Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

February 21, 2012

Bits And Pieces

Filed under: Blogging,humor,Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 12:08 AM
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Six year old Lucy Magnum emerged from a terrible shark attack with a message of grace.  The little girl was boogie-boarding in shallow water off the North Carolina coast when a shark sank its teeth in her leg.  Her parents quickly applied pressure to the wound until emergency workers arrived, saving her leg.

After the incident she said “I hate sharks.  I like dolphins way better.”

But once her parents explained to her that the shark didn’t know that she was a human and had made a mistake, she changed her mind.  “I don’t care that the shark bit me” Lucy said to her mother, “I forgive him.”  We can always learn something new from a kid.

Ah the joys of youth.  I remember when I used to swim before wet suits, across frozen water, I had to wrap or cover myself with bacon grease, which was really scary, because I never knew if when I did reach the other shore, if there would be wolves waiting there for me.

By the way, “Do you know why a shark will not bite a Lawyer or Politician?”

Professional courtesy.

A new gold standard, after a Taiwanese city offered dog owners who clean up after their pets a new incentive … a ticket to a lottery drawing for every bag of dog poop they turned in.  The top three prizes are gold ingots worth up to $2,100.

Which got me to thinking.  How about a National Debt Free Lottery?

Here is the deal, you purchase a ticket for say, $5 with the “chance of living in America for one year TAX FREE.”  If you win (monthly drawing, 12 winners per year or 24, 36, the possibilities are endless) you receive the right to NOT pay any type of tax” for one year.  A game such as this would hold huge appeal to just about every other American and could retire the national debt in short order (perhaps in just a few short years providing we do not wish to enter the Where Is The Next War Sweepstakes our elected leader’s choose to join every now and then).

The return of the American Dream, remember you read it here first.  This is do-able a distinct possibility.

Not like recent comments of our President who said, “”Soon the sun will break through the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over our economy.”  This guy is so far out of it, they need to pump sunshine into him wherever it is that he is currently residing.

I just love these …. Bad Cop … No do-nut.

British police smashed the windows of a car to save a baby left alone inside.  The baby was actually an extremely realistic doll.  First time I ever heard about this sort of thing was at a family reunion in the mid sixties, when I was a small lad.  My uncle Harvey had one of those, but I don’t think it is was baby model?  Anyway my mother said to “not talk about it” that aunt Bernice would take care of it and not to hang around uncle Harvey … Period.

No good huh.

How about this?  A fugitive Victor Burgos taunted police on his Facebook page, posting “catch me if you can.  I’m in Brooklyn.”  Cops quickly tracked down Burgos to an apartment in Brooklyn, where he was sitting a computer with his Facebook page wide open.

Might want to adjust your privacy settings first next time.

Now here is the other end of the gene-pool not so smart file.  While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

We routinely report on folk working two jobs just to get by in these hard times.  Recently in Rockaway N.J. A Dunkin’ Donuts sex sting was launched by local authorities.  One “working girl” (nice tag huh) was arrested after she was caught selling sex along with Munchkins and coffee.  The cops were tuned into it by an anon tip where a person said they could find her offering off the menu items on the night shift.

The cops even gave it a super secret code name operation, they called it “extra sugar.”  No wait!  Don’t give up, it gets even worse.

During the six week operation (taking their time to bust the offender eh?) police sat and watched “extra sugar” proposition customers via the drive thru feature, and then later on, meet the johns in the parking lot for some curb service.  She was finally busted when she provided an undercover cop a with a list of discounted sexual services.”

No report on how many car jacking, robberies, home invasions, assaults, burglaries, or bank robberies in the SIX WEEKS it took to arrest the obviously dangerous felon.

I am going back to the plain do-nut or the Crueler, maybe a few sprinkles, but no more of the creme filled delights for me.

If you are in Germany, it might pay you to watch the words you use to insult someone.  If you for instance call someone in traffic a dumb cow, you could face a fine of up to 300 Euros.   A stupid pig will cost you up to 500 Euros.  Now there are rules for this type of misbehavior.

You stupid pig … is for instance, not allowed when conversing with law enforcement.

You cannot say this or any other unorthodox non-polite thing to a cop, if you do, it could cost you up to 2,000 Euros.  Unless you use the the more polite, formal form of “you,” in which case you only pay 200 Euros.  There are more, “bull, the stink finger (middle finger, either hand this is still optional), and the use of standard curse words also apply.”

I know that sounds ridiculous, but it true.

