America, not where the rest of these folks apparently live.

Des Moines, Iowa. Operating room nurse Pauline Taylor knows her refusal to get a flu shot is based on faulty logic. But ever since she got sick after getting a shot a few years ago, she’s sworn off the vaccine. “I rarely get sick. The only thing I could narrow it down to is that I had gotten this shot,” said Taylor, who works at University Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City.

“I know that it’s not a live virus. It just seemed pretty coincidental. Such stories frustrate me, the poor sap, who has to be handled by these so-called “health workers” who do not bother to get a shot. A surprising statistic — nearly 60% of health care workers fail to get a flu shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, nurses have worked hard to advance their profession and dispite some sexist myths do a great job. Portraying nurses as empty-headed bimbos demeans their important work and the education and skills it demands.

As I am old and somewhat bent out of shape ninety-two-point five percent of the time, I desire clean and healthy hands on my body at all times …. Aw what the hey, who am I kidding ….. I’ll take clean hands on my body at any time.

Be Nice – Play Fair – Share.

Civility lessons for the commuter. The Boston-area transit system has placed posters on 600 subway cars and 400 buses, reminding riders to pick up trash, tone it down on the phone, offer seats to those who need them, and let people off trains before getting on themselves. Officials said complaints about poor manners have increased along with rider-ship on MBTA buses and trolleys lately. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when children do not have any social mores, and the parents of the same kids, do not know how to ride politely with other commuters. Is it no small wonder when other nation’s observe us and feel that we are crude, rude and obnoxious.

Great Falls – Montana. The first turbines at a wind farm in north-central Montana are online, supplying power to customers in California. The $500 million Glacier Wind Farm is being developed by Spain-based NaturEner.

The first phase of 71 towers will be producing 106.5 megawatts of power within two weeks, a company spokesman said. Most of the wind farms in our state are owned by outside interests (foreign investment) and it appears that around the country, the trend seems to be the same, people other than the U.S. building public works/private interest for us.

Might be why they are living in robust economies, have rewarding careers and good jobs, and we are headed for the dumpster.

CLEARFIELD, Pa. A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — includes a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: “I wanted to see if I could.”

“I’ve always had a heck of a capacity and I can down about two gallons of water and I can do a gallon of milk in 20-some seconds,” said Sciullo, a chef at Pasta Lorenzo’s in Uniontown. He was later spotted on the house telephone calling Joe The Plumber.

NASA has commissioned a specialist to recreate the smell of outer space – which has been described as being similar to fried steak and hot metal. The research is being conducted so astronauts can get an idea of the kinds of conditions they will experience. Once again, the prudent spending of your tax dollar for the benefit of a greater society.

Steven Pearce, a chemist and managing director of fragrance manufacturing company Omega Ingredients, has been working since August to recreate the smell – he hopes to be finished by the end of the year.

“We have a few clues as to what space smells like. First of all, there were interviews with astronauts that we were given, when they had been outside and then returned to the space station and were de-suiting and taking off their helmets, they all reported quite particular odors.”.

“For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal and even welding a motorcycle. NASA said he has successfully produced the smell of fried steak, but recreating the smell of hot metal has proven to be quite difficult. Perhaps a sniff of the end of the barrel of Cheney’s shotgun would do it?

Hey, feed me two Taco’s and one super-sized all bean Burrito and I will give you all the smell and space you need!

Yeah, I know gross. Don’t write me any letters, the box is full.

Have A Great Weekend.

000

The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)

October 14, 2008

Lost In Washington

It always amazed me how George Hubert Walker Bush, who only served one term in the Presidency of the United States could get Barbara’s picture on a dollar bill.  Now along comes George Dubya Bush and he has his picture on a dollar too.

Received a smattering of emails over the weekend from people wanting me to lay off Bush and the State of Texas in general. (Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt?)  So if you are wondering if the “Tag Feature” of WordPress.com is working, well it is doing just fine. Also, I dutifully filed most all of them under the big “Red X” in the upper left hand quadrant of my mailbox.

As for Bush?

Now, as he spends his last months in office trying to avert a global economic collapse, Mr. Bush has been telling people privately that it’s a good thing he’s in charge. He said that if it was going to happen at all, he was glad it was happening under his presidency, because he had a good group of people in D.C. working for him. 

