Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

May 4, 2011

Just In Time For Summer

Let’s see, we have a cat with an arrow thru its head in Santa Cruz California (no real story there, they are looking for the cat hater), Osamma-been-forgotten is now no longer with us and Facebook is alive with virus attacks (I found that somewhat amusing, all these ding-dongs clicking on the death video, which we all know, there wasn’t one, and then getting infected … gives a totally new meaning to the term “friending another person” now doesn’t it.).

Charlie Sheen tours tornado damage in the deep south (I am not making this up people!)

How about Manuel Albert Soares, an international fugitive sought by Portugal since he skipped out on a prison sentence in 2008.  He was caught driving in the carpool lane of the New Jersey Turnpike this week without enough passengers.  Now that was stoooopid …  So I guess that leaves us with the milk truck?  Remember those ad’s on television awhile back …  “Milk … It does a body good.?”  Well a quick thinking driver of a milk tanker in Northern Ireland saved the lives of two men trapped in a burning car by dousing the flames with milk.

When he came across the crash scene, he positioned his truck so he could hose the fire from the tank’s rear valve.  When firefighters arrived on the scene, they rescued the trapped men, and then they were transported to a local hospital.

A high school janitor has paid for a new running track in White Center Washington.  He won $3.4 million on the lottery (over five years ago incidentally) and has continued to work at the school during this time.  Last week, he donated $40,0000 toward the installation of a new track.  He is retiring, and he said that “kids do things for you, they keep you young.”  I will have to remember that one.

Reminds me of the principal of a grammar school who had a problem with all the girls in the girls bathroom smearing lipstick on the mirror.  They would apply their lipstick and then in turn, kiss the mirror to smear it.  When the principal told the janitor about it, he said, “I can fix that.”

So they both went into the girls bathroom when all the girls were present (forewarning them first that they were coming in) and the principal, in front of the little ladies “explained the problem to the janitor.”

The janitor then said to the principal, “I can fix that.”  He then walked over to the closest commode, stuck in his brush, pulled it out, smeared the liquid all over the mirror, then pulled a wipe rag from his pocket and rubbed vigorously until the mirror was again, squeaky clean.

From that day on … There was never a lip print on the mirror again.

Never underestimate the power of American ingenuity.  That is what they often like to call pro-active thinking, and then you run across non-productive thinking, such as in the next comment.

Just when you think “you have seen or read it all” you come across the moron’s in Thornton, Colorado, who have outlawed spinning barbershop poles.  Here is another bad case of legislated American overkill.

The tradition of marking barbershops with a red, white, and blue striped pole dates back to medieval times.  But the city fathers in this backwater stop to nowhere have said that a modern version of it poses a threat to public safety.  “We don’t want signs to be distracting especially to motorists who are driving by.  (Motorists who are most likely driving by and text messaging on their cell phones for cryin’ out loud)

We need a break from all of these elected “do gooders that over regulate our lives.”

One more and then I am outta here (Which my good friend in Florida, Bill, hates it when I say that).  Just this week, in New York a new law was passed regulating childhood games such as tag, Wiffle ball, and horseshoes, which will now soon be designated “non-passive recreational activities with significant risk of injury.”

Glad they got that straight, and lookie here, just in time for summer.

Give me a break.

OOO

November 16, 2010

Mugg Shots

Man, what is this world coming to?  I just read that McDonald’s Hamburgers has been banned from selling Happy Meals in San Francisco, California.  Once again, the elected Nim-Com-Poops have rallied together to “protect us from ourselves.”  Never underestimate the stupidity of people in large groups.

They banned the meals because of their fear that it “might entice children to eat food that was loaded with fats, salt, sugar.”  From here on out, they can only offer a toy with the meal, if the meal is low-fat, low-salt, low-sugar.

I hate to throw a wet towel on all this boys, but the mechanism to keep all this in check was already in place … It is called “Parenting.”

But there is good news, across the bay, in Oakland (The murder capital of California) the “Happy To Be Alive Meal” is still being sold.  The toy this week as I understand it, is a zip gun.

Now on the other side of the country, the Nanny Patrol finds it necessary to cancel school dances.


Hide the adults! Teens are dirty dancing

It’s interesting to note that the dance wasn’t canceled out of concern for the kids — the usual defense — but because teachers refused to subject themselves to another night of watching teenagers dry hump to music. It really makes you wonder whose innocence they’re trying to protect — the kids’ or their own. Posted on November 13, 2010 by Bill on Cracker Boy or you can read the full story on Salon here.


45% of American adults say daylight saving time is “not worth the hassle. While 40% say it is.”  27% say they’ve arrived somewhere early or late because they forgot to change their clocks. And 98.5% say they cannot explain to their family cat at 4:16 A.M. why it is NOT time to go outside each morning.

A Legend In His Own Mind

George Bush released a new book last week, after two years of self imposed exile in the Lone Star State, he is appearing here and there to talk about his book “Decision Points.”  Which I understand is a major yawner available for about $25 nationwide.  Kind of ironic, the book comes out AFTER THE ELECTIONS guess it wouldn’t look too cool, throwing all of your Republican buddies under the bus, a week or two BEFORE the vote is counted.

Anyway, I am going to take a pass, Bush has lied to me before.

Speaking of buses? (He did it again! He did it again!)  Last spring, , an unemployed hotel concierge in St Paul Minn bought an old junkyard bus for $2,000.  He fixed it up, and now drives around the Twin Cities giving free rides to people at bus stops.  He even passes out free coffee and encourages sing-a-longs.  The good news is we need more people like Freddy Jackson, willing to step up to the plate and help out.

The bad news is some jerk will most likely sue him for everything that he has if he has an accident.  That is unless the City Fathers hear of the competition to city run bus lines, and just shut him down completely.