Now here in America, we are more civilized and everyone knows we are broke, so things are a little different, well, they are a LOT different.  You take my case for instance.  I was siting in this little mom and pop joint deep in the heart of Texas and these two guys were talking about Washington D.C. and George Bush, in  a most unfavorable way and even tho I have a Constitutional Right to remain silent I felt I had to say something… So I offered up …. “Bush is a horse’s ass!”

About that time, the more larger of the two cowboys got up, and slapped the crap out of me.  I quickly apologized and said, “I am sorry.  From the gist of the conversation I thought you were not too fond of Bush.”

He then looked at me and said, “Ah shucks.  It isn’t that, but this here is horse country pard.”

Now … that … Is priceless.

OOO

[#1179]

January 27, 2012

My Favorite Animal

Filed under: Blogging,humor,Life,Oklahoma,random — ldsrr91 @ 5:26 AM
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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny – but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth.

I did.

Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

Later on, I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken. Pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.

Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite ‘live’ animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”

Guess where I am now…

If you would like to see a lovely slide-show presentation on an outstanding website that a lady has put together, please click here.

Find some time for family and immerse yourself in their love.  Bathe in all that is good in your life and savor the moment.  What is here today, could very well be gone tomorrow.

Have a great weekend.

OOO

January 4, 2012

Little Andy

Filed under: Blogging,humor,Life,Oklahoma,random — ldsrr91 @ 7:36 AM
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I am reading where our illustrious Senator from the Great State Of Oklahoma says that “global warming is a bunch of hooey and he is proud that the U.S. dropped out of the Kyoto Conference or whatever it is called.”  And again, I am reminded, “We need these political knot-heads because?”

Jim Imhoffe is a Republican Bozo.  Another Washington door stop that can talk.  He is smiling because he just stuck it to you again and he knows you are stoopid and will re-elect him again.

Put three measures of decaf in the pot this morning, and it is the same old deal.  Not much there, almost like kissing your sister or something like that.  I sure do miss my regular coffee.  Had a nice post worked up and I again lost it.  I wish the Mac had an auto-save feature or something like that, I always forget to run the save, and then I find myself lost as a goose later on.  Seem to be doing this quite regular now and it is just irritating the fizz out of me.

Don’t have a lot on my plate this morning, uncover the parrots, give ‘em some water and some food, that kind of deal.  Funny on some days I don’t even feel like doing that.  Which reminds me of an old joke.  Two goldfish are sitting in the bowl and they arguing with each other.  One says, “I say there is no God.” and the other says, “Yes there is.”  So the other goldfish says, “Well yeah?  Prove it!”  The second goldfish smiles and says …. “Who changes our water?”

No good huh?  Well whadya expect for free?

Yesterday I was in town mailing some stuff.  You cannot mail stuff in the country anymore, it often disappears.  We have a new wrinkle in the fabric of country living, they are called “mailbox shoppers.”  They drive up and down country roads, opening the mailboxes and removing the contents (outgoing mail with checks in the envelopes) and then later “wash the checks” and cheat you.  It is better to take your mail to town now.

I am in town and I hear a voice call out … “Mr. Smith?  Hey Mr. Smith.”  So I turn around to see who it is, and there is this kid of about 22 years of age standing there, and he says, “Hello Mr. Smith, how are you?”  Well, I didn’t have a clue, not a single one.

So I say to him, “Do I know you?” and he laughs and says “Yes, yes you do.  My name is Andy Williamson.”

So I think about it a little and then he says …. “Lil Andy.”

Now it quickly returns to me and I smile and say, “Well lad, you certainly have changed a great deal.”  I remembered “Lil Andy” from when he was a mere speck of a child and his Daddy, who is sadly now gone.

When Lil Andy was first born they named him William Andrew Williamson with the full intention of calling him “Bill.”  But from day one, the family just naturally gravitated to the “Lil Andy” thing.  So from that point on, they all referred to the small red-headed child as Lil Andy.

When he reached the age of five, the parents decided to tell him what was going on and of course, end some of the confusion about his first name.  So one night at the supper table his Dad looked down at him and inquired of the five year old, “Do you know why we named you William Andrew Williamson?” and the youngster shook his head in a negative fashion.

“Well,” continued his father, “we named you that so that we could call you Bill.  That is why your first name is William.”

The child sat there and thought on the information a little.

The father went on, “Your Mother and I, feel that you are old enough now to understand the reasoning behind this, and from this point on, we are going to start calling you Bill.  We wondered what you might think about this?”

