Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

April 13, 2009

Bikini Review

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 8:30 AM
Tags: , , , , , ,

I am back, didya miss me? (Okie Talk)  I would like to thank everyone for the email and the encouragement, the kind words, they went a long ways towards my recovery and general well being.

Thanks.

Been awhile, I am at a loss as to where to start this morning.  A quick update for the occasional visitor.  This past week, last Wednesday I sat down for a meal of Chinese Food and half way home, the ominous grumbling deep down in the pit of the stomach started, and by the third stop light, I KNEW I was in trouble.

I will spare you all the gory details, but I have been down in the mount for five or six days, I have lost eight pounds, and today is my first day back. Just because “it tastes just like chicken doesn’t really mean it is going to be good for you” remember that.

Somewhat lost, I am adrift or awash in a sea of my own making, not having watched any television for the past five or six days, having not ventured out of the abode but one time for medicine and the majority of my time was spent in bed.  So coming in here, sitting down to an empty CPU a blank screen and having “nothing” is a bit daunting or downright challenging.

This is one of those mornings that you dread, a time where it is that you have nothing but the raw talent God gave you, the insight, imagination, to possibly pull it off, to make it all work, it is all up to you.  Often you go to the proverbial well and there isn’t anything for you.

No television, no news, no paper, all I have is what I have, and that isn’t much.

I did hear of a woman who had a pet pig, and the town in which she lived told her that she would have to get rid of the pig, so she moved.  Instead of giving up the pig, which is really stooopid it is not news.  From what I gather it is the same old stuff anywho.  All the adults in the country are worried about Lindsay Lohann and her breakup and the eleven year olds’ are discussing global warming and the end of the world, what does that tell you.

We don’t need an update on the news.

So you can see where we are headed this morning, can’t you?  This is not one of those mornings when you reach past the first two or three slices of bread, to get deeper into the loaf for the “fresh stuff” this is when you tap into something that you didn’t have yesterday and hope there is something there today, when you do make it there.

Often I refer to this process (if it could be called a process) as “shooting from the hip.”

little bunny girl

Easter now behind us, I guess we can say we are officially into the Spring Season here in Oklahoma.  That is a time of the year, of new life, renewal is what a lot of us call it, a time when a man’s thoughts turn to love and his ideas change.

Men on this site, those that do come here, come looking for “Bikini’s” for some reason?  I don’t know why, there are not a lot of Bikini’s on this site, nor are there a lot of men.  The majority of the readers of this site are women, most of them in the California, Texas and Virginia areas of the country.

We have a lot of ladies that read this that live outside of Atlanta, and most of them are for the better part, rather well educated, I have had the privilege of seeing some of them, and we have our fair share of “lookers” in our midst.

Creative Endeavors has the best of both worlds, we have the lookers and the very smart … And as an added bonus … We has Me!

Can’t beat that.

This morning I am looking at the stat’s and I see that Barack’s House is again replaced and relegated to the #2 spot.  I have this little post, “Bikinis (The reason men are pigs) that I wrote last summer (July 26th) and it has held down the #1 spot rather well for five or six weeks now, ever since a couple days after the election.  It has had some 9,231 views this year alone, and is quite popular for some reason.

When I do check the stat’s I find this curious thing.  Everyday, not just every now and then, but almost everyday I find search engine terms like:  Bikini girls, girls in bikinis, girls bikinis, men bikinis, big girls bikinis, and of course, Charlie Daniels for President.

And it is not just spring, when a man’s fancy turns to forbidden fruit.  Where lanes are bight with cherry young men ran to dazzle and kiss the rose lipped girls, springs first budding often bears a bitter fruit, and when the dusk is humming, and the girls come out to play    ..  ah spring.

But we were talking about Bikini’s I digress (a common habit of mine).

