Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

November 19, 2008

The Long View

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 3:00 PM
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OPEN ROUNDLauderhill Florida – Four years and more than 700,000 rubber bands since he began, Joel Waul has clinched the Guinness World Record for the largest rubber band ball. The ball, which sits under a tarp in Waul’s driveway, weighs 9,032 pounds and is more than 6 feet tall. The old record was 4,594 pounds.

Waul, 27, estimates he spent $10,000 on the project.  We did something like that up in Kansas once, drove 45 miles to the the Worlds Biggest Ball of String!  And of course the Worlds Biggest Prairie Dog … Which was constructed of Solid concrete.

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Albany New Yawk – Two major pharmacy chains agreed to translate prescription drug instructions into customers’ primary languages in more than 2,000 stores statewide by March 31, 2010. CVS and Rite Aid will counsel and provide written translations in Spanish, Chinese, Italian, Russian, French and Polish.  Now you do understand that when you travel abroad to these countries, they are going to extend to you the very same privileges.

And they wonder why no one can speak English in this country.  (What a bunch of prunes!  Inside joke, you have to read the comments section)

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Medford Oregon – A woman pleaded guilty to theft charges and was sentenced to up to 90 days in jail and pay back more than $3,000 to residents. Carley Torres, 35, and her husband had their children go door to door, asking for donations to send their oldest daughter to a volleyball camp. But the couple spent the money at malls and monster truck rallies, authorities said.

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Caldwell Idaho – Michael Hart, 29, has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for an attack on his wife that included dousing her with lighter fluid and setting their bed on fire. Hart of Nampa pleaded guilty to attempted strangulation and arson for the May 6 attack on Jessica Holmes. Holmes survived and escaped with her two children.

Something for the girls …. Ladies if you want a good read, stumbled across one the other day, you might want to check her out.  The Resaurant Gal (this is not a typo, she is spelling it that way).

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President Bush hosted the world conference on money matters this week.  The agenda for the meeting of 20 top economies in the world was one of the most important money conferences since World War II.  Items discussed were how to impose more government control over lending and create more transparency within money markets.  Bush holding an economic conference is something to the Wylie Coyote holding his annual “teach chickens how to fly” summit outside of Waco, Texas.

They want more transparency?  Most of these bankers have their head so far up their A** they need a plexi-glass stomach just to see where they are going.

One thing about Mr. Obama, he is a class act, he opted out of the meetings allowing the Lame Duck president to go through the motions and enjoy his waning moments in his quickly fading Washington sunset.  Face it, no lame-duck president can do anything meaningful after the successor is elected.  The time in-between election and installation is too long, it gives them too much time to issue pardons to convicted political pals.

Bill Clinton issued more than 200 pardons between November and January before leaving office.  Mr. Obama said he was going to do his best to wrestle the problems of the economy on 60 Minutes.  Let’s hope so, it is so dog-gone bad that when we called a plumber the other day, that sucker actually showed up on time!

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Sarah Palin is in the news, discussing her future in the G.O.P ……….. haha-haha-hahaha- haha-haha-hahaha- haha-haha-hahaha- haha-haha-hahaha- haha-haha-hahaha- haha-haha-hahaha- haha-haha-hahaha- Oh excuse me, I believe I just hurt myself.  Can Sarah Palin actually be harmful to good health?  Read it here.

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A.I.G. (American Insurance Group) those wonderful parasites that are currently enjoying a nice high ride on taxpayer money, said that they are not going to apologize for their last exorbitant party and binge.  The CEO of that company which has taken a financial lifeline from the taxpayers (largest in history) said he isn’t sure if that will be sufficient.  Reporting a $24.47 billion loss this week, sure sounds like “party time to me.”

Just like I said, “Feed ‘em once, and they will be back.”  Kind of like petting a dog.  You pet a dog and you have a job for life.  Personally I would rather have the dog, you can trust a dog, and of course, a lot cheaper to feed.

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Nothing is sacred anymore, in Seattle this past week they announced the cancellation of the annual Nude Bicycle Ride in city parks.  Citing 23 people for indecent exposure and arrests of obscene exposure.  Which reminds me of the young couple who were on vacation with their two small children.  They were driving down the road and they saw a sign that read …. “Nature Park.”  So they decided to turn off the main highway and go see this park, not knowing that it was in fact, a nudist colony.

As they drove down this secluded road, coming around the curve, they spied a group of totally nude adults on bicycles approaching them with no way to stop and turn around.  As they slowly drove by all the naked people, who smiled and waved, the youngest child, a precocious 4 year old in the backseat exclaimed … “Did You see that!” and the mother said, “Yes we did.“

Where he replied, “Not one of those guys had a helmet on!“

000

November 6, 2008

The Morning After

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:14 AM
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Is it possible for one to experience or suffer “election deprivation or withdrawal symptoms?”  Do we have any learned or medical experts who read this blog that could take some time today to weigh in on this important lofty subject?  Here is an idea, I could give it to Margaret & Helen, and they could simply ask the question, “Does anyone think it is okay to eat flowers?” and they would get 657 answers in thirty minutes.

It surely doesn’t work that way over here.

It is nice that all this political stuff is winding down, good to be back in the “real world.”  Where you can strip off all of your clothes, walk down the street waiving a machete and firing an Uzi into the air, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report:  “There’s a naked person outside!” Of course you smile and say to yourself, “This Okie is nuts” but gun sales and ammo are on the rise in America as we speak.

While we are on the subject of weapons.

The Bush Administration announced today that they have a new secret weapon in the war on Terror.  It destroys people but it leaves all the real estate in place, it is called “The Stock Market.”  No good huh?

Okay how about … What is the latest dope on Wall Street?

Allan Greenspan.

