Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

Here we go, get ready, another dose of Monday Morning Magic.  Well, it isn’t really magic, just another Monday, as a matter of fact, “I do all this time.”  It has been reputed by some that I cannot live without it, but that is not true.  Things I cannot live without are:  flushing toilets, showers, fresh vegetables, halter tops, girl-on-girl porn, and this, well this is five or six, on the short list of what I cannot live without.  If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be totally without its delicious and often surprising flavor. This is one reason we all need a little Magic in our Monday’s and of course  … The weekends.

SUPER SIZED IN THE BIG APPLE: 

A really huge New Yorker, tipping in on the scales, at some 290 pounds is suing White Castle Hamburgers because he can’t fit into the burger chains seats.  He was told some two years ago, that seats would be enlarged in order to accommodate people his size.  But as they have never followed thru on the promise, the only logical thing to do was sue them.  “I just want to sit down like normal people” was his parting comment.

Well, duh.  It must be a real bummer going thru life, stepping up onto the talking scale and it sez … “Come back when you are alone.”

WATCH-LOOK-LISTEN: 

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.  Close … but no cigar.

SHORT CHANGED: 

Go on, leave the money and run.  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a twenty-dollar bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded for all the cash in the register. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, but left his $20 on the counter.

The total of cash the robber got from the drawer?

Fifteen bucks.

DISGRUNTLED IS OKAY: 

I always get a kick out of that word, disgruntled, which I believe means somewhat not satisfied or something like that?  My company sent me to “charm school” because they said I was disgruntled (charm school is a company sponsored non voluntary course on Anger Management).

There is now good news for people in dire need of attitude adjustment.  It is now ok to complain about your sorry boss or your lousy job.  A National Labor Relations Board ruled that workers can’t be fired for complaining about their jobs on Facebook and other social-networking websites, which I suppose would include WordPress.com

WE ARE SO COOL: 

The U.S.A. after an international poll by social-networking site Badoo.com found that 
Americans are the world’s “coolest nationality.”  It could be because you can swing a dead-cat in any direction and you will find someone who hates us.  Because of perceptions of widespread anti-Americanism, we sometimes forget how many people across the world consider American’s seriously cool.

This survey does not include your children or their children, I am sure their opinions would differ considerably.

FUN SPOILERS: 

This judging crap on a lot of these contests is getting totally out of hand.  Take in case, the plight of this lovely in the Miss Universe Pageant.  
She was told to stop wearing tiny skirts with nothing on underneath, because of what audiences and photographers were seeing.  I mean, “it is a beauty contest” and beauty is always in the eye of the beholder as I understand it, aint that right?

Just like this bogus garbage on Victoria’s Secret special run on CBS every year, “the sexiest night on television.”  Uh huh sure, why don’t they show the models walking away from the camera?  Listen, if the girls want to go “Commando” then I say let it happen.

You see, this all part of the magic.  The reflective mind sees the possibilities in life and searches for new meaning and ways to do things … especially when something isn’t working the way we are already going about it.  Also being a “dues paying member in good standing of the Official Dirty Old Man Club certainly doesn’t hurt matters any either.”  

NOT SO FUNNY DEPARTMENT: 

A bar in Montana is suing the local telephone directory.  Bar 3 Bar-B-Q a small restaurant chain in Montana, sued a local phone book for mistakenly listing it in the category “Animal Carcass Removal.”  The restaurant’s owner said the listing led to prank phone calls, mockery, and a decline in business.

PARTING SHOT:

Bill and Tony were business partners for some twenty odd years, and then they decided to disband, and go their separate ways.  So after a fair and equitable division of assets by both partners, they went on to other things.

After a week or so, Bill got to thinking about his lost partner Tony, and decided to send him some congratulatory flowers as a gesture of their friendship and good will.

About two hours later the telephone rang and when he answered up it was Tony clearly upset and bent out of shape.  So Bill says to him, “What is the problem, why are you so upset?” and Tony replies, “The flowers!  The flowers you idiot!”

Bill is now quite confused and says to him, “Why should they upset you?  It was meant in a spirit of good will and friendship.”  “Yeah?” Tony barks back, “Flowers that read Rest In Peace, are in good will, since when?”

So Bill says, “Oh no, that is not right.  I will check it out.”

So he calls the florist and he gives him what for over the flowers, for five red-hot minutes he hammers this guy about the flowers.  This goes on for a little bit more and after a long drawn out butt chewing the florist sighs and then replies ….. “You think you got problems, somewhere in this town today they are preaching a funeral and the flowers are reading GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.

That … boys & girls is the Magic of Monday.