It is not easy being a Freddy Jackson in today’s America.

Another Jackson is in the news again.  Michael Jackson who was named the world’s top-earning dead celebrity this year by Forbes magazine, with $275 million in music and movie revenue.  He is beating out Lady Gaga, Madonna, and Jay Z all of them combined.  This week he released a new single (now that is a trick, releasing a single from the grave) and they swear it is HIS voice on the CD.

 

As Usual I Save The Best For Last

In the Mile High City (Denver Colorado) they are intent in reducing the size of government.  Now that is refreshing.  I understand that they will soon vote on an initiative to establishing a seven member “Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” to handle “potential encounters or interrelations with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles.”

Which is great, I would hate to think of government wasting money on frivolous endeavors.

OOO

Possibly Related: UFO Music

 

May 1, 2009

Lock N Load

I swear this country is turning into suspicious, mean spirited, gas bags.  The really sad part is the majority of them are on radio and in a public venue.  We need to search them out and eradicate each and every one of them.  They are a scourge upon the land.  Yeah I know, “free speech and all that” but when it becomes downright mean, nasty and vindictive, it should not be allowed.

This week a conservative talker was suspended after blaming swine flu on the ‘millions of leeches’ from Mexico.  Conservative talker Jay Severin was suspended indefinitely by Boston’s WTKK-FM after using the current swine flu outbreak to attack Mexicans and immigrants. On his radio show, Severin blamed the swine flu on what he called “some of the world’s lowest of primitives in poor Mexico”:

“So now in addition to venereal disease and the other leading exports of Mexico — women with mustaches and VD — now we have swine flu. … We should be if anything surprised that Mexico has not visited upon us poxes of more various and serious types considering the number of cimminalieans already here.

[W]hen scoop up some of the world’s lowest of primitives in poor Mexico and drop it down in the middle of the United States. Poor, without skills, without language, not share our culture, not share our hygiene. … It’s millions of leeches from a primitive country. … Now they are exporting a rather more active form of disease which is the swine flu.”

Man, talk about garbage.  What happened to plain old common sense. Have we lost our sense of humanity in this country?

What's Next?

What's Next?

(Thanks to Jonco)

The weekend, I am ready!

Hopefully we may get some sunshine, it has been raining here and we needed it but I am ready for a little sun and some nice weather for a change.  Get out in the great outdoors, a little time away from the house and all the chores that seem to never go away.

If I lived in Massachusetts I could go fishing at lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.

Now that is a mouthful …  I cannot … nor will I attempt to even try and pronounce that one for sure.  And I thought “Massachusetts” was bad, but this one takes the cake.  Lately, believe it or not, they have found instances of road signs where this has actually been misspelled.  Hard to believe, but it is true.  One example was “Chargoggagoggmanchaoggagoggchaubunaguhgamugg.” But rest assured, the signs are to be corrected.

Here is another one I found amusing.

Tourists have routinely had their picture taken at a popular tourist attraction in the southwest corner of Colorado, even I have succumbed to this and pulled in to the spot to check it out.  I have even considered leaving a geo clue there for Yogi.   Now it seems the National Geodetic Survey has found that the Four Corners Marker where tens of thousands of American’s have smiled and said, “Cheese.”

Is in fact, in the wrong spot.

This is one of the few spots in the USA where you are supposed to be able to stand on the corner of Colorado, New Mexico , Utah, and Arizona, all at the same time.  But it turns out that it is in the wrong place, it is actually supposed to be about two and one-half miles west of its current location.  Things are not what they appear to be chapter two this week.

What is it that I truly love ……… stoopid crooks.

Enter one Daniel Duran, a Houston Texas man who allegedly robbed a bank and stuffed the bundles of cash down his pants as he raced out of the bank.  Duran was later arrested and then taken to the hospital when the dye packs inside the money exploded giving him serious burns in areas we won’t mention.

I just love stoopid crooks.

Also this week, a little order in the court when an judge in Idaho duct taped a defendants mouth shut, another new use for the tape, which is know as “The Chrome Plating of the South.”

Hard call, an Indiana police officer is suing his department for firing him because he refused to be tasered.  It is the policy of the police department to taser all officers so that they can know what 50,000 volts of electricity feels like. (Something the majority of us have always wondered about eh?)

This 54 year old officer, had a bad disc in his back, his doctor recommended that he not participate in the exercise, and he was fired.  You make the call, should this have been allowed?

100-days

Today is my sixty-third day of my new laptop, and I still cannot get used to Vista and the keyboard.  It is a real pain in the part of you that goes over the fence last.  But as this seems to be the new standard for America (100 day segments) I will keep you apprised and up to date.  Actually it is a good thing for me, because my prescriptions come in 90 day increments.

While we are at it (government and all …. Nice blend huh?  Thank you very much!)

A government watchdog group has launched nearly 20 criminal investigations related to the government’s bailout.  The special inspector-general of the bailout program is focusing on alleged wrong doing by recipients of funds from the Troubled Assets Relief Program.

He is investigating cases of possible mortgage fraud, tax evasion, and insider trading, as well as an unnamed bank that he said “was cooking their books” to qualify for bail out funds.

Is this a great country or what?

Applications for open medical marijuana dispensaries have soared since President Obama announced that the fed’s will not mess with institutions that are under California law.  In Los Angeles and Oakland alone, pot is now sold openly in thousand off storefronts.  Unemployment compensation for dealers put of work has not been reported as available at this time.

Sales of wine, beer, and other alcoholic products are on the rise something like 4.8% nationwide as more and more people stay home  and do their drinking there, saving money on restaurants and bars.  I no longer personally drink to have a good time, I only drink to silence the voices in my head.

When my company asked me to give a sample of my urine for a drug test, and they found an olive in it, well, that was the end of my drinking career and come to think of it, it didn’t help my railroading career too much either.

