Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

February 27, 2013

A New Look

Filed under: Blogging,Life — ldsrr91 @ 7:39 AM
Tags: , , , , , ,

As Charlie approached middle age, mid-life, he suddenly came to the eye-awakening conclusion that physically, he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of sitting at the desk quoting insurance rates, eating at Denny’s, had given him a rather large pot belly.

When asked about his love life, Charlie would sigh and then sadly lament, “If it wasn’t for pick pockets, I wouldn’t have any love life at all.” Old Charlie was not having much success, no matter which approach he tried, the life of a lover was just not working out.

He appeared at his doctor’s office for his semi-annual physical, the doctor asked him, “Well, Old Timer, I see you are still kicking.” And Charlie replied, “Yeah, but I don’t seem to be stirring up much dust anymore.” While sitting in the doctor’s office Charlie had read his horoscope and it said that he needed to institute a change in his life.

Maybe this was the key he thought.

So he flipped the paper over to the Personals section. “Burned out lady, seeks the next getting to know you hour and one-half phone call, preceding over-priced restaurant dinner in which we both trot out our desperate stories and whatever rancid history we happen to have dragged along with us, knowing from the start that it’s a complete waste of time, because the only ones we would really be interested in don’t exist.  Looking for SWM (Single White Male) 35-45, hair, eyes, wallet, etc.” No that won’t work he thought, so he browsed the ads some more. The next personal ad was almost as interesting. “Dolly Parton look alike, raving beauty in her mid thirties, seeks good man with beard or without. Family, not flings, interest me. Broke and hungry, but can cook. Bring food.” Charlie thought to himself, “Hmmmm, this could be her?”

Nowhere was the word “hefty or nice personality” and any other adjectives.

This one, he mused, sounded good. So he dutifully sat down and answered the ad. But things just did not work out for Old Charlie, even tho’ he desperately wanted them to. When he showed up at the appointed hour for the date, the lady who accepted his answer to the ad, just doubled over and laughed at him. “That does it! This is the final straw!” 

Charlie shouted, “I am going to turn over a new leaf. I am going to become a totally NEW man.”

Old Charlie decided right there, that he was going to get a new look. Setting out to radically change his life, Old Charlie sat out upon his new task, his mission in life. Charlie began a totally new daily regime. He laid off the heavy salad dressing and went for the low-cal instead. He began setting his alarm clock and each morning, he danced through the living room on the “Early Morning Workout.” 

He started carrying his briefcase with a new vigor. He began to lift weights and jog at the local gym.

Old Charlie had, it seemed, definitely put some new life in his step. Charlie cleaned out the closets of his life, no shelf was left unturned. “Out with the old and in with the new!” became the war cry of this Hun. No more quick bag of chips for breakfast, forget the candy bars (with the creamy caramel centers) after lunch, it was strictly the Granola Bar for Charlie, this was after all, “serious business.” This changing his life attitude that Charlie had developed from all outward appearances was working.

Old Charlie was determined that he was going to change, to have that NEW look. Not to be detoured, he decided he would go all the way. He went about his business one hundred and ten-percent (110%) he gave it his all. Taking out a second mortgage on his house, he got a new expensive hair transplant (not the cheapie model mind you, he got the Corvette of hair transplants), a pair of new corafam wing tip shoes, patent leather no less. A bright new red PT Cruiser with a CD player and tape deck. Rings, watch, enough gold to hang around his neck it looked like a Mr. T. starter set.

In the short span of six weeks, Old Charlie was a new man, or at least, he thought so. Again he answered the ad in the paper and asked the very same woman out for a date. Pleading his case like a seasoned trial lawyer, sounding like the Ben Matlock of the dating scene, he made his case. He said, “I have changed, you owe it to yourself, to inspect the NEW me.” The Perry Mason of charm had won his case, the lady agreed to meet with him. All of his hard work, his dedication, finally had paid off.

The day for the date arrived. For the first time in a very long time, Charlie was excited as he had never been excited before (kind of like that feeling you get when you get your first bicycle or something like that, right?) almost like a schoolboy facing his first prom. All polished and shining like a Jewel of the Nile, old Charlie stood there on the threshold of the lady’s house, all dressed up for the date. Decked out to the nines, looking better than he had ever looked in his entire life!