Lil Andy sat there and thought intently on what he had just heard and then looked up and said, “They can call you Bill i’fn they want ta, but MY name is Lil Andy.”

Ah, the wisdom of a five year old.

Have a great day.  Thanks for droppin by …

OOO

Cartoon courtesy of AmericanProgress .org.

December 7, 2011

Almost Christmas

Filed under: humor,Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 8:14 AM
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Christmas time, end of the year, another one in the bag, and I am wondering where it is that the time has gone?  Summer is now just a faded memory and long since removed from my landscape.

Another observation that is recent, is the grandkids.  They seem to be leaping ahead in years, and of course, I am not prepared for it.  I sat the other day and studied intently the mannerisms and the actions of two of our grandchildren, and all I could think of was “they grow up too fast.”

It seems just like yesterday they were my little dinkers and now they are morphing into youngsters and soon to be teenagers.  I wonder if they will even like me, when that rite of passage happens?

Joshua one of our grandchildren is ten now.  It does not seem possible, but it is true.

I still remember the day I met him, he was a “preemie” came out of the chute in Fort Worth, Texas weighing less than a five pound bag of sugar.  Real small, I had never saw a baby that small before.

But he turned out just fine.  He is a handful, great little kid.

Not long ago I walked into the kitchen, and there he sat, little red head facing down towards the table, feet just off the floor, and I thought to myself, “They grow up so fast.  Soon he will be a teenager and we will not have this time with him.”  And now sadly, that day has come upon me, and of course, like I said, I am not prepared for it, I am not ready.

Allowing my mind a little time to unwind, I can still see him as he was before.  The day I walked into the kitchen and found him there.  Little Josh sat at that table, intently working on his letter.  Oblivious to just about everything in the room, he was deep into his ritual.  He was intently hovering over his piece of yellow paper, the kind with the “big lines” on it and I asked him “Josh, what he are you doing?” and he said, “writing a letter to Santa Claus.”

Carefully, unknown to him, I studied him intently.  I watched him labor with “his letters” as he refers to them, working diligently with each stroke, with care, with his big #2 pencil, he put his thoughts down on the paper.

Who knows?  Possibly for the very first time.

So I slowly walked over to the table and I peered down on the sheet of paper, curious to see what it is that he was so diligently working on and I saw:  “Dear Santa, I can save you some time this year, please skip my sister.”  So I asked him about that, did he think it was right, did he think it was the “proper thing to do?”

And he didn’t quite have an answer for me.

“Josh, you know about the naughty and nice rule, right?” and he shook his little head and said, “Yes.”

“Do you think this fits in that area?  Naughty or nice? “

He thought about it for a minute and then said, “I dunno.”

So then I said to him, “I can get you off the naughty list, but it costs a buck?  You got a buck?” and like a rocket, he shot out of the chair, ran into the TV Room and said to his dad, “Dad, can I have a dollar?”

Lord help us.

And yes, there isn’t anything better in the world than being a registered Grandfather.

000

June 24, 2011

Sliced Thin

Filed under: Life,Oklahoma,politics — ldsrr91 @ 12:00 AM
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When my bride is a little ticked off at me, she will make me a Tuna Fish Sandwich and give me a little “time to think about things in general.” Now I don’t make the mistake of ticking her off very much, but I will say this, “over the years, while rolling on a River Of Love, I have eaten an OCEAN full of Tuna Fish!” Me and my Big Mouth have personally kept the U.S. Tuna Association afloat for many, many years.

The oldest kid dropped by the other day and I am sitting on the couch, watching something, I don’t remember what it was, and he sits down next to me, glances over, observes me eating my sandwich and says …… “What did you do this time Dad?”

Now, that just isn’t fair. Not at all. I told him, “Maybe I like a Tuna Fish sandwich every now and then, you ever think about that?”

Yeah, uh huh, that is what I told that kid. (aint none of his business anyway)

My gas bill came this week, half English/Half Spanish.  Kind of ticked me off.  We got to talking about this speaking English only thing. The Oklahoma City Police Department now requires new recruits to be bi-lingual and we were discussing it. I feel it is job discrimination and should not be allowed. I also don’t believe it would not hold up under legal challenge in court. We have a large population of Asian folks living here, but I don’t remember a big push to require officers to obtain that particular language skill.