When a man and a woman think about Bikini’s, they tend to think differently, much differently, I would say.  A woman will think about items like “mid drift” areas, which kind of sounds like a section of the continental shelf out in the Atlantic where tuna fish boat captains sit idly for hours staring a small sonar screen waiting on the mid drift shelf tuna schools to appear.  Women think about cellulite and excess pubic hair in areas that are not supposed to have excess pubic anything.

They think size, shape, color.  Check it out here.

Men on the other hand, they think about sun glasses.  Because men KNOW that women can HEAR the sound of a muscle being flexed in your neck when the head turns to check out something that just walked by that was shapely, young, and wearing a dental floss thong, and they know YOU are looking.  Women know things like that.

This is why when me hear the word “Bikini” they naturally think of something else, men think about sunglasses, the deep dark one’s or the ones like The Boss in Cool Hand Luke wore, the mirrored type.

Just as well I stay away from the subject of skimpy bathing attire and the beach in general.  The last time we did head out to Florida and the beach, the grand babies kept trying to grab me by my ankles and drag me into the ocean.


dsc00217

The oldest would scream something like “Get him in the ocean before he dies! Or something like that.”  At least that is what they told their grandmother.

I would like to hang around and feed you some more of the loaf, but a slice at a time is all I have today, check back in with me tomorrow and hopefully I will have discovered something of interest for all you by then.

See You In The Funny Papers.

OOO

February 14, 2009

Luv Day

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 5:21 AM
Tags: , , ,

i-love-you

Saying “I Love You” is one of the most basic and simple forms of giving.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

‘What does love mean?’

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.  See what you think.


‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’

Rebecca- age 8


‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy – age 4


‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’

Karl – age 5


‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’

Chrissy – age 6


‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’

Terri – age 4


‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’

Danny – age 7


‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’

Emily – age 8


‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’

Bobby – age 7


‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’

Nikka – age 6


‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’

Noelle – 7


‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’

Tommy – age 6


‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore..’

Cindy – age 8


‘My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’

Clare – age 6


‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’

Elaine-age 5


‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’

Chris – age 7


‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’

Mary Ann – age 4


‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’

Lauren – age 4


‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)

Karen – age 7


This one is fabulous!
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’

Mark – age 6


‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’

Jessica – age 8


And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’


Never miss a chance to say

“I Love You.”

OOO

RELATED: You Don’t Smell Like Flowers (audio)

January 20, 2009

All We Had Was Slingshots.

Sorry I am a little late posting today, our onomastics meeting ran a little over, and I was delayed, hope you understand.  My box seems to be filling with “anti-Obama material” and all these rum-drums feel the need to convince me that the way things are is not all that is so ….. try and figure that one out?  I read on average about two or three lines, and then I deep-six it (trash it) and move on.

What people seem to not understand is there is an enormous difference between an occasional venting session where you’re letting off steam, versus making venting an integral part of your regular communications.

Ready – Aim – Fire!

Boys will be boys, isn’t that what they say?  On the Southside of Oklahoma City, police have confiscated a potentially lethal home-made cannon capable of firing potatoes up to 50 yards.  Six youths living right under the nose of a City Councilman, used instructions on the Internet to build the weapon from everyday household objects.

There were reportedly aiming the home-made device at elderly joggers (walking at a fast pace) in the neighboring vicinity of a local park.  At last report, the only casualty was an elderly Cocker Spaniel of mixed breed, named Millie, who was temporarily knocked unconscious by one of the Boise Idaho, projectiles.

“This home-made weapon is extremely dangerous both for those using it and those being fired at.” A police spokesman was quoted as saying to the curious NewsNine reporter.  Who just happened to stop by from an important film shoot at the local El Chico Mexican food franchise right across the street, something about carpet stains or some other newsworthy issue.

The boys loaded potatoes down a plastic tube, where an electric ignition device from gas-fueled barbecue was installed.  By spraying a flammable gas into the tube and sealing the open end with a cap, potatoes were converted into projectiles with one push of the little red ignition button.

