Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

April 18, 2011

Hit Me Again

Filed under: humor,Life,Oklahoma — ldsrr91 @ 5:59 AM
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Mama is not happy, she cannot access the food channel and she cannot download her treasured recipes.

And we all know the drill …. If mama aint happy … then no one is happy.  Me?  I want her happy, happy wife, happy life!  I want to be a happy, happy man when I die.

The problem (or this one) is the internet router got spiked over the weekend and it is now toast and will not allow her to go to her beloved haunt for her fix.  It of course is now “MY PROBLEM” and I have been delegated to fix it.

The monkey never learns, you see the monkey, he loves brown rice.  And the monkey knows that if he sticks his hand in the tray to retrieve the brown rice, he is going to get shocked by electricity.  But still, he sticks his hand in and he gets shocked, because you see, “he loves the rice” and unfortunately for the little furry critter, “he never learns.”

And of course …. “The monkey is always surprised when this happens to him, over and over again.”

Said all that, to say this …. I did it again.

Have a calendar on the wall, a date minder book thing, even a tear off on the desk, but no, I have to click on my computer calendar, it is right there, a mouse click away.  I need a date, and a day, instead of getting up off my porky butt, and walking over to the wall, lifting up the page of the calendar and looking for the date, I click on my internal computer calendar.

I mean … gee whiz, this is supposed to be the “information age” right?

But the monkey, he never, ever, learns.  I go for the obvious easy solution, not the practical one.  I don’t use the any of the items available to me on the desk ….. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo .. I click on the one in the computer!

So here I sit, locked down on June 2nd, 2011 and everything is just peachy, and then the power spikes and everything goes down!  Pow!  It all goes south, oh yeah, I forgot.  I was sitting here making a note for June 2nd, 2011 when the power went down, ka-Pow! 

Unfortunately I discover to my chagrin, when the computer went down it also remembered the new day and date, and locked me into June instead of April. 

So now my virus checker doesn’t work, and it will not re-set.

Why?  Mr. Computer says that “Someone has tried to manipulate my clock/date setting” and therefore I have to contact support.  Now that is a hoot.  I contact support and they say, user name, password, I check my list.  I type it in.  They say no such user name, password in the known free world or the central part of the United States.

I re-type it, type it, type it … And you know the rest of it dont’cha? Support my ……..

Well, time to move on.  I am getting cranky again.

Yeah I know, how can anyone be this stupid you are asking yourself.  Well, it is rather easy to tell you the truth, regrettably it happens to me all the time.  I am descended from a long line of men with opposing thumbs who were prone to do something stupid from time to time, like the time my grandfather told me about getting his tongue stuck in the roller of a typewriter.

Stuff like that.

Here is one more and then I am outta here.  Don’t under any circumstances; squeeze a lemon for your Ice Tea when you have a cut on your finger, handy-dandy internet tip of the day.  I found out this weekend that this can be extremely uncomfortable. 

Gonna be an interesting week, I can just feel it in my bones.  Just imagine what it is gonna look like when the smoke finally clears and you see your barn burned completely to the ground!  Which is not all that bad a thing, at least tonight you will be able to see the moon more clearly, there is always a rainbow.

OOO

February 16, 2009

Heads Up

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 2:52 AM
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Early in the morning, and the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the coffee is sweet, but I know that if not consumed quickly, it will turn bitter and rank in the pot and will have to be tossed.

A part of me wants to write something poignant, something touching, something stirring this morning, but it is simply not there.  Another eloquent peroration, where I exhort the readership to “pull together against the current hardships we all face, and rally around the flag.” Today is also President’s Day, but I have “nothing to say” about that, I am not getting sucked into that …. not today anyway.

But like I said, it isn’t in the cards.  My “demons” have come to visit and they decided to stay awhile, I hate that when it happens.  So I am being careful this day, very careful.

creatures

I have been for the most part, grumpy, out of sorts, a regular bear of a guy over the weekend, having what the wife describes as “giving off bad vibes.“  And I suppose she is right.

So I try all the Dr. Phil mind games that I can think of, killing time, I ask that old now familiar question …. “Will any of this really matter a year from now” …. And a voice, deep inside of me yells ……. Ah Shaddup!

A lot of folks eating out this weekend because of the Valentines Day thing.  There are certain rules that tell you how much a restaurant will cost.  If the word cuisine appears in the advertising, you are going to be spending a lot of money.  If the word food, it will be moderately priced.  However, if the sign says “good eats” even though you’ll save a lot of money on food, your medical bills afterward might be quite high.

Kind of like the dentist.

You ever notice that “if you do not have insurance, then it is a cavity.  But if you do have insurance, then it somehow automatically turns into a root canal.”

Something happened last week, that was quite incredible, or at least I found it to be.  Lost in the shuffle of everything else it did not get a lot of media play.  Two satellites, one American and the other Soviet, ran into each other, a cosmic head-on collision if you may.

