Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

August 16, 2012

PC Who Cares?

“I always get a kick out of people who actually believe what they see and hear on television.”

What do we talk about today?  Here is a thought:  When gasoline finally reaches $24 per gallon, will we be offered wind-powered cars?  I-Don’t-think-So-Dot.com  (Can you tell I am in a good mood this morning?) I just read an interesting article on sleeping pills and it said that people that use them, are more likely to die prematurely than those who do not.  One thing I know for sure … Don’t take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.  That could present problems.

(Oh well, looks like it is going to be another one of those posts, doesn’t it.)

If your are using them, here is something else you should know.  You are five times more likely die early and thirty-five times more likely to develop cancer in your lifetime.  So they do not appear to be a good thing, counting sheep is a lot better.

This is my fourth day of not reading or contributing to bus board banter on the net.  I gave them up (or rather I gave up ONE of them on the first of the week) and I am now officially not participating in their particular brand of madness. The advice one will find there at times was good, but lately it has deteriorated to the point of being downright stupid.  Most of the time the advice comes off as somewhat desperate, breaking every rule in the books.  Another thing I find is that reading this day after day, and not really reacting with any of the players, can be isolating, and it tends to make one less dependent on sociial bonds to get along.

The Internet sterilizes one socially I am afraid.

It tends to make one less empathic to the feelings of others, and often discussions fail to realize the impact they will have on other folks who do participate.  So I checked out.  Like Dr. Phil is fond of saying … Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Things are getting good according to Delbert.  My neighbor came over yesterday to sit and visit a spell and he said that the “economy was improving.”  When asked about this newly discovered insight and where did he hear this astounding news, he told me he saw it on television, “the economy was improving.”

I always get a kick out of people who actually believe what they see and hear on television.

This improvement might be for several reasons.  One most of the unemployed in this country, unable to find suitable employment over a long period of time, may have just given up on looking for job.  I know of such people in my limited sphere of existence here in Oklahoma. It could be because the baby boomers such as myself, are retiring from the workforce and going home to ride out the years in less comfort that they originally thought.

It could be this … this is the one that I feel is most represenative of the so-called improvements …. None of the politicians have done anything lately, they have not come up with some unheard of new idea to fix things, no giant screwups on the horizon since last years’ debt ceiling debacle.  This could very well be the elixer that was needed … In-action by a do nothing Congress. If you think any of this is bad.  You need to vote these parasitic do nothing mooches out of office.  Which got me to thinking about why it is that Amerian’s vote.  I came up with a few things that I will share with you for free.

You vote because you love the fact that you can now marry whatever or whoever you want. Even your German Shepherd.

You vote because you believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

You vote because you believe the government will do a better job of spending the money you earn than you would.

You vote because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

You vote because you are way too irresponsible to own a gun, and you know that our local police are all you need to protect us from murderers and thieves.

You vote because you believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if you don’t start driving a Prius.

You vote because you are not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

You vote because you think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the social security from those who paid into it.

You vote because you believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the the rest of the non-working population see’s fit.

You vote because you believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

You vote because you think that it’s better to pay billions for their oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish or spoil the view in Martha’s Vineyard where you happen to live.

You vote because your head is so firmly planted up your a**, and it’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever have another valid point of view.

If you can wrap your head around all that then I suppose you could be considered a good American Voter at least that is the way I understand it.  Now I know you are thinking …. Where did he get all that?

Well, I saw it on television.

OOO

Possibly Related:

The Greek Girl Has A Good Take On It Here. 

Political Science For Dummies.

July 30, 2012

Old And Cranky

“Now listen up America.  If you are sixty-five and older, with no pre-existing medical problems, we have a plan for you.”  Yeah right, and what planet is it exactly that you hail from?  Give me a break.

A local television channel has this Chef guy, he is on every now and then, whipping up gourmet delights for the summer.  So he says, “You can make this with any sort of nuts or mixture of nuts, and it is really good as well, the nuts keep for ages.  But I doubt if they will be around for long.”  Cut to the female reporter:  So while you go for the break.  I am going to have a nibble on the Chef’s nuts.