Legal firearm sales have escalated about 27% since the Obama folks assumed the White House.  The first three months of this year, produced about four million new background checks made by the FBI..  Gun owners are afraid that the Obama administration will impose new restrictions, so they’re buying now.

I am going to change lanes now Honey …. Cover me.

Have a good weekend, we will see you on Monday.

OOO
“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

February 20, 2009

Hard Fast Rule

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 3:47 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hello, did you miss me?

I wasn’t here yesterday with all you needed to know about everything that actually mattered, I took a day off.  One hard fast rule I have is to never write when I am depressed, sad, lonely or out of sorts.  I just feel like it just naturally reflects on what you put up in a negative way.

Yesterday was one of those kind of days, so I just floated one, and did not post anything.

So here we are, sailing along briskly in our sea of anxiety this Friday morning.  Shall we stop to consider that it is just possible that Mr. Obama is just to dog-gone nice to be our President?  That Google can now eye you right down to your cotton-picking front door, that A-Rod did steroids and has confessed.  I mean who gives a rat’s patooie about A-Rod and baseball to begin with?

How about the Populist uprising demanding that CEO compensation be limited to 500K for doing a crummy job on Wall Street.  Auto sales have plunged the past 12 months, home sales, now there is a hooter for ya, nothing good to report there either.  Creationism is OK as long as it’s not taught in schools.  And if you’re trying to sell a $5 cup of coffee, well good luck with that.  Things have gotten so bad I hear that Madonna has cut off two of her entourage and let them go.

Opened up my email this morning and the first thing I see is this.  “See the 87 people that searched for “Don Smith” including:

  • 3 people in OK
  • 46 people aged 56 – 66
  • 51 men
  • 36 women
  • Get alerts when there are NEW searches!”

It appears that I do have charisma, but it is for the same-sex, that was kind of disturbing.  Nothing like coming on line early in the morning and discovering that you are no longer a “Chick Magnet” man, that is a bummer.  These things always amaze me to no end.  Must be that new math or something?  “87 people were looking for me.”

46, 55-66, 51 men, 36 women … which is missing 41 people somewhere.

Wait it gets even better.

I can have all this and more!  All I have to do is cough up $6 per month.  Yeah right.  There is another ten minutes of my life I will not get back, looking at this electronic bullsh** they send out.  It would be nice to think that I could just reach up and check “block sender” and that would be the end of it, but unfortunately, that doesn’t always work.  One pesky woman who gives me problems, came shooting in under the radar this week, and I blocked her a long time ago.  Technology creates a big hole in my life … it sucks.

We Must Be Back In Kansas Toto.

Wichita Kansas – Hispanic parents are appealing a federal judge’s ruling upholding a Catholic school’s policy that students speak only English in school. The appeal was filed by three families who sued the Diocese of Wichita seeking to end the policy at St. Anne’s Catholic School. The judge ruled in August that the policy does not in itself create a hostile learning environment.

Here is a novel idea, you don’t like it here, you don’t want to speak English, then go back to Mexico.  People that speak English in this country make more money, think about that, unless you want to be a wage-slave the rest of your lives.  You walk by a store window and glance down at the sign and it reads:  “EXPERIENCE WATIRESS REQUIERED ENGLISH ESSENTUAL” and if you cannot read that, where is this going to leave you?

This is America …We speak English.

While we are in Kansas?  The Governor of that state announced this week that they are, much like California, going down the tubes and will run out of money.  It seems that everyone is running out of money, except Washington DC, that is.  She says that she will have to dip into an $225 million surplus fund in order to make it.  Must be nice, have a million dollar “surplus stashed away somewhere.”

Meanwhile back here at the ranch, the local cable TV company informs me that switching over to digital television (that only works marginally) was more expensive than they thought it would be and they want an extra $4.50 per month from me.  Hey, why not?  I am made out of money, just like everyone else, right?

Figuring a bail out is in order for me, we have started constructing our own version of the American Hoopie in the backyard tool shed, hope to have the first models off the line soon, thus, qualifying us for some kind of compensation.

carIf that doesn’t pan out, we also have begun the new “Oklahoma Bumper Sticker Project.”  Handy, catchy sayings that you can attach to the back of your car if you live in Oklahoma.

  • I am putting on Makeup.
  • I brake randomly for no reason.
  • I am about to cause a serious accident.
  • Sorry, we are low on turn signal fluid.
  • 40 MPH in the fast lane is fast enuff.
  • I am sort of paying attention.
  • I am like totally out of it.
  • I don’t play baseball and I don’t do steroids.  But I do vote.

Colorado — One of the two men who used “thong underwear” to cover up his face during a robbery was convicted and sentenced to 12 years in the pen this week.  Maybe while he is incarcerated, they might point out to him where the “skinny part of the underwear goes” which is of course, not the part you want to conceal your face with.  Some six to eight months later, and that still makes me chuckle, it makes me smile.

Aiken South Carolina – Prosecutors said two 10-year-old boys who tried to trade marijuana to their classmates for bubble gum or desserts won’t face drug charges. Authorities said 3 grams were found on two fourth-graders after their classmates told teachers. Authorities said they don’t know where the students found the marijuana, and are not sure the students knew what they were doing was wrong.

If this doesn’t work, there is always George Bush and David Letterman.  Ganked this from CrackerBoy this week, check it out.


If none of this cheered you up I am truly sorry, I gave it my best shot. True it wasn’t much, but it was the best I got. Try and have a good weekend and remember, “Fighting over stupid things means you’re sweating the small stuff … Big time.”

OOO

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

January 16, 2009

Friday Mile Marker

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 12:06 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Today we should celebrate 1 million visitors to this site, in a little over ten months time.  What an accomplishment guys, thanks for your support.  I don’t think there is a blog out there that can lay claim to something like that.  It is simply incredible, and you guys helped make it happen.