The NEW Charlie had arrived. He stood there on the steps of romance and wondered to himself, “If perhaps tonight, he might get lucky?”

Tonight is the night Old Charlie is going to give the lady a ring. “She will be sorry for laughing at me, I am a new man, from top to bottom. Things are going to be a lot different this time around.” As he stood there on the doorstep poised to ring the woman’s doorbell, a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet.

As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes towards the heavens and asked, “Why? Why? I have busted my tail for this day, why now? After all I have been through, how could you do this to me?” 

From up above, there came a rumbling and a deep, bold voice said ……… Oh, sorry Charlie, didn’t recognize you.” *

OOO

* Any resemblance to anyone living or dead named Charlie, is purely coincidental and should not be construed as an actual representation of fact.

February 13, 2013

TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Open Carry:  If you are going to carry an illegal loaded semiautomatic firearm in New York City, it is probably best to not press your luck by trying to beat a $2 subway fare.  Amazing what people will do and then how much time they have to think about it later on …

How about seven years?   

Droning On:  I noted at the bank today the cover of time magazine had a Military Drone on the front cover.  This past weekend CBS had quite a bit of airtime, devoted to the same subject, it appears that they are hot now.  They are being used not just by the military but police departments, national guard units, you name it.  So far this tool for terrorists has only taken out some 59 known bad guys, but has killed something like 34,000 poor citizens who were listed as “collateral damage.”

Mans’ best doing man’s worst … Fly one over my property and I can assure you “it will not come home.”  If it does it will be full of buckshot from my 12 gauge.

Fifty years of James Bond …  It is kind of slow around here, we are currently being snowed upon which is okay, because we could use the moisture.  So I find this cinema love fest on television, “Fifty Years of James Bond” and I am of course, amazed and amused at the same time.  

Fifty years just doesn’t seem possible and then there is the always engaging Double O Seven loading freshly shot pheasants into the back of a truck on a French Chalet and the tag on the tailgate is there plain to see …. California.

Finally something for us old geezers:  Silicone Valley has introduced the first edition of the new baby boomer computer and keyboard.  Supplies are limited at this time.

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Change the Batteries – Set it to Vibrate – or just remove it:  A prisoner in a Shri Lanka prison was found to have stuffed a cellphone up his wah-zoo (chocolate speedway) and two “hands free” packs with it (good idea).  Everything was going just fine until someone he had just called … returned his call … which did not amuse his handlers in the least.

New Religious Experience in Texas:  Do you owe money on a car?  Finance company banging on the door, here is a tip.  Crush it.  At the same time, save yourself the drudgery of doing lawn mowing this summer, throw in a couple of lawnmowers for good measure.  The Church of Later Day Saints is alive and well, crushing lawnmowers and cars south of the Red River.

Time is running out:  Well, well, well … Here it is the 13th of the month, and of course, a lot of you guys have done nothing to improve your marital status or the relationship you share with “your significant other” and you are for the most part, dead in the water.

Having procrastinated for literally weeks, you find yourself adrift in an ocean full of sharks, and you suddenly discover YOU are the chum.  Oh-my-gosh, down to just one more day, a scant 24 hour period with which to redeem yourself.  Someone needs to throw you a life vest.

As I am a generous sort, I will give you a hint.  

Take her to someplace she has never been, to a place where she can relax, enjoy a good meal, get some rest.  

Flowers are nice, chocolate will work with some girls, and there is always the occasional choochie-coupon to be redeemed.  But if you want to make her happy, take her somewhere for the holiday, wine and dine her.

It works.  On Valentines Day, I asked mine one year, “Can I kiss you in a place you have never been kissed?” and she looked up at me with those big brown eyes, eyes so wide that a man could get lost in and then she said … Omaha Nebraska?

Now I have to go, Dr. Phil is coming on …. “His Girlfriend has Robbed him Blind.” …. Rebecca says her sister has betrayed her by sleeping with the important men in her life;  Steve says his girlfriend keeps stealing his money.