Can you imagine that?

Stop for a minute and take a solemn moment out of your life and think about how many billions or trillions of square miles are in space, how something that has virtually no beginning and no apparent end, runs forever.

And these two objects run into each other?

I mean when I read that, I just giggled and snickered for at least thirty minutes on that one.  I mean what are the odds?  It is kind of like the old story they tell up Kansas way, at the turn of the century, there were TWO REGISTERED AUTOMOBILES in the entire state of Kansas.

Two.

At noon, on a clear day, they both rounded the corner at the same time in Kansas City and had a head-on collision!  Now I ask you ….  What are the odds?

This one cracked me up too.  Birmingham mayor Larry Langford got a taste of the “real world” recently.  These politicians live in their own little “bubble world mostly of their creation” and often do not know what is really going on.  He went to the local high school to present a short speech and presentation, and was “appalled by the attitude and deportment of the local students.”

All wide-eyed and bushy tailed, clearly moved and re-dedicated to public service, he came back to city hall and immediately called for an increase of police to staff the high schools of the area during school hours.  More than 250 students have been arrested in the Birmingham area recently, including 17 just last week.

A Washington senator wants a “real sin tax” applied to certain items of a sexual nature in order to fund disabilities programs in his state.  He is proposing to tax adult magazines and video, telephone services and paraphernalia relating to S-E-X.

There you go!  They finally got around to taxing S-E-X and I thought I would never live long enough to see it, but there it is.  I just thought it would be like my momma said …. “I would go blind.”  But now I know, I will be broke and penniless too.

It is like they say ………  “If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.”

Consider the possibilities, first sex and next … Air.  I suppose the next thing will be a government paid for video on the subject for all the kids in school.  Something like this.  Warning adult material.

(This will be today’s lesson in Government or basically, what the Government is good at doing to you.  Be forewarned this is of an adult nature, so if you are home using Mom & Dad’s computer and skippin school in Birmingham Alabama, you might want to turn the sound down and close the door.)


Now if you will excuse me, I am going back to writing my dissertation on how to jiggle the toilet bowl handle.  I have to have it in by Wednesday.

OOO

RELATED:  BAD VIBES

This article meets the flammability requirements of the California bureau of home furnishings technical bulletin 117.  care should be exercised near open flame or with burning CIGARETTES; reprints can only be approved by Simon Cowel and American idol ltd and any other reproductions whether electronic or otherwise are frowned upon immensely.  All apostrophes and/or commas clearly out of place are purely coincidental.

October 25, 2008

Sign Of The Times

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 6:14 PM
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Yesterday I was entering a convenience store and on the door they had posted a sign that read “Remove all masks before entering store.” I had never personally seen this type of sign before, I assume it was posted there in anticipation of weekend crowds that are on the way to Halloween Parties and as an added protection against crime.

So I walked in, picked up my copy of the Sunday paper (for the television guide) and approached the counter and the lady said, “You were supposed to have removed your mask before entering the store.” And I replied, “Yeah, very funny. You ought to be on Jay Leno. Give me my change.”

I was NOT wearing any kind of mask at the time.

Maybe she was having a bad hair day, broken up because of stress, perhaps just wanted to be plain ugly for something to do. Such has been my week. But that is another post altogether.

Some call it Halloween some call it “Devil Worship.” This time of the year isn’t my time of the year, every movie on television is filled with blood & gore, too much violence and ugliness in the world anyway, I surely do not feel like dressing up and celebrating all the evil in the world.

If I wanted to do that, I would run for public office.

Never really stopping to think about it, but I do not believe we have a “National Halloween Song” in this country either, someone ought to work on that. Barry Manilow comes readily to mind, but that is just a suggestion on my part, I am sure anyone could do it. We need something catchy, like those Christmas songs, that get in your head, and stay with you for like five weeks AFTER Christmas.

Wreck the halls and fences jolly, isn’t a Halloween a folly? Ring the doorbells, slash the tires, you don’t get any candy, beat them with a wire! Falla-lalla, lah, lah-lah laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

So what do you plan on being this Devils’ Day? What is your costume or character of choice this year. A rock Star, you could dress in any fashion that you wish, enlist all your friends to be your entourage and make them serve you, that has a certain appeal, don’t you think? When you get too tight from imbibing, you could let one flop out to tease everyone and call it wardrobe malfunction. Amuse your guests shock your husband.  Perfectly acceptable in this day and age.

A time period costume would work, all you have to do is rummage thru your closet and find something from the 70’s,80’s or pre Ronald Reagan, that should do it. How about cross dresser, nice, but kind of dangerous in Oklahoma, some people here do not encourage or respect your new found perspective. I understand that in California the Governator calls them “Girly Boys.”