Thanks a lot.

Friday already, where did the week go?  Just seems like it was the other day and it was Monday and now here I find myself, end of the week.  So what do we talk about?  Lottery sales in the USA are up, as the economy progressively erodes and times get bad, it appears that people are turning to the lottery as the possible solution to their problems.

Bad move.

Taking what precious few dollars they have left over and playing the lottery in the hope of winning instant deliverance from their economic woes isn’t going to cut it.

42 states are now reporting that lottery sales are on the increase and several states are considering another method of collecting revenue by starting up their own lottery games.  The lottery is nothing but a tax on people who are very bad at math.  Records are being set nationwide, a bad indicator of our dire predicament.  Take a moment here to day dream — What would you do with all that money?

Yeah I know, I will get some mail on that one.

I am reading where the government is going to try and buy back my old hoopie and that the cost is going to be roughly $5 billion per year for this program.  It is called the Old Clunker Program.  What amazes me is how we routinely look at “billions of dollars” as commonplace numbers.

Remember the old days, when it was just “millions?”  I can recall when that would be considered a WHOLE LOT OF MONEY but when you put it up against all this other crap, it just appears to be insignificant pocket change now.

Here is some more good news, talk about biting the hand that feeds you?

Detroit is now coming back for another pound of flesh, they want to raise the gasoline taxes in order to get the price of fuel up, to force you to buy one of their dinky marginally effective fuel stingy cars.  Nothing like spiking artificial demand for your product.  You can read more about it here.

Mesa Arizona – The city utilities department hired goats to clear weeds and brush from the slopes at its water treatment and reclamation plant. The 80 animals are under a six-month contract. Using machines is difficult at the site, and the goats are expected to do a better job in a more environmentally responsible way.  Finally someone with some sense emerges from the dust and chaos of 2008.

This is government that is progressive and a step in the right direction.

Another piece of news out of Phoenix – A group of lawmakers want to ban the use of speed enforcement cameras on state highways. The main sponsor, Republican Rep. Sam Crump, said the cameras are unfair and intrusive. Passage of the proposed law would shut down a program under which a contractor has already installed 69 of 100 planned cameras.  Personally I am all for this, you see, I got bagged by an airplane and a camera and it cost me about $175.

It was in Colorado and the cop when he asked me to sign the ticket said, “Doesn’t this bother you, this is pretty expensive.” I just smiled and said, “Nah, you ought to see what I got away with!”

(Why whine and cry about it, you are caught, right?)

In order to keep the peace and tranquility of my marriage I am often required to watch television that I do not support or agree with.  Such is the case of American Idol, twice this week I have been asked to sit and watch this spectacle of absurdity on Channel 25.  A lot of it sounds like a Basset Hound standing on his own ears and howling in the backyard to me.  I got nailed for two episodes of it this week.

And I thought Dancing With The Stars was bad?

One last note and then I will leave you to your day.  Austin Texas – The company that owns the TV show American Idol sued in federal court to stop a weekly Stripper Idol
contest at Palazio Men’s Club here. FremantleMedia North America also wants to seize Palazio’s profits from the event for amateurs. Palazio managers said they don’t plan to end the stripping contest because it bears no resemblance to the TV show.  Now being a man (as we all know who are basically pigs), I would gladly show up for a few episodes of this.

Sign me up!

I am now off to the doctors office.  It is that time again.  Same old routine.  The nurse starts with the basics.  “How much do you weigh?’” she asks. “200+,” I say.  The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 201.

The nurse asks, “Your height?”“5 foot 9″, I say. The nurse checks and sees that I only measures 5′ 8″.

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I scream, “I have been forced to watch two episodes of American Idol this week and when I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!

She put me on Prozac.

000


December 10, 2008

Holla Daze

coke_bear

Polar Bear Xpress came rippin thru here today and it got colder than eight brass monkey’s from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt.  I am here to tell you brothers and sisters, wintertime has arrived, and as usual, I was not ready.

Got your Christmas shopping done?  I hear the thrift stores are really doing the business this year, as American’s struggle trying to make ends meet.  Awfully hard to do that, when you don’t have a job.

Wipe that Smile Off Yo Face.

This is the DMV why are you smiling?  Munster Indiana. The state Bureau of Motor Vehicles is restricting glasses, hats – even smiles – in driver’s license photos. The rules are needed so facial recognition software can spot fake license applications, DMV officials said. Smiling can distort facial features measured by the software.  Nothing will wipe a smile off my face faster than getting a $135 Safe Driving Award from an Oklahoma Trooper.  My bank doesn’t want me to wear a ball cap inside the building now either.  Something about not smiling when asking for everything in the drawer.

Let’s Get Drunk and Be Somebody!

Nightspot owners hope to cash in during President-elect Barack Obama’s inauguration. The City Council recently passed emergency legislation that will allow bars, restaurants and nightclubs that have liquor licenses to serve alcohol an extra three hours, until 5 a.m., between Jan. 17 and 21, Inauguration Day.

Ah Christmas … Chestnuts Roasting on An Open Fire.

A man is fighting for life after his wife allegedly set his genitals on fire, leaving him with burns to 85 per cent of his body.  Rajini Narayan, 44, appeared briefly in Adelaide Magistrates Court today charged over the fire at her family’s home in Unley early yesterday, AdelaideNow reported. The fire left Satish Narayan with terrible burns and prosecutor Senior Sergeant Bruce Faehrmann said he may not survive.

“(Mr Narayan) was set on fire … his condition has deteriorated to the extent that he has 85 percent burns,” Sen-Sgt Faehrmann said. “It is possible that he may not survive so the charges may be reviewed.”  The Advertiser understands police will allege Mrs Narayan put methylated spirits on her husband’s genitals as he slept then set fire to him. Mr Narayan was believed to have knocked over the bottle of meths as he jumped out of bed, sparking a major blaze. Mrs Narayan is charged with one count of aggravated causing harm with intent, arson and three counts of acts to endanger life.

