Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

January 2, 2009

First And Ten

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent — ldsrr91 @ 6:03 pm
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I sure hope they spell everything right?

This more than likely will kill my nomination for Okie Blog of the Year. Oklahoma City – Tag agencies across the state began issuing redesigned license plates Friday, to replace the green-and-white tags that have been around for 20 years. The new multicolor tags have “Oklahoma” spelled out at the top in dark letters bordered in gold.

At the bottom is a narrow blue band with the words “Native America” printed in pearl white. A friend of mine recently picked up a DUI after Christmas, when the cop stopped him and said, “Can I see your license?” he replied, “It isn’t on the back of the truck?”— Night in jail.

Sending it to the Landfill

Anchorage Alaska – Glass is no longer accepted for recycling in Anchorage. That means up to 150 tons of glass a month will go to the city dump. The primary reason given for the decision was a significant decrease in demand for the end product. The world economy keeps sinking, and the demand for raw products, decreases daily.

Legally Dead

Thirty-four (Count ‘em I said “34”) bowl games scheduled, you have enough chip and dip to cover the spread? If you watch half that many games you could or should be declared “legally dead” to the world. Here is what the average football fanatic wanted for Christmas this year.

Very surprised to see an empty seat at the Super Bow, a die-hard fan remarked about it to a woman sitting nearby. “It was my husband’s” the woman explained, “but he died.” “I am very sorry,” said the man. “Yet I am really surprised that another relative, or a friend, didn’t jump at the chance to take the seat reserved for him.”

“Beats me,” she said. “They all insisted on going to the funeral.”

Poo-Poo Report, this is too good to be true. But it is.

Greenwich Connecticut – City officials said in a report that a sewer main break on Dec. 12 sent 28 million gallons of untreated waste-water into the Mianus River and Long Island Sound. The Environmental Protection Agency said it is one of the largest sewage spills in New England in recent memory, but officials say they don’t believe there will be any long-term damage to the environment. Now go back and read it again, look at the name of the river, it is almost as if it was made up, but it isn’t.

The Kansas equivalent of Sarah Palin? This dog isn’t going to hunt.

Topeka Kansas – Democratic Gov. Sebelius said a job in President-elect Barack Obama’s administration is still a possibility because she believes Obama will serve eight years. Sebelius took herself out of Cabinet consideration this month, citing the state’s budget problems. Some speculate the two-term governor will run for the U.S. Senate. The guy hasn’t even been sworn in for his FIRST TERM and people are now predicting his tenure is eight years? Give us a break Gov.

More stuff that doesn’t work

Readomatic this “New” wordpress.com feature they recently introduced, isn’t working, seems it posts your stuff now and then, but has some kind of tag problem.  So it appears that even tho’ it is a totally new year, wordpress.com still has the same old problems, just a new face on this one.

Hammered In The Deep South

Richmond Virginia – The sour economy has not affected Virginians’ taste for liquor. It’s just encouraged them to do more drinking at home, state Alcoholic Beverage Control sales figures show. From July through November, liquor sales to individuals rose 8.1%, while sales to bars and restaurants increased only 0.6%.

Me and the bride we are feeling alright about most of this. I recently went to the bank and cashed in all my CD’s and moved our money to a Canadian Company that manufacturers anti depressants.

Word Verbage: Hella. (1.) Very, totally. (2.) Lot of. Short for “a hell of a lot of.” Guy #1: That party was hella sketchy. What was with all those skanky girls. Guy #2: There was a hella weed, tho.

“I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.” Actual statement on an insurance form, in which the driver was trying to explain the accident in as few words as possible.

Coffee Drinking Do-Nut Eating Pork Barrel Hogs switch to Dunkin Donuts.

Dunkin Donuts is expecting a solid 2009 the rest of the country’s economic might appear to be rather bleak, but it looks good for Dunkin Donuts, they are sitting pretty and it all looks pretty sweet. They recently bumped off Starbucks as the #1 supplier of as the official coffee supplier of the U.S. Senate Restaurant.

Their new official slogan for the new year will be “You Kin Do It” sort of like Larry The Cable Guy’s … “Get ‘Er Done” I guess. I like their coffee, but at almost $7 a bag, it is too rich for my blood. But then again, I am a six pack Joe, as Caribou Barbie has said, not an overpaid blood sucking parasite in the U.S. Senate.

Bunker Mentality

Atlas Van Lines and Mayflower are reporting that most American’s are hunkering down and staying put. With economics in their current state, it appears that everyone is staying home and getting drunk.   Gasoline has went up in my area by .22 cents in two days, so it appears that the honeymoon is officially over, and they are coming around for another pound of flesh.

Amid a sour economy, one business appears to be thriving as the year comes to a close: counterfeiting. Arrests for the printing of fake money have hit a five-year high. If you get a bill with a picture of Cheney or Bush on it, don’t try and pass it.

(It is not “lots of. Short for a hella of a lot of.”)

The Fed’s are now reporting that the bankers have been fed, and they seem to be sated for the time being. Commercial banks and investment firms borrowed less from the Emergency Lending Program last week than in the previous weeks before that. They just averaged $86.3 billion per day, a drop from $88.4 billion the week before Christmas.

It appears that they have all they need … Me and the wife we are still trying our best to “Keep Up With Jone’es, but every time we catch them, they just go out and refinance.”

How about you — How you doin’?

000

December 11, 2008

Nobody Cares About Your Dreams

Filed under: Oklahoma,Recent,Uncategorized,writing — ldsrr91 @ 11:37 am
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Coffee is good this morning, a little bite to it, but that is okay, it is cold here and uncomfortable.  Americans drink about 400 million cups of coffee per day, that is a lot of coffee, that is an ocean of coffee.  Which is kind of strange, when you stop to think about it.  Coffee has no nutritional value that I know of, why we drink it is truly somewhat of a mystery.

Four out of five adults in the U.S. drink coffee every day.  I know one person who doesn’t, his favorite quote about coffee is this.  “How can something that smells so dog-gone good when it is perculating in the pot, taste so rotten afterwards.” He is not a caffeine junky like the rest of us.

We average about two cups per day in this country, per consumer, that would be about 1/3 of the worlds’ supply of the elixir.  I understand that coffee contains 100 milligrams of caffeine; a cup of espresso has 200.