Police said the cannon was capable of launching any object similar in size and weight to potatoes.  Which translated came to mean, “Duh?” and no more. (the NewsNine reporter seemed to look a tad bit confused)   This is the point where she announced “Official police department statements” were not forthcoming from that point on.

Higher Learning thru the Internet

Aren’t you glad you shelled out the $49.95 per month for the high-speed to educate Junior?  Now quick, jump in your car, drive home and see if your home is still where you left it this morning when you headed out for work.

The entire world is going nuts today and here I sit with an empty salt shaker.

There is this story going around about a New Yorker whose life was loping along miserably.  So he decided to consult a psychiatrist to help him change.  He found a doctor on Park Avenue, entered the office.  Instead of a receptionist, the office had two doors, one marked “men” and the other marked “women.”

He went through the men’s door and came upon two more doors, one marked “Extrovert” and the other was marked “Introvert.”  Knowing full well that he was an introvert, he entered thru that door.  He then found himself facing but two more doors, one marked, “those making at least $40,000 per year” and another that read, “those making less than $40,000 per year.”  He chose the later, knowing he made less than that sum.  So he entered the door and found himself back on Park Avenue.

The lesson

“We are accountable for our own lives.  Habitual actions, limiting self-talk and thinking others are responsible for us lead to dead ends.”

Now get out there!  Design and build your own Potato Cannon!  Show the world, and these little boogers, that you are capable, willing and ready to excel.  That you are still amongst the living.

(Now aren’t you glad that you stopped by Creative Endeavors today?)

Having the day off because of the inauguration I am going back to my book …. “Her skirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of Golden Apples.”

Excerpt from Sen. Barbara Boxer’s novel A Time To Run …… I’ll say.

Think I will go take a nap.

000

Boxcars’ T-Shirt Philosophy for life:

  • Winning the Lottery will not spoil me I promise.
  • Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
  • Men are idiots and my wife married their apparent King.
  • Life is too short to drink cheap wine.
  • The only good cat is a ….. well you most likely heard it before.
  • You got out of bed for this?

December 22, 2008

Dear God

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:47 PM
Tags: ,

The entity of God as seen thru a child’s eyes.  Letters school children wrote to God.  From their lips to his ears.

Dear God … Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t you keep the ones you have now?  Jane

Dear God … I went to this wedding and they kissed in church is that Okay?  Neil

Dear God … I think the stapler is one of your neatest invention.  Ruth M.

Dear God … I think about you sometime, even when I’m not praying.  Elliott

Dear God … I am American what are you?  Robert

Dear God … Thank you for the new baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.  Joyce

Dear God … I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are on 4 people in our entire family and I can never do it.  Nan

Dear God … If you watch in church on Sunday, I will show you my new shoes.  Mickey D

Dear God … If we come back as something else please don’t let it be Jennifer Horton, I hate her.  Denise

Dear God … I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the bible.  Chris

Dear God … If you give me a genie lamp like alladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money and my chess set.  Raphael

Dear God … We read where Thos Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.  Sincerely Donna

Dear God … If you let the diansor not extinct we would not have a country, you did the right thing.  Jonathon

Dear God … Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.  Peter

Dear God … Maybe Cain and Able would not kill so much if they had their own rooms. It works for me and my brother.  Larry

And my favorite:

Dear God … Please put another holiday in between Christmas and Easter, there is nothing good in there now. Ginny.

From the mouths of babes.

000

November 1, 2008

All Saints Hollow

This one is going down a day late and a dollar short, but I have been busy, and I did not get it finished on time.

Here is your Halloween Joke for 2008.

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. To say that he had “irritated bowel symptom” would be an understatement to say the least.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.  He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational! In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.  He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, barely containing his laughter, and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down at the pile of rumpled soiled sheets said, “I dunno, I think I just beat the crap outta a ghost!”