Mrs Narayan stood with her back to the court at her hearing today. She made no application for bail and was remanded in custody to appear in court in January.  He must have been “a pretty good sized boy” to have burns on 85% of his body eh?

Budding Out Early In Colorado

A 9 yr old writes book on dating.  Officials at the Soaring Hawk Elementary School said he wrote the book – which was the runaway bestseller at its book fair – for kids, but believe anyone can find inspiration in it. Alec’s mother, Erin Greven, credits her son’s beyond-his-years insight to his avid reading. “He reads nonstop. At dinner, I say, ‘Put your book down,’ ” she said.

Alec – who just finished a children’s book on the Watergate scandal said he wants to be a full-time writer when he grows up, with a weekend job in archaeology or paleontology.  The Book Of Love article here.

Here are some Insights:  “It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,” he writes in Chapter Three.  ”Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.”  He advises, “The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are cold hearted when it comes to boys.  Don’t let them get to you.”

Alec, Alec, tsk-tsk, so many unwritten chapters for you to discover yet.

Here you go, for all you saps that believe George W. Shrub did a good job … You can send him a letter!  Keep it brief, he doesn’t have a lot of patience for reading from what I understand.  Write him here for real

Wintertime on the plains, only thirteen more shopping days remain, what happened to the Christmas I used to know, where everyone gathered around the fire so warm, not really minding the freshly fallen snow, or the mid winter’s unleashed storm.

When life was so full of joy and things were so gay, the kids played with all their new toys, when Grandma and Grandpa came and stayed all day.  But now before the turkey is sliced down thin, the merchant hawks his wares in the village square, the honest dollar is all that is important to him, other than that he could honestly care.

The holiday season is upon us.

If someone sneezes more than four times, One God Bless You is sufficient.  If you are uncertain how much cologne is enough, you are not allowed to use cologne.  No pony tail this year, unless you are Willie Nelson.  On any road trip to the family for the holidays, “the person driving is in control of the radio dial.  No exceptions.”

Always try and remember “that all good things come to an end, but some mediocre things (like this post), seem to last a very long time” and most importantly, this is extremely appropriate for this time of the year.

“Friends do NOT give friends fruitcake.”

000

November 25, 2008

Afternoon Delight

Now here is something amusing.  I just posted an article on AllVoices.com a site with over 100,000 daily links, and now I cannot find it.  No telling where it went … don’t you just love the Internet.  Right now in Ethiopia or Tibet some guy is looking at his screen and saying out loud … BoxcarOkie, what is BoxcarOkie?  Sorry, but dog-gone it, that tickles me to no end.

Class Act

The American spirit is still alive and doing well in Idaho specifically in Stanley Idaho – Many residents in this mountain town have shaved their heads as a show of support for Andy Gunderson, the 51-year-old chief of the volunteer fire department who’s undergoing treatment for Hodgkin’s lymphoma. So far, 19 of the town’s 100 inhabitants have gone bald, while others have helped raise $10,000 to cover medical expenses.  There still remain, despite it all, small pockets of hope in this vast country.  Here is one of them, Idaho seems like a nice place to live (except for the weather).

The New Same Sex Rush

Richmond Virginia  - The state is celebrating the 40th anniversary of the advertising slogan “Virginia is for Lovers” – one of the most recognizable tourism marketing initiatives in the country. Gov. Kaine calls the phrase an American classic.  Could this be the next hot-bed for same-sex marriages?  Perhaps “hot bed” was not the right choice of words there.

Word games

Skywriter is always searching around for interesting words, so we thought today we might give her a new one to mull over.  Philaunderer:  He may hop from bed to bed, but he always washes the sheets!

Gender specific anyone?

GenderAnaylizer.com I came across a site over the weekend and it said that if you submitted a site to it, it could tell you if a man or a woman was the author of that site.  Submitting our site, it said there was a 52% chance it was written by a man (BoxcarOkie … That is me) and here is something interesting.

Submitting the web address of Margaret & Helen, allegedly composed and written by two maternal grandmothers, one of the most popular web pages in America, it turns out that there is a over 50/50 chance that it was written by a man (54%) …… Hmmmmm?

Now the other shoe drops.  I ran Creative Endeavors through the checker and it said there was a 52% chance it was written by a man.  Now my question is this, “Why didn’t it say 85% or 77% a man, when a man actually writes it.  My writing style doesn’t lean towards the feminine side.” As with Margaret & Helen, you would think the numbers would be more inclined to be higher in their favor.  Just thinking outside the box.

Running on empty

Corporate CEO’s from the nations automobile companies have still not received any cash to bail out there cash strapped almost bankrupt companies.  The word is now they are coming out with a totally redesigned flex fuel model … It can run on U.S. Tax Dollars.  European carmakers are now looking for a bailout, and as usual, the numbers are in billions of dollars.  Life in the passing lane has slowed considerably, world wide.

Don’t Look Ethel!

Greeley Colorado – A Catholic priest convicted of indecent exposure for jogging naked around a track at a high school in the town of Frederick has been sentenced to five years probation. Robert Whipkey must also complete 100 hours of community service and register as a sex offender under the sentence handed down in Weld County District Court. He is appealing.  Excuse me?  There is nothing “appealing” about a naked man running, nothing … Oh wait a minute, sorry.

Here is another one (Can you tell I just LOVE naked news?  Yeah I know, sick puppy, what can I say?) some folks eating a delicious, simply scrumptious meal at McDonalds leave their cellphone behind when exiting the establishment.  On the cellphone are some simply delicious, scrumptious pictures of the Old Lady taken by Mr. Hubby in the bedroom of the couple’s home.

