Good News! He is not working at WalMart in Minnesota but he is alive.
In The Depot
If you are hungry for something really good, check it out.
The View From The Rear View Mirror
This is a very good read.
OOO
Good News! He is not working at WalMart in Minnesota but he is alive.
If you are hungry for something really good, check it out.
This is a very good read.
OOO
It’s been a while since I’ve posted so I thought you might be wondering where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. I’ve been doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I could tell you I have been working hard, but that would not be exactly truthful by any stretch of the imagination.
I could say I have been hard at play and making a new life for myself. That too, would be fabricated non-sense. In essence, here is the bottom line. I have been sleeping quite a bit. Things have not been all that rosy for me here lately, so in order to cope, I have been checking out and sleeping is my fashion of dealing with it.
Life however goes on.
We are considering a trip to Tennessee and noticed that I have more in the old fuel fund that I thought I had. Still have my Flyin Hooker gift card that my friends at Prevost Community gave me, so in reality, I am just a little bit ahead of the game right now. It is hard to see it that way, but it is right there, one little check mark on the plus side of life. Like Tom Cruise in the movie Top Gun … “I feel the need for speed.” Unfortunately, being a dues paying member of the old geezer set, my rally call is somewhat different … “I need to grab the big wheel and go.” (that is a steering wheel on a bus for the uninitiated in life)
My bride, that little parsimonious grocery shopper, wants to go the world’s largest mall in Minnie-No-place Minnesota and I find that I am yearning to see another sunset over the Bad Lands in South Dakota.
She puts in her LAST DAY as a working woman on the 31st of this month. Retirement. I retired when I was 43 years old, so I have had a lot of time to myself and doing what it is that I wanted to do unsupervised all of these years. This is going to take some adjustment, I sometimes fear that I will have too much wife for my retirement now, this is going to be different.
I digress, sorry.
It will be good to get up in the Bad Lands/Black Hills. This time, like a bottle of fine wine, I am going to savor it and consume it with complete abandon. With the rising price of fuel it is almost impossible to plan on going anywhere anymore with any kind of certainty, so it would behoove us all to relish what time we have in these special places and enjoy it like it will never happen again.
Because, it could very well be just that.
One last hurrah.
Sinking back in the chair, I close my eyes and I can see a small dusty spot just off the road, next to a bridge, and a river that rolls by in a timeless sort of way. A sky full of stars and dead quiet … the gentle peace of the endless prairie at night. Something about that part of the country that is almost indescribable and knowing you can never see it all in just one trip.
Makes it all kind of special.
In my spirit I feel a need to get back to those things, at least one more time. Looks like that is going to get done sometime next year. If the oil companies would just back off on their greed for a little while, I could very well write a new chapter in my book. Soon to be a new mini-series on ABC next fall, check your local listings.
Leaves are turning on the tree’s and it looks like the grass in the backyard will have to be mowed one more time. Been thinking about winter prepping the bus this week, do not see us heading out on any new Grand Adventure for awhile and before you know it, it will be winter time. Funny how you always notice the trees turning in the fall, but when spring arrives and everything greens out, you are somewhat surprised.
This morning, sitting here doing a little internal housekeeping and I noted a few new folks have signed up and are following the site. Such interesting looking people, living in all manner of diverse places on the planet and I always wonder, why don’t they come online and say something?
Anyway, What have you been up to lately? Please entertain and energize us in the comments section.
As always we are glad that you stopped by for a brief visit, giving us a little of your time out of your busy day, you are okay! If you are not real busy today, here is a very good read that I came across just this past weekend.
Check it out, it will make your day.
OOO
Reading the paper and it says that President Shrub and the First Lady are not going home right away after the inauguration. They are flying to Midland Texas for a “welcome home celebration for Laura” this is her hometown. (You did notice I said it was for “Laura” and not for him)
So the cottage in Dallas is on hold for a little bit. It is not a moving thing, as after eight years of Bush, there simply cannot be much left in Washington to take home. It is a decorating issue. The article goes on to say that they are not ready to move into the new diggs in Dallas as the painters have not finished up on the painting of the new residence.