Stick a pin in the map, another perky little OU Journalism major has been found.  The winner of the week, the absolute best, has to be the commercial that states it can provide “Discount Bankruptcy.”  Now that is a concept.

Driving by this simple little elementary school out in the country I am amazed at how much things have changed in our lives.  When I was young and went to grammar school, we walked, we did not drive.  And we certainly did not show up plastered.

I-40 Eastbound El Reno Oklahoma

Here is another one that doesn’t make sense.  Where was Congress when we entered Viet Nam, Cambodia and Laos?  Where were all these Congressional observers when we went into Grenada, Nicaragua.  These elected misfits help us out with Kuwait, Iraq, and most recently Afghanistan?  Ask a six time deployed Marine what Congress has done for him lately … The answer is going to be not much.  As long as we keep electing Presidents who invoke the Emergency Powers of the President Act, we will be fighting in some war.  Congress doesn’t even enter into it any more.

Maybe I am just getting old and cranky and I just do not get it?  

But as an American I am tired of crap like this.  

What can I say … things happen.  It just isn’t any fun getting old in America.  I note that I forget things more quickly than before, a nice shapely thing in a short skirt isn’t all that likely to turn my head, but a Cheeseburger and order of fries surely will.  I have different parts of my body, waking up at different times every morning and I am not worth a flip until I get that second cup of coffee.

One thing is for sure, it is taking a long time for me to be the me that I want to be.  Retirement is not all that it is cut out to be, if you cannot afford a lawyer one will be appointed for you, if you cannot afford a doctor, go to any airport and you will get a free breast exam, free X-ray, and if you mention Al Qaeda you will get a free colonoscopy.

Here is an interesting read on aging and the life process.  Check it out.

Walking back to the car Thursday and a panhandler comes up to me and says, “Hey buddy, you got a couple of bucks for a sandwich?”  And I see the pack of Marlboro’s in his pocket, funny they never have anything for food, but they can always find the coin for a $5 pack of smokes.  I look at him and say, “Sure.  Let’s see the sandwich.”  Which of course, makes him a little bit indignant and he barks at me, “I aint selling them … I am trying to get one!”  I then said, “Well, if you are not selling them, then go away.”  He then implied that my parents were never married, which is of course silly, he doesn’t even know my parents.  

People seem to be wound a little tight these days, you notice that? 

When Michael Rorrer found a stash of comic book in his great-uncle’s home in Virginia after his death, he thought that they were cool.  But he soon discovered that some of them were among the rarest issues ever published.

The collection which fetched $3.6 million at auction included Action Comics #1 which introduced Superman to the world, Detective comics #27 the first appearance of Batman.  An incredible find.  From a historical perspective it is mind numbing.  My mother cleaned out my closet one fine spring day in 1965 and thus thwarted any chances of me ever being a millionaire.  I guess the only hope left for me is my metal detector, but unfortunately, I can no longer afford the batteries.

We always save the best for last around here, so here it is, straight out of our SPAM folder:  “I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!”

Now if that doesn’t give you a warm fuzzy … nothing will.

Life is a learning experience, we all take something away from it, I hope you share this belief and have benefited from all of this today.  I know I sure have, from now on, I am gonna hang onto every Snapple bottle cap I have.

You never know.

OOO

July 5, 2012

Heat Wave

We’re having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave …  American’s are sweltering in the heat and there seems to be no relief in sight.  No power and what is on line, is severely strained to the point of brownouts, I believe they are called “rolling black outs” now.  This is what happens to a country that sits back and ignores its infrastructure and invests all of its resources in wars and defense of enemies that somehow never seem to materialize.

Speaking of defense, I have it on good authority, that the last soldier in the War on Drugs died this week ….. Of old age.

We desperately need to prioritize our goals and do a little internal house cleaning in this country … that is … If there is time left for us to do that what needs to be done.  We are almost to the point of not knowing c’mere from sick ‘em.  This latest boon-doggle from the U.S. Supreme Court is a fairly good indicator.