Here is where it gets interesting.  Shade of Paris Hilton.

The people that discover the phone, also find it amusing to post the pictures of Nakid Mrs. on the internet.  Now the couple is suing McDonalds for some $3 million dollars.  Good luck on that one ….. Why is it when people commit an irresponsible act, they expect other people to compensate them for their stupidity.  I will never figure that one out.  Never.  Read all about it here.

What’s Cooking?

Spent a quiet weekend here at the abode, Cup Cake and I.  She sits in the backroom and watches “The Cooking channel” and I search for porn, uh, watch Speed Week or Discovery Channel in our TV room.  If you are well off and have loads of money, then that room is referred to as the “Media Room.”  I like Rachael Raye, she is so cute and perky, all bubbly and stuff.

I think she is the cat’s meow, but dog-gone it, that Paula Dean has stolen my heart, she is my kind of down-home girl.  That twangy Deep South voice and her mannerisms.  “We found this daid possum on the highway on the way to work this morning and we sautéed it for about two hours, it is now tender and juicy, we are going to smother it with barbeque sauce and serve it up ……….. It tastes just like Chicken Y’all.”

My kind of girl.

People on the net are always looking for that “perfect combination” of material and viewers (hits) to accomplish their lofty goals.  How about a “Cheap Eats Blog” that would seem appropriate right now, and I know with the economy in this sorry shape it is in, it cannot be anything but very popular.

Last Swan Song

Ted Stevens recently convicted felon and ex-senator has given his last speech on the floor of the Senate.  The chambers longest-serving Republican, delivered his final address to the members and yielded the floor for the last time.  The speech was a poignant coda to a four-decade Senate career.  Perhaps a quarter of the Senate filed into the chamber to hear the speech, which is ironic, half the time you cannot get the bozo’s to even show up for a vote.

He was of course “saluted by his colleagues and I suppose given a standing ovation” this country always treats its crooks with respect you know that.  Slowly they all filed out of the room and to their laptops and CPU’s to send all-cap emails:

IT IS OVER.  MAKE SURE YOU ALERT SARAH THAT TEDDIES GROUP WILL BE ARRIVING AT 9:40. DITTO FOR OTHERS SOON TO FOLLOW.

Life goes on .. Wonder how much a loyal Washington convicted felon gets in pension these days?

000

November 22, 2008

It’s Me Margaret …

112008

Here we go, another slow day here at the home, just sitting around waiting on Jeopardy to come on, od’ing on Vitamin E and they won’t let us go outside because the weather is bad.  Might as well write something, share a thought or two or as my wife would say …….. “What are you mumbling about?”

Today I discovered that Oklahoma City has installed some new technology at the intersections here and there around town.  If you sit there for a moment or two, after the light turns green, something activates the horn on the car directly behind you.

Pretty neat, what will they think of next.

As I said, not having a lot on my plate this day, I ventured into the “Estrogen Enriched Area” of Margaret & Helen’s today, they were talking about breast feeding in public.  I made a comment, and was again promptly shut down, I was this time summarily rebuked and chastened poste haste.  No sense of humor over there.  Just wait until we get something going on this page about overhauling the transmission of a ’56 Chevy, and they come over here, you watch and see what I tell them!

Yeashus!

Suddenly I am made painfully aware of how a mailman must feel, when walking down the street, minding his own business, a dog charges out of the house and tries to bite him.  Alas, I am the mailman of Margaret & Helen’s blogsite and didn’t even know it.  Accused of “shamelessly” trying to promote my lesser blogsite.  Yawn?  Every time I go there, someone bites my — and the Poor Monkey Never Learns.

The Barack Obama “love-hate fest” continues and Sixty Minutes the 40 year old news program had over 25.1 million viewers last week as everyone tuned in to see the new president elect and first lady to be.  I have to admit, it was kind of strange.  Witnessing the president-elect’s unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth.

But Mr. Obama’s decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years of old you-know-who, many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring.

And a great many Americans tuned in to see.  A new record that hasn’t seen that many viewers since 1999.  It has so far been the top telecast prime time slot on television this year.  Bush is now so unpopular that they won’t even bother to shake his hand.

Like Frank Burns’ said on Mash …. It’s lonely at the top.

The undercurrents of the last election are still flowing deeply across the country.  Lot of angry sore losers wanting to move out of the country now and talk about where they want to go to get away from all of this can be found at a lot of Internet sites.

Personally if you feel that way, it is like Dubya (Bush) is fond of saying …. “Don’t Y’all let the door hit ya, where the good lawd split ya.” (Texan for See you later)  As Gregory Peck said, “It’s a Big Country” you could move to just about anywhere if you wanted to I suppose.

You can Live in California where…

  1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
  2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
  3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
  4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
  5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
  6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought … In leap years … Earthquake.

You can Live in New York City where…

1. You say ‘the city’ and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is ‘nature’
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Minnesota or Maine where..

  1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco
  2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
  3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
  4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
  5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where…

  1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
  2. ‘y’all’ is singular and ‘all y’all’ is plural.
  3. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
  4. You believe that wrestling is real
  5. Your idea of gun control is to hold the weapon with both hands.
  6. And at the drive thru, you always say “super size the fries” for the little woman.

You can live in Colorado where…

  1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
  2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
  3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
  4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
  5. A slow moving Bronco is John Elway

You can live in the Midwest where…

  1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
  2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor or a combine.
  3. You have had to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ on the same day.
  4. You end sentences with a preposition: ‘Where’s my coat at?’
  5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, ‘It was different!’
  6. Where the biggest city you ever went to was WalMart.

You can live in Florida where…

  1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon.
  2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
  3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
  4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
  5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Or, you can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…..