I just finished reading a new survey and it was kind of surprising (mildly depressing) and it implies that “Baby Boomers” are more prone to commit suicide.  But I don’t want this to be a downer sort of piece, so I am saving it for Thanksgiving.  But as I am a Baby Boomer a war baby, it did interest me.  There have been times in my life where I actually considered suicide, but I procrastinate a lot, and never followed thru on it.

Say what you want about it, but it saved my life.

But when you stop and look at your prospects after fifty, why wouldn’t you think about it.  Who wants to look forward to being an old geezer in America, someone like myself, old people that are forced to wear comfortable, loose fitting, armpit revealing sleeveless undershirts, Bermuda shorts.  The black socks and brown shoes, with the little baggy thing around the mid-section to carry your cellphone, Bi-focals, car keys, medicine.  That is enough to make any normal male depressed enough to stick his head in the oven on just about any day of the week.

So there is another thing that I am going to have to learn how to cope with ….

Uh ….  Wait, its right on the tip of my tongue, I just had it.

Talked to Cup Cake (The bride) and she didn’t see any concern, which is surprising as we are both the same age, and half-the time when we are leaving the house for a trip to the buffet, I have to tell her that she has her bra on backwards.  I guess men and women are just different.

I will say “Where did you get this cake?” and she will say, “What is wrong with it?” Then I say something like, “How did you get that bruise on your toe?” and she will reply, “I kicked a chair.”

Ask a man the very same question and he will say “Some idiot left a chair in the middle of the room.”

What other important issues of the 21st century do we need to discuss in this brief moment this day?  As we plow thru another Creative Endeavors fact-less post.  I am apprehensive about the future, I don’t cotton to change much in my old age, which is a nice way of saying; change makes me anxious, apprehensive, and nervous as all get out.

Mr. Obama may like it but I don’t like change and I don’t rush to embrace it.

As I mature…I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think. I’ve learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or politicians.  As much as I hate to admit it, things are different in my life now.

My grandson just yesterday asked me, “When you die what happens to you?” So I gave him the Okie scientific version I said, “Son, when you die they put you in the ground, cover you with a whole bunch of red Okie dirt, and the worms eat your body.” Now I know that sounds awful cruel and insensitive, but it is better than the current observations that surround us.  That we all die, and we go to hell and burn eternally, so I didn’t tell him that, ’cause I didn’t want to upset him.

Let’s be realistic, not everyone is going to heaven.  Speaking of heaven?  When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost all that nose hair and that old-man smell.

Honesty is important in this day and age.  Just ask any Savings & Loan officer, new car specialist or Oil Man. You should be honest and frank with your children, grandchildren, and it also pays to remember, they are the people who pick out your nursing home in the end.

As my doctor would say, “Go with that … Let’s expand on this one Don, find your happy place!”

Life is good in America!  I believe you should live each and every day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry, because come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

You know this is the first day without the irritating e-mail alert, I have it turned off, also I have the stereo headphones on, cranked up to about 9.5 (who wants to talk to grand-daughters anyway) and I have already “almost relaxed.”  845 words and I am still cranking on the keys, all is at peace in my world.

Bloggers Unite!  You too can write like this!  I will share my secrets of the web with you …. Snack on Halloween Candy at 6AM in the morning and the words just flow!

Here is something to consider.  I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.  Now I can put “nudist colony” in my tags and attract fifty new readers!  Hah!  For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.  Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.  Which coincidentally if you think about it, is what cheese turns to if you let it set out on the counter.

India is going or trying to go to the moon.  Wouldn’t it be neat if they actually went up there and found all the hubcaps missing off the lunar Lander we left up there.  That would be a gas!  Even better would be the press conference where Bush tries to explain it to everyone … the uh, Looonar Lunder has all the uh … the … uh, uh … I have funded a new committee to pool their ignorance and we will get back to you on this soon.

Ahhhhhh, Sunshine in my world.  Not writing about death, gloom, economic meltdown, scumbag politicians, dirty egg sucking dog bankers is good for your spirit early in the morning!

Almost as good as being immersed in a good book, reading all of those pages, getting inspired.  I reach out and hit speed dial on my phone to call my old teacher and thank her.  That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Reading is good for you, much better than television …..

  • It’s nice to be important, but it is also important to be nice
  • (Tony Dow from the Leave It To Beaver Show)
  • Book ‘em Dano, Murder One
  • (Steve McGarret Hawaii Five O)
  • Why are these women running?
  • (David Hasslehoff … who cares?  Let them girls run!)
  • Where in the world is the remote?

As I have more than likely bored all of you too the point of crying, I guess it is time to shut this puppy down and move on to other pressing concerns.  I am working on a new piece, “Farming for the Government or How I got my position as Serf.” But don’t have most of the details worked out at this time.

Uh … I will get back to you on this soon.

So here I sit, quietly humming “Dunka-shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane” and wondering how come Wayne Newton isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be.  Then, I remembered, it is because he sucks.  Now that wasn’t nice … apologize … Okay, he isn’t all that great.

One more day and the weekend is approaching, I am ready.

A new administration is being formed as we speak, and soon, we can all close our eyes and visualize world peace for an hour or so over our morning coffee.  Imagine how serene and peaceful that will be until the looting starts.

I have to run (I will be here two and one-half days just typing in all the tags!)

This concludes this report from your uncouth Creative Endeavor reporter in the Heartland (which is a nice way of saying strange, clumsy, lacking polish and grace, awkward and uncultivated in manner or behavior or just downright rude) …  But gee whiz guys …. No one is perfect.

“Dunka -shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane”

000

November 3, 2008

It’s Not Easy Being Rich

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized,writing — ldsrr91 @ 3:50 AM
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The trouble with life is there just isn’t any background music.  Monday’s are always especially difficult, come in, sit down with a cup of Joe and then face an empty screen.  I am so envious of all those talented people who sit down and make this look like child’s play, make it appear simple.

So what do we talk about?