No More Free Toasters

You can now add Credit Unions to the list of people signing up for the bailout money, they applied for and received $40 billion worth this week to bolster against mortgage losses.  You know the other day I was sitting at the beanery waiting for them to bring me my order and I was staring out the window.  And I got that glazed over look in my eye and the wife said to me, “I know I shouldn’t but I am gonna anyway.  What are you thinking about”?”

And I said, “Oh, I was thinking back a long time ago, when we were young and stupid and we invested in that Ponzi scheme.  You remember that?” and she said, “Oh Lord, whatever made you think of that?”

For all of you that are not aware, a Ponzi scheme is a get rich deal, most of the time called a “Pyramid Scheme” and the people, who get in early, make tons of money, the others, well they don’t do so well.  They mainly lose their investment.  We were in the later group, we lost, about $1,000 and interest, and I made every stinking payment on it, 36 of them suckers.  (I told you we were young and stupid, we didn’t even have the money to lose, we borrowed our entry level amount … Now that was really d-u-m-b.)

So here is the deal.

I am thinking about how it is that I did something really dumb, really stupid, and I lost what I considered a large amount of money.  AND NO ONE … NOT ONE SOLITARY SOUL CAME FORWARD TO BAIL ME OUT … I HAD TO PAY EVERY DAMN DIME OF IT … AND I HAD TO TAKE MY KNOCKS THE HARD WAY. Since then, several lucrative offers have presented themselves, and we always say “no thank you.”  Our official position is that we have had so many good deals in the past, we cannot afford any more of them now.

When do WE get bailed out … Who is going to help us out … those of us that are struggling.

Business has gotten so bad here lately, even the people who were not planning on paying for it anyway, are not buying. I asked my neighbor about it and he said, “The bible says cast thy bread upon the waters and it will be returned to you 100 fold.”  Which is fine, but what are you supposed to do with 100 soggy wet loaves of bread?  When I was young, my paycheck would burn a hole in my pocket, these days it isn’t enough to keep my pocket warm.  It is truly a shame that at this point in life, you have only one regret.  And that would be that you have not accumulated enough cash to be able to fly on a moment’s notice to Japan to bid on Paul’s Sergeant Peppers uniform.

The Governor will see you now … Please have your checkbook handy

Corruption has tainted politics in Chicago (Illinois in general) since the prohibition days and Albert Scarface Capone, but the arrest Tuesday of Illinois Governor Brad Blagojevich revealed alleged conspiracy and bribery schemes so brazen that the veteran investigators and prosecutors could barely hold their revulsion.  Government for sale .. to the highest bidder, the American Way, kind of makes you proud doesn’t it?  Shades of Bill Clinton when he was governor of Arkansas.  When the highway patrol stopped you there, they would say, “Have your wife get out of the car, so the governor can frisk her.”

Here is another one out of Illinois for you. In Springfield, Zachary Holloway, 20, and a pal were arrested and charged with breaking into one car and stealing, among other things, a motorcycle helmet, then attempting to break into another car.

To try to get into the second car, Holloway put on the helmet, stood back from the car, and charged into it, head-butting a window, unsuccessfully, twice.  They were arrested and booked that day.

Finally coming clean

Some 20 years after the Exxon Valdez oil spill, plaintiffs in the case are getting what’s left of the money they were originally awarded, the Anchorage Daily News reports.  Some plaintiffs will get amounts ranging from several hundred dollars to $100K or more.  Most had just about given up hope of getting anything from it at all.

Now lets see, you take an amount of money, put it in the bank and allow it to sit, for say …. Oh let’s just say “twenty years” … that might accumulate enough in interest where you end up never paying a fine at all.  Just thinking outside the box.  Naw, “our friends in the oil and gas industry” wouldn’t do that to us … would they?

Oh well it could be worse (how could it possibly be worse?) you could be in your car, stranded on an Alaskan highway and the only human within 200 miles is a Cro-Magnon Woman wearing a torn parka who communicates through a series of bizarre grunts, winks and gesticulations and she not only comes to your rescue, but you have to “talk to her” all the way back to town.

Lying crooks what is this world coming to?

In the city that launched the national crime-stopper movement, Albuquerque, New Mexico, which pays informants for tips that help police solve local crimes there could be a possible snag.  It appears now the highly successful program designed for, “people that hang out with crooks to do part time work” might be providing the cops with “less than truthful information” for the rewards.

It appears that even in hard times, the low life’s will resort to less than honest approaches at generating funds.  Police are now saying that they are going to have to be more careful because they “might be playing games with us” in order to get the money.  Geeze, do you think so?  Bad cop, bad cop, no donut.

Man, I would like a shot at that myself.

Barre, Vermont. A man who hit Governor Douglas in the face with a pie during an Independence Day parade will spend five days on a work crew for the prank.  Matthew Manning, 23, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and apologized.  Manning, dressed as Santa Claus ran up to Douglas during the Montpelier parade and threw the pie before being tackled by the mayor and being detained.  I would like to pay this man’s fine, if there is one, but I am curious.  “Santa Claus at an Independence Day celebration, what were you thinking?”

Time to wrap this one up.

If you attend the job fair/money seminar at the Holiday Inn this weekend?  When the speaker begins the seminar by saying, “By a show of hands, how many of you don’t know the difference between a stock and a bond?” and you are the only one with your hand in the air?

Go immediately to the Lobby … American Xpress or Bank Of America are looking for you.  You might have a new job Monday morning.

Who says things aren’t looking up.

000

We are still valiantly trying to hit “one million” visits by March 12th of 2009, please help us to achieve this goal.  Post the address anywhere you like (www.boxcarOkie.com), tell all your friends, ask them to just stop by and check it out.  Help us to make this happen!

December 3, 2008

Cuddling with Yangyang

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 2:38 am
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Now that the election is officially over, what happens to all that money that is left over?  I was wondering, if they (the people that helped get Mr. Obama elected) will get a Christmas bonus.  It appears that everyone else is getting a wonderful package of something this year, everyone but the taxpayer that is.

I wonder how much NBC, CBS and ABC will get?  I am also noting that the stock market, ever since the election has concluded, has been in decline.  You know what the means don’t ya?

“The Stock Market is racist.”

Where is Joe Biden?  All of a sudden, he is nowhere to be found.  Could it be that because of the recent choice of Hillary he has decided to just sulk, wasn’t Old Joe picked for his “expertise in the foreign field?”  Barack Obama is “either shrewd or delusional” picking Hillary.  I don’t know what is up with that, but I cannot figure it out to save my life.

Thanks are in order.