Which struck me as strange, because you see I have never lived anywhere in my entire life where I had to wait on the movers, the painters, the plumbers or any other service people. There is a very good reason for this, you see:
I am the painters, the plumber and those other service people.
Much like you, I am a Happy Home Owner and I am in charge of these responsibilities as I am not rich. Only the wealthy are required to wait on the hired help, the rest of us do not share this luxury of life.
I am not wealthy, do not ever expect to be well-heeled as they say, and that is the name of that tune. Having no real desire to be stinking rich, I will freely admit to aspiring to not minding smelling bad, but other than winning the lottery, I see no real hope of ever being considered rich and having to wait on a plumber or a painter anywhere at any time.
So you can see why it strikes me as odd, “having to wait on the painters” before moving in.
Same thing with flying, they fly everywhere they go, and to them it is matter of fact, “Old Hat.” Too me it is a monumental hassle, take off your shoes, remove those nipple rings — bend over something is squeaking down there and setting the wand off! And all of that is before we leave the house for the airport!
My wife takes this flying business rather seriously these days.
They don’t have to put up with any of that, they just get on the bird and whoosh …. Off they go. Ah the perks of political importance and being with the in-crowd. Flying is also very expensive, another pesky little detail that they do not have to put up with, they are flying on the cuff, the taxpayer pays for all their little junkets.
Jim Inhofe a Senator from our state is known for flying all around the world, he did close to $200,000 worth of it last year, he seems to have adopted the continent of Africa. All of it on the taxpayer accounts and this is all they had documented, a lot of it was using military aircraft and there are no figures available for that.
Face it we are all little fish swimming in a big pond, and they are the big fish. Well, I need to get off this jag, I am beginning to sound whiny, and I hate that when it happens.
So what is it here that is newsworthy, this Saturday morning? As many of you know, Hillary Clinton was chosen to operate the apparatus that dropped the ball on New Years eve. And it occurred to me, who would have been a better choice to have dropped the ball, than a Senate Democrat?
Sarah Palin says Caroline Kennedy is getting a media pass and she is upset with that. That is news? Sarah also has a new grandson, Tripp, or as the liberal news media calls him, “Fresh Meat.”
Barack Obama was recently named as “Man of the Year” by Time magazine, but Al Franken in Minnesota claims there might be enough unclaimed votes to support his contention of Man of the Year.
Went to Borders yesterday and picked up some new reading material: Circumcision by Appointment, Urogential Manipulation — or life in Washington DC on the lobbyist trail. I suppose when Bush goes home he will write one on Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation numbers or how to Bombproof Your Horse, How to make it in life after squatting down with your spurs on — I can hardly wait.
Big time shaker out on the westcoast yesterday, something like 5.9 on the Richter scale. It was felt in Los Angeles and all the way up to San Bernardino which is an area of about 55 miles. They say animals can detect a quake before it hits. My dad had a weenie dog named Fritz that could do it, he knew when they were coming and he would meet us all at the front door, flashlight in his mouth, and he had already changed the batteries!
Last week or awhile back I discovered this little duck in my front yard, don’t have a clue as to where it came from or how it got there. It wasn’t much of anything really, just this little lost, fluffy orphan, so I brought it inside the house and placed it in the warmth of my office, right next to the computer.
I got to thinking this week, “I bet this duck has never been out of town?” (Not really, I got to thinking it has been a long time since YOU have been out of town) So I have decided to shut it down some and get out of Dodge for awhile.
Gasoline right now is cheap and I have just sunk my life savings into my truck [My Old Hoopie] to get it in good operating order. One of the apparent benefits of not being gainfully employed is the ability to load up your favorite duck and head out. ATM card in hand, full tank of gas and an empty bladder, loose me on humanity and set me free! I am a fiend for the open road, Radio Girl has been sending me all those “we are having a good time you are not photo’s” back from down south, I am outta here.
Me and the duck, no poopy, we are out on the highway, mile after mile of tortured country music on the stereo westbound with the hammer down.