Perhaps those that live south of the Red River have a different meaning to this term. Surrounded by “competent good people.” Which mainly consists of educated, well paid baby killers, private company mercenaries (overseas) and a covert 24 hour a day staff of paper and document shredders.

Bush also said that whoever was going to take over in January was going to have a huge crisis on their hands the day they come into office. Which is more than likely, the biggest political gaff of the year. The only thing that I could possibly think of more absurd than this is “Read My Lips … No New Taxes.”

I believe that is a Bushism too if I am not correct?

Dubya later said when regaining consciousness that he thought by this happening now, that perhaps everyone could see signs of improvement before the next president comes into office.

That is, if the lights are still on …

Read the whole story here.

Don’t you just love it when they look into the old teleprompter with that deer in the headlight look, and explain to you how everything is just going to be swell in River City.  Now when you spin it that way, well, it just sounds a lot better doesn’t it?

Let me try it …. Bubonic Financial Plague … Yeah, that works just fine.

And I’ll lay you six to five, Ol’ Ben is rolling over in his grave.


000


October 13, 2008

Chummin The Waters

Down Girl … Down!

With his electoral prospects fading by the day, Senator John McCain has fallen out with his vice-presidential running mate about the direction of his White House campaign. McCain has become alarmed about the fury unleashed by Sarah Palin, the moose-hunting “pitbull in lipstick”, against Senator Barack Obama. Cries of “terrorist” and “kill him” have accompanied the tirades by the governor of Alaska against the Democratic nominee at Republican rallies.

Mark Salter, McCain’s long-serving chief of staff, is understood to have told campaign insiders that he would prefer his boss, a former Vietnam prisoner of war, to suffer an “honorable defeat” rather than conduct a campaign that would be out of character – and likely to lose him the election.

“Some will say, jeez Sarah, it’s getting negative. No it’s not negativity. It’s truthfulness.” The crowd bellowed its appreciation with chants of “Nobama” and “Go Sarah Go!” Meanwhile back at the cabin, ninety miles from Russia …. Look kids … Mommies’ on TV!

All Juiced out

OJ Simpson is still locked down in Sin City, Las Vegas, after recently losing his court battle, some say he should have played the “race card” and he said that he would have, but the Obammer crowd was already using it.  The New Jersey Hall Of Fame is open now, some of the exhibits are Jack Nicholson, Bon Jovi, and some dude named Vinny.

Thanks … But No Thanks

Laxatives at dinner, drinking vinegar and electric shock treatment… Welcome to extreme spa detox. Anna Pasternak spends a week extreme detoxing. Here she reveals the results As a spoiled spa junkie, I’ve pretty much covered the whole global gamut: ayurvedic abhyanga (oily massage) in the Alps, Chi Nei Tsang (deep and delicate abdominal delving) in Thailand and shamanic stuff in the States.

Man, you have to be kidding me. I think I would rather be fat and lonely than do this. This is worse than my last job at Weight Watchers. Yeah, no joke. I got $8.40 an hour just to stand in the corner, and the instructor would point at me and yell …. If you keep eating Twinkies girls … THIS is what you will look like! Read the entire story here.

Keeping Track

Last week’s papers were full of Hazel Wheeler, and her amazing life story. In 1941, aged 14, Wheeler found a blank diary in her parents’ attic. She then went on to post an entry every day, without exception, for the next 67 years. Now that is what you call discipline, eh?

The main joy for the press has been that, in the past 67 years, there has been no global event – however cataclysmic – that didn’t take second place to Wheeler’s reports on her knitting, baking, or domestic arrangements.

Actual entry: “President Kennedy was assassinated as he drove through Dallas today. Shot through the head. Baked macaroons and scones. Did knitting”

Now who says “Politics’ are important in America?”

000

Related:  Baracks House

October 7, 2008

Another Crap Sandwich

Bad Diet.

We are being fed one crap sandwich after another, and unfortunately, it appears that from here on out, it is crap sandwiches as far as the eye can see. Secretary of the Treasury Paulson says the U.S. Economy is not out of the woods, and in for some more tough sledding. This naturally occurs when you a hire a fox to watch the chicken house as they say in rural America.  Things are so bad, Mexico is considering building their own fence to keep out Wall Street Brokers, financial advisory personnel and stock brokerage workers.

Naked Gnomes of Finance.