New.

I am just a sucker for love I suppose.

OOO

January 30, 2013

More Not Fresh Pressed Baloney

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REACH OUT AND BUG SOMEONE:  Went to the telephone store yesterday.  I look at the kid and say, “My telephone bill is five dollars high this month, can you tell me what is going on?” he says, “Let me see your bill.”  I say to him, “they don’t send me a bill, they do it all electronically.”

So we walk over to the computer and I give him all of my identification and the name of my first born male child, we are off and running. He says to me “Here it is.  You had 12 photographs at .50 cent each.”

Now as our kid is really proud of his kids, and sends pictures of the youngest standing next to a trash can all of the time.  Some months ago, I had this feature disabled on my phone (along with text messaging at the same time) or at least I thought I had this covered.  I am not supposed to get photo’s or text, I am just supposed to get telephone calls for new storm windows, carports, septic tank pumping, miracle weight loss cures, stuff like that.

I tell him this, the nice kid, who still has lipstick on his cheek where his mother kissed him good-bye this morning. 

He offers me nothing.  So I say to him, “I never got any pictures, this has to be a mistake.”  He says, “Let me see your phone” and he looks for the pictures that I received that are clearly not there, and this shrugs his shoulders and says, “Must be some kind of glitch.” He removes the charge and gives me a credit, which doesn’t really put anything back in my bank account, so we may or may not be done with this issue, I am not sure.

I then ask him, “How about these junk telephone calls, am I being charged for them?” and he says, “No.”  I ask him, “so I am not charged for them even if they leave a message on my voice mail?”  He says, “Oh that is different.  If you open your voice mail and listen to the message, then you are charged for the call.”

Hmmmmm, “this means, that I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t, wouldn’t you say?”

He smiles, and says … “Yes sir.  That is about it.”  Nice kid, most likely will be some kind of politician one of these days.

FLY THE FRIENDLY SKIES:  I live in what they call a “Fly Over State” and see a lot of aircraft in the sky.  Have you ever wondered how many airliner’s are flying above this country at any one given time?  The numbers are clearly amazing, it would astound you.  I often look up at see the contrails in the sky and wonder where it is they are going and why so many of them are up there.  Here is a link, you can check it out for yourself.

The technology of this site amazes me.  Lot of interesting data can be found.  I clicked on one that said it was Air Force One and I found a shot of Mr. Obama’s aircraft on its first pass over Texas, you can see it here.

EIGHTY-NINE CENT PIE:  We are at the Root N Scoot, I have to buy my lottery tickets for the game on Tuesday.  I don’t want to be stinkin’ rich … but I would not mind smelling bad.  Anyway, this gal, all decked out to the nines in jewelry and stuff, bling-bling (I don’t know if it is real or fake, but it looks nice) walks up to the counter, lays down a .89 cent pastry.  No big thing, right?  Then she pulls out a credit card and pays for the pastry with the card.  Now here is the rub, she walks outside and get into a Lexus SUV.  What is wrong with this picture Boys n Girls?  Sort of like this thing one of our readers sent to me this week:  

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This is kind of hard to read, here is what it says:  “A woman said she noticed her purse missing from her car just before 5P.M. Sunday. The car was parked at her residence on Hornet Drive.  The woman said the car had been locked, and her purse was in the back seat.  the purse was valued at $400, the wallet was valued at $200, and cash in the purse was reported to be $800.  Also missing were the woman’s Food Stamp Cards.”

Kind of brings a tear to your eyes, doesn’t it.

ALL TANKED UP:  Subject: New gasoline coming to your gas station. Folks pay real good attention to this one.  Those friendly folks at the EPA (which stands for Exxon Prostitutes, whores and a**holes) all those unelected buddies, we have in the government have come up with a new wrinkle to get you out of your car.  Watch this video about E15 gas if you have a car older than 2012.  There is a link to the story on Fox News, but if you go to that link, surprisingly the video and information is “missing.”  Hmmmmmm?  Over on Utube you can find it all.