In the meantime, we will try our level best to post at least one item per day (not the usual two or three) and answer comments as we can. As we are not traveling in a multi-million dollar motorhome Like Celine Dion or Cher, with a sat. dish on top, internet service will be sporadic at best and at times, non existent.
But where there is a will there is a way.
Please play fair amongst yourselves and try not to kill anyone while I am gone.
000
I am a little late with my hauling today, please excuse me. Listening to “Oldies on the Radio” so this could get a little strange … Which is an Oxymoron for this blog to be sure. Strange is my by-line.
Most accidents happen in the home
Woke up to a rather chilly house this morning and it sure has cooled down here in the Heart Land. This morning I was recalling my first winter on my own in Oklahoma. I left home at an early age and went into the service, returning from the service I did what most guys did, located a job, found a place, and kind of settled in.
See there, all of us Viet Nam Vets are not messed up.
Having lived at home all of my life, I quickly discovered that having my own place was really kind of unique and different. My apartment, built in the fifties had a “floor furnace” it did not have Central Heat Air as with today’s modern abodes.
Not really knowing how to lite the dad-gum thing, I just kind of took it on myself to try and get it going. Too proud to ask the landlord and yes, to stuuuupid to not try.
So I take the inspection cover off and I turn on the gas … first bad move.
The furnace in the floor has a two inch inspection port on the very top of it. Now here it comes … Second bad move … I start dropping lighted matches into the hole, all the time, staring straight down the port to see if it lites.
Several attempts were unsuccessful, meanwhile, the chamber is rapidly filling with raw gas. Well, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist or the next contestant on Jeopardy to figure out what happens next.
The floor furnace comes alive with a boom something akin to a explosion in a coal mine, and whoosh, and I do mean ….. WHOOSH!… at that time, this incredibly beautiful, rather blue looking flame, not to mention extremely hot as I recall, comes out of this hole that I am staring in, at about the speed of light!
No more eyebrows, eyelashes, and I now have a nice kind of tomato hot chilly pepper “red color” about my face and neck. Which believe me was the talk of the lunch table for about ten days afterwards.
Just thought I would share that with you and what my grandfather said to me, “Son! What happened to your face?” So I told him and then he remarked something to grandmother about me being her son’s child or something.
So for god’s sake, be careful lighting up the furnace y’all, it can be a real butt kicker if done incorrectly. So much for the “public safety” portion of today’s post.
Politics’ that pay off
Rhode Island state senator John Orabona claimed an annual pension of $106,000 when he retired in 1995, based on 79 years worth of state service. Only one problem: He was 51 years old at the time. So how did he acquire more years in pension credits than he’d been alive? He found and exploited a loophole in the state’s pension legislation that made it possible for him to combine benefits from various jobs. Must be nice, the world of politics.
Fannie Mae Comes Clean
Mortgage financing company Fannie Mae acknowledged this week that it has spent more that $6,000 on a golf outing after it was seized by the government this year. But it said it is halting similar company sponsored events. I just love it when they come clean after the fact and it makes me wonder just how it is that they can manage to keep their shirts on with those big hearts that they have.
Open Wide
This year’s ozone hole over Antarctica was the fifth-biggest on record and reached a mximum area of 10.5 million square miles which scientists consider “moderately large.” Gawd, wonder what a Big Hole would consist of? Last year, it was 9.7 million square miles, smaller than this year, and that was approximately about the size NORTH AMERICA. Think about that … that would be considered adequately large I guess, which my wife often uses to describe my mouth or behavior at parties.
Reverse Escape
I just love stupid criminals, they rock! As my grandson would say. Police in Nassau County, New York said a man, the brother of a man already incarcerated, broke into jail because of his displeasure with the visitors policy. He pleaded not guilty to trespassing and other charges and was ordered held in leui of $6K in bail. His lawyer said that his client was “going thru a lot of emotional turmoil.” Now you know the economy and things are getting bad, when people are actually trying to BREAK INTO OUR JAILS. I recommend probation and Prozac for at least 6 months.