The up’s and down’s of oil, no one cares right now.  Politics’, I am sick of politics and my unguarded opinion is the political Gene-pool in this country, could stand a dose of Chlorine.

Last I heard they were holding a symposium on the Heartlands’ problems in some place like Chugwater, Wyoming.  Cheney was spitting euphemisms out of the side of his mouth about, I like this guy and that guy, and you should too (If you know what is good for you).

Another group meeting at which there are several speeches, often a group discussion, a collection of opinions on a subject, a short discussion.  Nothing is really resolved, and when the finger food disappears, they sneak outside for a quick smoke, fire up the bus and drive off.

I will bet you even money that the candidates are now glad to be looking at the end of all this.  Think about it … In just a few short hours, it will be over with and they can go back to “telling us the truth.”

So for a refreshing change of pace, no doom and gloom, none of this the earth is rotting like a bad cantaloupe left outside in the mid-day sun, covered in flies. Today we will talk about something different.  Let us take on the plight of those poor, often overlooked unfortunates in America these days that are experiencing hard times.

Let us talk about the rich.

You know who I am talking about here, the poor $435 lunch ticket, share the wealth bunch.  They (the rich) are not doing all that well here lately.  Did you know because of the current financial meltdown, the rich are being forced to cut back just like the rest of us?  It has gotten so dire; that I hear they have temporarily gone back to regular mustard instead of that Gray Poupon stuff.

Yes, it is true.

Affluent brides to be, in Manhattan are swapping out the $1,000 centerpiece of peonies from New Zealand for $300 Netherlands hydrangeas.  The Gordon Gekko’s types of Wall Street are now forced to purchase one $4,000 suit instead of five; things have suddenly gotten austere in the Big Apple.  Women of a certain age, who used to have the option of a complete face lift have now had to resort to Botox Injections instead, which are much, much cheaper.  Cosmetic surgery in this country is now estimated to be down as much as 50%.

America the land of opportunity, I have a degree in Liberal Arts, do you want fries with that?  We have discovered to our dismay that our “Great Spenders are also very Bad Lenders.”  Seemingly over night our philosophy has changed.  Yesterday is a cancelled check.  Today is cash on the line.  Tomorrow is a promissory note which may or may not get paidl.

Pity the poor, poor rich.

The rich have to make choices now, should I continue the lease on the Christmas Villa in the south, or just find a suitable hotel?  Will I be able to afford the subscription to Elite Traveler Magazine for the table on the Lear Jet or the Yacht this year.  Can we still afford a crew of eighteen to have at our beck and call?

They have to make untold sacrifices just like the rest of us, why they cannot even afford the full band anymore, they are resorting to DJ’s (Sorry Radio Girl) at the weddings and bar mistfah’s (sp).  Miniature cupcakes on Lucite tiers instead of the massive wedding cake.

A greatly pared down guest list, dollar pinching is everywhere!  As hard as this is to believe, “some of us might not get invited to attend at all” it has gotten that bad.

Arab and European clients are still buying $25 million yachts, but the share of sales to Americans has dropped from 80% to 50%.  Relegated to searching the boat yards for a good used 60′/80′ skiff is simply not American. The power shoppers are in the Arab Emirates, the Abdul Dubai Malls in the golden sand of the Persian Gulf.  Neiman Marcus is a bargain store in this new age of less money.  No more whole wardrobes, it is a $500 dress and make it last for the corporate executive’s wife in Houston.

Things have gotten so bad, they are more than likely switching over to the cheap Chardonnay, and I imagine we will at some time see these folks somewhere down the line, but for right now things on the other side of the coin will remain the same for us.  All of us good, honorable soldiers in the legions of the less entitled.

We will still be drinking the yucky-green-stuff, sneezy, why-in-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning NyQuil for a cheap buzz purchased at the Dollar General Store on sale.  Doing our level best to get a handle on life, with one broken handle, driving a beat up run-down fourteen year old Hoopie with a half-tank of fuel.

Now altogether …. Let’s hear it one time for the Rich In America …. Ready?

(One big collective sigh)

Now I know I feel better, I can face but one more Monday.  Which is considerably less painful than licking my fingers and searching out an electrical outlet.  I can now focus my energies on the important questions of life.  Such as:  “Is our planet the insane asylum for the Universe?”  That would be a good start for a Monday right there.

000

November 1, 2008

Above all that

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:08 AM
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Alaska, somewhere north of the fortieth parallel …. Guilty as charged.

Alaskan Senator, Ted Stevens recently convicted on all seven counts by a jury in Alaska, vowed to “fight this with every ounce of energy I have.”  Which is kind of ironic, as it was his close personal relationship with an ENERGY CEO that got him in all this hot water to begin with.  Why is it that politicians seem to think that they are bound over by a different set of rules and guidelines than the rest of us.  What is it that makes them believe they are above the law?

Kind of like all these people who sit at stoplights at busy intersections, and pick their nose while waiting for the light, do they really believe they are invisible and the rest of us cannot see them?

Kailua-Kona Hawaii

The best bargain at the Salvation Army thrift store was a Richard Simmons videotape. But Mikela Mercier, 11, passed on buying it for a few coins after she found $1,000 in $100 bills inside. Mikela immediately told her mother they needed to turn the tape in. Store manager Jimmy Thennes praised Mikela for her honesty.  No word from Richard Simmons at this time.

DeWitt Nebraska

The Vise-Grips plant there will close permanently after Friday, ending about 70 years of operations and costing 330 jobs. Irwin Industrial Tools, which operates the plant, is moving operations to China to lower costs. William Petersen, a Danish immigrant, invented the tool nearly 90 years ago in DeWitt.  They ought to take a pair of ‘em, and slap them on the crotch of the guy who thought up the idea of shipping American jobs overseas ….. and then sqeeeeeeeeeeze.