This move by the oil companies and the government together is in your best interests.  You see as we all slowly digress to a nation that produces nothing but debt, if we do not have an ample supply of doctored up gasoline (which insures our sucking off the petroleum tit for the next 100 years easily) we will not be able to deliver pizza’s to each other and get them to the house while they are still warm.

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Is this statuetory rape?  Or is it just a moosedemeanor?  

(Stop laughing! This is serious.)

Now I am off to the tireshop.  They put four new tires on my car last month to the tune of almost $700 and the right-front will not hold air for some reason.  I just can hear it now … “Have you been running your car with the ignition turned on?  This could affect the outcome of your final billing Mr. Smith.”

OOO

January 24, 2013

The Last Word (Not Really)

01-22-13 Inauguration

Really Bad Joke:  I noted that Obama used Martin Luther Kings’ Bible on the swearing in ceremony the other day.  This guy has trashed more bible parables and guidelines than any other guy in recent history.  Nothing is sacred, now Kings’ bible has been thrown into the mix, instead of a treasured piece of history, it is now relegated to nothing more than another prop in this circus show.

Just In Time:  Today I received my Fiscal Cliff Survival Pack from the White House.  It contained a parachute, a ‘Obama Hope & Change’ bumper sticker, a ‘Bush’s Fault’ poster, a ‘Blame Boehner’ poster, a “Tax the Rich’ poster, an application for unemployment, an application for food stamps, a prayer rug, a letter of assignation of debt to my grandchildren and a machine to blow smoke up my a**.  All directions were in Spanish.

 Keep an eye out.  Yours should arrive soon..

Not Much Better In Canada:  The Alberta Department of Labor, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate.

AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. 

RANCHER: Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there’s the mentally challenged guy.

He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.  He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

AGENT: That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

It is all in the way you think:  Whew! What a relief to learn this  …  Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?  Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what’s known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.  It’s not aging, it’s the **** door! 

Thank goodness for studies like this.  I had erroneously believed that my trigger was in my rear.  No seriously, I would walk all the way up to the barn, stand there like some kind of lost goose, and never figure out what it was that I walked up there for.  Then I would walk all the way back to the house, and sit down … And pow!  It came to me!  So naturally I figured my trigger was in my rear, turns out it wasn’t there at all.

The Last Word: In a recently held linguistic competition held in London attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure, was the clear winner with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes. His final question was this … How to explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some say there is no difference between “these two words”.

Here is his answer which made him receive an invitation to dine with the Queen who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer. 

His astute answer:   “When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. When the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

Hang in there … weekend is just around the corner.

OOO

Cartoon courtesy of American Progress.Org

October 22, 2012

It’s All In How You Spin It

Filed under: humor,Life,politics — ldsrr91 @ 3:54 AM
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This has to be the email of the week, I got this out of New Mexico and thought I would share it with all of you.  As for the validity of it and all that, it could or could not be true.

But it is pretty amusing.

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid’s great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

This is the only known photograph of Remus showing him standing on the gallows in what was then Montana Territory.

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: ‘Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.’

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Believe it or not, Harry Reid’s staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research: 

Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.

Like my Daddy used to say, “When it comes to politic’s son, the first liar doesn’t even stand a chance.”  Guess “It is all in how you spin it” when it comes to these things, eh Harry?

OOO

October 19, 2012

Be A Dad

Filed under: Blogging,Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 3:33 AM
Tags: , , , ,

Take time to be a Dad today

OOO

What folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Don’t You Touch That  
The Big Yawn  
Guitar Hero  
#19089 (untitled)  
Bad News In River City  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Heads Or Coins  
Hard Row To Hoe  
Ahhhhhhhhhh-Choo
 

October 7, 2011

Dinner Date

Filed under: Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:31 AM
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Friday, the weekend.  I suppose a great many of you will be going out tonight, payday, tight-shoe-money night, and eating out in your favorite bistro or eatery.  My-my how we like to eat here in our home-state.  Oklahoma is now ranked third in the nation in obesity, thank gawd for Mississippi and Alabama!  We have so many heavy people walking around here, that the mere sight of someone who is average or thin, is almost rare.  Most of them eat at the local buffet (which stands for Big Ugly Fat Folks Eating Together – Don’t send me any letters) and we have no shortage of hamburger joints or Chicken Fried Steak and Curly Fries.