Recently the Obama camp put out a note thanking the press for their coverage and John McCain thanked them also for that “one positive story” they ran on him last December.  I hear Ann Couter has fallen and broke her jaw, and it is now wired shut.  Rush however is reported to be doing just fine, on some days you win a few and you lose a few.

C’mon Orin are you outta your mind?

Senator Orin Hatch from Utah is proposing that outgoing President Bush give convicted felon (his new title) Ted Steven’s a pardon.  Now the door is officially kicked open to grant a pardon to a convicted felon, “for his years of faithful service to the country.”  What a crock.

The man should get probation for the rest of his natural life, he should forfeit his pension and/or benefits, and should be dismissed from the highest body in the land.  He is a disgrace, he is not a national hero.  Senator Hatch needs to sit back down in the cheap seats and be quiet.

Recently I came across this little eye-opener.

Several years ago I was in a training course on Capitol Hill in which we had an instructor from the Library of Congress. She explained that it was her job to answer any question posed by a member of Congress. She told us that the two dumbest questions she’d ever heard were printed out, framed, and hanging on her office wall.

The first was a Congressman who called one day saying he needed information “on the pros and cons of child abuse.” The second was a Senator who called at 11:15 one morning saying that he needed to know by 11:30 “what Abraham Lincoln did after leaving office.”

Dumbfounded, she told the Senator “he took a very slow train ride back to Illinois.”  For this the Senator thanked her and hung up the phone.

The instructor then turned to our class and said “THESE are the people running our country!” If she’s still alive our instructor is probably saying the same thing about Orrin Hatch today.  As much as I am afraid to say this …  “I don’t believe even Bush is this stupid to consider pardoning this guy.” … But I have been wrong about Bush before.

Don’t get sick … Man, don’t get sick.

I just finished a bout with some especially nasty stuff, at first I thought it was food poisoning but now, I am not sure.  Vomiting, diarrhea all the associated nasty stuff.  Made me think of all these poor souls in Asia, Africa, third world countries, that deal with this type of sickness on a daily basis because of bad water.  I cannot imagine how miserable life would be if this was an ongoing all the time thing, it surely was not fun for me.

And to top it off, it is very expensive these days to get sick.  Taking a look at the health care stats in the Bush/Rove era, it’s clear that most Americans have seen a decline in their health care at the same time that health insurance companies have reaped tremendous gains:

Since 2000, the ranks of the uninsured have grown by 7.2 million.  Health care premiums have doubled under Bush. Employer-sponsored health insurance premiums have risen from $5,791 in 1999 to $12,680.00 in 2008.  The fastest growing component  fastest growing component of health care is health insurers’ administrative costs.

Enrollment in Medicare private plans doubled. Through such plans, insurers “have increased the cost and complexity of the program without any evidence of improving care.”  The combined profits of the nation’s largest insurance companies and their subsidiaries increased by over 170 percent between 2003 and 2007.

Now there are two good reasons to live in Canada

First, they have socialized medicine and it is cheap, not the best, but it is reasonable.  And their courts have just ruled that if you are obese you are officially “disabled” and therefore have the right to two seats on an airliner for the price of one.  So go ahead, have that extra piece of Canadian Bacon this morning, it really doesn’t matter in Canada.

Bad Week to be a Russian

Global market forces are starting to apply in the Soviet Union and a recent survey has found that the average Russian is drinking about six times less vodka due to financial hardships.  The government has to to do something for these people trying to afford the most basic essentials of life.

And finally as promised yesterday (Tuesdays Funnies).

Anthropomorphism, after a Chinese college student climbed into a zoo pen so he could hug a panda  bear.  “Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him” said the student from his hospital bed.  “I didn’t expect he would attack.  I don’t remember how many times I got bit.”

Kind of reminds me of my first wife … she was so dog-gone cute and cuddly in the beginning … but towards the end … well it just brought a tear to my eye it did.

000

November 25, 2008

Afternoon Delight

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:23 pm
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Now here is something amusing.  I just posted an article on AllVoices.com a site with over 100,000 daily links, and now I cannot find it.  No telling where it went … don’t you just love the Internet.  Right now in Ethiopia or Tibet some guy is looking at his screen and saying out loud … BoxcarOkie, what is BoxcarOkie?  Sorry, but dog-gone it, that tickles me to no end.

Class Act

The American spirit is still alive and doing well in Idaho specifically in Stanley Idaho – Many residents in this mountain town have shaved their heads as a show of support for Andy Gunderson, the 51-year-old chief of the volunteer fire department who’s undergoing treatment for Hodgkin’s lymphoma. So far, 19 of the town’s 100 inhabitants have gone bald, while others have helped raise $10,000 to cover medical expenses.  There still remain, despite it all, small pockets of hope in this vast country.  Here is one of them, Idaho seems like a nice place to live (except for the weather).

The New Same Sex Rush

Richmond Virginia  - The state is celebrating the 40th anniversary of the advertising slogan “Virginia is for Lovers” – one of the most recognizable tourism marketing initiatives in the country. Gov. Kaine calls the phrase an American classic.  Could this be the next hot-bed for same-sex marriages?  Perhaps “hot bed” was not the right choice of words there.

Word games

Skywriter is always searching around for interesting words, so we thought today we might give her a new one to mull over.  Philaunderer:  He may hop from bed to bed, but he always washes the sheets!

Gender specific anyone?

GenderAnaylizer.com I came across a site over the weekend and it said that if you submitted a site to it, it could tell you if a man or a woman was the author of that site.  Submitting our site, it said there was a 52% chance it was written by a man (BoxcarOkie … That is me) and here is something interesting.

Submitting the web address of Margaret & Helen, allegedly composed and written by two maternal grandmothers, one of the most popular web pages in America, it turns out that there is a over 50/50 chance that it was written by a man (54%) …… Hmmmmm?

Now the other shoe drops.  I ran Creative Endeavors through the checker and it said there was a 52% chance it was written by a man.  Now my question is this, “Why didn’t it say 85% or 77% a man, when a man actually writes it.  My writing style doesn’t lean towards the feminine side.” As with Margaret & Helen, you would think the numbers would be more inclined to be higher in their favor.  Just thinking outside the box.

Running on empty

Corporate CEO’s from the nations automobile companies have still not received any cash to bail out there cash strapped almost bankrupt companies.  The word is now they are coming out with a totally redesigned flex fuel model … It can run on U.S. Tax Dollars.  European carmakers are now looking for a bailout, and as usual, the numbers are in billions of dollars.  Life in the passing lane has slowed considerably, world wide.