Last night the ghosts and goblins were out and about, the dogs were barking and the neighborhood was somewhat spooky, for a little while anyway. Darker than a coal miners lunch box too. The next full moon on Halloween as I understand it will not occur until 2020. (Hey you never know when you are going to need some of this stuff, best take notes)

All night long  … The doorbell rang unmercifully and Mama quickly tired of going back and forth to the door to deliver treats to all the hob-goblins and little princess’s of the neighborhood. So she stood up and announced to no one in particular, “The next kid that rings that door bell, is going to get the ENTIRE BOWL OF CANDY and then I am shutting off the lights and being done with it!”

So the doorbell rang, and she opened up the door and there stood this little guy dressed up like a Hobo and she said, almost barked at him to tell you the truth, she said, “Open your sack.” So he dutifully opened up the sack as wide as it would open and she dumped the ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THE BOWL into his sack. He looked at the contents of his bag and then exclaimed, “Gee lady, when I came here I was really poor. Now I is rich!”

Any bets on what happened to the doorbell after that? When he went out into the dark and told ALL of his little buddies?

Happy Halloween

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

August 16, 2008

Dawg-Days Of Summer ….

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:50 PM
Tags: , , ,

Another day of August, the “Dog Days” as some refer to them. The hot sultry period of summer between early July and early September in the northern hemisphere. A period of stagnation and inactivity. In order to get through the steamy dog days of summer, doctors recommend drinking plenty of fluids and avoiding overexertion.

My kind of doctors.

So taking their expert advice, I am sitting on the front porch, glass of sweet tea, and lounging around in my new outdoor chairs that I bought this week at “the end of summer sale” at Academy Sports, $15.99 marked down to just $10.

(I am now ready for my smart shopper tag, but I bet the wife will not allow it)

The lady down the street is “hovering over her children” again. I don’t understand this at all, when did we start raising our kids in bubbles? It is as if a kid has no right to go outside, to run, to hide, to blow off all that explosive energy that children seem to have.

When I was a kid, we were allowed to run free, to experience life, to learn, to go outside and play without adult supervision. It was my mothers’ favorite mantra ……. Jeeze Don just go outside and play!

It was outside where we did our favorite child things. Climbed trees, fell out of trees, smashed our little heads. We got into fights and every now and then that crazy old guy from down the street would walk by with his raincoat on (when it was not raining) and do really weird stuff!

Outside I not only learned that “I did not have SuperMan powers and amused my friends by jumping off the roof of my fathers house, with my mothers best bathroom towel wrapped around my neck.”

Outside is where I learned to climb a utility pole, walk thru a railroad tunnel in the dark, abscond with the neighbors Christmas Lites and listen to them explode when tossed like a hand grenade.

Outside, playing and wrestling with our dog, is where I learned if he licked you in the face, you wouldn’t die, as my mother had told me previously. At the park on Saturdays, with all my buddies, I learned I could not hit a curve ball. That swinging on a swing set with a girl, wasn’t all that bad, and walking them home from school was kind of cool.

If you played your cards right, outside was all right indeed.

You could go down to the creek, catch a bunch of tadpoles, take them home in an old fruit jar, feed them the scrapin’s off burnt toast and watch ‘em turn into frogs. You could secretly keep a pet snake in your room until your little sister snitched you out to Mom and Dad. Put your tooth in a bottle of Coke and watch it disappear on the windowsill.

This new generation of parents we have now do not allow that kind of freedom in a kid.  They are pampered, protected, watched over like they are some kind of breakable fine china or something. This gal down the street from me does it all the time.

Kids should be allowed to simply be kids, to laugh about nothing in particular, just for the sake of laughing. You ever notice that. They just crack up for no apparent reason … A rule of life when you are a kid.

Half of the kids today are not allowed to ride their bikes out of a parents visual range, or allowed to climb a tree in their own yard. Most kids are inside, fully supervised, playing video games or whatever. Over-protection of a child, in my opinion, is unhealthy, it sucks the joy out of living right out of them.