I am personally sick of it, this Spanish/English only issue, but he (my kid) wanted to talk about it so we did. When you take time to stop and look it over, it is kind of silly. England, Australia, they speak English, but they are not Americans. I don’t see a lot of other countries around the world, making an issue of “what language” they should be speaking? Just us. Might even go as far as to say we might be looking rather foolish in the eyes of the rest of the world because of it.

Personally, I don’t agree with any of it. My two cents says, “forcing our young people” to adapt to Spanish as a second language is wrong. But that is my own personal viewpoint.

We are, as most know, a melting pot nation, assimilated from different cultures and countries. It might pay to mention that when the Greeks, the Italians, the French, German, Russian, all of these other immigrants, the Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Irish and anyone else arrived here in this country, there wasn’t a concentrated effort put forth to adopt their respective languages.

What makes this a problem now is I guess “are the sheer numbers of one ethnic group” which are now amongst us. We are now the minority in this country, white, tax payers, most of us, speak English.

If some dumb A** political type wants me to learn Spanish, he (or she as the case may be) is flat out of luck. I am not. (I am to old, too lazy, and I have enough problems with English) Taking it one step further, I would venture to say, that I am in the majority when it comes to this, most American’s are not going to assimilate someone else’s culture and language. Contrary to popular opinion, it is just not the way we do things in this country.

If you show up at my garage sale and do not speak English, then you had best go find someone who does. If you cannot take my order at your business, then you lose the sale. If you cannot pay taxes and do not like it here, then go back where you came from.

Here is a novel idea, boldly assert yourself like you do here … Tell them what is wrong with their system, and see how you are treated.

Perhaps I am just getting old and cranky, but I am tired of all of it. It appears hopeless, it is far beyond immigration now, this is outright colonization. (When you come over, and then you bring the entire family over too, that isn’t immigration boys & girls, that is just the opposite) Blending in (assimilation) isn’t happening, changing of the culture, the society, even the country itself is.

As long as America appears to be the “El Dorado” (a place of fabulous wealth and opportunity) they are going to come. And like others before them, they will bring a “little piece of what they left behind with them.” Get used to it, it is here to stay. You cannot keep digging up a dead horse to see if it smells bad. It is time to move on.

Now if you will excuse me, I believe I have another Tuna Fish sandwich waiting on me in the kitchen. This time it’s that nasty old ugly toilet seat issue rearing its head again, but that is another post altogether.

OOO

March 25, 2011

Shoppin With Boxcar

Filed under: humor,Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 7:04 AM
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Man-Man, come on Spring Time!  It is time for a Road Trip

I want to run away! Where is the chocolate milk and the Oreo cookies, please placate my spirit, I am drowning here and I don’t know what to do.  Whisk me off my tired old feet … Take me away to the beach, where I meet beautiful people, who appreciate me and respect me for my feelings. A place noticeably void of barking dogs. Sirens. Road Rage, where folks genuinely smile, who wave at you with all of their fingers …

A place of spirit engaging mystery … A place where sometimes, during the middle of the day, I would be allowed to lie down for a nap, for no apparent reason. Or perhaps sneak down to the local watering hole for a much needed, albeit ill advised Margarita. Some idle conversation with a beautiful, well tanned, interesting woman, walk barefooted in the sand.

Road trip!  Time to get out of town, new sites, new faces, new places.  I hear Kenny Rogers has a new album out at the Old Cracker Barrel stores, fifty-years in the making!  Who can resist a acquisition of music treasure like that?  (Plus Chicken & Noodles to boot!)  Personally I am all into Carrie Underwood, but at my age, well, you know the drill.  “You take what it is that you can get … and then quietly fade into the background.” (Hey kids, someone wake up Grandpa and tell him it is time to eat, that kind of thing)

Mama comes into the room and announces to no one in particular her intentions concerning the weekend.  She says “I want to go shopping” … and I of course find myself on-board … Sign me up on the dotted line.  So Friday night, with almost laser guided focus, we cut and run south towards the Red River and that state line.

Let’s go shopping!  I quickly agree.

You see, I know the rules of a happy life, and that is mainly this.  “A happy wife equals a happy life.” At this point I should interject that I am a happy, happy man.  Having learned a long, long time ago, it is not always a smart thing to do, irritating the cook and all.

So I quickly answer up in the affirmative, “Uh how about Dallas?  That sound good to you?” Make the smart move, NASCAR runs every week this time of the year, it is no big deal.  Masculine Rule of Life:  “A wise man, never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile. “ (Be agreeable, or lie down on the floor and play dead … but be advised, trust me, that one never works).