For the first time in a long, long while the inflow of illegals into this country has ceased, it is now a negative number.  This could be because of the new policy of posting huge billboards along the U.S. – Mexican border displaying job statistic’s in English and Spanish on this robust economy we are now suffering … uh … living in.

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.  They figure that o

lder people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.  I started to cry when I thought of some of you.  Then it dawned on me …  I’ll Probably see you on the bus!

What else we got?

Let me see …

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

”Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest.

“Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanting to use  leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”

“In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it, ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960′s era Volkswagen Van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by.  This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist.

“They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress.  Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation; however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

”That’s preposterous,”said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee.  “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us.  They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event.  So, what did we do?  We invited them to the party!  What could be more friendly than that?

You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. 
  
“That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

You want to put me on a bus?  Hey, I got one all picked out.

Where do I sign up?

OOO

Cartoons courtesy of American Progress.org

[#1291]

February 25, 2012

Kiss Me I Think I Am Gay … I Apologize

Here we go again, another week of why I hate the world, eleven hundred twenty-three words on why can’t I have it MY way even tho’ there is a Burger King right down the street.  Another installment in the Creative Endeavors Get It Right America Series, soon to be a ABC Mini-Reality Adventure this November, check your local listings. 

***

What is the deal? 

Everyone in this country, seemingly overnight, is now a “Special Interest”group?

Whatever happened to the things we were taught at an early age … Do onto others … Live and Let Live … Walk a Mile in my shoes?  When did we become a nation of labelers, enablers, whiners, complainers … A nation of what is in this for me and screw everyone else?

What is all this crap about the Gay Agenda, I am personally getting a little sick of it.

If homosexuals/Lesbians/Gay … Whatever they are calling themselves this week, want to get married.  

So what?

(Here is a New Mexico Barber’s opinion on it.)

Like the bible says, “Go forth, multiply and produce good fruit.”  Well, they might move forward, but they sure aint gonna multiply or produce any fruit.  If they were allowed to marry and all that, well, it seems to me that within 50 years, there would not be a lot of them around (do the math – Think about it).

All these Special People want the same rights as everyone else?  Well hell, welcome to the club, I suppose I have another block of un-used time, maybe five minutes I can give you … What makes you feel so unloved and neglected?

Newsflash!  I want the same health care as everyone in Congress , I want the same tax breaks that are afforded to the rich, I want the same treatment and fairness in the court system that the crooks seem to get and I am denied.  Drop the Lone Ranger Syndrome, you are not the only game in town.  And believe it or not, I am not alone in my thinking.

Here is another take on it. 

There seems to be no end to it, television, news media, it is slowly slinking into every nook and cranny of our lives.  Now I read we have a judge who is refusing to marry “Straight Couples?”

I mean, I hate to sound redundant here but give me a break.  It is time to UN-elect another stupid “I will rule my opinion and NOT the law” judge in Texas.  We have lawmakers who are refusing to sign bills for the Girl Scouts of America because he says they “promote homosexuality?”

Open your eyes, look around.  Consider what you have learned in just a few short paragraphs in this limited space in time:

Your straight friends are not going to be able to marry, thus no new children will be legally introduced into the system and now you will have no one to fund your retirement dreams.  Which is really kind of moot issue anyway, as your electorate is busy at work right now, doing their best to water it down or just flat out abolish it as we speak.

You are not going to be able to get your hair cut any longer by gay barbers, soon you will resemble Howard Hughes in his last days on the flight back from Panama (and remember, gay people, they do finger nails too).  Being as I am follically (sp) impaired, this isn’t a big deal for me, I don’t know what the rest of you are going to do?

On top of this, we have G.I.’s reportedly burning the Quran instead of barbecuing the Taliban.  Our blessed president, prophet, overseer, or not so quite revered King, Mr. Obama, is now apologizing for offending their culture? 

Again …. So What?  Who apologizes to us when they burn our flag, when they tie our wounded soldiers body to the back of a Toyota and drag his body up and down their garbage littered streets?

Nobody.