  1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
  2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
  3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
  4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
  5. You know that ‘dry heat’ is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
  6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

Personally we can’t afford to go just yet, we are still waiting on our “second economic stimulus check from the government” once we get that, we are outta here.

Wonder if Margaret & Helen would rent me a room?

000

Thanks to Trish in Louisiana.
“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)


November 21, 2008

Garbled Viewpoint

Scratch N Sniff Bandits Strike Again

DALLAS Texas – A man has proven that you can never have too much underwear when he stole more than 130 pairs of panties from a Victoria’s Secret store.  The Dallas Morning News reported online Tuesday that a man snatched $1,067 worth of underwear from a table at the Dallas store Monday. A police report says a female accomplice held open the door during the theft and both sped away in a green car.  The report did not indicate what styles or sizes were stolen.

Don’t Forget Your Coupons

Coeur d’Alene Idaho – Law enforcement agents are offering $25 grocery gift cards to people who turn in burglary suspects before Thanksgiving. The Kootenai County branch of Crime Stoppers of the Inland Northwest is looking for five suspects in recent burglaries and is offering the grocery cards to sweeten regular cash rewards of up to $1,000.  CATCH A TURKEY – WIN A TURKEY …. What a concept.

Locked Down and Lonesome

Paducah, Kentucky – A state prisoner serving a four-year sentence for theft returned to the McCracken County Regional Jail a few hours after he escaped from a cleanup detail. Authorities said Chad Toy, 21, told them he was influenced by family members who feared for his safety. He returned still wearing his orange jump suit.

What a classy move

The auto exec’s all flew into Washington this week in “private jets” to beg for money and a possible bail out.  Now that is an austerity program for the rich if I ever saw one.  Meanwhile, our beloved Chief Executive has done rather well in this lucrative money-pit of tax payer dollars.  It is estimated that Bush will leave the White House with an estimated net worth of some $21 million, not a bad payday, for a sorry job and a proven underachiever. This is the problem with America, we know the price of everything but not the value of nothing.

Thank You For Sharing That

Brad Pitt on fatherhood in an interview on today’s Oprah Winfrey Show says “I am impervious to poo, snot, urine, and vomit.”  Man that sure helped me get my breakfast burrito down, thanks a lot.  Gee whiz Poppa-Pitt show a little class.  Rosie O’Donnell is coming to NBC for another round of “please tune in and allow me to share my rancid life history with you” check your local listings.  Wonder if Barbara Walters is gonna watch?  Another one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends is leaving him to marry a younger guy … I think he is sixty.

He-Said – She-Said

Silverton Oregon has the nation’s first transgender mayor.  His/Her highness wears women’s clothes and has breast implants.  By not hiding his cross-dressing from the public he said “I have blackmail-proofed myself.”  Wonder which bathroom he uses at City Hall … Just thinking outside the box y’all.

Myopia in Texas (Where else?)

The Terrell, Texas, Tribune did not even mention in its Nov. 5th edition that Barack Obama had won the presidential election because it was not local news.  “We covered the local commissioner’s race” said the editor, “We thought that was more important.”  Texas is the only state in the nation that executes the mentally insane and also elects them to the highest office in the land.

Look out below

Now this is something everyone in New Jersey can take pride in.  Councilman Steven Lipsid, who was arrested at a Grateful Dead Concert for urinating off the balcony onto the crowd below.  The 44-year old politician said that he had “resolved not to touch alcohol again.”  See what happens when you get a good deal on cheap seats at a concert?

More Nakid News

Tell me that I don’t know my reader base?  Twelve participants in the Boulder, Colorado annual Naked Pumpkin Run may be forced to register as sex offenders.  As 150 revelers ran naked through the streets of Boulder wearing pumpkins on their heads (I am not making this up – I swear!) the police arrested 12 on charges of indecent exposure.  “I was thinking a minor fine or community service, not thinking of sex offender.” Said one arrested 23 year old.  I believe the key word in that statement would be “not thinking.”  If convicted, I think they ought to have to write and answer the Comments Section at Creative Endeavors for at least ninety-days, that would be good community service.

Back To Law & Order

Former Sen. Fred Thompson is going back to starring on TV after his foray into Republican presidential politics over the last year.  Thompson, best known on TV for his role as a gruff district attorney on NBC’s Law & Order, dropped out of the crowded Republican primaries in January after his much-anticipated presidential campaign failed to gain strong support among conservatives.

Val Kilmer (I think he was that Bat Man guy) is officially weighing a run for Governor of New Mexico approaching it as a worthy, serious matter (that is a delightful change of pace).  The 48 year old actor said he would be “very comfortable” in the position.  Here lately that position is mostly called “bending over’ if you are in politics.

No word on Vanilla Ice, Mr. T or anyone else, but I understand Hasselhoff is staying on America Has Talent. It is also rumored that George Wubya Bush is now considering “acting lessons when they settle down in Dallas” later on this year.

One thing is for sure … They should not have a problem locating a new house or an old one for that matter.

Have A Great Weekend.

000

October 17, 2008

Say It Isn’t So Joe

A record 90 percent of voters say country is seriously off track. According to a new ABC poll, 90 percent of registered voters say the country is going in the wrong direction. Only 23 percent approve of President Bush. After the recent presidential debate someone on McSame’s bus was heard to say … “It’s 10pm, does anyone know what time it is?”

Given the global economic crisis, a record number of registered voters say the country is seriously off on the wrong track, the most since this question first was asked in 1973. At 23 percent, Bush’s job approval rating has fallen below Nixon’s lowest; it’s a point away from the lowest in 70 years of polling, set by Harry Truman in early 1952.

Bush’s disapproval, meanwhile, is at an all-time record — 73 percent. … Reflecting these economic worries, just 44 percent of Americans are confident they’ll have enough money to carry them through retirement. The other 56% are seriously worried about just making it to payday on next Tuesday.