In other related Nebraska news, the state is now saying it is going to re-work its safe haven law.  People have been driving across state lines to drop off unwanted children, two dozen of them recently, one as old as 17 years of age.  The law, which took effect in July, prohibits guardians from being prosecuted for leaving a child at a hospital.

When Snow White dropped by last Tuesday and left five of the dwarfs, the governor declared that he had enough.  This law must be re-written to protect the original intent he declared.

Final Spin Cycle

Whirlpool is laying off 5,000 workers and DreamWorks isn’t making any movies …. We seem to be still hemorrhaging around the edges, has anyone noticed.  When will Washington figure out we cannot all deliver pizza’s to each other, some of us need jobs.

Here is the new official – unofficial policy …. We got the money ….. Now screw you.

There seems to be this “new attitude” by lenders and lending associations around the country.  Even though your credit is perfect, it certainly could be better, and now they are demanding just that.  Home loans are no longer a sure thing.  This is the new, dynamic landscape of mortgage lending today a new world in which even those with good credit are having trouble getting mortgages or the loan terms that they want.

All this at a time when politicians and economists are wanting to reduce bloated inventories in most cities, that are prone to fail.  Compliments of our good friends, the bankers, the only people in the world who can understand the concept of eleven windows …. And three tellers.

Chicken to go

Paris Kentucky — When a Chicken Ranch restaurant employee found her boss lying in an apparent pool of blood, she ran out screaming and called police. But the scenario was a Halloween prank by Joe Watkins, police said. The worker may have the last laugh; police charged Watkins with making a false report to lure her to the scene.

Chillin In Cheyenne

Cheyenne Wyoming — Natural gas prices were so high this summer that regulators warned heating prices in January 2009 could be as much as 79% higher than in January 2008.  But Darrell Zlomke, assistant state Public Service Commission administrator, says now that falling natural-gas wholesale prices suggest the increase is more likely to be about 33%.  That is the bad news, now here is the good.  The used furniture for firewood program seems to be holding on low prices in the area.

Now will everyone who got a 33% raise in wages this year, please raise your hand ….  Thought so.

The warming effects of Global Warming are affecting flowers, animals in Yellowstone and they are starting to disappear.  Studies are now showing that the warming of the Earth’s atmosphere over the past few decades has caused a loss of many the flower that Henry David Thoreau reordered in his book Walden and also has contributed to a decline in several species’ of native animals once common in Yellowstone.

Two headed fish in the Frazier River in Canada, frogs disappearing in the United States and around the world, species that have been actively protected for most of our lives, are going into severe decline.

Now tell me about “Clean Coal” again … I am confused.

000

October 30, 2008

It’s Simple

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 9:20 AM
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Okay, I think I have it down now. BANKER to TAXPAYER: “It’s simple … You are loaning me money.” TAXPAYER: “Uh huh.” BANKER: “So I can lend YOU money.” TAXPAYER: “Uh huh?” BANKER: “This way, I can stimulate the economy.” TAXPAYER” “Huh?” BANKER: “And when it gets back on its feet and is robust and times are good, I can pay YOU back.”

Yeah … I got it … I think we ALL got it.

Every now and then I seem to touch a nerve or as I like to put it … “Hit A Home Run.” Earlier in the week I wrote this piece on Halloween (Sign of the Times) and in it was a paragraph that read: “A time period costume would work, all you have to do is rummage thru your closet and find something from the 70’s,80’s or pre Ronald Reagan, that should do it. How about cross dresser, nice, but kind of dangerous in Oklahoma, some people here do not encourage or respect your new found perspective. I understand that in California the Gover-nator calls them “Girly Boys.” Which for some reason found disfavor with some of my readers and they have sent me emails implying among other things that I am insensitive and that my parents were not married. This is not true.

My parents were married.

So in effort to be “fair and impartial” about this, I have provided a link to address the issue. You can find it here.

Did you know that U.S. Senators are eligible for a pension if they aren’t re-elected and serve just one six-year term? As incredible as it may seem, it is true. Senators need just five years to be eligible at age 62 for pension rights. Currently the pension would be less than 8.5% of their 2008 salary, $169,300.00. Still, that is almost $15K a year, and remember, this is a first term member.

Think what some eighty-year old convicted felon moss-back will receive.

Iran’s attempt to build the world’s largest sandwich has ended in chaos, after spectators stared eating it. A thousand volunteers worked for a day to build the nearly mile-long ostrich meat sandwich in a Tehran park, but before officials from Guinness World Records could certify the feat, the impatient crowd swarmed the sandwich and devoured it in a matter of minutes. They still believe they will be able to get the sandwich in the books however, because of media footage that they plan on sending to the judges.

A mile long ostrich sandwich ……. Mmmmmmmmmmm doesn’t that sound yummy, it has my mouth watering just sitting here thinking about it.

Britain has resorted to bribing students to go to school. Truancy has risen abominably ever since the Labor Party came into power some 11 years ago. They have over 200,000 pupils cutting class in any given week. Labor tried the “Big Stick” approach to the problem by fining the parents of the errant children, but that did not work.

Now it is trying the carrot.

Children can win flat-screen TV’s, games, consoles, IPods, laptops, and even trips abroad for the onerous duty of turning up for lessons and applying themselves diligently. This bribery is insulting to students and teachers alike.

Here ins America we have a similar approach in place for our juveniles … It is called “National Elections.”

Joe “the plumber” Wurzelbacher of Toledo, was mentioned 26 times during the past week. By contrast, I only heard the word “Iraq” six times, “economy” 22 times and the word “shoot” coming from our kitchen seven. Shoot is really that other word, you just spell it differently, “shoot” has two O’s in it … the other one doesn’t and sounds pretty bad, but basically means the same thing.

Sarah Palin most likely used the other word when she saw this shot of her child flippin’ off her brother the other day.