Check the bag
Ramsey Minn. Parents found methamphetamine and $85 in cash in the Halloween stash of their 7 year old son. When they asked him about it, he replied, “Some bigger kid ran by him and asked if he wanted some candy” so I took it. When I was twelve, I dressed up in women’s apparel, and went as my mother. I just stood at the door, and critized everyone who came by about what they were wearing.
No small wonder … Drill this
In a review of the 55,000 federal oil and gas leases issued to energy companies by the Interior Department from 1987 to 1996, the General Accountability Office found that the majority expired without being drilled and an even smaller amount produced oil and natural gas. This boys & girls is why drilling for oil is risky … 15% of nothing … equals nothing.
Do you still have the number for the truck driving school?
“I just thank God for this opportunity that I have to be your governor” ~ Sarah Palin, arriving home in Alaska Well, yeah. I mean, uh, she’d be like – unemployed – otherwise, wouldn’t she? It’s a downright shame when the “Greatest Nation On Earth” cannot find people to lead it. The only people in America these days that know what is really going on are driving cabs and cutting hair.
I don’t know about you … but I am ready for a change … Bring it on.
As usual, thanks for stopping by and if you have any comments that you wish to leave go ahead. The wave seems to have crested and things are back to normal now, or at least something that resembles normal. Kind of nice opening up the email box and not finding 200 messages. We continue to receive our fair share of cranky, attitude packing misfits, but they just go to comment oblivion now, this is an adult site, we don’t cater much to ill bred children and their cheap email threats or poorly written diatribes.
Oh my gosh, look what time it is, it’s time for Family Feud, I am outta here.
000
A few unflattering emails concerning the bathing suit picture of the prospective Vee-Pee yesterday. Some found it inappropriate, and chastised me for it. Hey? If you don’t want a picture of a pistol-packing Yummy Mummy on the page, don’t post one on the internet.
If any of you are curious, the article is here. In all probability the photo is more than likely a “zipper-head” (Palin’s head pasted onto another persons body) and I don’t honestly know if it is genuine or not. Sure looks nice and in all honesty I have no high expectations for it, fantasy or not.
Currently the only thing worth talking about is her glasses.
Palin’s glasses have fueled and framed a fashion spectacle. The moose-hunting mother of five, the busy Salmon hooking mom who rose from small-town mayor to governor of Alaska. GOP vice presidential pick, all around fine American working gal, Sarah Palin is all that — and she’s got snazzy eye-glasses, to boot. Beauty Queen? Uh, I dunno, jury is still out on that one.
In a recent poll 58% of American’s recognized her photo and name, and 23% remembered they had missed an appointment at Lens’ Crafters.
The herd mentality has kicked in and everyone it seems is scrambling to find her style or type of glasses. They’re a pricey too, starting at $375 just for the titanium frames, (actually peaking out in the $700-$1,000 range) so you will “pay for the look.” Some media outlets, including the Huffington Post, wondered if the glasses were “the new Hillary Clinton pantsuit.”
Personally I like Palin’s style … the “naughty librarian” look. (Oh whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks to the Republican Party!) But would Ted Kennedy if chosen as a veep candidate, be transformed into any kind of librarian, glasses or not, had he been picked? Does Biden wear glasses … Does anyone care?
I-Don’t-Think-So-Dot-Com
F.Y.I. (For Your Information) Not being really sure, yesterday I called a “rural Oklahoma Farmer on this pig thing.” He is a good friend, and at 86 years young, I consider him an expert on farm animals. I got some info on Pigs:
When born, a small pig is called a “Piglet” and afterwards it is called a “pig” until it reaches the weight of 120 lbs. after that it is referred to as a “Hog.”
Most of what they are pimping off as “news” in the media these days is tougher to swallow than a glass of Tibetan Tea made of salted rancid Yak Butter. It shows how little we’ve advanced, that we’re focusing on hair, makeup and glasses.
Oh yeah, the lipstick thing, it doesn’t work out. Turns out they (pigs) do not like it and will actually bite you if you try. At least that is what my “rural Oklahoman” farmer source told me about it.