A new study has just been released that has some good news for all of us who are constantly worrying about our weight.  This new study indicates that for martial happiness, it is not all that critical for a woman to be thin, she just needs to be thinner than her mate.  So you don’t have to diet anymore girls, you can hang that old sweat suit on the stationary bike and just serve up Harvey a second course.

University of Tennessee researchers monitored 185 married couples (newlyweds) over a period of four years tracking their marital satisfaction via questionnaires.  Now this is where I have a problem with this, as I don’t believe questionnaires to be all that scientific in nature.

Too easy to lie about something on a questionnaire.

Men are not satisfied by how much a woman (mate) weighs and they did not pay a lot of attention to absolute terms, but did closely track to whether their wives were thinner than they were.  The study seems to point out one fact, “men do not really care how much their wives weigh, as long as they perceive them to be thinner than they are.”

Strange how men and women look at things so much differently isn’t it?  The phrase “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is often used as a prime example.  Here is a video sample of what I am talking about here Dinner Date  (be forewarned this link …  Dinner Date contains adult subject matter).

Let’s face facts. 

We are not the young buff, robust treasures we used to be (I am certainly not even close any more) and what we eat, determines our shape.  And we all know:  “In America.  It is either, illegal, immoral or fattening.”  I am sticking with Paula Deen and enjoying life.  “It don’t have no sugar in it y’all, little gunpowder and some corn syrup.”  Which is good news for me, the last time I stepped up on our talking scale in the bathroom it said:  “Come back when you are alone.” 

Pass me another rib from that basket Hon, and no, those pants don’t make you look fat at all.

Bon Appetite.

OOO

Kudo’s to Jimmy Wo for the link.
 
 

May 8, 2009

Bottoming Out

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 3:38 AM
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AT 5 MINUTES AND 6 SECONDS AFTER 4 A.M. ON THE 8TH OF JULY THIS YEAR — THE TIME AND DATE WILL BE:  04:05:06 07-08-09 THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE YEAR 3009 . . . .

(I had a deep feeling that you just needed to know this)

Early in the morning, that time of the day when you can make a million selling real estate with “my system.” That magic moment in time and space when you can purchase a new vacuum cleaner that will lift up a 16lb. bowling ball for only five “easy” payments of $85.00 (plus shipping and handling).

When drop-dead gorgeous babes walk up to complete strangers and ask them if “they have ever tried to extend” a certain part of their male counterparts body and the drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend on his arm, smiles a big smile and life is once again very good.  Where you can make fourteen thousand a week, selling rep’oed real estate.

When you can travel to “The world’s twenty-five sexiest beaches” and there are no obese, ugly people, everyone is perfect, the sand is pink and the liquor which is free, flows freely.  The time of the day, when the television tells you “that you can feed a family of four, for a donation of only eleven dollars a month.”  Where is this place?  I want to move there.

Okay, okay, maybe I exaggerated a little bit.

She wasn’t really “drop-dead gorgeous” perhaps extremely attractive would be a better descriptive.  So late at night, survival of the fittest.  It is my profound opinion or belief, that a steady diet of this would turn your brain to oatmeal, it surely gets me down at times.  Which brings me to ask  “How do you deal with your depression?”  I will help you out on this.  I am not a thoroughly trained professional in this area of life, but I have spent a night at the Holiday Inn.

First thing, we need to re-set your daily mental start up file.

Your appointed mental milepost for the week is the Mariana Trench, which is the lowest place on the earth’s surface (or below the earths surface, depending on how you look at it).  Located underwater in the Pacific Ocean in the area of ocean over by the Philippines, it is almost seven miles down … further below sea level that Mt. Everest is above sea level.

We chose this natural feature for you to play with in your imagination because we are hoping it will inspire you to explore your extreme depths.