Don’t Look Ethel!

Greeley Colorado – A Catholic priest convicted of indecent exposure for jogging naked around a track at a high school in the town of Frederick has been sentenced to five years probation. Robert Whipkey must also complete 100 hours of community service and register as a sex offender under the sentence handed down in Weld County District Court. He is appealing.  Excuse me?  There is nothing “appealing” about a naked man running, nothing … Oh wait a minute, sorry.

Here is another one (Can you tell I just LOVE naked news?  Yeah I know, sick puppy, what can I say?) some folks eating a delicious, simply scrumptious meal at McDonalds leave their cellphone behind when exiting the establishment.  On the cellphone are some simply delicious, scrumptious pictures of the Old Lady taken by Mr. Hubby in the bedroom of the couple’s home.

Here is where it gets interesting.  Shade of Paris Hilton.

The people that discover the phone, also find it amusing to post the pictures of Nakid Mrs. on the internet.  Now the couple is suing McDonalds for some $3 million dollars.  Good luck on that one ….. Why is it when people commit an irresponsible act, they expect other people to compensate them for their stupidity.  I will never figure that one out.  Never.  Read all about it here.

What’s Cooking?

Spent a quiet weekend here at the abode, Cup Cake and I.  She sits in the backroom and watches “The Cooking channel” and I search for porn, uh, watch Speed Week or Discovery Channel in our TV room.  If you are well off and have loads of money, then that room is referred to as the “Media Room.”  I like Rachael Raye, she is so cute and perky, all bubbly and stuff.

I think she is the cat’s meow, but dog-gone it, that Paula Dean has stolen my heart, she is my kind of down-home girl.  That twangy Deep South voice and her mannerisms.  “We found this daid possum on the highway on the way to work this morning and we sautéed it for about two hours, it is now tender and juicy, we are going to smother it with barbeque sauce and serve it up ……….. It tastes just like Chicken Y’all.”

My kind of girl.

People on the net are always looking for that “perfect combination” of material and viewers (hits) to accomplish their lofty goals.  How about a “Cheap Eats Blog” that would seem appropriate right now, and I know with the economy in this sorry shape it is in, it cannot be anything but very popular.

Last Swan Song

Ted Stevens recently convicted felon and ex-senator has given his last speech on the floor of the Senate.  The chambers longest-serving Republican, delivered his final address to the members and yielded the floor for the last time.  The speech was a poignant coda to a four-decade Senate career.  Perhaps a quarter of the Senate filed into the chamber to hear the speech, which is ironic, half the time you cannot get the bozo’s to even show up for a vote.

He was of course “saluted by his colleagues and I suppose given a standing ovation” this country always treats its crooks with respect you know that.  Slowly they all filed out of the room and to their laptops and CPU’s to send all-cap emails:

IT IS OVER.  MAKE SURE YOU ALERT SARAH THAT TEDDIES GROUP WILL BE ARRIVING AT 9:40. DITTO FOR OTHERS SOON TO FOLLOW.

Life goes on .. Wonder how much a loyal Washington convicted felon gets in pension these days?

000

November 24, 2008

Obama’s Dilemma

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 3:15 am
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If anyone out there is thinking it is almost over and Bush and the Boys are “going to fade off into the sunset” and a new day will prevail.  If you find yourself sitting back and taking it easy because Mr. Obama is now in the cat bird seat … softly hummin and singing  “Happy Trails to you, happy Trails to you, until we meet again.”

Take a deep breath, and think again.

In May, White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten issued a memo announcing that, as far as last-minute regulations were concerned, the Bush Administration would take the high road.  Agency heads were instructed to “resist the historical tendency of administrations to increase regulatory activity in their final months.“  Bolten set a June 1 deadline for proposing new regulations, and ordered that none be issued after November 1, except in “extraordinary circumstances.”

Unfortunately, Bolten’s deadline seems to have come and gone without anyone paying much attention and a fair share of changes are now taking place before Mr. Obama takes office.  Some will be of course, very difficult at best, for the incoming President to remove.

It seems Mr. Bush in his almost maniacal frenzy to be remembered in history (his so-called legacy) is wholesaling out new governmental rules daily.  Regulatory changes that are in some cases very detrimental for the American taxpayer and consumer, but as with all things in the Bush administration, very lucrative for the business sector.

The Bush administration in the past week has adopted several controversial regulatory changes long sought by business groups, drawing criticism from congressional Democrats. The changes include new rules that open the way for commercial development of oil shale on federal land, allow truckers to drive for longer periods, and add certain restrictions on employee time off under the Family and Medical Leave Act.  Just to name a few, and there will be more I am sure.

Literally millions of taxpayers asked the federal government to leave the pristine areas of the west as “off limits” to oil exploration only to be ignored.  Some 4,300 oil leases currently held in the Gulf of Mexico are not being moved on by the oil companies and others nationwide lie dormant and unused.  These new rules will open almost 2 million acres of land in Western states to oil shale development. Environmentalists say oil shale development, which involves extracting liquid oil from solid rock by heating it, increases greenhouse gas emissions and requires intensive water use.

Why the big push to open up even more public lands to these petroleum whores?

Another rule eliminating the mandatory, independent advice of government scientists in decisions about whether dams, highways and other projects are likely to harm [endangered] species looked likely to meet the deadline, leaving the only chance for a quick reversal to Congress.  So instead of “re-writing science” as has been the case of the Bush administration in the past, now it will be permissible to just circumvent science altogether.  More >>>

Not good if you are wolf eking out a living outside the confines of Yellowstone, or a Soft Shell turtle in Florida trying to raise a family I am afraid.

And if you don’t believe the push is on to get it all in place consider this.  Last month, the head of the endangered species program corralled 15 experts in Washington to sort through 200,000 comments in 32 hours.  Which as any one person can clearly see is an incredibly daunting task for even the most competent.

What we have gotten is nothing short of pure lip-service on important issues from Bush and his cronies.  As we are being placated with useless rhetoric and Texas country euphemisms they are relaxing pollution-control standards for power plants or allowing loaded weapons into national parks, the Bush administration is scrambling to approve or change as many federal rules as it can before it hands off power to President-elect Barack Obama.

Which has sadly become somewhat of a “tradition” in Washington DC every past administration has taken advantage of this loathsome practice.