Which ought to make for interesting around the dinner table discussion at the Moose Refuge …. “Well honey, maybe if we paid more attention to what the kids are doing and all we would be better informed” ……… “Informed! You want informed, well, if you’d stop reading Al Frankin and listening to O’Riely and paid more attention to Jesse Jackson and Rush, or James Dobson you’d be more informed enough to know that I AM God’s anointed champion of the people, not Obammer. I will show you informed” …

Now before you get all riled up and claim that I am picking on the Yummy-Mummy-our much adored and revered Moose Gooser, here is a picture of our beloved President doing the same thing.  It must be a welcoming salute generic to the party, taught at an early age.

So much for my weak attempt at pleonasm for Thursday. End of today’s English lesson.  Tune in tomorrow when we will be discussing why it is that Bonobo apes, one of the most peaceful and loving primates on the planet prefer to eat their cousins.

I guess they are the Republican’s of the species ………..

000

October 18, 2008

Cheep Fills

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:33 AM
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So here I am boarding a plane for Seattle, and I was feeling a touch nervous because that morning a plane was forced to make an emergency landing at this very airport after a window blew out at 14,000 ft above sea level and this incredibly huge Wall Street Banking Investment Counselor was sucked right out the window headfirst!

Okay, you caught me, I am lying. What are you gonna do, sue me? It is a pleasant thought tho.

Being as I love to toss mostly unpopular ideas your way, and the thought of writing about warning decals on the side of my garbage truck being written in Spanish doesn’t seem to appeal to me this morning, I decided I am going to write about something important to us all. Male pattern baldness, no wait, Incontinence, which fork to use in a really good restaurant.

No, that was not it, what was it? Oh yeah, gasoline, the price at the pump.

Now no one wants to talk about gasoline, gas after all is old news, with all these crooked bankers cleaning up, the political candidates “rewriting history” as they go along, and I suppose the recent announcement that Britney Spears Mom and Dad have established a curfew for their “twenty-five year old daughter.”

I mean face it … Who wants to talk about gasoline?

I suppose my email will again heat up because of this unpopular subject. Your overriding concern for my well being is touching, don’t get me wrong. A few people here lately have actually inquired about my mental health, sobriety and or prospects for a continued life in this galaxy. And taking it one step further, some would actually like to run over me with a bus.

Such is life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to those of you who send me messaged laced with such kindness such as “You are a real Okie Squat, y’know that?” or “I hope you sit under a sick horse” or “Your parents were not married” something like that.

So in the spirit of gentle discourse, here goes: Please forward any and all complaints to the appropriate system coordinator at WordPress.com, whoever that is this week. Now that was funny, no? Here it comes, git reedy (As Toby Keith would say) … Gasoline is a great deal! Even if the price goes back up and we have to pay even more.

So in case you missed it, here it is again … Gas is a good deal.

Give me a freshly paved two-lane and a couple of gallons, throw in a good tail-wind for good measure, and I am happier than a wildcatter at a down-hole convention in Lubbock. (Try and make sense out of that one … I dare ya.) Being your typical American red-blooded truck lovin consumer, I would drive to hell and back if I thought I could make it in a weekend.

Unfortunately, I like you, have realized that a $20 bill won’t fill up my old Chevy-resale-red-hoopie any more, on most days in doesn’t even come close, in some parts of Utah, three times that ($60) won’t cut it either. But I am not complaining.

The fact is that gasoline remains relatively cheap right now (wait until the election is over boys & girls, this will go out the window, quickie pronto!) and I know that I have been a fortunate pilgrim up to this point. You see, we have had decades of cheap priced fuel. But those days are over, like an early morning mist, they have evaporated and no longer are to be found.

Back in the day, I could fill up my ‘47 model Plymouth for about $8, then later on, oil embargo prices arrived and the long lines formed. Our local gas station converted to the metric system so it could sell gasoline at more than $1 a gallon without saying so; 33 cents a liter sounds better. (Its no small wonder a gallon of fuel is over $9 in the U.K., look what they use for a standard of measure). Most countries around the world look at us, and consider us foolish (if not fuelish) and think we are crazy.

They KNOW what fuel costs, unlike us.

We know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

Two decades ago, during the Persian Gulf War, gasoline prices were about 32% lower than they are today, and adjusted for inflation it should be about $6 per gallon or more. We have celebrated low oil prices by buying fleets of gas guzzlers, military-size vehicles that boast of fuel efficiency of 10/15 mpg, have the aerodynamics of say, a brick. Our society has been spoiled by all the reduced energy costs over the past three decades, so much that we cannot even fathom that we have a good deal.

Cheap fuel after all, makes us feel better about our world.

So there, I said it, I feel better already.

Please forward your complaints to the appropriate system coordinator at Conoco-Phillips 66, Exxon, BP, or your nearest Arco Station. Now I am sneaking over across the street to siphon some gas, while it is still dark, I need to mow the lawns.

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For Your Information:  Is Ethanol Really A Good Idea

October 15, 2008

Gimme – Gimme

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 12:34 AM
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Not long ago I was watching the movie “Wall Street” starring Michael Douglas. This is where he plays the unscrupulous Wall Street financier Buddy Grekko (sp) I believe his name was, a Donald Trump Wall-Street-Wanna-be of the first order. In the movie he states that “GREED is good, and that it is not all that necessarily a bad thing.” So it got me to thinking, “If GREED is good, then why are we in such dire straights right now because of it.”

So today’s offering in literary junk food will be on the subject of GREED.

As I am often accused of picking on some of these pikers around here, and that I never seem to be able to get along with anyone, we shall talk about my favorite thing in life … GREED. Being fully aware that I am basically talking with honest people, who know the definition of true GREED (wanting more than you can honestly afford). By the way, you don’t have to be dishonest to be GREEDY, I know people who are in church every Sunday and they are just as GREEDY as the next old boy.