The coming days will be an excellent time to get better acquainted with the stuff that’s at the very bottom of your world.  This process or exercise will free you up to get back to the really important things in life such as, watching reruns of the “Wedding Crashers” or getting back into scrapbooking for fun and profit.

Here is the really good news … do this … and you won’t be bothered with the Swine Flu.

If none of this seems to be working, do not be dismayed, we have other viable alternatives.  Some Japanese companies give their employee’s “Heart Leave.”  Heart Leave for all of you who were blissfully unaware of this trivial fact three minutes ago, is three days of time off per year from the companies that they work for.

During those times they can recover from sad experiences or traumatic reversals.  We have something similar to it here in America it is called “bereavement leave” but someone has to die for them to let you off, we are not as compassionate in this country.

If it were up to me, every company in every country in the world would annually provide workers with the opposite kind of holiday.

Ten days of heart soaring leave.

This would be a time devoted to cultivating breakthroughs or celebrating great happiness.  If there were such a system in place already, I would bet all of us would use some form of heart soaring days in the coming weeks.

Like McDonald’s used to say … “You deserve a break today.”

Today, if you can, find a way to disconnect, if just for a little while.  Stop, pause, take time to consider something that brings you happiness and allow your heart to soar … If you don’t deserve it then who does?

Have a Great Weekend (or don’t, your choice) I will NOT see all of you on Monday.

I am heading towards Florida and I am going to try and find me some sunshine!

hammock

Everyone play nice, don’t kill each other, and I will see you when I get back.

See you guys in eight to ten days.

OOO

December 11, 2008

Between The Lines

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 2:32 AM
Tags: , , , ,

Recently I found myself very much engaged in a spirited conversation with my thirteen year old grandson.  I don’t know why, common sense would dictate that I would be better off minding my own business, but never the less, there we were.  Both of us locked into our ritual of trying to find some common ground, but hopelessly out of sync with each other.

Been There.  Done That.  Got The Headache.

Some of us born before color television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen food, Xerox (who incidentally never has anything original to say), contact lenses, Frisbee’s and the pill, kind of resent all of this new stuff being shoved down our throats.  Another thing that kind of rankles me, is being told that “I am old hat.”

That kind of irritates me to no end.

So I will now share some of my free adolescent language lesson (this time) which consisted of a few things I was blissfully unaware of until this pimply-faced offspring of our first born, arrived on the scene.  First, you cannot say “cool” it appears to be out.  You are not cool, if you say you are cool, got it? This has changed to “spanky.”  You are spanky.  Sounds like something reserved for a bottle of wine, a dark bedroom and a Friday night to me (batteries optional), but I just nodded my head and moved on.

Often I just nod my head and reply, “I understand.”  (He doesn’t have a clue and this works over and over, without fail.  I understand.)  He will leave me alone … which is often … just fine with me.

So if you by chance, give the local basketball coach a problem, and “trigger him” as I understand it, this is really “disrespecting him” what should be referred to as “dissing” the coach and you can expect him to go ballistic.  Which used to be really pi**sed off or mad.  Now days that doesn’t seem to come close at all.  You get mad, you are now an employee of the U.S. Postal Service according to the younger set.  “I mean the guy went postal grandpa.  He really did.”

Now my generation they called that “disgruntled.”

I have met some pretty messed up people in my lifetime, and I have seen people go off the deep end of the pool, but I have NEVER met anyone who was disgruntled that I know of.  Think about it, when is the last time the doctor asked you “have you been normal lately or a bit disgruntled?”  I mean, does anyone actually know what the meaning of the word might be?

All this might be some of that “change” that Mr. Obama is talking about.

A few of us remember a time when there were no cops with radar, no limit credit cards, split atoms (or Quarks for that matter), laser beams, ballpoint pens, panty hose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioning, drip-dry clothes, wrinkle free pants, and man had not walked on the moon.

So much change anymore that it is virtually cluttering up the empty space between my ears, something my father would have testified to as “literally impossible.”  I must have slowly, seemingly overnight, according to my grandson, turned into some kind of prehistoric social dinosaur.

A modern day fossil.