With the titan’s of finance standing humbled and broken amongst us, no hero’s on the horizon to turn to. Having invested lavishly in financial instruments neither they, nor virtually anyone else truly understood, the entire house of cards came tumbling down in a matter of weeks. When we looked for all those people “that ran on a platform of LEADERSHIP all we found were a bunch of bickering, fighting children” talking ideologies and hurling blame and hurt feelings, but offering little in the way of solutions. That right there, is enough to throw water on any good ol boy’s parade. To feed ‘em their own words … That is Priceless.

Professionals at work.

See how Congress has modified the Paulson Plan.  Originally 2 pages, now 451+ pages.  This excerpt shows an important addition (perhaps omitted due to an oversight by Secretary Paulson), that illustrates an important aspect of our political regime.  All the hogs rushed to the trough and this is what they added.

Change The Logo

It is fairly easy to be a Politically Correct Liberal in America, especially when you live in a gated community. The Republican Party should change their national emblem from an elephant to a prophylactic, because it stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a false sense of security when one is being screwed. Assuming that either the left win or the right wing gains control of the country, it will probably just fly around in circles and of course, passing out worthless checks.

Backyard gardening, now you can grow your own.

Health food stores are experiencing a rush in Italy as researchers isolated an erection inducing plant compound in a widely sold Chinese Herb know as “Horny Goat Weed” (No, I am not making this up) the compound icarin, may be as effective as Viagra, they are saying. We have “medical marijuana” why not grow something useful right next to it, if you find yourself watering for more than four hours, call a physician.

Times are really getting bad now.

Playboy is laying off bunnies, but there is a bright side, think of all the money Hugh Hefner will save on batteries! And the world economy continues to take more casualties.  This morning I read where one of my overseas friends is getting down and it takes one more casualty.

Take care … Things will get better … I hope.

Don’t be a victim Jen, be a cheer leader!

Like my sainted Grandmother used to say ….. Look for the Rainbow Donnie … There is always a good side. As Michael Beaudet of Key West, Florida said after being rescued from his disabled sail boat after being adrift for some six days: “First the rum ran out, the cigarettes ran out, then the food ran out, and then the water was gone. Thank God for the rain!”

Sign of the times

Highway authorities throughout the country are being bedeviled by thieves who keep stealing highway markers bearing the numbers “666” or “66.6.” In New Jersey at least four such signs have been swiped, either by religious zealots who are upset with the numbers’ biblical association with the devil, or by young people who think it is cool to have a 666 sign in their bedrooms. Officials are countering with changing the route to 665.

Pass me the Salsa and some of them chips.

Within a decade, Mexico will catch up to the U.S. to become one of the worlds fattest nations, the Mexican government announced this week. Already, half of Mexicans are overweight and obesity among children is rising steadily. New cases of high blood pressure and diabetes have increased more than 25% over the past five years.

Low class act.

Adran Ghalib, the paparazzo who dated Britney Spears during her long downward spiral is peddling a two-hour sex tape of the singer, in which she performs wearing nothing by a pink wig. He said he is “open to the best offer” but … get this … Is too much of a gentleman to reveal any embarrassing information about his ex. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. Talk about a bottom-feeder this has to be him.

Isolate the problem.

During Gov. Sarah Palin’s (R-AK) speech in Florida this morning, campaign staffers kept the press locked out of the park and away from supporters attending the speech. Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn’t permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, “Can I help you?” and turn the person around.

When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn’t allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday. Palin has still yet to give a single press conference since being tapped as Sen. John McCain’s running mate on August 29.

Where the **** are we?

Speaking at a San Francisco fundraiser on Sunday, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) “fumbled” while praising U.S. soldiers in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, referring to Afghanistan as a “neighboring country”: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan,” she told several hundred supporters at a fund raising event in San Francisco. Afghanistan borders neither the United States nor Iraq.

Asian geography appears equally difficult for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who has discussed an imaginary Iraq-Pakistan border. Perhaps they took Geography 101 at the Michael Jackson School located in Never-Never-land-California (an ideal or imaginary place).

Here is a real eye opener.

If you want to read something really interesting on McSame here is the link. It is rather long, but well worth the read, it is supposed to be published in Rolling Stone next month. You can find all 11,000 words of it here. Make Believe Maverick It might change your mind and it might not.

Middle of the week for a five-day wage slave in Oklahoma.