Now if you go through your wife’s pocket book, or take gifts from people that you know you shouldn’t accept, you could be GREEDY. GREED can be the most potent aphrodisiac know to anyone running for public office. GREED. Where GREED really plays a big hand is in politics. The more money someone raises to run for office the bigger his image and his ego gets, once again, a power trip. Fueled by GREED. Politicians are known for their GREED and at times, so are their respective parties that they belong to.

GREED can also be a good substitute for Viagra, one of the better know stimulants in the western world is GREED.

Today I received a notice of “change in terms” for my credit card. If I go over my limit, 30%, if I get a cash advance and overdraw, 30%, if I am late, 30% … GREED. Pure and simple, why do they do this to a up-to-date good customer … GREED.

And of course they can do this with impunity, because they are BANKERS and the GOVERNMENT is powerless to do anything about it.

Walking into an Indian Casino or playing Bingo once per week, watching the ponies run and wagering sums on them at the local track can also lead to GREED. This morning the price of gasoline was $2.31 per gallon, seven hours later, for no apparent reason, it is $2.45 per gallon … GREED.

A Hong Kong Jeweler named Lam Sai-Wing built a bathroom in which almost everything is made of 24 karat gold: the toilet, the floor tiles, the mirror frames — even a a chandelier. The only thing that’s not all-gold is the ceiling, which is studded with 6,200 diamonds, pearls, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. Cost to build this monster … $3.5 million for this high tech outrageous poop-shooter.

GREED also comes into play in sports, the late Vince Lombardi said that “winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.” Americans will do anything to win a golf tournament, a tennis match or a Little League Baseball game. Now days they even have competitions to see who can land the biggest fish. Who is it that pays upwards of $200 for a pair of Tennis Shoes, while the rest of the world goes barefooted? GREED. I have more than 1,000 DVD’s movies in my collection … GREED.

Enron was a prime example of GREED. It’s apparent reluctance to pay taxes to the IRS for a period of several years, this is another example of GREED. So what if the city loses money … GREED. Tax Time is especially a fruitful time for GREED lovers and seems to bring out the worst in us. We sit back and try to figure out new angles in order to pay the least amount of taxes owed … GREED.

GREED always rears its ugly head when you try to figure out how to cheat on your taxes without getting caught.

Even when it comes down to romance, we are GREEDY. You say things to another person that sound like the real thing, but you really don’t mean it. Fortunately you cannot go to jail for this one, unless of course, you try to make your loved one tax deductible.

Some folks are GREEDY about clothes, homes, automobiles. Once GREED strikes it is hard to shake off. I have a touch of it myself, probably a tad, but no more or less than your average American.

Now in closing I want you to take into consideration one thought and then we will be done. Here is your scary thought for the day.

Back in 1990, the Government (IRS) seized the Mustang Ranch Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of greedy-dumb-asses who couldn’t make money running a whore house and selling booze? And we are lending them the lifeblood of our U.S. Treasury without as much as collateral?

What is wrong with this picture?

I envy people who have more than I do, but when people ask how GREEDY I am, I always tell them to speak to my lawyer. *

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*As promised yesterday …

  • The five entertainers who had airports name after them: Bob Hope, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, John Lennon and Will Rogers.
  • Six stars who took Karate lessons from Chuck Norris: Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley, Steve McQueen, Michael Landon, Marie Osmond and Donny Osmond.
  • Why George Dubya Bush doesn’t wear a name tag at his Class Reunions. … Who cares?

“The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)


October 8, 2008

I Can Fix It

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized,writing — ldsrr91 @ 6:44 AM
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This morning, I have been giving a lot of thought to my recently announced plans to run for President (Vote For Me).

Coincidentally, I had an epiphany of sorts when I realized that it is not easy being “The Chief” executive officer of a country.

That kind of came home to roost, early this cool, chilly autumn morning.

Not easy being a leader these days.

I heard a story of an old Indian got appointed to position of Chief in the tribe. One day all the members of the tribe approached him and said: “What weather do?” The newly initiated Chief told them, “me tell you tomorrow.” He then called the U.S. Weather Service and asked the man who answered up, “What weather do?” and he was given the reply, “about the same, maybe a bit cooler.”

So the next day, the Chief assembled all the tribe and told them, “Cool weather … cut firewood.”

A few months went by and again, the members of the tribe approached the Chief, and asked, “What weather do?” The Chief says to them, “I tell tomorrow.” Again he calls the U.S. Weather Service and asks the guy, “What weather do?” The man answering the phone says, “about the same, a little cooler possibly next week.”

The Chief tells the Indians, “Cut more firewood.”

Once again, the members of the tribe form a group and asked the Chief, “What weather do?” and as always, “I tell tomorrow.”

He (the chief) gets on the horn and calls the U.S. Weather Service and says, “What weather do?” and the guy on the other end of the phone sez ……… “Man, it must be going to get really cold, these Indians around here are cutting firewood like you would not believe!”

Here lately I have been reading a lot of this “the world is gonna end” tripe just about everywhere I look on the net. Which is ridiculous for a number of reasons. One, if you are an American that the chances of you owing a LOT OF MONEY are fairly good, and they are not going to allow you to die, you owe too much money. Second, I got a new Fiest Telephone Book recently, and they would not have put that out if the world was going to end.

So you can relax, stop all these foolish plans.

Such as storing up gasoline, kerosene, diesel, lighter fluid, oatmeal, potato chips, Doritos, green beans (no liver & onions please!), barbeque starter fluid, water (non tap water), soap, jell-o, Twinkies (these things will last over six years even when exposed to the elements), cheerios, chocolate-almond-kisses, tootsie rolls, candles, razor blades and last but not least …. Ammo.

Here is what is really sad … read that again … not one mention of clean underwear in there anywhere.