And I guess he is right to a certain extent.  I am the generation that came from a society that believed closets were for the storing of clothing, not coming out of.  Bunnies were those little furry things that you gave your kids on Easter and were not found in the page of a magazine.  Having a meaningful relationship basically meant that you get along with the rest of your cousins during the holidays.

What else?

Fast food was something you ate during Lent, and outer space was the back of the drive-in.  There were no house-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers, and computer marriages.  No daycare centers, group therapy, or nursing homes, or as they are affectionately known today, “Assisted Living Centers.”.  No FM Radio, No Howard, No Rush, No Hannity & Combs.  CD’s, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, lifestyle-same-sex-partners, significant others, word processors, yogurt and guys wearing ear rings.  Time-sharing meant togetherness, a drive by was a cruise down Main Street, and a chip meant a piece of wood, hardware meant exactly that … hardware.

Software wasn’t even a word, in Silicone Valley or anywhere else for that matter.

Made in Japan back then meant it was “junk.”  Making out was finding a good job or getting a passing exam in Mrs. McGee’s English class.  Pizzas, McDonalds, and instant coffee, were kind of basically unheard of.  A five and ten cent store, sold stuff, for five and ten cents.  Ice Cream cones cost under a quarter, a movie was six bits.  A Chevy from the dealer cost about $600-$800 fully loaded but unfortunately, most of us didn’t have the money to purchase it.  Which was a real pity, because gasoline was only 15 cents per gallon then.

Times have changed

  • Smoking was fashionable
  • Grass was mowed
  • Coke was a cold drink on a hot day
  • Pot was something Grandma or Mom cooked in
  • Rock Music was a grandma’s lullaby
  • Aids were student helpers in the principles office
  • Ecstasy was fogged over windows in the back row of the finger bowl (you figure it out)

Sex, the one constant that remained the same, was discovered by most of us, surely before a sex change operation.  We made do with what we had, and most of the time, were happy to have that.  We were for the most part … The dumb generation that had to have a husband/wife before we got married in order to have a baby.

My grandson asked me one time, “Why is it that your generation is so resilient Grandpa.  What makes you guys so tough?” And I mulled it over in my mind a little, smiled my quirky smile and I said, “I think it was all that Dinosaur hunting we did as kids, I mean jeeze, the decoy weighed almost three tons.  That is a lot of crap to drag around all day long.”

Now I ask you …. Wasn’t that spanky?

000

November 15, 2008

Today In Musak History

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,random — ldsrr91 @ 3:41 PM
Tags: , , ,


ATTENTION ALL YOU TALENTED MUSIC ORIENTATED PEOPLE WHO COME HERE.

Today In Musak History

Today In Musak History

Creative Endeavors is now starting a new band.  After all this discussion here lately on Baracks House, it has moved me into a totally new area of my life, the creation of music and soothing the jagged edges of my ragged soul, with sweet melodic rhythms.

I am now seriously considering starting up my own Rock N Roll band, as I am in a “musak” kind of mood.  This is of course continuing with my public policy of irritating the general population of this country at large, and after careful consideration we have determined that this band will NOT be what you would commonly call a “good band.”

Right now, we are in the preliminary planning stages it appears that we may have to make some radical changes in our lifestyles in order to accomplish this lofty goal.  But as we are “movers and shakers” here … We feel this can be done.

Some really heady, serious stuff is about to unfold here in the Heart Land.

This however doesn’t come without its fair share of problems.  (nothing, absolutely nothing, I do, comes without its fair share of problems)  For instance, it is entirely feasible that we will possibly have to be in tune, and some of you, if accepted may be required to wear makeup.

How do you feel about that?

This will also be a band of people who are approaching Middle Age.  We will not accept applications from all you Face Page or Twitter types, sorry.  This will be a band who’s members often miss practice for periodontal reasons, and are always yelling at their kids for leaving Popsicle’s on the amplifiers.  I will be of course in the lead position and will be respectfully be referred to as the “Lawrence Welk” influence.

We still need a drummer …. Whadya think, interested?

Oh yeah, one last thing.  Let me know if you run across someone with a “moderate amount of soul” we are going to need a sax player for the first album.

000

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