This sure is getting tired and old at this point in the game, I mean, just elect “somebody” and get it over with.

John McSame and Obammer both promised and vowed a different kind of campaign. Yet this one has devolved into the tried and true: Destroy the enemy truth and fairness be damned.

Is this the way to lift up America during these most trying times.

Joe the Plumber = twenty references. Middle Class = True to form, zero.

McSame looked like McCranky this last go around, and unfortunately, not much was new.

One more disturbing item and then I will move on.  Doubt has been cast over the story of “Joe the plumber”, the man who unexpectedly became the star of this week’s US presidential debate. Joe Wurzelbacher, of Ohio, was thrown into the spotlight after he was used by John McCain as an example of who might suffer under Barack Obama’s tax plans.

But it now emerges he is not a licensed plumber and owes $1,200 in back taxes.

The complete article is here, including a short video interview with “our man Joe” at the end of article.  Groan. I am going to write a totally new version of history just like these bozo’s routinely offer us. I will call it Highlights in History, watch for it, coming to a webpage near you soon.

The folks from Somalia are back in the news. Requests by Muslims to pray at work in Grand Island, Nebraska and Colorado, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot accommodate the strictly scheduled prayers.

Requests by Muslims to pray at work, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot apease the meat cutting religious zealots.

The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims say they are being discriminated against and are taking their complaints to the courts and the federal government.

Employers say the time out for prayer can burden other workers and disrupt operations.  The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims are the most vocal complainers of all the religions in the united states.  This is the best part of the article, “As he voiced his complaints through a translator.”

Here is a novel idea, “if you don’t like it here, why not pack up your sorry butt and go back to the Middle East and you can pray there all you want. That is, when you are not ducking and looking for cover.”

East Brunswick, N.J., football coach Marcus Borden has filed a petition with the U.S. Supreme Court for a review of a federal appeals court ruling that prohibits him from participating in team prayer. Borden’s case began, when in 2005, he was told by school administrators not to lead his players in a team prayer.

Borden is asking the court to review an April ruling from the U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals. The appeals panel had reversed a 2006 ruling that said Borden and other public school coaches could silently bow their heads and “take a knee” with players as their teams prayed.

Down here, in the states of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, we pray before Friday Night Football and we don’t think anything about it, but then again, we live in America, not where the rest of these folks apparently live.

Des Moines, Iowa. Operating room nurse Pauline Taylor knows her refusal to get a flu shot is based on faulty logic. But ever since she got sick after getting a shot a few years ago, she’s sworn off the vaccine. “I rarely get sick. The only thing I could narrow it down to is that I had gotten this shot,” said Taylor, who works at University Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City.

“I know that it’s not a live virus. It just seemed pretty coincidental. Such stories frustrate me, the poor sap, who has to be handled by these so-called “health workers” who do not bother to get a shot. A surprising statistic — nearly 60% of health care workers fail to get a flu shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, nurses have worked hard to advance their profession and dispite some sexist myths do a great job. Portraying nurses as empty-headed bimbos demeans their important work and the education and skills it demands.

As I am old and somewhat bent out of shape ninety-two-point five percent of the time, I desire clean and healthy hands on my body at all times …. Aw what the hey, who am I kidding ….. I’ll take clean hands on my body at any time.

Be Nice – Play Fair – Share.

Civility lessons for the commuter. The Boston-area transit system has placed posters on 600 subway cars and 400 buses, reminding riders to pick up trash, tone it down on the phone, offer seats to those who need them, and let people off trains before getting on themselves. Officials said complaints about poor manners have increased along with rider-ship on MBTA buses and trolleys lately. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when children do not have any social mores, and the parents of the same kids, do not know how to ride politely with other commuters. Is it no small wonder when other nation’s observe us and feel that we are crude, rude and obnoxious.

Great Falls – Montana. The first turbines at a wind farm in north-central Montana are online, supplying power to customers in California. The $500 million Glacier Wind Farm is being developed by Spain-based NaturEner.

The first phase of 71 towers will be producing 106.5 megawatts of power within two weeks, a company spokesman said. Most of the wind farms in our state are owned by outside interests (foreign investment) and it appears that around the country, the trend seems to be the same, people other than the U.S. building public works/private interest for us.

Might be why they are living in robust economies, have rewarding careers and good jobs, and we are headed for the dumpster.

CLEARFIELD, Pa. A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — includes a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: “I wanted to see if I could.”

“I’ve always had a heck of a capacity and I can down about two gallons of water and I can do a gallon of milk in 20-some seconds,” said Sciullo, a chef at Pasta Lorenzo’s in Uniontown. He was later spotted on the house telephone calling Joe The Plumber.

NASA has commissioned a specialist to recreate the smell of outer space – which has been described as being similar to fried steak and hot metal. The research is being conducted so astronauts can get an idea of the kinds of conditions they will experience. Once again, the prudent spending of your tax dollar for the benefit of a greater society.

Steven Pearce, a chemist and managing director of fragrance manufacturing company Omega Ingredients, has been working since August to recreate the smell – he hopes to be finished by the end of the year.

“We have a few clues as to what space smells like. First of all, there were interviews with astronauts that we were given, when they had been outside and then returned to the space station and were de-suiting and taking off their helmets, they all reported quite particular odors.”.

“For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal and even welding a motorcycle. NASA said he has successfully produced the smell of fried steak, but recreating the smell of hot metal has proven to be quite difficult. Perhaps a sniff of the end of the barrel of Cheney’s shotgun would do it?

Hey, feed me two Taco’s and one super-sized all bean Burrito and I will give you all the smell and space you need!

Yeah, I know gross. Don’t write me any letters, the box is full.

Have A Great Weekend.

000

The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)

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