Have a great weekend …
000
Related from Japan: Tokyo5
Parting shot: Keep all this in mind, you never know when you might be called upon for this little nugget of wisdom while making the rounds on the Washington Cocktail Circuit. “Yeah, they look great on Sarah Palin, but not everyone looks like Sarah Palin.” I wonder how long it is going to take Bill Clinton to get over and re-register as a Republican.

The study of Middle Aged Soccer Moms in America and their influence on the political scene.
Monday this hard-hitting USA documentary dives deep into the mystic of the American Pysche concerning matters of impotence in the United States today.
Check your local listings for time.
(I am not all that sure if that is Sarah in all her glory, but it is sure is a reasonable facsimile of her in my opinion.)
PANGUITCH, Utah (AP)- One Utah community is cheering a special bear but don’t call him Smokey.
Investigators say a large black bear raided a clandestine marijuana growing operation so often that it chased the grower away. “This bear is definitely law-enforcement minded,” said Garfield County Sheriff Danny Perkins. “If I can find this bear I’m going to deputize him.”
Deputies found food containers ripped apart and strewn everywhere, cans with bear teeth marks, claw marks and bear prints across the Garfield County camp on Tuesday.
Perkins said the operation on Boulder Mountain included 4,000 “starter” sacks of pot and 888 young plants.
“This particular bear apparently was not going to give up and basically chased these marijuana farmers away,” Perkins said. “Our county is so tough on drugs that even the wildlife are getting in on the action.” I wonder if they have this particular problem in Alaska, where Super Gov. is on the job.
Speaking of Alaska? (Nice blend huh?)
Anchorage Alaska .. The company that provides natural gas to 128,000 homes and business’s including nearly all of that city, is raising rates 22% in January. Enstar the company who is raising the rates calculates a raise in the neighborhood of $125 to $153 per month on average. I don’t know about you, but I cannot personally stand an increase like that. I will be sitting in the dark and freezing my hiney off, if they raise rates around here in such a fashion.
OPEC … Our friendly folks at the producing petroleum states have decided that they have to curb production again, this time by more than 500,000 barrels a day. Too much of it on the market I assume, so the natural thing is to cut production and therefore, keep the “artificial shortage myth” alive and well. Bend over and get ready, here it comes again, most likely, the day after the elections are over.
I filled up Tuesday, gave the girl three twenties ($60 dollars U.S.) and left with $1.59 change, and I had gas in the tank when I drove in.
The Cabbage Patch Kids turned 25 years old this week, where does the time go?
Pennsylvania …. The City Of Brotherly Love recently took a hit. Philadelphia police have arrested a man suspected of brutally attacking a dozing subway passenger with a hammer while at least 10 other riders stood by and idly watched and did nothing. And here is the part we often hear far too often …. “The suspect had a lengthy record of rape and other convictions.” But I suppose he was re-educated while in prison and then released early.
Is that really your Manhole cover?
Toledo Ohio … City council has tightened city rules for scrap dealers in order to crack down on the theft of manhole covers in that city. An updated law now requires scrap dealers to order sellers of goods (meth freaks, crack heads, bottom feeders) to prove that they actually own such items as “manhole covers, guardrails, the gutters around your home, utility lite poles, grocery carts, grave markers and the occasional beer keg.”
Y’know, those standard pesky house hold items we all have lying around.
In a related article, thieves in New Mexico this week ripped out a 300 foot section of copper phone line and cut off service to more than 500 Quest customers. The line was reported to be worth about $75,000 all total which is a pretty tempting item for thieves with copper going for about $4 a pound.
A quick test … Bears & Stearns, Fannie Mae, Fannie Mac, all taken over by the government at taxpayer expense. Isn’t this Socialism when the government owns everything and you own nothing? What is next, the Airlines, Citicorp, General Motors? America is on the fast road to oblivion ……….
What is wrong with this picture?
St. Cloud, Minnesota … Gold’n Plump Poultry agreed to let its Somali workers take a short break for prayers and allowed them to “refuse to handle pork” because of religious values. The federally mandated settlement includes an undisclosed sum of money for some employees.