This surge of ‘midnight regulations’ presents a tough question for the next administration?  What can it do to void rules it thinks should be undone? It appears the only choice Mr. Obama will have is his use of ‘executive authority without waiting for congressional action’ to reverse many of Bush’s policies.

But that authority has its limits.

While executive orders and rules that are not yet in effect can swiftly be reversed or altered by Mr. Obama’s appointees or his own executive orders, rules that go into effect before he takes office will be extremely difficult to undo. Rescinding a rule would require the new administration to re-start the rule-making process, which can take years and prompt legal challenges.

Which effectively will leave the country much like a dressed up hog for the market, all tied up and bound for the butcher.  This is a alteration of governmental policy we did not need by any stretch of the imagination.

Bush’s newly installed midnight regulations also could be challenged by public interest groups, who are already considering legal actions to get some of them overturned. It appears the much heralded “change” has arrived as promised, only a tad bit early, in the hands of what I have always considered “the bad guys.”

There are more than a dozen new rules in today’s Federal Register, including at least two proposed rules (which agencies were supposed to stop creating by July 1). A few examples: A final rule from the EPA sets limits on a pesticide called ipconazole used by agricultural companies; . . A final Commerce Department rule allows fishermen to use ‘trawl gear’ to catch halibut in Alaska; environmental groups say is detrimental to the environment.

Watch for the proposed rules on the length of time truck drivers can work. According to Public Citizen President Joan Claybrook, a long-time auto safety advocate, the rule “is practically identical to two rules that the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia struck down last year” (and in 2004) after Public Citizen challenged the regulations.

Under the rule, drivers may continue to log a physically and mentally demanding 77 hours behind the wheel in a seven-day period, take a mere 34 hours off, then hit the road to do it all over.”  Truckers are now working for what is tantamount to slave wages anyway, this will just allow the problem to be exacerbated even more, it will solve nothing.

We tell them no, they ignore us, and come right back for more.  Public opinion, constitution issues, it is as if they simply do not exist under the rule of these thugs.  This is not good government this is “ideology.”

The next time you are considering voting for a “good ole boy, a “C” average beer drinking buddy, to run your country, stop and think about the legacy he left for you and your children to endure.“

As Dr. Phil would say ….. What were we thinking?

000

Related: The Best Law You Never Heard Of.

November 4, 2008

Do You want fries with that.

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 3:46 pm
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Now here is a novel concept, your order on time, and it is right.  If your next fast-food order at the drive-through has the right food in the right bag, you may have  something surprising to thank: the bad economy.  In the past six months, Carl’s Jr.’s 478 locations in Southern California in particular have been able to recruit crew members more fluent in English, and thus are able to process drive-through orders more accurately.

“It’s a no-brainer.  Hiring people who are fluent in English has always been something we’ve wanted to do.  Now we can.”  That’s because, with layoffs on the rise – particularly in hard-hit Southern California – the chain can be more selective in hiring.

The unemployment rate in California hit 7.7% in August vs. the national rate of 6.1% – the most recent month from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. “When times are tough, people are willing to take jobs for which they’re over-qualified.”

Pay Attention Mr. Bush, you might learn something here.

Mexico agreed Monday to deport Cubans who sneak illegally through Mexican territory to reach the U.S., a step toward cutting off an increasingly violent and heavily used human trafficking route.  The agreement, signed by Cuban Foreign Minister Felipe Perez Roque and Mexican Foreign Secretary Patricia Espinosa, takes effect in one month. It also criticizes U.S. policy that generally allows Cubans who reach U.S. territory to stay, while turning back most caught at sea.

Cuban migrants in recent years have increasingly headed for Mexico – often to the coast near Cancun – then overland to Texas because it has become so hard to dodge the U.S. Coast Guard and reach Florida to qualify for U.S. residency.  The U.S. Border Patrol is reporting that some 42 incursions into U.S. territory since last October by THE MEXICAN ARMY.  Evidently a lot of drug cartels are experiencing problems getting their merchandise over the border, so they get their Mexican buddies in the Army to make probes into U.S. soil, thus pulling the Border Patrol away from the smuggling entry points.

Next Time Take The Train

Phoenix – The price of an all-day bus or light rail pass in the city could go from $2.50 to $4.50 under a proposal being considered by transit officials. The regional transit board, struggling with falling tax revenue and rising fuel prices, will consider the hike early next year.  That is a pretty hefty hike right there wouldn’t you say?  You ever notice they never say, “uh, how about giving us a quarter extra and if that don’t work out, we will be back?”

Nah, just go for the big bucks and get it over with.

I note that a lot of travel agencies are now offering fares around the world to wonderful, exotic locations and the post the price of the trip.  And then they add, Plus Taxes and Fuel Charges.  Which kind of irritates me, how were these people planning on us getting there in the first place?  You have to use some kind of fuel to transport folks.  Why isn’t that just included in the price of the trip.

Bad news coming out of Anchorage, Alaska.  No check in the mail.

The state’s oil wealth savings account lost nearly $10 billion in a year. Most of the state’s residents receive an annual check from this fund, based on its net income averaged over five years. The fund peaked at $40.4 billion last October and now is about $30 billion.  Looks like the governor will have to go back to shopping at Target.

Even More Alaska news, and no, this is not concerning Caribou Barbie so check your hormones at the door boys.

stevensSen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, left, leaves court on Tuesday after his corruption conviction with his lawyer, Brendan Sullivan. Stevens is now calling for a probe into the federal lawyers who prosecuted him.

I guess this comes under the “You did it to me, so I am gonna do it to you, fairness doctrine in the 49th state.”

Wait … It gets better.

A juror who vanished during Alaska Senators’ corruption trial told the judge Monday she lied about her father dying and flew to California to see horse races.

U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan ordered Marian Hinnant, identified as juror No. 4, to return to court to explain why she disappeared during jury deliberations. Hinnant brought a stack of handwritten notes with her to the court Monday along with public defender A.J. Kramer, and told the judge that her father hadn’t died and she was at the Breeders’ Cup in Arcadia, Calif.

She apologized for lying, and then started a long rambling story about horses, which included references to horse breeding, the Breeders’ Cup, drugs, President Ford’s son Steven and her condo in Florida being bugged.  At that point, the judge said, “I am thoroughly convinced you would not have been able to continue to deliberate,” Sullivan interrupted.

“Can I have a case of my own?” Hinnant asked. Sullivan referred her to Kramer and the federal public defender’s office, and excused her from his courtroom.