Man, you are right Mr. President, this is serious, you think the price of gasoline is bad and it is a problem.  Adam & Steve cannot get married.  You will no longer be able to get a box of Pecan Sandies and a smile?  What will happen when all the Seven Eleven clerks hear of this travesty of their culture and decide to go home.  Where will I get my $6 pack of Marlboro’s — Big Gulp — or my twinkies?

Wake up America.

Stop apologizing and posturing on agenda’s that are not all that important. 

It is time to come together on a lot of this and recognize and label our main enemy.

Which seems to be everyone but us.

It is time to get ugly when you vote, send a lot of these bozo’s home, gay or straight, makes no difference, in the end, the results will always be the same.  I never thought I would live long enough to actually feel ashamed I was an American, but each day it becomes a little bit more of a reality.  More so now, than just an occasional thought.  Here is the bottom line:  United we stand … Divided we fall.  Stop apologizing to everyone else and lying to us.

Now this morning I am watching Wake Up America on CBS and all the political wanna-be-door-stops that can talk are on there telling me what it is that I need to do, in order to make all of this work.  All I have to do is turn to religion, I will soon be able to come to terms with the whole thing.

It so simple a back-alley sandal maker in Dearborn Mich. could see it.  If I convert to Islam, and my wife hacks me off, we can take care of it poste haste.  (Don’t worry Newt, we’re stoning her in the morning!)   On top of all this … The Red Cross just called me on my cellphone and asked if I could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.  I said I’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

There you go, something else all you Washington political gasbags can apologize for.

Now I am headed out to find me a non-gay-I don’t want to marry my buddy-barbershop to get my eyebrows trimmed.  I sure hope and pray I don’t get stopped and have to appear in court somewhere … I will be a goner for sure.

Mr. Obama,

you have had your fifteen minutes of fame,

now it is time for you to shut up.

(Comments section as usual is open, have at it)

OOO

“Never forget the hand that helps you up … Or the boot that shows you to the door.”

Related: 

I Do Not Apologize

Get It Right America — Something Is Not Right

[#1184]

January 12, 2012

Trash Talk

Filed under: Blogging,Life,Oklahoma,random — ldsrr91 @ 6:48 AM
Tags: , , ,

THE TRASH OF MAN

This is a little hard to believe, but ….  When Brian McGuinn realized he had accidentally thrown his wife anna’s engagement ring in the trash last month, he vowed to do whatever was necessary to get it back.  Almost every husband in American knows that “If mama aint happy … nobody is happy.”  So after contacting their local sanitation company in Margate, Fla., the 34 year old suited up in a hazmat outfit and waded into tons of rotting food and sludge-covered trash to track down the $10,000 diamond.

After a half-hour of searching, McGuinn located the gem and returned it to his wife finger (after a professional cleaning of course).  His wife was reported to have said “I am not taking it off anymore.”   (Which could be “good news/bad news” for Brian, depending on her mood I suppose?)  So in thirty minutes, give or take a few, this best dressed hazmat-nimrod finds a ring in a trash dump?

Yeah sure … I am not believing this one at all. 

My neighbor and I had a similar experience.  His son Mel and his girlfriend mixed it up in the front yard, as young couples in love are prone to do from time to time.  Mel’s girlfriend went berserk one Saturday and threw her engagement ring at him on the front lawn in a moment of “lively discussion.”  And shortly there afterwords, the fun and games began.  We were there, on that “freshly manicured lawn for over two hours looking for that ring” and never did find it.  Finally, I called a guy with a metal detector and he had it pinpointed and located in less than 40 minutes.

This guy finds a $10K diamond in a dump in thirty minutes?

Bad week for “Honest Abe” someone stole the copper sword held by the statue of a Civil War soldier atop Lincoln’s tomb in Springfield, Ill..  It was most likely stolen for scrap.  The cemetery recently got rid of their security guard because of budget cuts.  Not long ago, Midwest City, Oklahoma, was reporting the theft of manhole covers in their city.