This agreement is one of the first in the nation requiring the employers of Islamic workers to provide a prayer schedule and recognize their beliefs. But in Detroit, Michigan when residents lamented about loud speakers calling people to prayer seven times a day and complained they were disrupting the neighborhood, they were told to “grin and bear it.”
More coddling of the chthonic population of this country by your dysfunctional government … Perhaps it is truly time for a change in America.
000
Parting Shot: “What if God is a woman? I could possibly be going to hell, and I will never know why.”
I don’t do windows … A strange invention. Clear Tech self-cleaning glass. The glass is coated with titanium dioxide, which is photo-catalytic, meaning that it has a chemical reaction to light. When sunlight hits the glass, it breaks down material on the window into smaller and smaller particles. The coating is also hydrophilic, meaning that rainwater won’t form droplets on the glass … it forms as an even sheet that flows down the window, taking dirt away with it. (If it doesn’t rain often enough, I suppose you would have to hose it down every now and then) Japan’s Nippon sheet Glass Company began test-marketing the glass for large office buildings and airports, but they were soon overrun with requests from individual customers, so now it is made for homes too.
Better late than never … Utah begins phasing out highway signs that refer to the 2002 Winter Olympics. New signs will feature geographically specific images, such as Zion National Park and Lake Powell.
More Loons … Laconia New Hampshire is reporting that a census of the state’s loons showed a slight increase in the population, but a decrease in population. Yes, you read that right. Didn’t make sense to me either. The Loon Preservation Committee, (not to be confused with the Republican Party … The Grand Old Party that is somewhat short of fresh faces), surveyed 119 lakes and found the number of territorial pairs of loons increased from last years count, 125 chicks were hatched, but unfortunately only 95 actually survived.
The Loon Count from Minneapolis-St Paul isn’t in, but I am sure that the number of “matched territorial pairs” has increased from four years ago.
Dirty Money … Americans are now the biggest cocaine users in the world. This is the conclusion of a study of paper currency from nations around the world, which found MORE cocaine residue on U.S. Dollars than on currency from such countries as Spain, Canada, and England. The cocaine is passed onto the bills by the same fingers that directly touch the drugs or the wrappings.
Some coke users also use rolled bills as straws to sniff the drug (usually a hundred dollar bill, if you are classy dude) and cocaine is not the only substance that you will find on the money. It appears money also has some other nasty stuff on it.
Also included in the study was the $1 bill which usually circulate for about 12 months on average, and they show traces of E.coli and other disease-causing bacteria. Might think about this the next time you stick a wad of money in your mouth, while searching for your car keys in the other pocket.
Big Payday … Thanks to high oil prices, the member countries of OPEC cartel collected $645 billion in revenue in the first six months of this year, that is DOUBLE their combined incomes for the entire year of 2007. Meanwhile, the U.S. Economy still continues to erode. The Mafia in New York City is rumored to have cut off five Federal Judges.
Things are not improving …….
Ethanol … The EPA won’t back down. A coalition of environmentalists and oil companies had requested a suspension of the governments demand that 9 billion gallons of Ethanol be added to the nation’s oil supplies. Reasoning that the increase in corn production is hurting wildlife habitat and consumers while failing to cut greenhouse-gas emissions. The EPA said that the Ethanol requirement didn’t cause “severe economic harm.”
Which is in total compliance with the Bush administrations policies concerning the planet. The current administration continues to monitor the situation with an attitude of outright venality Which is basically summed up as the governments’ abuse of Human Rights is only exceeded by its destruction of the environment. If you are hungry … tough. If you are a frog … even worse.
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. A bible. 2. A silver dollar. 3. A bottle of whisky. 4. And a Playboy magazine.
“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up. If it’s the bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot- steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.
“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
“He’s gonna run for Congress.”
000
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “No group of people have worse hairstyles than men in Government.”
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “Either way, if you play or do not play the Lottery, you have about the same chances of winning. Regardless.”
Now there is tacky, and then there is …… Really tacky.