We now we see that money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. Lately I find it hard to be happy, upbeat, truly amusing. Early in the morning and I am fresh out of aphorisms to describe the pain I feel. I don’t have a short, pointed sentence to express a wise observation or a general truth, I just have this.

So, as the bantering and bickering continue, one fact remains constant, from a political standpoint, we are not getting much better than what we have had, geographically speaking they really seem to be lost as a goose.  It looks like four more years of the same.

And if that is the case, Lord help us!

000



September 30, 2008

September Wrap

Take it to the Car Wash.

Seattle Washington is considering the banning of washing cars on the driveway. They say that all the pollution and run off (chemicals, brake dust) is harmful to the Puget Sound environment. I find this kind of hard to believe (must be my day to be a skeptic huh?). Our last visit to Seattle we went to the aquarium there, Seattle has a world class aquarium and we spent the day down on the bay.

One of the exhibits there was a sewer intake/outtake exhibit for the Puget Sound Region.

They had these huge concrete pipes in the museum about ten feet in diameter and a map of all their locations in the Puget Sound where they were, discharging effluent (treated sewage water) into the bay. You press a button and it displays on a board mockup of Puget Sound the locations of these outlet pipes. Some “44 of them.” So I would say the Salmon and other residents of the bay have more to worry about than car washes.

Here is some more sewage news, when the poo-poo hits the whirly-dirly (When “it” hits the fan Y’all) in Alabama they don’t have the change to pay for it.

Birmingham, Alabama, Jefferson County Commission President Bettye Fine Collins said the county will probably default on part of its $3.2 billion sewer debt but not file for bankruptcy. A so-called standstill agreement with sewer system creditors expires Tuesday. Once that happens, creditors can demand payments the county says it can’t afford. I mean how embarrassing is that? You owe $3.2 billion on your sewer bill.

My favorite door stop that can talk is on TV this morning.

Bush is coming on television sometime this morning, and I suppose he is going to play the “scare card” again. You ever notice how he does that? If we don’t take Osamma Been Forgotten, the Free World will be at risk. If we don’t go into Iraq and get Saddam, we will be at risk from all his nuclear weapons that did not exist. And now it is banking and Wall Street.

Perhaps Bush is using his version of new math?  Once again he will dig deep into his grab bag of political tricks and use the scare card.  Check your local listings or better yet, just check out, as we pointed out before, these people have a massive credibility issue.

Others do not agree with bailing out Wall Street and say it isn’t so.

Much of the country’s political and economic leadership has been running around raising the prospect of the Great Depression and a breakdown in the banking system (I actually had taken the latter seriously). These stories are absolutely not true. There is no plausible scenario under which the no bailout scenario gives us a Great Depression. There is a more plausible scenario (but highly unlikely) that the bailout will give us a Great Depression. There is no way that the failure to do a bailout will lead to more than a very brief failure of the financial system. We will not lose our modern system of payments. At this point I cannot identify a single good reason to do the bailout. Click here.

What is wrong with this picture?

Boston – The Justice Department said Massachusetts must provide Spanish-language ballots and materials to Puerto Rican voters in Worcester to settle allegations the state violated the Voting Rights Act. Federal officials said the state’s failure to provide the translated materials to Worcester residents in 2001 resulted in Puerto Rican voters not being able to access the polls or cast an informed ballot. State Sen. Dianne Wilkerson decided to seek a recount after her 228-vote loss to challenger Sonia Chang-Diaz in last week’s Democratic primary. Wilkerson, of Boston, is gathering signatures for a recount in five wards.

Juan is having problems down by the border.

Phoenix – The families of some illegal immigrants passing through the state are getting ransom demands from criminals claiming to have kidnapped their loved ones as they were sneaking into the country. What isn’t immediately clear to these families is that they’re targets of “virtual kidnapping.” The extortion scam has escalated to an average of one case being reported each week.

Your friends in the Oil and Gas Industry are in the news

Charleston – Royalty payments are awaiting state residents who had oil or gas leases with Dominion Resources. The energy company will pay $40 million to $50 million to 25,000 owners to resolve a lawsuit that alleged Dominion cheated them out of royalties. The dispute centered on whether gas drillers could deduct production costs before calculating royalty payments.