Most people go out on Friday night, find a suitable honky-tonk, get drunk and be somebody.  We on the other hand, happily basking in what the media calls our “golden years” we go shopping.  Pulling up, locking the front gate … We are off and running.

Dallas is a big city, and they have numerous places to go shopping. Fortunately they also have a lot of Wi-Fi hotspots and I am finding it relatively easy to transmit data into cyberspace. Much like Robbin Williams in the not so recent DVD movie “RV,” all I have to do is just stand on top of our bus … Nah, I am pretty sure you are not buying that one are you?

Burger King, Denny’s, recently even McDonald’s came of age, a lot of places have free Wi-Fi now. The computer era, isn’t it swell. If you don’t know how to do it, just ask one of your grand kids.  I saw my first honest to goodness three-D television this weekend, what is the world coming to.

Almost the middle of the month and we are not broke, despite the best efforts of Big Oil to strangle us, we have a little left over.  Ideally we found ourselves with a little extra scrilla in our pockets, so she decided that shopping would be the endeavor for the day.  (Oh by the way?  Kids refer to money as scrilla these days, if y’all aint hip, it surely isn’t my fault)

“Yo Mama got mad scrilla. We’re gonna rock the mall later.”
So we set out in earnest and during the course of the day, ended up walking some five different Malls.  Or as My wife is fond of saying — We Shop Until We Drop — a kind of “take no prisoners attitude that I surely do not adhere to or understand.“

Even now, much later, I do not know what it was that we were shopping for.

Shopping for me is never that great, and I usually wear out early, the whining factor comes into play much sooner these days than it did in my younger years. Often in complete desperation I will pull out my cellphone and have “fake very loud conversations with our non-existent children” in order to embarrass her and make her take me home.

“Shoppin with Boxcar is often not pretty.”

I just don’t seem to have the stamina for it, I am not the “shop until you drop” type face it. I don’t know what it is, but I can never find what it is that I am looking for. On the other hand, when we do go on these sojourns into the marked down 50%-merchandise world, she will always find several items that catch her fancy. I on the other hand, will search in complete desperation, every hall, every wing, every level of each mall and never find what it is that I set out to find.

Such is my burden in life to carry.

Never do I stop to realize and admit that, often, the fantasy of something different is a lot better than the reality of something different. So, we walk and we walk, and we walk some more. The concrete is mostly unforgiving on an old geezer like me and late in the afternoon my hips are tired, my back isn’t doing much better and I have “attitude.”

Like I said earlier … Shopping with Boxcar is not pretty nor is it fun.

Time to close, I have rambled on far too long.  So long from America’s Heartland, El Reno, Oklahoma, where the Twisters make lazy circles in the sky, and the wind lifts up red dust to get in your eye, a slow paced sort of place where we don’t drive on the shoulders and do our best to follow the right path.

One last thing boys … Take my advice, “If the little woman asks you to go shopping or do you want to take a pass and not go?” Take the high road, nod your head in silent agreement and then stay home.  It is always best to leave the shopping to the Pro’s.

Friday have a great weekend, it is still YOUR choice, enjoy.  Life is short*.

BCO

* Now wasn’t that refreshing …. There is twenty-one minutes of your life, you will never get back.

March 14, 2011

New Arrival

Filed under: Life,Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 3:48 AM
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Johnny, our youngest kid, just turned 40, time sure has a way of sneaking up on you.  First thing you know, it has as the bible says, “like a thief in the night” robbed you of what you hold so dear.  Time.  This morning I am thinking about the youngster, not the man, not the father or the devoted husband.  We received an email this week that announced to us the arrival, or rather impending arrival, of another grand baby.  This makes #4 for Johnny and his wife Lily.  He always told us when he was younger he wanted to “have at least eight children” and it appears that he is now half-way there.  So today’s post is not about Johnny the father, but rather,  Johnny the kid.

Back in the day, when Johnny was a young lad, I used to work for the worst boss in the world, well he might not have been “the” worst boss in the world, but he was definitely in the top five.  He used to adjust my attitude on a daily basis, and I have to admit, it worked.  I would not only adopt the attitude, but I would bring it home with me.  It often didn’t take a whole lot to have me chasin’ my own tail by four o’clock in the afternoon.

Working for this moron was not the high point of my day, too many days that I care to remember.