A wedding chapel in Tel Aviv has come up with a novel way of ensuring that guests remember to leave a gift. The marrying couple pays $155 to rent an ATM-like machine: guests can insert a credit card and tap in a sum, and the funds are transferred into the newly-joined couples’ bank account the very next day.
One of the most enjoyable traditions at a wedding is the tossing of the wife’s garter. Jeff Nichols of San Diego, lifted the wrong side of his new wife’s dress, exposing a thigh holster and a pistol. He was expecting to find a garter belt to throw to the crowd. His wife, is a police officer. I would like to be a fly on the wall at the Ramada Inn tonight, “Honey hand me those handcuffs, I wanna show you a trick.”
A Virginia spa began offering pedicures performed by 100 tiny Garra rufa fish, also known as “doctor fish” in some Asian locales. The toothless fish nibble off calluses and other dead skin. “It’s a little ticklish” said one customer, gee, “do you think so.”
Pass.
The California Legislature took time out from the state budget crisis to pass a bill giving California pet owners the right to set up a legally enforceable trust to care for dogs, cats, horses or other animals. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed the bill, SB685, last week. It takes effect Jan. 1. Before now, pet trusts in California were honorary, meaning they could not be legally enforced.
A legislator commented, “You want the guardian to be the emotional one. You want the trustee to be independent, calculating, someone who will say your dog doesn’t need a $16,000 doghouse, just like your kid doesn’t need a Ferrari when they are 16,” Meek says. “If I’m the caretaker and the trustee, maybe I want to take that dog on a vacation to Acapulco.”
Can our courts handle people squabbling over Fifi and Fido? Isn’t California the place, where you walk in the door, for the first time ever, and they write you a medical prescription for some smoke, sight unseen? Can you imagine the amount of dog homicides that are going to increase statewide, when the cat’s figure out the entire estate can be theirs?
This is gonna be catastrophic for the Golden State. What were you elected moron’s thinking?
Police in Minnesota tried to bring a peaceful end to a high-speed car chase by calling the perpetrator on the cellphone during the chase. The burglary suspect replied, “Dude, I can’t talk,” the suspect was said to have replied, “I am being chased by the police.” He then hung up and he is still at large.
Victoria, Texas, is a town about 80 miles west of Houston. We understand that in Victoria recently, local Hispanic leaders there, in opposition to pending Immigration Legislation, boycotted all Caucasian owned businesses in the Victoria area this past weekend as a demonstration of their economic impact on the community.
The boycott was declared a success by the Hispanic community, noting that revenue in Caucasian owned businesses was down by 19%.
Business owners declared the boycott a positive accomplishment as well, pointing out that shoplifting was reduced by 77%, money orders sent out of the country were down by 97%, and the cost of daily clean-up and trash collection was down by 84%. Shoppers reported that they could actually hear English being spoken throughout the community for the first time in recent memory, and customers actually paid for purchases with real money, not government debit cards!
Yeah I know, don’t send me any letters.
Hard to believe, I am reading where this guy who is skydiving over the weekend has lost his prosthetic leg or his artificial limb, I guess that is what you call it. He has offered a $15,000 reward for its return, which is questionable; I mean how many people return a missing right leg?
Reminds me of the story where the guy takes his first jump out of a plane. The instructor says, “It is a piece of cake. You go out the door and yell Geronimo (again, no letters please) and count to ten, pull your rip chord and the chute will open. Then you coast to earth, the truck picks you up and brings you back to the airfield.”
So the new guy asks, “what if my chute doesn’t open, what then.” The instructor smiles, calmly says, “cut away from that chute, then pull your reserve, look up and it will be billowing above your head.”
They all load up and head out, about 11, 000 feet up, the new kid goes meekly to the door of the aircraft, looks down, takes a deep breath goes out the door and yells Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeronimo!
Pulls the rip chord, looks up, nothing. The main chute has not deployed. He calmly cuts away from that, pulls the emergency chord and looks up, again, no chute. Then he says to himself, “Nuts. I bet that damn truck isn’t going to be there either.”
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