12 Days Of Layoffs
(Parody of Twelve Days Of Christmas)
Me And Mrs. Claus
(Parody of Me and Mrs. Jones By Billy Paul)
Me and Mrs. Claus We got a thing going on We both know that it’s naughty But when Santa’s gone we’re loose at the North Pole now We meet every Christmas Eve As Kris Kringle leaves… 6:30 The reindeer team’s in the air Sexy toys making all kinds of noise While the jack-in-the-box displays her mistletoe thong Me and Mrs. Claus Mrs. Claus Mrs. Claus Mrs. Claus We’ve got a thing going on We’ve gotta be extra careful We’ve got those toys to build And I’m just a Santa’s workshop guy I want to sneak off and unwrap you behind the old man’s sleigh Same time as last year Rudolph knows And Frosty knows And even Herby knows That it’s wrong 000Out of work? Need a job?
No small wonder, when you stop to look around at what is going down in this country. We spend it everywhere but here at home, we talk about improving our lot, then they step out and buy it from Brazil or some other place. You want a job, then start buying American goods, it is just that simple.
Don’t believe the hype when these people (the pecker-heads in Washington and on Wall Street) tell you it cannot be done in a Global Economy, that we have to outsource everything, because of high labor costs in this country and a host of other excuses … Don’t buy into it. It can be done … And it can be done right here at home.
OOO
How do you know when you are old?
Interesting question, just how is it, that you know that you have changed and you are older? Is it in the way you walk, the size and girth of your new found stomach, the sprinkling of gray about your temples. Do you catch yourself running out of breath half-way thru the parlor amour session with the wife in the middle of the night?
What are those familiar signs of aging? One thing I noticed personally in my case, is my appetite changed, I don’t eat as much as I used to.
When younger, I had a voracious appetite, but these days I tend to fill up rather quickly. In my youth I ate like a horse, unfortunately, now I kind of resemble one.
The wife and I, used to make what I called regular scheduled runs to Las Vegas to “visit our money” as I put it. Over the years, that sort of changed too. Now we go, not so much for the gambling aspect, or the garish surreal glitter of it all, but for the food.
Las Vegas has so many refreshing, change of pace trendy restaurants to eat in, it is simply not funny.
People will be quick to tell you that “everything in Las Vegas is larger than life” and of course, “what happens in ‘Vegas, stays in “Vegas.” That it is the “money capitol of the world” and all that jazz. I have found at times it was entirely possible to go thru large sums of serious money in this town, that is a given. A lot of that certainly applies now for the meals, Las Vegas now routinely posts the priciest tabs for a meal on average, of any city in the U.S..
Just for a moment, stop and consider the logistics of it all.
A city of close to 4 million, in the midst of a arid, dry desert, in the geographical center of nowhere, in one of the most inhospitable regions of the country. And everything that they eat, consume, use or build has to be hauled in. So it should come as no small wonder that the cheap buffet and the Steak and Eggs breakfast for next to nothing are now long gone.
Having just returned from another trip to our favorite adult amusement center, this past summer, we can testify that it is all there ripe and ready for the taking. Bring your appetite and your credit card, put the feed bag on as my Daddy is fond of saying. You still can have it your way at just about any hour of the day or night. Just depends on your tastes, whether it be steak or lobster, a crisp taco on the side … you can find it all in Las Vegas, the only glitch is, “you won’t find it for free.”
A couple went for a meal at a Chinese restaurant on The Strip and ordered the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brought the meal, served in a cast iron pot with a lid. Just as the wife was about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rose slightly and she caught a brief glance of two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slammed back down.
“Good grief, did you see that?” she asked her husband.
He hadn’t, so she asked him to look in the pot. He reached for it and again the lid rose, and he saw two little eyes looking around before it slammed back down. Rather perturbed, he called the waiter over, explained what was happening, and demanded an explanation.
“Excuse please,” said the waiter, “what you order?”
The husband replied, “Chicken Surprise.”
“So sorry,” said the waiter, “My mistake… I bring you Peeking Duck!”
Last day of the month, we can put this one in the can. Tune in tomorrow and we will tell you the easiest way we have found to remove the cap from a bottle of Snapple … When you reach my age, you need every break you can get.
OOO
My neighbor came over the other day and asked me, “Have you been drinking lately?” and I responded, “No. Why?” and then he pointed at the flag outside my shop on the flagpole that was clearly flying upside down.