I always found the girls who came to the party as a “Hooker” were my cup of tea. Dolled up with a mini skirt, slinky top, fishnet stockings, pumps, tacky makeup, and you are ready for trick or treat. If you are lucky at the end of the night it is “treat.” (Insert old tired joke here for effect.)

Yeah I know kind of pathetic, what can I say. Might try something out of the news, Washington DC surely has been inspiring here lately. You could be a “Northern-Exposure-Moose-Gooser” or a … oh well, never mind.

Most likely you are like me (heaven forbid) you think you are too cool to dress up and play the fool. You’re not. So what are you trying to hide? Get out, and be somebody! You don’t have to go thru life as a boring, weak-kneed cretin with a lousy disposition; this is the one weekend of the month to shine.

Remember this is the time of the year … This is your time for you to rise from the spirit of the dead. Get off your lazy potato chip eating butt and get out there and find your inner ghoul!

If by chance, you cannot afford to rent a suitable costume because of the present economic crisis that is no problem. Just do as I do, go as your own evil twin …

Most likely no one will notice anyway.

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

September 27, 2008

Back Off (audio)

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 10:55 AM
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Leave Me Alone I am disgruntled

Leave Me Alone I am disgruntled

Went to the doctor on Friday, part of my yearly check up and planned maintenance schedule. You see life doesn’t begin after forty, maintenance begins after forty. Recently my sister said “that sixty was the new forty” and I love my sister, but she has that wrong, she isn’t even close … Sixty is the new Sixty and that is the name of that tune.

My doctor says my blood pressure is high, I am winning the lottery on my cholesterol and all in all, I should not be here, but I am. Another mystery of medical science.

He says that my weight is perfect if I was seven feet tall! He cannot do a thing about this fungus on my thumb and I should be encased in something that they make pickles out of.

So I am sitting there and I tell him (the doctor) that I am somewhat depressed with all this government crap, Obammer not willing to show his birth certificate to anyone, McSame not remembering where it is he lives, Sarah Palin and her views on loading your own ammo. So I ask him about some anti-depressants and what could he give me.

He said he could give me this stuff that would alleviate a lot of my anxiety, but that he would have to schedule checkup’s for at least 84 days to check on me. I suggested that perhaps he could pass on that, and instead, just listen to the Police Scanner.

But he said no dice.

So I am back to my own reality, not a good week for government, business, and doctor appointments. I suppose we are onto another four years of pretending that the Global Warming issue is NOT an issue and we are going to burn freight-train loads of “Clean Coal.” Which like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Big Foot and UFO’s, the Republican Flat Earth theory, all of which do not exist.

Bush did promise, exactly like McSame has promised, that he would impose mandatory emission controls not only on carbon dioxide but also on three other dangerous pollutants. Unfortunately in Bush’s case, that quickly took a back burner position in the government kitchen, and he went back to sitting in the oval office popping bubble wrap and playing video games.

With all this current rounds of check kiting schemes and far fetched financial programs going on, I have forgotten if we are going to drill the tundra or not? We are going to punch holes in this theory too. Welcome to the wonderful world of Washington Fuzzy Thinking.

What, you wonder, does drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge have to do with solving the energy problem in California? Absolutely, nothing. Less than one percent of California’s electricity comes from oil. So it pretty apparent that dog isn’t gonna hunt.

Wind power, Mr. T. Boone Pickens plan is currently being tossed about, take a look at that. He wants to be the Saudi Arabia of wind-power on the American plains. Take a gander at how much land it would take to accomplish this lofty goal, it boggles the mind.  To get the United States off foreign energy, we would need 41,767,850 turbines, which would over an area of 10,441,962.5 acres of land.  This is also 16,316 square miles or nearly the size of Vermont and New Hampshire combined.

The complete article can be found here ….

Perhaps after one solid week of “bad news” this is why this morning I find myself disgruntled. I always loved that word “disgruntled” my boss used it quite a lot. It has that “Metamucil” (laxative) sound to it. I am a bit disgruntled; I ate too much cheese last night on my pizza. You get disgruntled when you see that the amount of gas you used last year at this time was $54.54 and this year, the same amount of gas, is $110.47.

And then there is Joe Biden who this week is quoted as saying …. “It is your patriotic duty to pay higher taxes.”

That will make you disgruntled for sure.

Finding myself debilitated by a series of bad news announcements, I have sank into a truly pitiable senescence attitude, surrounded by newspapers I no longer can stand to read, and once again bitching about the moron’s in our government this morning.What the hey?  It beats mowing the lawn or finding yourself on the wrong-end of weed whacker.

Bad news just has that effect on me.  I just naturally find myself bent out of shape.  And after the week I have had … It is no small wonder I feel yucky.

000

Parting Shot: “Cheer up.  Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?  And Rap Music will be considered Golden Oldies!”

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