One honest man in Pennsylvania

HarrisburgPennsylvania‘s highest court said a judge can’t refuse an 11% pay raise. The high court upheld a lower court ruling that said Superior Court Judge Joan Orie Melvin cannot legally reject the salary, which went from $145,658 to $162,100 in September 2006, when the high court reinstated a pay hike that had been repealed.

Another Looney law in a long, long list of curious oddities in America.

  • New, New Jersey, forbids the sale of ice after 6 P.M. without a prescription.
  • South Foster, Rhode Island, any dentist who extracts the wrong tooth mush have a similar tooth pulled by the village Blacksmith.
  • And map that does not prominently display the city of Lima, Ohio, is illegal to sell in Lima, Ohio.
  • In Portland, Maine, it is illegal to tickle a girl under the chine with a feather duster.
  • In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that exceeds six feet in length.

And if you think that is ridiculous or bad you ought to live in Oklahoma where it is illegal to: Read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle. Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger. Whaling is illegal. It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.

The really sad part of all this, it is real, and not made up. Who writes this stuff?

People like this.

I am outta here … See you in October.

000

August 5, 2008

Boring and not important …

Crazy mean men are usually played by Dennis Hopper.  Weird men are to be played by Robin Williams.  And then we have the political candidates …

Obammer is back from his palooza world tour after declaring himself as something akin to Emperor at Large or some kind of Rock Star. In Germany he described himself as a “citizen of the world” ….. People of Berlin … People of the world … This is our moment!” I believe the quote was.

John McSame was currently behind Obammer in a few southern states, Colorado and Michigan last I heard. But not to worry, Obammer was said to be way ahead of him in Belgium, Germany and France. Meanwhile back at the ranch … When Mr. Bush was asked what he thought about this latest new development in the campaign, Mr. Bush responded that “he thought the bad spellers of the world should untie!”

Still writing bad checks and blaming everyone else.  In totally non-reality-based news, the Bush administration announced this week that this year’s $600 per person tax rebate busted the budget. But we all know that is false, the biggest culprit was Dubya’s determination to launch a war in Iraq, which has cost hundreds of billions of dollars while he sat back and blithely cut taxes. When this guy dies, he ought to leave his body to science fiction. We KNOW why we are broke George ………..

Now the bill is coming due, and the American people and the next president are stuck with it.

Here is some progressive thinking. A New Jersey senator, Jennifer Beck, wants to automatically strip politicians convicted of crimes such as public corruption of their retirement benefits. Finally someone with a modicum of sense, got elected to an office.

By the way, she is a Republican.

Recently I wrote that the good folks in Colorado didn’t want any drilling in their area. Now I have found another stellar example of “The Not In My Backyard” phenomenon. Baltimore county officials plans to take its opposition to a proposed liquefied natural gas terminal to the Supreme Court. AES Corp. wants to build a terminal at a former Bethlehem Steel shipyard.

Critics say the plant would harm the environment and be a terrorist target. Hey I got news for you, according to the Bush Administration; this entire country is a Terrorist target.

Yesterday I mentioned Bear Scat (Bear poo-poo) and today I came across this. Scientists from the Australian Antarctic Division traveling by boat on a research mission to study whale habitats, managed to capture what they believe is a historical first photo: the water pattern that results from the bubble when a hug whale releases flatulence. Said researcher Nick Gales, “We got away from the bow of the ship very quickly.”

I always wondered why Gregory Peck was yelling … “Thar she blows!” …. In that Hollywood classic, now I know.

Here is something else that I found personally amusing.  “Wordpress.com has announced that support will be open 24/7 as of this month.” Which is kind of like drilling for oil, 15% of nothing is still nothing.

A convicted killer is on a hunger strike in a Colorado jail because he can no longer play the drums. Prison staff shortages and a spate of fights among prisoners, canceled rehearsals of the prison band and the drummer is not all that happy about that. His mother said that she was very concerned because he has lost 32 pounds in the first week. 32 lbs in one week (almost 5 lbs per day average)

Yeah right, like I believe that.

I have at one time or another been on every cotton-pickin’ diet in the world and NEVER lost any kind of numbers like that. I have been so dog-gone hungry that even cat food commercials on TV made me hungry. The last diet I was on was that Grapefruit Diet, where you eat nothing but Grapefruit all day long. But I had to give it up because every time that I went to the bathroom, I found myself squirting myself in the eye!

32 lbs in one week …… yeah sure … And all Desperate Housewives look like that.

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