Outside the courthouse, Hinnant refused to answer questions about whether she was on medication or had been hospitalized. When asked what she thought about Stevens’ case, she said: “He didn’t do anything any of the other congressmen and senators did, so they’re all guilty.”

She then loaded up in her Ford Fiesta that she claims is powered by Oatmeal, and headed south to her home in the lower 48 that has tree’s that hum, and all the children glow in the dark.

Gonna go way out on the limb folks and say that Obammer walks away with the election today.  I could be wrong, but I just don’t feel like I am.  Why don’t war heroes win elections anymore?  Excepting George Bush Sr. it has been 48 years since a war hero won the presidency.  And it isn’t like there has been a big shortage or wars and conflicts the past 48 years, so that cannot be the reason.

So what is the problem?

Again, so many questions and so little time.  Oh well, time to gear up for 2012, I am thinking Rosie O’Donnell or Elizabeth Hassleback from The View … whadya think?

000

November 1, 2008

Above all that

Filed under: Oklahoma,random,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:08 am
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Alaska, somewhere north of the fortieth parallel …. Guilty as charged.

Alaskan Senator, Ted Stevens recently convicted on all seven counts by a jury in Alaska, vowed to “fight this with every ounce of energy I have.”  Which is kind of ironic, as it was his close personal relationship with an ENERGY CEO that got him in all this hot water to begin with.  Why is it that politicians seem to think that they are bound over by a different set of rules and guidelines than the rest of us.  What is it that makes them believe they are above the law?

Kind of like all these people who sit at stoplights at busy intersections, and pick their nose while waiting for the light, do they really believe they are invisible and the rest of us cannot see them?

Kailua-Kona Hawaii

The best bargain at the Salvation Army thrift store was a Richard Simmons videotape. But Mikela Mercier, 11, passed on buying it for a few coins after she found $1,000 in $100 bills inside. Mikela immediately told her mother they needed to turn the tape in. Store manager Jimmy Thennes praised Mikela for her honesty.  No word from Richard Simmons at this time.

DeWitt Nebraska

The Vise-Grips plant there will close permanently after Friday, ending about 70 years of operations and costing 330 jobs. Irwin Industrial Tools, which operates the plant, is moving operations to China to lower costs. William Petersen, a Danish immigrant, invented the tool nearly 90 years ago in DeWitt.  They ought to take a pair of ‘em, and slap them on the crotch of the guy who thought up the idea of shipping American jobs overseas ….. and then sqeeeeeeeeeeze.

In other related Nebraska news, the state is now saying it is going to re-work its safe haven law.  People have been driving across state lines to drop off unwanted children, two dozen of them recently, one as old as 17 years of age.  The law, which took effect in July, prohibits guardians from being prosecuted for leaving a child at a hospital.

When Snow White dropped by last Tuesday and left five of the dwarfs, the governor declared that he had enough.  This law must be re-written to protect the original intent he declared.

Final Spin Cycle

Whirlpool is laying off 5,000 workers and DreamWorks isn’t making any movies …. We seem to be still hemorrhaging around the edges, has anyone noticed.  When will Washington figure out we cannot all deliver pizza’s to each other, some of us need jobs.

Here is the new official – unofficial policy …. We got the money ….. Now screw you.

There seems to be this “new attitude” by lenders and lending associations around the country.  Even though your credit is perfect, it certainly could be better, and now they are demanding just that.  Home loans are no longer a sure thing.  This is the new, dynamic landscape of mortgage lending today a new world in which even those with good credit are having trouble getting mortgages or the loan terms that they want.

All this at a time when politicians and economists are wanting to reduce bloated inventories in most cities, that are prone to fail.  Compliments of our good friends, the bankers, the only people in the world who can understand the concept of eleven windows …. And three tellers.

Chicken to go

Paris Kentucky — When a Chicken Ranch restaurant employee found her boss lying in an apparent pool of blood, she ran out screaming and called police. But the scenario was a Halloween prank by Joe Watkins, police said. The worker may have the last laugh; police charged Watkins with making a false report to lure her to the scene.

Chillin In Cheyenne

Cheyenne Wyoming — Natural gas prices were so high this summer that regulators warned heating prices in January 2009 could be as much as 79% higher than in January 2008.  But Darrell Zlomke, assistant state Public Service Commission administrator, says now that falling natural-gas wholesale prices suggest the increase is more likely to be about 33%.  That is the bad news, now here is the good.  The used furniture for firewood program seems to be holding on low prices in the area.

Now will everyone who got a 33% raise in wages this year, please raise your hand ….  Thought so.

The warming effects of Global Warming are affecting flowers, animals in Yellowstone and they are starting to disappear.  Studies are now showing that the warming of the Earth’s atmosphere over the past few decades has caused a loss of many the flower that Henry David Thoreau reordered in his book Walden and also has contributed to a decline in several species’ of native animals once common in Yellowstone.

Two headed fish in the Frazier River in Canada, frogs disappearing in the United States and around the world, species that have been actively protected for most of our lives, are going into severe decline.

Now tell me about “Clean Coal” again … I am confused.

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October 27, 2008

Litin’ Up

Filed under: humor,Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 5:09 am
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My website grader says I have too many pictures on my site, it will slow down the process of loading, and therefore, it is not a good idea.  I say “be patient” it is worth the wait, besides, I like the pictures.

It’s that time of year once again: The summer sun has slipped away, brittle leaves waltz, and winter waits to cloak us in its dark, cold hood.  The wind across the American Prairie has picked up and is tearing at the corner of your eye, parts of Amarillo blow into town every other day, and you just know, winter cannot be far away.

The easy days of light and freedom are behind us, and now we gather ’round for a season of more serious celebrations — our yearly time to burrow in, reconnect, contemplate. and of course, lite the heater, man I just love the smell of burnt rust filling the home.

Nothing says change of season better than the smell of burnt rust, and of course, the sound of Christmas Music playing in the local stores.

No Confidence.

Sarah Palin’s Alaskan paper has endorsed Obammer for President, how embarrassing is that? You cannot even muster up enough support in your home state for a vote of confidence. Fact of life, in medieval times, Europeans burned witches at the stake, and the families had to pay for the firewood. Now days we take them to Neiman Marcus in Dallas, spend a couple of hundred grand on them and elect them to office.

Eight more days and then all the serf’s can go down to register their protest and vote in the next king for the kingdom. It has deteriorated so badly we are now electing people who will not furnish proof of citizenship to the highest office in the land.