One particular day, I came home with a bad case of attitude and really found myself not to be good company to a man or a dog.  Johnny who was just being a kid, doing what kid’s do, irritated the fizz out of me and I unloaded on the boy.  I made it unmistakably clear that I wasn’t having any of it and he was not helping matters much by contributing to my discomfort with life in general.

In other words, I mounted the kid pretty bad.

The next day at work, I got to thinking about what it is that I did, what it is that I said, why it was, that I found myself so hopelessly wrong.  So when I got home, I asked the boy, “You wanna go see a movie?” and he eyed me rather suspiciously and said, “What kind of movie?” and I said, “Uh I dunno, I am sure I can find something.”

We then loaded up and headed out to the theater to see a flick, leaving Mom at home.  Just the two of us.

Unfortunately, the childrens fare was not all that good that particular day as I remember it, and we had to settle for something a little bit more mature and adult in nature.  Afterwords, we went to the local Ice Cream eatery and we chowed down on a Banana Split with extra cherries, extra nuts, we basically shared “the works” the boy and I.

And we talked, I mean really talked.

We sat there in the booth and we laughed and in one of those rare moments, we shared a little of each other.  I apologized to the boy and told him about life, how you had to contend with certain people in order to make a living and told him that what happened the day before was not his fault.

In detail, taking pains to make sure he knew what had transpired, I explained that it was MY fault, not his, that I was just having a rotten day and that he was just being a kid.

The boy in his gracious nature said, “Aw, don’t worry about it Dad, it is okay.”

On the way home, sitting next to me in the car, he looked up and he said, “Hey Dad?” and I said, “Yeah, what John?” He said, “I really liked that movie Dad, but it would have been a lot better if it didn’t have all that dumb sex in it, huh?”

Every now and then … You can learn a lot from a nine year old.

Start the week off on the right foot, when you come home today from the nine to five that has a tendency to “eat your lunch.”   Stop, reach down and grab your kid, give ‘em a big hug and tell them you love them.

Kids need that in their lives … and you do too.

OOO

March 9, 2011

Snakes On A Bus

Filed under: Bus Life,humor,Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 6:01 AM
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What do we talk about on this auspicious occasion, I got a full eight hours sleep last night, and I am as sharp as can be.  It has been awhile since I have slept a long, good sleep, I feel refreshed.  I DON’T HAVE THOSE WAKE UP IT’S EARLY, WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS THEY’RE DIRTY, EAT YOUR EGGS AND OATMEAL BLUES …. RISE N SHINE TIME … I REALLY FEEL LIKE I COULD GO FOR IT TODAY.

Turn on the player, and the first tune out of the box is “Brad Paisley … I would like to check you for ticks.“ Hard to believe.  Who writes his lyric’s, Jeff Foxworthy?  Like most men, there are a great many things I think of during the day, concerning women, checking one for ticks, honestly, has never been one of them. (Please … do not send me any letters!)

Where do they get this stuff?

I just read where there is a guy who is wanting someone to transport snakes from Odessa Texas and is willing to help out on the fuel.  These are rattlesnakes by the way.  Now I know the price of fuel is high ….. But?  ……. So, today’s question for the day … “What would you do, transport the snakes or pass?” … Hard choices eh?

Which reminds me of a story I read awhile back from down under, Sydney, Australia.  An unknown man grabbed a bag out of a car stopped at a stoplight.  The car belonged to Bradley McDonald, a local snake catcher.  In the bag was the snake he had just caught, a four-foot long, venomous red-bellied black snake.  “It might teach him a lesson” McDonald said.  Who says there is no justice in the world?

When Yosuke the parrot flew out of his cage and got lost, he did exactly what he had been taught recite his name and address to a stranger willing to help.  Police rescued the African grey parrot two weeks ago from a neighbor’s roof in the city of Nagareyama, near Tokyo. After spending a night at the station, he was transferred to a nearby veterinary hospital while police searched for clues, local policeman Shinjiro Uemura said.

He kept mum with the cops, but began chatting after a few days with the vet.  “I’m Mr. Yosuke Nakamura,” the bird told the veterinarian, according to Uemura. The parrot also provided his full home address, down to the street number, and even entertained the hospital staff by singing songs.  “We checked the address, and what do you know, a Nakamura family really lived there. So we told them we’ve found Yosuke,” Uemura said.

The Nakamura family told police they had been teaching the bird its name and address for about two years. But Yosuke apparently wasn’t keen on opening up to police officials. “I tried to be friendly and talked to him, but he completely ignored me,” Uemura said.