Seriously I have been making plans for after the inaugural in January. The absolute first thing that I have decided to do in my administration is get rid of voice mail. Anyone who has a voice mail machine, will either be fined or sent to prison without the benefit of parole. Especially the ones that play this sick elevator musak.

Personally I don’t really mind holding the line; I have learned to accept that. It is the God awful, punch this button for this, and punch this button for that, and if you are a member of the human race, please punch … you get the drift? I am weary of the game. While I am at it, I will re-instate the death penalty for all these people that garble out their telephone numbers on the machine so fast that you have to play it at least three times, in order to get the number.

After this last go around with the friendly folks at AOL I have decided to start a campaign that will stop people from using the phrase “Information Highway.” This new method of describing communication in America and the rest of the world has to cease. If most of these people had truly been on the “Information Highway” they would have been road kill for the last westbound Roadway Trucker headed out to the shaky-side (Los Angeles, California).

They would not have made it past the Honey Store at exit 100 near the state-line.

Moving swiftly along … As president I shall remove from television all of these shows such as Hard Copy, Current Affair, the Six O’clock news, and all these television shows that honor or celebrate crime. Also to hit the dust will be any type of Reality Programming, my idea of entertainment is not watching the bottom of the gene pool, sitting around cussing each other out, and acting like the ill-bred crack babies they are.

If you are a parent “and your four year old is running your life” you do not need a Nanny, all you need is a bathroom and a COLD SHOWER, a couple of those and he/she will get the message.

Effective immediately, a limit on the number of murders the affiliates will be allowed to show during the evening meal. (and you wonder why the folks in Europe don’t want to visit us?) There should be a cap on stories dealing with rape and other forms of violence that we have become so accustomed to.

I am tired of it, as your New President, I will put a stop to it.

There should also be a ban on hardened criminals appearing on so-called Talk Shows, and/or writing books about their crimes for self enrichment. This includes the police officers (crooked cops) who appear with paper bags on heir heads, when confessing their collective crimes to Geraldo.

We will instead, provide them with some kind of pamphlet (printed up at government expense of course) that explains that selling drugs, stealing dirty money, and beating up innocent citizens is not what they have been hired to do. Maybe they do not understand how things work in our society.

It should be an interesting year after I am sworn in, first thing we will have to do is fetch some more zero’s for our federal deficit, most everything else will stay the same. The politicians will lie about their bank accounts and diaries, continue to say just about anything to get them elected (or re-elected as the case may be). Wall Street firms involved in shady insider deals and lobbyists will still have their fingers crossed while profusely maintaining the innocence of their clients.

Some irritants will still abound in the new era. Unfortunately, that is the way the system works, you can only change so much of it. The rest of it …. Well y’know … Dontcha?

We should make some inroads, might even clean up some of the things mentioned here. Having seen nothing to convince me otherwise, I believe it is safe to announce … THE WORLD IS NOT GOING TO END AS EXPECTED … Despite what you read at the checkout stand in the little rag’s they sell there. Despite what the blog community seems to be pre-occupied with.

Just aint gonna happen …… Chill out dudes.

And remember … Vote for me.

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October 7, 2008

Another Crap Sandwich

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 7:48 AM
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Bad Diet.

We are being fed one crap sandwich after another, and unfortunately, it appears that from here on out, it is crap sandwiches as far as the eye can see. Secretary of the Treasury Paulson says the U.S. Economy is not out of the woods, and in for some more tough sledding. This naturally occurs when you a hire a fox to watch the chicken house as they say in rural America.  Things are so bad, Mexico is considering building their own fence to keep out Wall Street Brokers, financial advisory personnel and stock brokerage workers.

Naked Gnomes of Finance.

With the titan’s of finance standing humbled and broken amongst us, no hero’s on the horizon to turn to. Having invested lavishly in financial instruments neither they, nor virtually anyone else truly understood, the entire house of cards came tumbling down in a matter of weeks. When we looked for all those people “that ran on a platform of LEADERSHIP all we found were a bunch of bickering, fighting children” talking ideologies and hurling blame and hurt feelings, but offering little in the way of solutions. That right there, is enough to throw water on any good ol boy’s parade. To feed ‘em their own words … That is Priceless.

Professionals at work.

See how Congress has modified the Paulson Plan.  Originally 2 pages, now 451+ pages.  This excerpt shows an important addition (perhaps omitted due to an oversight by Secretary Paulson), that illustrates an important aspect of our political regime.  All the hogs rushed to the trough and this is what they added.

Change The Logo

It is fairly easy to be a Politically Correct Liberal in America, especially when you live in a gated community. The Republican Party should change their national emblem from an elephant to a prophylactic, because it stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a false sense of security when one is being screwed. Assuming that either the left win or the right wing gains control of the country, it will probably just fly around in circles and of course, passing out worthless checks.

Backyard gardening, now you can grow your own.

Health food stores are experiencing a rush in Italy as researchers isolated an erection inducing plant compound in a widely sold Chinese Herb know as “Horny Goat Weed” (No, I am not making this up) the compound icarin, may be as effective as Viagra, they are saying. We have “medical marijuana” why not grow something useful right next to it, if you find yourself watering for more than four hours, call a physician.

Times are really getting bad now.

Playboy is laying off bunnies, but there is a bright side, think of all the money Hugh Hefner will save on batteries! And the world economy continues to take more casualties.  This morning I read where one of my overseas friends is getting down and it takes one more casualty.

Take care … Things will get better … I hope.

Don’t be a victim Jen, be a cheer leader!

Like my sainted Grandmother used to say ….. Look for the Rainbow Donnie … There is always a good side. As Michael Beaudet of Key West, Florida said after being rescued from his disabled sail boat after being adrift for some six days: “First the rum ran out, the cigarettes ran out, then the food ran out, and then the water was gone. Thank God for the rain!”