Don’t Vote For Anyone.

One stronghold of “common sense” has been located over the weekend.  In Wisconsin.  Madison, the state’s largest farm lobby won’t endorse anyone for president. The 42,000-member Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation’s lobbyist, Paul Zimmerman, said the decision was based on members’ mixed reactions to its endorsement of George W. Bush in 2004 – the first time the group made such a move. Just when you were thoroughly convinced that the voting populace had lost their collective minds, a ray of hope appears on the horizon.

Monkey See Monkey Do.

The popularity of Joe The Plumber has finally been noticed by the Barack Obamma people and now they are going to put their own spin on it with, they are going to feature their own personalities in commercials, Joe The Mobster, Jeremiah The American Hating Preacher.  Watch for it on a station near you.  Fidel Castro has endorsed Obammer for President, afterwards Obammer just shrugged it off and said “that he was just some guy who lived in the neighborhood.” So much for the “Messiah News.” … The Second Return of JC. (Second Return of Jimmy Carter)

Getting Out The Vote.

Washington state sent 24,000 ballots to felons who were not allowed to vote, and apparently sent these same felons, invitations to Obammers inauguration as well.  In a recent poll, McSame leads Obammer some 9% with people who display the American Flag.  But on the same token, Obammer does lead McSame by people who burn the American flag.  A group of lawyers has successfully blocked the release of the movie “Hanoi Hilton” until after the election.  We surely do not want Hollywood trying to influence an election not in this day and age.

What’s Your Problem.

Best Buy evidently has put out a new logo which will accurately help to improve the company’s surly image.  It is a picture of a teenager rolling his eyes and looking towards the ceiling when a customer asks him …. “Can you tell me where the DVD’s are?”

Cough it up

Panhandlers in an eastern Tennessee city (Chattanooga) pay fines and court costs at a low rate, with about 3% in the last 18 months.  Apparently the street beggars in that city are somewhat reluctant to pay their fines.  The Chattanooga Times Free Press reported Sunday Chattanooga City Court has collected only $279.75 of the $8,958.75 of the fines and court costs levied since the City Council expanded downtown’s no-panhandling zone in May 2007.  The paper reported, there’s essentially nothing the city can do to force the payments or punish non-payers more severely.

Let’s see, your employer laid you off, your 401K vaporized, you lost your home and now you are living on the street, under an overpass, in a comfortable cardboard appliance carton, and all of your belongings are in a shoppin’ cart.  How could they possibly punish you any more?

Getting Down In Florida

Key West Dressed in red, white and blue, drag queen Gina Maseratti walked down Southard Street in Key West asking Fantasy Fest revelers for their support: `Vote for Maseratti, your next president.” What’s her platform? ”High heels,” she said. `It’s all about the shoes.”

On a more serious note, Maseratti explained: `I’m a member of the Drag party: Drastic Reform of American Government. I’ll save you on money because I can be president, vice president and First Lady all in one.”

Do You Want A Bong With That? Rocky Mountain High.

A Lakewood couple found a small bag of marijuana in a bag of food picked up at the drive-in of a Del Taco Restaurant.  Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband who stopped at the restaurant Oct. 16, faces possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Steve Davis on Saturday said the couple called police after discovering the bag with their food order.

An officer said Klermund initially denied any knowledge but when a search dog found the drug in a locker, admitted the baggie was meant for a friend. Restaurant Ulises Montero said Klermund no longer works there. A message left for Klermund was not immediately returned.

The best for last.

Joe Scarborough, a commentator for MSNBC, failed to check his facts when he reported that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had advocated destroying the moon. Scarborough quoted Schwarzenegger as saying, “If we get rid of the moon, women … those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon … will not get PMS. They will stop whining.”

Scarborough then chided Schwarzenegger for insensitivity, saying: “I don’t know how it works in Austria, but let me tell you something, friend. Jokes about such matters are not laughing subjects to women in America.”

It turned out however, that the statement was not being made by Schwarzenegger but rather by an impersonator who appeared on the Howard Stern Radio Show. Eleven days later, Scarborough apologized to viewers for “my terrible mistake.” Anyone who relies on the Howard Stern show for information is an idiot; you would be better off sticking with Email.

000

October 13, 2008

Chummin The Waters

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 6:30 am
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Down Girl … Down!

With his electoral prospects fading by the day, Senator John McCain has fallen out with his vice-presidential running mate about the direction of his White House campaign. McCain has become alarmed about the fury unleashed by Sarah Palin, the moose-hunting “pitbull in lipstick”, against Senator Barack Obama. Cries of “terrorist” and “kill him” have accompanied the tirades by the governor of Alaska against the Democratic nominee at Republican rallies.

Mark Salter, McCain’s long-serving chief of staff, is understood to have told campaign insiders that he would prefer his boss, a former Vietnam prisoner of war, to suffer an “honorable defeat” rather than conduct a campaign that would be out of character – and likely to lose him the election.

“Some will say, jeez Sarah, it’s getting negative. No it’s not negativity. It’s truthfulness.” The crowd bellowed its appreciation with chants of “Nobama” and “Go Sarah Go!” Meanwhile back at the cabin, ninety miles from Russia …. Look kids … Mommies’ on TV!

All Juiced out

OJ Simpson is still locked down in Sin City, Las Vegas, after recently losing his court battle, some say he should have played the “race card” and he said that he would have, but the Obammer crowd was already using it.  The New Jersey Hall Of Fame is open now, some of the exhibits are Jack Nicholson, Bon Jovi, and some dude named Vinny.

Thanks … But No Thanks

Laxatives at dinner, drinking vinegar and electric shock treatment… Welcome to extreme spa detox. Anna Pasternak spends a week extreme detoxing. Here she reveals the results … As a spoiled spa junkie, I’ve pretty much covered the whole global gamut: ayurvedic abhyanga (oily massage) in the Alps, Chi Nei Tsang (deep and delicate abdominal delving) in Thailand and shamanic stuff in the States.

Man, you have to be kidding me. I think I would rather be fat and lonely than do this. This is worse than my last job at Weight Watchers. Yeah, no joke. I got $8.40 an hour just to stand in the corner, and the instructor would point at me and yell …. If you keep eating Twinkies girls … THIS is what you will look like! Read the entire story here.

Keeping Track

Last week’s papers were full of Hazel Wheeler, and her amazing life story. In 1941, aged 14, Wheeler found a blank diary in her parents’ attic. She then went on to post an entry every day, without exception, for the next 67 years. Now that is what you call discipline, eh?