He then said, “Well, your flag is upside down.”
And I said, “Yeah, I know it. It is an International sign of distress on the High Sea’s, if you are in trouble you rig up your standard in the upside down position.”
So clearly confused and caught off guard, he then says, “What in the #$#@##!! are you talking about?”
And I said, “I don’t know if you have noticed it or not, but this country is clearly in trouble.”
Welcome to my world, a world where some people still like me, even if I don’t smell like fresh rain. We, as a race of people, a nation, need to get honest about all this, we are in dire straits, 49 million people in this country are on food stamps, one out of every six do not have anything to eat. We are not educating our young and our industries are being shipped overseas.
Hello, my name is Don, I am addicted to The Big Bang Theory and I freely admit that I never had my science project in on time. It might have been because the nature of the instruction and the assessments often reflect more of an ability to memorize facts and sit attentively than truly actually engage in science. Although I am a graduate of High School, I cannot forge nor change your future, you have to do that.
I would also at this juncture like to admit that most of the time, when they are discussing quantum physics and all that other universal stuff on television, I haven’t a clue as to what they are talking about. Yeah I know, what you are thinking that “he only watches that to gaze up the girl character Penny.”
Could be a sprinkling of truth in there too.
My science adventures in my now begotten youth, mainly consisted of being able to memorize things, not so much learn them. A talent of sorts, but also a handicap later on in life, when students such as this are faced with “true science” further along in their academic careers they tend to get lost in the shuffle.
Memorizing instead of taking the time to learn they often find that they are under prepared for the creativity, analytical skills, and curiosity necessary to truly engage and be successful. This why I watch the Big Bang Theory Boys & Girls, it is about as scientific as I am gonna get. (It also allows me to escape the everyday trials and tribulations of modern living)
Kind of sad, when you stop to think about it, most of the nation‘s youth are lacking in science skills, the Japanese, Germans, and others clearly are leading the way. We seem to be fresh out of hero’s in our country. The only people they have to emulate or look up to are sports figures and drug dealers. This might be why they flock to the game-boy instead of the text book.
The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is boundless. There is a fine line between wrong and visionary, unfortunately, you have to be visionary in order to see it.
The flag, my flag, is going to continue to fly upside down until someone can point out a clear cut difference to me.
OOO
Moved the bed this weekend, it is no longer by the window, and thankfully, I cannot hear the neighbor’s dog barking. There must be something in the dog owners DNA that makes it possible for them “to not hear their own dog barking” because if it were not there, someone would have shut this mutt up a long time ago.
He howls at the coyotes, he barks for hours on end, he even pleads to the moon when it is full. His name is Boomer (if anyone should care?) he is an outside dog, a flea bitten, tick infested curr who at times has made my life miserable, my canine neighbor who lives a few scant yards across the road from us.
But tonight it has been unusually quiet.
So I got up early, because you see, now I cannot sleep, the room is too quiet. In the past, to thwart the dog, I would often turn on the rotating fan, and even though I was not overheated or hot, I would use the fan to drown out the sound of the dog and pull the covers up tight around my head and neck.
Desperate times call for desperate measures they say.
I lay there in the stillness of the night, and I watch the red numbers on the clock, slowly turn over, one at a time. The quiet of the morning envelops me and I am at peace with my world, which is a strange feeling, because I am NEVER at peace with my world.
Not running the fan now, the room is eerily quiet, so believe it or not, the silence of the room is hampering my sleep. Fighting what appears to be a losing battle, I get up and I come in here, to my favorite chair, a cup of fresh brewed coffee and soft porn on the movie channel (you know the kind, where everyone is naked, but nobody is showing their junk, that is soft porn). Finding no solace in that, I search around and finally land on an old Chevy Chase movie on one-eighty-five.
What else is there for a guy to do at three in the morning?
Sadly, I am far too old for my own paper route.
Sitting here, I fire up the laptop and I search the net for something to amuse, to peruse, a smattering of America to fire my senses. What I find unfortunately this day, is blog after blog of depressing type stuff, I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Must be something in the water, page after page of people who are desperately seeking ways to be happy with their sorry feckless lives.
It is always a good idea to vent, I believe in that. What I don’t believe in is sharing what it is that I am feeling (of a negative nature) with people I do not know. I don’t understand it when people write about how miserable they are, sharing every rancid detail with complete strangers in the middle of the night.