If some crack-head shows up at your recycling center with fifty-feet of guard rail or 22 manhole covers, this is a good indicator that something isn’t right.  A lot of this could be stopped if they “would police the people taking in the scrap.”  Meanwhile, you come in with two trash bags of crushed alum. cans and they want your driver’s lic. number and the name of your first born male child in order to collect your eight dollars in much needed lunch money.

Now this isn’t rocket science folks. 

They say the owner of a second-had car knows how to drive a bargain.  Take the case of this man in San Jose, California, who unwittingly bought a used van full of cocaine hidden inside.  He bought the van for some $14,000 last year.  He accidentally found the cocaine while cleaning up the van and immediately called the police on the matter.  Now this is one lucky guy, can you imagine what would have happened to this poor slob if he had been stopped in a “routine traffic stop” and the drugs were discovered then?

Junk Food protection,

God Bless the U.S. government, our ever watchful vigilant watchdogs who protect and serve us.  Congress recently shelved proposed changes to the nation’s school lunch program that were designed to reduce childhood obesity by adding fruits and vegetables while cutting french fries and pizza.  At the same time, McDonald’s in Oakland, California, added a “Happy To Be Alive Meal” to its regular menu.

Guess it all works out?

From the think I will pass files.  A Chinese entrepreneur says he plans to use feces from panda bears to make the world’s healthiest and most expensive tea.  Let me run that one up the old flagpole and see if we can find someone to salute it again …. I said, a Chinese entrepreneur says he plans to use feces from panda bears to make the world’s healthiest and most expensive tea.

He has already collected 5 tons of panda poop, which he estimates will retail for around $34,000 a pound.  He also goes on to say the panda’s excrement is rich in fibers and nutriments” owning to a diet rich in bamboo and its relatively inefficient digestive system.

In tea form, he says, panda pooh has more antioxidants than green tea, and a mature, nutty taste and a very distinctive aroma.  We have scheduled a tea party here at the house next week (my wife as some of you already know is very much Chinese) and we welcome y’all to attend.  (Bring your own toilet paper)

“A mature, nutty taste and a very distinctive aroma. “ 

Uh huh, wouldn’t look for this one at Starbucks anytime soon if I were you.

Been a little noisy around here.  This week they have been placing seismic sensors in the crop fields around here with a helicopter.  Looking for the black gold that the country runs on.  Yesterday coming home from town, in the span of 11 miles, I met some thirty plus oil related semi’s on the highway.  Lot of oil field trash on the move in Oklahoma.  At last count we had some 185,000 drilled wells in this state.  Oklahoma had an average of six small earthquakes a year, until that is, 2009, when the number jumped to 50.  Last year we had about 1,047 and one cabinet shaker registered 5.6 on the scale.

Now less than ten miles from our lovely little Goat Farm in the country, they are fracking the earth like you would not believe.  The boom is on again, and this time it is not oil, but natural gas.  (Please Lord, gives us another oil-related boom, we promise we will not blow it this time)  In case you just came in just now, or are late to the party, here is a very real fact of life.

Progress always has a tab, someone will have to pick it up sooner or later.  Wyoming and Arkansas now have water that is not fit for human consumption.  Ohio as recently as last week, stopped drilling of  disposal wells in their state due to earthquakes.

I predict that we will have here at my location, a whopper of an earthquake within two years (mark your calendars) and possibly natural gas coming out the spicket at the sink in the kitchen when you go to get a glass of frog water.  We have a huge national, massive addiction to oil, and there seems to be no solution in sight.  Homeowners do not want windmills blocking their spectacular ocean views in Martha’s vineyard.  Solar panels that would cover vast swathes of desert with panels, and people object to that too.  The tar-sands in Canada are playing havoc with the Frazier River Basin and the verdict isn’t in on that right now, but you can trust it isn’t going to be good.

So ….. if none of this works (Not In My Backyard) how are we supposed to keep the lights on?

25* here and it is going to be chilly out there on the tractor this morning (I am digging a pond).  Wind is out of the north and it has the bite of a pit-bull at Las Vegas Mailman’s Convention.  Gonna be another Oklahoma Memory Maker, wish you were here.

This brings us to a close, on this cold and nasty day,I sincerely hope you are warm where-ever you might be.  Remember there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.