The main joy for the press has been that, in the past 67 years, there has been no global event – however cataclysmic – that didn’t take second place to Wheeler’s reports on her knitting, baking, or domestic arrangements.

Actual entry: “President Kennedy was assassinated as he drove through Dallas today. Shot through the head. Baked macaroons and scones. Did knitting”

Now who says “Politics’ are important in America?”

000

Related:  Baracks House

October 11, 2008

Honey Wagon Xpress

Filed under: Oklahoma,politics,random,Recent,Uncategorized — ldsrr91 @ 4:12 am
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Someone told me that in Korea, the truck that comes around and empties the septic tank and hauls off the human waste is refered to as the “Honey Wagon.” Which got me to thinking, “If that is the case, then there must be a REALLY BIG Bee Hive around here somewhere!” And if you think that is bad, try doing this woman’s job (A really stinky job) and then be glad you are where you are.

Senator Joe Biden has done nearly one hundred press interviews since being tapped as Obammers running mate on August 23rd. Alaska governor Palin has done three. September was a great month to write about politics on the Web. The Los Angeles Times had an all-time-high (137 million page views last month), the Washington Post (topped 33 million) and both Slate and the Huffington Post set their own traffic records.

It’s tempting to give Sarah Palin credit for these new waterlines—she’s ubiquitous on every site’s most-read lineup, among the most blogged-about people in the country (including celebrities and fictional characters), and far and away the most searched-for political figure in America.

So, how much credit does Palin deserve for driving page views to the media elite she so disdains? Beats me, but she is stirring up the pot that is for sure. Meanwhile I hear Obammer is speaking to a group of Missouri hog farmers, concluding that Democrats need candidates who “speak in language familiar to, among others, the disaffected hog farmers of Missouri.”

I also read where the Nobel Peace Prize’s have been awarded.

Finland‘s ex-president Martti Ahtisaari received the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for his efforts to build a lasting peace from Africa and Asia to Europe and the Middle East.

George Bush did not receive an award for economics.

Iranian President Mahmoud I-got-my-dinner-jacket-on who famously claimed last year in New York that there were no homosexuals in Iran has conceded that “there might be a few gay people” in Iran practicing what he calls a “unlikable and foreign act.”

This from a guy who helps to provide and build roadside bombs in Iraq.

A Connecticut judge has given the brush-off to a blonde woman’s lawsuit claiming L’Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products. Charlotte Feeney of Stratford says she can never return to her natural blonde hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time. But most of all, she is going to miss being locked in the basement and being declared last year’s hide and seek winner.

Been There .. Done That … Got the Shaft.

Four miles under the ocean’s surface off Brazil‘s lush coast lie billions of barrels of recently discovered light crude — a treasure that could transform the country into an oil superpower. President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva called it “a gift from God” and pledged to end chronic poverty and narrow the country’s broad gap between the rich and the poor.

Yeah, that is what we thought too.

But before rhetoric becomes reality, Brazil must first get to the underwater reserves, among the world’s deepest, and then manage a massive influx of wealth — a formidable task that has left other national economies awash in corruption and even greater gaps between the rich and poor.

Meanwhile here at home. Oil tumbled more than $4 to a one-year low on Friday as growing fears that financial market turmoil will squash demand for fuel outweighed the possibility of an OPEC production cut at an emergency meeting in November.  But it has made driving to the unemployment office a little bit cheaper.

No Room At The Inn

Now here is something that is bass-ack-wards if I ever heard of it … Most Japanese inns and hotels that didn’t have foreign guests last year don’t want any in the future, according to a government survey released Thursday.  The survey carried out by the Ministry of Internal Affairs shows that 72 percent of establishments that didn’t have foreign customers in the past year don’t want any, and the majority are ryokans and hotels with fewer than 30 rooms.

While the majority of such establishments do accept foreigners, the survey showed the country’s more traditional inns are not as hospitable, even as the government mounts a major campaign to draw more tourists from abroad.  Duh?  I don’t think you have this right, if you want tourists, you don’t tell them they are not welcome. C’mon over here to America, everything is dirt cheap and we will leave a lite on in the window for ya.

PSST…can you keep a sexy secret?

The credit crunch is getting us all down but here’s some news to put a smile on your face: great sex is free! Sex therapists Georgia Foster and Beverley Anne Foster reckon they know four secrets to unlock your passion potential.

The secrets are revealed in their new book The Four Secrets Of Amazing Sex which says: “We focus on the mind as much as the body. It’s not a book about sexual positions. Anyone can have sex, but to have amazing sex, your mind needs to be participating.” So read the guide, below, and make going through the motions a thing of the past.

1. SEDUCTION

The first secret deals with how to sustain a heady passion. Most people assume they need to be seduced to feel sexy – wrong! We first create the desire in our own mind. It’s your responsibility to understand what turns you on.

2. SENSATION

The second secret is all about the six senses. Absorb the energy, as well as remembering smell, touch, sound and taste. The six senses are often overlooked in our busy lives, but without them sex is dull.

3. SURRENDER

The third secret is when you feel safe to surrender and have sex. Thanks to secrets one and two, your mind is ready and your senses alive. You need to feel you want to be there and your mind is present to feel connected.”

4. REFLECTION

If you’ve had fun with the first three secrets, reflection is about looking back on the experience and feeling you want to do it all again. If the experience is bad, people will look back on it negatively and may avoid a repeat performance and lack confidence.

Now here are some more tips to help create a new sexual you. Ignore that niggly voice in your head saying your thighs are fat or your bum wobbles and tell yourself you are gorgeous and believe it. Trying new moves in the bedroom can be scary, so agreeing on a non-verbal sign on when to call time can help build trust and confidence. Purchase a cheap police style whistle. Grab a moment to sit down with your other half and make a list of what originally made them turn your knees to jelly; it’s easy to forget why what you found attractive next to a mound of washing up. When you are down there, remember to breathe. When people are anxious they shallow breathe. A good relaxation method is; take deep breath, hold it for five and exhale. Repeat three times and feel your nerves melt. Make one small change each time you have sex. It will keep it fresh and stop you from just going through the motions. If you cannot remember who’s turn it is to get tied up … Do what me and the miss’es do …. Play Prisoner Of War instead.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST … THIS COULD BE TIP #5 … IT IS ALSO VERY, VERY IMPORTANT … YOU MUST FIND A WILLING PARTNER.

000

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