OOO

[#1169]

Almost Valentine’s Day, that illegal estrogen enriched holiday for the girls (that ought to get me some mail), so I thought today, maybe something romantic in nature an “Affair Of The Heart” so to speak. 

From time to time, I will write about Harold & Maude, they are two of my favorite (made up) people in the entire world.  Harold is about 82 now, and I believe Maude on her last birthday was 79, together they are a lovely pair.  They have been married for quite a few years, they are like a pair of well worn slippers, old and comfortable.  I have written about them before on Creative Endeavors.

If you wish to read about it here is the link.  He’s Already Taken

Tuesday morning Harold received word that their friend Paula was in the hospital.  This is not the Debra Winger Paula, that worked in the cardboard factory where Richard Gerre came in and swept her off her feet and carried her away, to live happily ever after in government sponsored non-enlisted housing on the East-coast of America.  Where you have no political opinion and dogs and sailors are required to stay off the grass.

This is a different Paula.

Anywho, Harold tells Maude that they are going to go visit her and he pulls the family truckster out on the driveway to warm up as Maude finishes up with what she calls “the essentials.”  (A little bit more make up, tawdry inexpensive jewelry, a splash of cheap perfume and one more swing of the comb thru her purple hair)

They load up and head on down to Southwest Medical on the corner of Western and 44th to see Paula.  They take the elevator upstairs to her room and spend about an hour with their friend.  They discuss her medicine, her doctor, all this unnecessary spending the government seems to do and generally cover most of the bases in the game of life.

After all the hugs and goodbyes, they load up into the elevator and head for the lobby.  Upon their arrival in the lobby Harold, always the consummate gentleman that he is, looks at Maude and says, “Wait here.  I will go get the car.”  He then heads for the parking lot leaving his wife of many years standing in the lobby.

Now here is where the plot thickens.

Upon arriving home, Harold looks in vain everywhere for his beloved Maude, but she is nowhere to be found.  He looks in all the familiar places, he is now somewhat concerned.   Her bedroom is empty, she is not in the laundry-room, Dooley the family dog is out in the backyard by his doghouse.  “Well, she aint out walkin’ the mutt that is for sure” … we can scratch that one off my short list of where she might be, he thinks to himself.

Walking into the kitchen he picks up the telephone and calls his daughter in the northwest part of the city.  “Hello Cynthia, this is Daddy.  Have you seen your mother today?”  Cynthia replies, “No I haven’t Dad, why are you asking?”  So he matter of factually, goes thru it over and over in his mind and on the telephone, but it really isn’t resonating with him, he is still at a total loss as to the whereabouts of his beloved Maude.

Harold states, “Well, I just got home from the hospital and she isn’t here.  This is kind of strange.  She usually leaves me a note or something.  I will call your brother.”

He then hangs up and dials up the oldest son, well actually, the “only son” and inquires of him.  “Ronnie have you seen your mother today?”  The son replies “No” and then inquires of the father, “what is going on?”

Harold tells him, “Oh, it is probably nothing.  I will get back to you later on, thanks.”  He then heads out of the kitchen towards the living-room, scratching is head and rethinking the morning, trying to make sense of the situation.

About that time, the telephone on the end table rings, he walks over and picks it up and says “Hello?”  The voice on the other end of the line says …. “Harold you old Coot, are you going to leave me standing here all day, or do I need to call a cab?”

It is his beloved bride and she is not in what most would describe as a “lovable mood.”

Pow!  Almost like a gun-shot inside his head, Harold snaps back to reality.  Suddenly remembering where it was that he had left his wife, Harold replies, “Uh no dear, I will be there shortly.”

Next time I will tell you about the time Maude sat down in the WRONG BOOTH at the Steakhouse and ordered everyone within ear-shot to bring back her silverware!  In the meantime …. Here is a video a friend of mine sent me this week entitled “The Remember Song.”  It is a real hoot.

Tell someone you love ‘em …..  Have a great weekend … We will be back on Monday.

OOO

[1165]

Here is something to stir your soul, to make you appreciate the life you have been given, it should make your day … pass it around.

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I find myself standing in the bathroom, 4:20 A.M., and thru the window I can see the Yellow Harvest Moon heading for the horizon and I think to myself, “I don’t have a thing for the webpage this morning, nothing.“  Man, I hate it when that happens.  I stumble to the kitchen, to make me another cup of ambition (as Dolly Parton would say) and the coffee filters stick together.  I twist them, I pick at them, I curse under my breath.  Loading the pot, I slink into the bedroom for a quick good morning shower and get dressed.  Some eight to ten minutes later, I head into the kitchen for my cup of Joe and discover I neglected to turn on the power … No coffee.