OOO

March 11, 2011

The Fix

It is our policy to shy away from political material, it is usually explosive, always leads to some kind of flaming and unruly discourse, but I found this email we received this week kind of interesting.  It is political in nature, so be advised.

So we are breaking with tradition and skirting the arena of American politics this morning.  As always, the comment section is open, if you feel the need, let it go.

America is such a grand experiment, it is so nice to think that this once great country could rebound from our present lousy situation and once again be in the forefront of the good life.

Jury is still out on that one, there are some schools of thought that believe the glory days are over, and it appears that if we don’t solve our problems, and soon, they are going to be our demise.  In typical American fashion we tend to “throw money at our problems, hoping to solve them” instead of rolling up our sleeves and dealing with the issues.

One of the more interesting emails we received this week, was this one.  It is called “The Fix.”

It was supposed to have been written from the viewpoint of a senior or retired person.  As it was presented to me it was from a senior citizen around 80 yrs. of age.    It also had the following notation:  We aren’t useless yet.

Ironically, it carries the very same message, “throw money at everything” and that will be the common denominator to the problem.  It must be ingrained in the American psyche or something?  This piece or idea was spawned by a recent article in the St. Petersburg, Fl. Times.  The business section of that paper asked readers for ideas on: “How Would You Fix the Economy?”  The email went on to explain … I think this guy nailed it!  (Which I think is kind of debatable)

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America ‘s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the “Patriotic Retirement Plan”

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN car. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.
It can’t get any easier than that!!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes.  Mr. President, while you’re at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I’ll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!
(At this point is the almost always present “Pass This On” to all your friends, etc, etc)

<><><>

Okay!  Uh wait a minute, back the truck up.  Oh, if it were just that simple, eh?  Unfortunately we do not live in this kind of world anymore, we have the elected elite and they are not interested in what we have to say about any of this.  Past experience has clearly shown us that throwing large sums of money at a problem, never makes it go away.  Ethanol fuel … does that ring a bell, anyone?  Anyone?  Six billion a year to corn farmers, nothing for the economy or the environment.

Now let’s look closely at this modern day solution to our dilemma.  Of the forty million, there are surely those in the workforce who are NOT going to want to retire, they love their jobs, they love what it is they are doing and they are firmly entrenched into the daily routine. I retired early (before fifty) and I can assure you, there were times in my life, when I would have paid $1,000 to have a job to go to, it got that bad.  But I eventually learned to adjust to it and moved on.

As for the 40 million replacements, who is going to train them to fill the vacancies, the experienced hands just took the money and ran.

Giving people money is no real fix, not all people will respond in the same fashion, some will spend it and others will “sock it away for a rainy day.”  Most people of that age group have a house that is already paid for and could care less about buying a new home, it is the younger set that needs the housing.  Those folks just starting out in life currently are the people who need a hand up, the middle class is pretty much screwing the pooch now.

About the only thing that truly seems workable in all of this, could be the part about putting Congress on a diet with their unsatisfiable lust for pay raises and the medicare issue. 

But you know and I know, that dawg just aint gonna hunt.

It is a nice thought, a quick easy way to claw our way out of the hole and get back on solid ground.  Maybe we can talk the government into printing some MORE money to back this plan.  Now here is the reality, where the other shoe drops, “there isn’t any kind of quick fix.”  Like Ronald Reagan said, “Ask yourself, are you any better off than you were four years ago?”

Have a great weekend.

OOO

Possibly Related:  Not Raising Hogs

October 18, 2008

Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


October 7, 2008

Another Crap Sandwich

Bad Diet.

We are being fed one crap sandwich after another, and unfortunately, it appears that from here on out, it is crap sandwiches as far as the eye can see. Secretary of the Treasury Paulson says the U.S. Economy is not out of the woods, and in for some more tough sledding. This naturally occurs when you a hire a fox to watch the chicken house as they say in rural America.  Things are so bad, Mexico is considering building their own fence to keep out Wall Street Brokers, financial advisory personnel and stock brokerage workers.

Naked Gnomes of Finance.