Often people miss the entire point.  Yosuke had the right to remain silent.

(Yeah I know, pretty lame)

We have two parrots that own us, Mo & Popeye, the latter being an African Grey.  He is amusing, quick to learn, and a bona-fide pain the part of you that goes over the fence last.  Last year we took him on vacation with us, in a little cage, right behind me in the backseat, he rode around America in the bus.

In two weeks that bird learned to say …….. Stooooopid! … Tell me they are not smart.  Just what everyone in life needs … A parrot with Road Rage.

Parrots are demanding, a life long commitment.  Recently I was discussing with our oldest boy, which parrot he wanted when I died, because the birds in captivity will live upwards of 75 years.  ( In comparison, on a good day in captivity with the little woman, I am surely not going to make that)  So I ask the kid, which bird do you want?  He thinks about it and then says to me, “Which one tastes the best with a little salt?”

Not a good day to be a parrot.

Hard hitting television on PBS last night.  “Depression Out Of The Shadows” a comprehensive survey of the causes and treatments of clinical depression.  It profiled many young people of different ages and backgrounds who have problems contending with the disorder.  Covered the bases pretty good, from a CEO of a major corporation to a gang member on the streets.  Right now I seem to be riding high on the tide, and my depression is in check.  I am okay, but later on I have to purchase some gasoline for my old family truckster, check with me afterwards.

I find that late in life, purchasing dead hydro-carbon-fossilized-organisms at a highly inflated price tends to drive me to the very brink of insanity and depresses the fizz out of me.  Perhaps it is time to increase my daily dosage of Prozac.

Clearly I need help.

OOO

November 30, 2010

My Little Blog

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 4:20 AM
Tags: , , , , ,

 

Several subscribers to this webpage are genuine English professors.  Yes, it is true.  Often in the wee hours of the morning, I will giggle and snicker to myself when I write something, as I know it is going to raise an eyebrow somewhere for sure.

But that is the way it goes, first your money and then your clothes.

Last year I had one particular person that wrote me constantly to ensure that I realized the placement of an apostrophe was in the correct position.  It never did sink in, and she kind of faded off into the sunset of life, never to be heard from again.

Others have gotten very vocal about it, which I don’t believe is fair, I don’t go over to their house and try and rearrange their furniture.  I know (or hope) they are doing this in my best interests.

Our youngest boy called and checked in this weekend.  He is thirty-nine years old, father of three, a man of the cloth in Houston, Texas.  During the conversation he will always interject “How’s your little blog doing Dad?” which rankles me to some extent, but I never allow him the pleasure of really knowing what effect it has on me.  I consider it a “body of work” something of an accomplishment, and I rate it a lot higher than a “little” anything.

Smiling my toothy smile, I work it over in my mind and I reply, “Oh, it is doing just fine son, how is the family?” and I let it go.  Creative Endeavors is my baby … It isn’t much … But it is all I got.  The material is good, it makes people smile from time to time, often the comments are favorable, outside criticism is no big deal, and I let him know it in short order on most days.

Before I did this, I wrote a union paper that was entitled The Flynn Flyer, ten pages a month, consistently month after month.  It was read mostly by railroad men in 24 states and 3 provinces in Canada.  It never won an award, public recognition, or any kind of notice in the publishing world.  The best we could possibly hope for was maybe, somewhere, someone would take a magnet shaped in the image of a banana or a piece of fruit, and stick it to a refrigerator.  In short … Pulitzer Prize material it was not.

But it got read, it got things done, it made the world a better place, and in the end, that was good enuff.

This was also an exciting period of my life, that I can now look back upon and reflect.  At this time, the boy was in college.  He came to me one day and said, “Dad, would you read my paper and give me your opinion on what it needs or doesn’t need?” So I said, “Sure, give it to me and I will let you know.”

The next day, at breakfast he inquired of me, “What did you think of my paper?” and I replied, “Seriously?  You want to know?” and he said, “Yes.  I have to turn it in soon.” As gently as I could I told him I thought it needed some punching up, it was kind of weak.

This of course did not sit well with the lad, and he said rather tersely “Well, why don’t YOU write it and show ME how it is done.” So I re-wrote the piece and gave it to him the next day, he looked it over and replied, “Hmmmm, I never considered some of this stuff Dad.  This is good.” (Oh my gawd, an actual compliment from the younger generation that knows it all … who would’ve thunk thet?)