Man, I hate it when that happens.

I suspect it is going to be another fun day.  It is not as if there isn’t anything here to read, surely there is something.  There is always something.  This past week for instance, the most popular posts were as follows:  Top Posts (the past week):  Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  Sneak Into America(audio)  Monday Morning Mega-Meltdown Goin With The Flow  The Worry Tree  How Old Am I?  My Favorite Animal Eagle Bus Project Files   At one point, someone had been rummaging around all the way back to 2008 for one post, and it kind of gave me a charge re-reading it myself.  I had completely forgotten about writing that commentary (Skinny Dipping With Grandpa).

But that, was another day, right now, I have this one on tap to contend with.

Missing You:  Billy Raye Cyrus has a daughter named Miley (I believe), she has a new title out on the CMT network it is entitled “You are going to make me lonesome when you leave.”  Guess she is crossing over to the big time now and giving up the Disney child star status and moving on.  I don’t believe she is right, you can be lonesome as all get out, and no one leaves.  You can be living in the same house, under the same roof with a woman or a man, and still find yourself lonesome.

Music isn’t always correct in its appraisal of life.

Love Hurts:  A review released this month by University of Arizona researchers found that divorced adults are at a higher risk of an early death than married adults. The effects of a split can be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, being overweight or drinking heavily, according to the report.  One 2006 study found that middle-aged women, in particular, are at a greater risk of cardiovascular disease than married women of the same age. Cancer and mobility issues have also been linked to the after-effects of a long-term romantic separation.  If you are not buying into any of this, have you seen a recent picture of Demi Moore lately?

Grin and Bear It:  Did you know that you can actually take more pain in life, if you will just laugh it off?  Researchers at Oxford University asked volunteers to watch either a comedy or a documentary, and then applied painful levels of cold or pressure was applied to their arms.  The volunteers who had laughed hard during their videos could withstand 10 percent more pain that those who’d only giggled or who hadn’t been amused at all.  Remember that the next time you are roped into watching Dancin With The Stars or the X-Factor guys.

Bad News Is Back:  There is an old saying, “People who do not learn from their mistakes, are prone to repeat them.”  I don’t know where it came from, but it often rings true.  Americans are raking up credit card debt again.  After actually reducing debt in 2009 and adding just $9 billion new new credit card debt last year, consumers are projected to put another $54 billion on plastic this year.

The Who, What, Where, When and Why of it all:  I was recently asked by a friend of mine, why I write these daily posts. It seemed like a simple enough question, but the truth is, I was stumped. Why do I write these each day? Not for money certainly, although I continue to hold out hope. Is it a creative exercise from which I derive great pleasure? Not really. I’ve always felt that the act of writing isn’t nearly as enjoyable as the feeling that comes from “having written.”

So why do I do it? Well, after careful consideration I’ve come to believe that had I been even a moderately successful people pleaser or awkward at best a communicator of some sorts, in my formative years, I would feel little compulsion to communicate now.   This leads me to wonder, would it have been appropriate to have told the friend that I write these posts because I was incapable of expressing myself as a youngster, a situation which caused me unbearable anguish and is only now beginning to slowly fade away?

Maybe. But I didn’t.

I told him I write them because it’s fun. And this leads me to a question: if he’s questioning me about my writing, what kind of miserable childhood did he have?  What is it that he did for fun?

Or better yet, what is the definition of fun?

A woman I know, goes to the Indian Casino’s quite regularly, she told me that she “had found a slot machine that was really fun.”  So I asked her to tell me about it, she said, “Oh, I play it all the time, and it is a real hoot.”  So naturally I said, “Do you win?” and she said, “No.  I never win.  Last time I played it it took $400 from me.”

Yeah, that sounds like fun to me.

Let’s say you know two good looking women, one is a waitress at a restaurant that you frequent, the other is a cashier at Lowe’s.  Both women are about the same age, height and look rather nice.  One when you meet her, she always wants to know “how your wife is doing?” and stuff like that.  The other one, when she see’s you walking up, she quickly reaches up and takes off her glasses (to make herself more attractive I suppose), she will grab your hand, give it a little squeeze and then say …  “I have not seen you in such a long time now.”  Which one do you suppose a guy would give the most attention to?

Which one do you suppose would be the most fun?

I hit the publish button and I am finished.  Slowly I get up and head for the kitchen for one more cup of Joe.  My old bones are slow to respond and I kind of have a little hitch in my giddy-up this morning.  One more is in the bag #1163 … My work is done, I am not sure if it was that much fun to tell you the truth.

I hate it when that happens.

OOO