With the titan’s of finance standing humbled and broken amongst us, no hero’s on the horizon to turn to. Having invested lavishly in financial instruments neither they, nor virtually anyone else truly understood, the entire house of cards came tumbling down in a matter of weeks. When we looked for all those people “that ran on a platform of LEADERSHIP all we found were a bunch of bickering, fighting children” talking ideologies and hurling blame and hurt feelings, but offering little in the way of solutions. That right there, is enough to throw water on any good ol boy’s parade. To feed ‘em their own words … That is Priceless.

Professionals at work.

See how Congress has modified the Paulson Plan.  Originally 2 pages, now 451+ pages.  This excerpt shows an important addition (perhaps omitted due to an oversight by Secretary Paulson), that illustrates an important aspect of our political regime.  All the hogs rushed to the trough and this is what they added.

Change The Logo

It is fairly easy to be a Politically Correct Liberal in America, especially when you live in a gated community. The Republican Party should change their national emblem from an elephant to a prophylactic, because it stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a false sense of security when one is being screwed. Assuming that either the left win or the right wing gains control of the country, it will probably just fly around in circles and of course, passing out worthless checks.

Backyard gardening, now you can grow your own.

Health food stores are experiencing a rush in Italy as researchers isolated an erection inducing plant compound in a widely sold Chinese Herb know as “Horny Goat Weed” (No, I am not making this up) the compound icarin, may be as effective as Viagra, they are saying. We have “medical marijuana” why not grow something useful right next to it, if you find yourself watering for more than four hours, call a physician.

Times are really getting bad now.

Playboy is laying off bunnies, but there is a bright side, think of all the money Hugh Hefner will save on batteries! And the world economy continues to take more casualties.  This morning I read where one of my overseas friends is getting down and it takes one more casualty.

Take care … Things will get better … I hope.

Don’t be a victim Jen, be a cheer leader!

Like my sainted Grandmother used to say ….. Look for the Rainbow Donnie … There is always a good side. As Michael Beaudet of Key West, Florida said after being rescued from his disabled sail boat after being adrift for some six days: “First the rum ran out, the cigarettes ran out, then the food ran out, and then the water was gone. Thank God for the rain!”

Sign of the times

Highway authorities throughout the country are being bedeviled by thieves who keep stealing highway markers bearing the numbers “666” or “66.6.” In New Jersey at least four such signs have been swiped, either by religious zealots who are upset with the numbers’ biblical association with the devil, or by young people who think it is cool to have a 666 sign in their bedrooms. Officials are countering with changing the route to 665.

Pass me the Salsa and some of them chips.

Within a decade, Mexico will catch up to the U.S. to become one of the worlds fattest nations, the Mexican government announced this week. Already, half of Mexicans are overweight and obesity among children is rising steadily. New cases of high blood pressure and diabetes have increased more than 25% over the past five years.

Low class act.

Adran Ghalib, the paparazzo who dated Britney Spears during her long downward spiral is peddling a two-hour sex tape of the singer, in which she performs wearing nothing by a pink wig. He said he is “open to the best offer” but … get this … Is too much of a gentleman to reveal any embarrassing information about his ex. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. Talk about a bottom-feeder this has to be him.

Isolate the problem.

During Gov. Sarah Palin’s (R-AK) speech in Florida this morning, campaign staffers kept the press locked out of the park and away from supporters attending the speech. Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn’t permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, “Can I help you?” and turn the person around.

When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn’t allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday. Palin has still yet to give a single press conference since being tapped as Sen. John McCain’s running mate on August 29.

Where the **** are we?

Speaking at a San Francisco fundraiser on Sunday, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) “fumbled” while praising U.S. soldiers in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, referring to Afghanistan as a “neighboring country”: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan,” she told several hundred supporters at a fund raising event in San Francisco. Afghanistan borders neither the United States nor Iraq.

Asian geography appears equally difficult for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who has discussed an imaginary Iraq-Pakistan border. Perhaps they took Geography 101 at the Michael Jackson School located in Never-Never-land-California (an ideal or imaginary place).

Here is a real eye opener.