Sign of the times

Highway authorities throughout the country are being bedeviled by thieves who keep stealing highway markers bearing the numbers “666” or “66.6.” In New Jersey at least four such signs have been swiped, either by religious zealots who are upset with the numbers’ biblical association with the devil, or by young people who think it is cool to have a 666 sign in their bedrooms. Officials are countering with changing the route to 665.

Pass me the Salsa and some of them chips.

Within a decade, Mexico will catch up to the U.S. to become one of the worlds fattest nations, the Mexican government announced this week. Already, half of Mexicans are overweight and obesity among children is rising steadily. New cases of high blood pressure and diabetes have increased more than 25% over the past five years.

Low class act.

Adran Ghalib, the paparazzo who dated Britney Spears during her long downward spiral is peddling a two-hour sex tape of the singer, in which she performs wearing nothing by a pink wig. He said he is “open to the best offer” but … get this … Is too much of a gentleman to reveal any embarrassing information about his ex. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. Talk about a bottom-feeder this has to be him.

Isolate the problem.

During Gov. Sarah Palin’s (R-AK) speech in Florida this morning, campaign staffers kept the press locked out of the park and away from supporters attending the speech. Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn’t permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, “Can I help you?” and turn the person around.

When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn’t allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday. Palin has still yet to give a single press conference since being tapped as Sen. John McCain’s running mate on August 29.

Where the **** are we?

Speaking at a San Francisco fundraiser on Sunday, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) “fumbled” while praising U.S. soldiers in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, referring to Afghanistan as a “neighboring country”: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan,” she told several hundred supporters at a fund raising event in San Francisco. Afghanistan borders neither the United States nor Iraq.

Asian geography appears equally difficult for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who has discussed an imaginary Iraq-Pakistan border. Perhaps they took Geography 101 at the Michael Jackson School located in Never-Never-land-California (an ideal or imaginary place).

Here is a real eye opener.

If you want to read something really interesting on McSame here is the link. It is rather long, but well worth the read, it is supposed to be published in Rolling Stone next month. You can find all 11,000 words of it here. Make Believe Maverick It might change your mind and it might not.

Middle of the week for a five-day wage slave in Oklahoma.

We now we see that money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. Lately I find it hard to be happy, upbeat, truly amusing. Early in the morning and I am fresh out of aphorisms to describe the pain I feel. I don’t have a short, pointed sentence to express a wise observation or a general truth, I just have this.

So, as the bantering and bickering continue, one fact remains constant, from a political standpoint, we are not getting much better than what we have had, geographically speaking they really seem to be lost as a goose.  It looks like four more years of the same.

And if that is the case, Lord help us!

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October 6, 2008

Reality Checque

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 7:27 AM
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Oh what is we gonna do? We done invested all our money in a pumpkin farm and the government done called off Halloween

The Weekend is over … The government goes back to work early this morning … You have something else to worry about b’sides the quarter of a tank needle on your gas tank.

  • Your company might not be able to meet payroll and you might not get a paycheck this week.
  • If you need to buy a home, you might not be able to get a mortgage.
  • You might not be able to get a home equity loan to repair a leaking roof.
  • If you build or repair homes, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to buy your winter home heating oil on credit.
  • If you need to buy a car, you might not be able to get a loan.
  • If you sell or make cars, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to use your credit cards to pay for an unexpected auto repair or hospital bill.
  • You might not be able to get a student loan for your next year of college.
  • If you own a grocery store, you might not be able to put food on the shelves.
  • If you own a gas station, you might not be able to fill up your tanks.
  • If you own a small business, you could go out of business.
  • If you sell coffee or lunch to people who build homes and sell cars or work in a grocery store or gas station, you could lose your job too.
  • If you don’t have a job, it might be harder to find one.

California has announced that they are broke and like the rest of us, need a loan, 600 car dealerships are closing per month in America, #1 status credit buyers (perfect credit scores) do not get a loan, six out of every ten cars in America are sold on credit (loans). Sixty Minutes last night on CBS reports that this entire banking crisis thing was the direct result of incompetent greedy bankers and now YOU pick up the tab. Bank of America pulls a $125 million dollar credit line from a west coast home builder who they have been doing business with for almost two decades, has never been late on one single payment and was current at the time the credit was withheld.

By the way, last Tuesday, Mr. Bush signed off on a bill to give the automobile companies $25 billion in loans, you know about that? Now let’s review: $85 billion for A.I.G., $800 billion plus for the Wall Street Hole In The Head Gang, $25 billion for the GM boys.

First thing you know, we are gonna be talking some REAL MONEY here.

Business as usual, the jets are flying this morning in some restricted zone far from here in some distant land, and the smart bombs are falling like spring rain on some poor sap just trying to get by like you and me. The lunch counter will be abuzz with new ideas and theories on how to eliminate these Robber Barons on The Street and find new ways to pay off the lobbyists goons that are sapping the lifeblood of our treasury (currently empty right now).

America is really an amazing place. We can send an eighteen year old to a distant far away place to die, but we cannot prosecute these malfeasance bankers who sit high up in the ivory towers, immune to the problems of the rest of the world.

Modern Day Untouchables and worse, with taxpayer bonuses.

We spend billions to search the globe for the last bed a terrorist slept in, and allow our own children to go to bed at night hungry. Our old and aged, sick and ignored, rot away in rest homes for lack of medical attention.  It’s so bad even the Mexicans went home, and they were living here for free.

About the only good news I can see here is that sack of garbage O.J. Simpson was found guilty and will be sentenced in December to a possible life in prison … Which is about 13 years too late if you ask me. Just like Elvis, when he joined the Army, we will lose on revenue on this too.

I find it ironic that he is being held in “security isolation” from the general prison population for his own safety. He seems to like knife fights, let him out in the yard with the rest of his peers.

Time to get back to work, we still have to rescue some twenty border-line bankrupt airlines, we are not done yet.


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