Keeping your kid on a tight leash is selfish; it does the child absolutely no good whatsoever.

It seems that the only permanent thing in life, is change. And things changed. We just had baby strollers or buggies, now they have these four and six wheeled monsters that somewhat resemble a Porsche or a fine tuned sports car. It’s unfortunate, but we seem more interested in “projecting the right image” in this country, instead of raising our children right.

The gal down the street doesn’t know it. But I have been secretly teaching him how to catch and toss a Frisbee when she isn’t looking. It isn’t much, but it is the best I have to offer right now.

000

July 17, 2008

ASK A KID III

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:01 AM
Tags: , ,

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man says after that … is the beginning of a new argument.

Unfortunately here lately, because of things out of my control, my wit and my speech seem to be punctuated by an acerbic tone and a lot of my comments seem to have been over the top at times.  It is now very apparent to me that I need to find some lighter fare and loosen up.

In all reality, there isn’t a whole lot I can do about any of this, other than complain, and even I get sick of that.  So today we will go a different route with the page.  Try this:  A handful of Seven year old children were asked ‘what they thought of beer. Some interesting responses, but the last one has a familiar ring.

Seven year old Tim- ‘I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.’

Seven year old Melanie – ‘ Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.’

Seven year old Grady – ‘My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn’t think this is very funny.’

Seven year old Toby – ‘My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.’

Seven year old Sarah – ‘My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn’t have too much.

Seven year old Lilly – ‘My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.’

Seven year old Ethan – ‘I don’t like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbeque and they taste disgusting.’

Seven year old Shirley – ‘I give Dad’s beer to the Dog and he goes to sleep.’

Seven year old Jack – ‘My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn’t make any sense.’

Learn from Yesterday
Live for Today
Hope for Tomorrow

If you happen across any more of these, send ‘em in and we will share them with everyone.

000

RELATED:

July 9, 2008

Ask A Kid II

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 5:00 PM
Tags: , , , , ,

Awhile back I posted a piece that was entitled Ask A Kid and it was rather popular, so here is another one that I have gleaned or gnanked from Email.

The inclusive story of the Bible –The 12 Opossums

At the end of each year, junior church members are given pencils and paper and asked to chronicle what they have learned. This assignment never fails to elicit some intriguing responses. In case you’re a little foggy on your Biblical history, let our junior church students help you with their complete overview of the Bible, compiled from their essays:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one, but “I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway God said, “Give me a light!” and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.

Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. I’m not sure what  they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy; but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph, who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Hesston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh, after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then He gave them His top ten commandments. These include don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s bottom (The Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I’m not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door, was you born in a barn?”)

It would be nice to say, “As a matter of fact, I was.”

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.   Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus.   He just washed his hands instead.

Anyway Jesus died for our sins, and then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

There! Now you understand it, the whole Bible, I mean. Don’t you?

000

RELATED: ASK A KID


June 18, 2008

Bikinis – Speedos in Utah

Filed under: Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:00 PM
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Man, this bloggin’ stuff can really go to your head, can’t it?  I was out at the Mall this weekend and I heard ….. “Hey Look!  There’s Don Smith!” and all these people turned around and stared at me … I am never, ever going to yell that out again, that was embarrassing.

 

Kanab, Utah has come to their senses and are now going to allow Bikini’s at the Local Watering Hole and that is great.  Speedo’s are not however allowed (No banana slings in Mormon Country sorry) and you can read all about it here:  Bikini ban

 

Some of the finest people in the world live on my street; I have some of the best neighbor’s anyone could ask for.  Most of them are just great, one is a crotchety old **** but we won’t dwell on that (I just absolutely hate talking about myself). We often have in the cool of the evening, tail-gate get togethers in the front yard, sit on the end-gate of an old truck and shoot the bull. 

 

The other day on Father’s Day, I asked my friend and neighbor, “Why was it you and your wife, waited so long to have kids?”