A few weeks later, I inquired of him, “Did you ever turn in the paper?” and he said, “Yeah, two weeks ago.”

My curiosity getting the best of me I gave him that careful stare, kind of like a one-eyed cat in a fish market and said, “Who’s paper did you submit, yours or mine?” (Tell me I don’t know my kid) and he weakly replied, “I turned in your paper Dad, it was the best of the two.  I didn’t want to do it all over again.”

So I asked him, flat-out, “What did I get?” He smiled, and then replied, “You got a B+ Dad.”

Now and then, when I get an email ripping me on my site and my abilities, I just sit back in my chair, and I muse this little slice of life over in my mind.  It makes me smile, and to this day I still think about it …. and of course you know the rest don’t-cha … My little blog is doing just fine.

“In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed.  They must be fit for it.  They must not do too much of it. And they must have a sense of success in it.”

John Ruskin, quoted in the New York Post.

Thank you so much for dropping by today and allowing me to share this with you, have a great day.  One last thing in closing, if it is humanly possible try and make this little blog a letter perfect start to your week.  That would really make my day.

OOO

November 16, 2010

Mugg Shots

Filed under: Bus Life,Oklahoma,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:39 AM
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Man, what is this world coming to?  I just read that McDonald’s Hamburgers has been banned from selling Happy Meals in San Francisco, California.  Once again, the elected Nim-Com-Poops have rallied together to “protect us from ourselves.”  Never underestimate the stupidity of people in large groups.

They banned the meals because of their fear that it “might entice children to eat food that was loaded with fats, salt, sugar.”  From here on out, they can only offer a toy with the meal, if the meal is low-fat, low-salt, low-sugar.

I hate to throw a wet towel on all this boys, but the mechanism to keep all this in check was already in place … It is called “Parenting.”

But there is good news, across the bay, in Oakland (The murder capital of California) the “Happy To Be Alive Meal” is still being sold.  The toy this week as I understand it, is a zip gun.

Now on the other side of the country, the Nanny Patrol finds it necessary to cancel school dances.


Hide the adults! Teens are dirty dancing

It’s interesting to note that the dance wasn’t canceled out of concern for the kids — the usual defense — but because teachers refused to subject themselves to another night of watching teenagers dry hump to music. It really makes you wonder whose innocence they’re trying to protect — the kids’ or their own. Posted on November 13, 2010 by Bill on Cracker Boy or you can read the full story on Salon here.


45% of American adults say daylight saving time is “not worth the hassle. While 40% say it is.”  27% say they’ve arrived somewhere early or late because they forgot to change their clocks. And 98.5% say they cannot explain to their family cat at 4:16 A.M. why it is NOT time to go outside each morning.

A Legend In His Own Mind

George Bush released a new book last week, after two years of self imposed exile in the Lone Star State, he is appearing here and there to talk about his book “Decision Points.”  Which I understand is a major yawner available for about $25 nationwide.  Kind of ironic, the book comes out AFTER THE ELECTIONS guess it wouldn’t look too cool, throwing all of your Republican buddies under the bus, a week or two BEFORE the vote is counted.

Anyway, I am going to take a pass, Bush has lied to me before.

Speaking of buses? (He did it again! He did it again!)  Last spring, , an unemployed hotel concierge in St Paul Minn bought an old junkyard bus for $2,000.  He fixed it up, and now drives around the Twin Cities giving free rides to people at bus stops.  He even passes out free coffee and encourages sing-a-longs.  The good news is we need more people like Freddy Jackson, willing to step up to the plate and help out.

The bad news is some jerk will most likely sue him for everything that he has if he has an accident.  That is unless the City Fathers hear of the competition to city run bus lines, and just shut him down completely.

It is not easy being a Freddy Jackson in today’s America.

Another Jackson is in the news again.  Michael Jackson who was named the world’s top-earning dead celebrity this year by Forbes magazine, with $275 million in music and movie revenue.  He is beating out Lady Gaga, Madonna, and Jay Z all of them combined.  This week he released a new single (now that is a trick, releasing a single from the grave) and they swear it is HIS voice on the CD.

 

As Usual I Save The Best For Last

In the Mile High City (Denver Colorado) they are intent in reducing the size of government.  Now that is refreshing.  I understand that they will soon vote on an initiative to establishing a seven member “Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” to handle “potential encounters or interrelations with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles.”

Which is great, I would hate to think of government wasting money on frivolous endeavors.

OOO

Possibly Related: UFO Music

 

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