If you want to read something really interesting on McSame here is the link. It is rather long, but well worth the read, it is supposed to be published in Rolling Stone next month. You can find all 11,000 words of it here. Make Believe Maverick It might change your mind and it might not.

Middle of the week for a five-day wage slave in Oklahoma.

We now we see that money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. Lately I find it hard to be happy, upbeat, truly amusing. Early in the morning and I am fresh out of aphorisms to describe the pain I feel. I don’t have a short, pointed sentence to express a wise observation or a general truth, I just have this.

So, as the bantering and bickering continue, one fact remains constant, from a political standpoint, we are not getting much better than what we have had, geographically speaking they really seem to be lost as a goose.  It looks like four more years of the same.

And if that is the case, Lord help us!

000



August 7, 2008

Only In America …

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “If you are still cooking on a hot plate at home, you can pretty much figure you are not going to qualify for a new car loan.”

The getaway didn’t quite work after police arrested Sean Gallagher of Illinois on charges he robbed the same gas station three times in recent months. After the third robbery a gas station employee pointed Gallagher out to police as he walked to his home, which is some 200 yards away.

Phoenix police said they’ve broken up a new major prostitution ring that set up dates through internet websites. More than 100 people worked for the organization that was centered in Metropolitan Phoenix area. Paul Nichita, 32, was one of the alleged ringleaders and a key player. Looks like there is a totally new way to catch a virus from the net now … Wonder if Microsoft has a patch for this?

A huge population of endangered gorillas have been found, some 125,000 western lowland gorillas deep in the forests of the Congo. Now let me see, you are counting gorilla’s and you miss “125,000” how is it that you accomplish this lofty feat? Now I had been hearing about American kids laggin behind other countries in math, but this?

How in the world can you MISS that many or fail to count a number that high?

The government announced today that older men should not be tested for prostrate cancer. It says that they are likely to be hurt by the test than helped. 44% of all cancers detected do not actually have to be tested because of slow growth rates in the body. Unnecessary biopsies lead to anxiety and serious complications from depression and other side effects. Just when I was starting to get used to it, had reached a point where it didn’t bother me, and now they go and cancel it. Oh well, back to the porn sites.

125,000 gorillas … think about it.

Paris Hilton has a new commercial out and the present round of political insanity in the country continues. I hate reading articles on showbiz people and their talking politics’, but it is so hot now, you’re almost forced to talk about it. It is so noisy and in your face.

Who do you think suffers the most in traffic, men or women? Most likely you are shaking your head and saying men, because we are known world-wide for our lousy tempers. But you are wrong, it is women. U.S. Census researchers have found that with women, each additional child they have results in more driving, because they do the bulk of the trips taking the kids places. With men, it doesn’t matter if they have no kids or two kids … they tend to drive the same amount.

In our marriage I traditionally do all the driving, my wife drives, but when she is behind the wheel, I have a profound tendency to gnaw on the dashboard. Men handle problems differently than women; my parents illustrated this to me over and over when I was a kid.

When my mom was mad at me she would say “Get In The Car!” my dad on the other hand would say ……. “Go stand in the street until I can get the truck started!”

Speaking of temperament?

A Milwaukee man is facing felony charges after shooting his lawnmower with a shotgun. Keith Walendowski, 57, told police that he was perfectly entitled to shoot his Lawn-Boy mower at 9:30 A.M. Saturday morning because it would not start. “It’s my lawn mower and it is my yard, so I can shoot it if I want.” was the exact quote. Police however, disagreed, and charged him with disorderly conduct and possession of a short-barreled shotgun.

Back in the seventies, the company that I worked for sent me to “anger management sessions” (which was totally free by the way, and I got to talk to these very nice people and they seemed to understand everything that I told them) and I learned to control my rage. When my lawnmower would not start, I took a six pound mall (hammer) to it and beat it too death! It was later on that I discovered it was out of gasoline at the time. (Services are pending)

“One hundred twenty-five thousand big black grass eating Apes … think about it.”

It really makes one think about which of the species is more advanced, doesn’t it?

000

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