 

He said … “One of the reasons I waited so long is because, when you go to Catholic high school, they pound into your head not to get anybody pregnant. Otherwise you’ll be stuck with them the rest of your life, and it’s against God’s will, and all that. So when I finally got my wife pregnant, I was almost embarrassed and ashamed, you know. I had to tell my parents, I’m sorry, but I got somebody pregnant.”

 

The Ask A Kid post proved to be rather popular a lot of people viewed it and found it amusing, we might do another.  Kids are neat eh?  Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Listen ….. Shhhhhhhssssss, quiet.  If you turn down the radio and listen really hard, you can here Dick Cheney, sitting in his house, chortling-giggling and snickering as gas prices go up.  Bush and Company tell us that “we pay more for gasoline, because it is a world wide, global thing and that is why gasoline prices are so high.”  (And if frogs had wings they would not bump their butts when they hopped) 

 

Which is, if you are in your right mind, absolutely ridiculous.  Today I found this:  Cheap Mexican Gasoline, you make the call. 

 

Lot of folks talking about moving downtown, escalating gas prices are driving people to move closer to work, all of a sudden, living close to the boss is a viable uncomfortable option.  Personally, I wouldn’t trade the clear stars for downtown street lights for anything. I don’t care what the price of fuel is.

 

We’ve got piece of mind. We’ve got safety out in my neck of the woods.  And you’ve purchased a property on the outskirts of town in the country; you have got the wonderful smell of that dairy air.

 

Middle of the Week …. Hammer Down … The Weekend is on the Horizon.

 

000

June 17, 2008

Ask A Kid

Filed under: Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:00 PM
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The other day the doorbell rang, when I opened it, there stood three of the neighborhood kids.  Nicholas, Ray, and Savannah.  They looked up at me and said, “Can we come in and see the birds?” 

 

I have two parrots, one an African Grey named Popeye and a Blue and Gold McCaw that is named Mo.  So I looked down at them and said, “I dunno, maybe you better ask your parents first.” 

 

To which Ray, the apparent ring leader in the red shirt said, “We already did, and they said it was alright.” 

 

So I took him at his word and allowed them access to the house.

 

We are looking at the birds and everything seems to be alright, when the doorbell rings again.  So I go to the door.  This time I find two very apprehensive mothers looking for their kids.  It turns out that no one knew where anyone was, and of course, there was some tension in the air. 

 

So after the children were properly indoctrinated into the ways of the world, it also became my turn to understand as an adult, what my role in all this was too.

 

A couple of days later, the doorbell rings. 

 

Again, it is the two dinkers from next door, Nicholas & Ray-Ray, so I say, “What do you want?” and here it comes, “We want to see the birds.”   So I say, “Yeah?  Last time you wanted to see those birds, you two dinkers got me in a whole lotta hot water with your Mama.  You ask your Mama if you could come over here and see my birds?”

 

To which Ray-Ray the apparent ring leader in the red shirt, replies, “Yes.  We asked her and she said it was alright.”  So I say, “Yeah?  That is what you said “last time” and I got into a bunch of trouble. You aint story-tellin me are ya? 

 

So Ray looks at me and says …. No honest, we aint lyin’ this time Mr. Smith.”

 

From the mouth of babes … You want to know about the world?  Ask a kid, kids have all the answers.  I recently came across this and I will share it with you.  The ocean according to kids…

 

  • This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 
  • Oysters’ balls are called pearls.  (Jerry, age 6)
  • If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island
  • If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)
  • Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more.  (Kylie, age 6)
  • A dolphin breaths through an a**hole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
  • My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie, age 6)
  • When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
  • Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?  Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
  • I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
  • Some fish are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock.
  • They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
  • When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
  • Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
  • On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat a**. (Julie, age 7)
  • The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
  • My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

 

I eventually showed them the birds, but I made them “cross their hearts and made them swear to hope to die” just to make sure.

 

000

 

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