Maybe it would be better for all concerned, if they just bought a dog.
OOO
I seem to be on some kind of patriotic jag this week, so in the spirit, here is something new. Most of it was gleaned from an interesting email I received recently, but it makes sense, so I cleaned it up some and I am passing it on.
As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods — merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor.
This year we have the opportunity to do something quite different. This Christmas Americans can give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands.
It’s time to think outside the box, people.
Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper? Everyone — yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber? Gym membership? It’s appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement. Who wouldn’t appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.
Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plunking down your hard earned dead president’s (cash) on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.
Speaking for myself, I sure would, sign me up!
There are a host of owner-run restaurants — all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn’t the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn’t about big National chains — this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line desperately trying to keep their doors open. It is time, high time, to bring the business “back” to the places that will do us the most good, Hometown America … or as they say here … The Heartland.
How many people couldn’t use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy? Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day. My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.
Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes. I have a local craftsman right now, that is building me two jewelry boxes, one for the wife and one for the grand-daughter. You could do the same. Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice generous tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theater. Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.
Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.
You see, Christmas should no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city.
So besides celebrating your Religious Holiday as you have done for most of your life, you have a new deal this year. Worship the baby and then do something good for your country. Christmas is now (starting today) about caring about your country, The United States. It is time to start encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn’t imagine.
This year make THIS the new
American Christmas tradition.
Do a copy-cut-paste on this and then forward this to everyone on your mailing list — post it to discussion groups — throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city — send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. Take a small piece of plastic shaped in the image of piece of fruit (something like a banana) and stick it on your refrigerator just to remind you every now and then!
And remember … This is a movement of caring about and for each other, isn’t that what Christmas is about? The really neat thing about this is you don’t have to drive to Wall Street to spread the message and in the end … when they tally the numbers … they will have received the message. All you have to do is make a conscious decision to spend your money here at home.
Like Staples is fond of saying … That was Easy.*
OOO
* Kudo’s to Jimmy Wo for the article idea and email.
Here you go, another public indictment against “public education.” Or as my old friend Brownie used to say …. “Edumaycashun.” Geographically speaking, you get the drift, dontcha?
This week I am reading where they are telling cab drivers in New York that they will fine them $350 for honking their horns unnecessarily. Which I agree with completely, we need far less noise in this world we all live in.
My English teacher in high school was Mrs. McGee, a nice personable, kind woman of great patience. She deserved much more in life, than the white pasty faced kid who never seemed to get it or could pay attention. She taught me all the things that my parents didn’t have time to do, she did it cheerfully and often with great reserve.
We had our moments, Mrs. McGee and I.
I am sure if she were around today and could see and read Creative Endeavors she would be proud of where it is that I have come in life. (We might not be much in the world of publishing and all that … But baby, we are all we got.) Her influence and her steady hand can be found within the pages of this website just about anywhere you look. She helped to shape, mold and guide me thru my youth and most importantly … She taught me a thing or two.
New York City for lack of something “important to do” this week sic’ed (sp) cops on teachers grading papers in public and asked them to stop the practice. As cops are prone to do when called, they showed up and asked the teachers to move on. Which I find not only personally disturbing but outright disgusting. With a mountain of problems in this city, this is what they find important and harmful to the public good? How warped is this? (comments section is open take a shot at it, three guesses, the first two don’t count).
You can read about it here.
It appears that “public places in New York City” are no longer just that … public. No matter that they have signs of protest or whatever, we are being overloaded everyday with “so-called societal rules of behavior.” As quickly as a surgeon with a sharp knife, one more freedom is removed from the fabric of our lives. This is just another example of it. Each day in this country, our treasured freedoms seem to be falling by the wayside in the name of security or the common good. Where it will end is anyone’s guess.
What possible harm could come from a small group of people quietly sitting and grading papers in a public arena.
Grading papers in public isn’t that big of a deal to me, it should be allowed and there should not be a second thought about it. Now changing out a baby diaper in the booth next to me at Denny’s … That should be addressed quickly and firmly … but this? I say leave the teachers alone.
One of the things Mrs. McGee taught me was this: “The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.“ But this, leaning on teachers for nothing more than grading papers in public is just not funny. If New York City is setting the stage for the rest of the country, then I say it is time to stop the bus … I need to get off.
OOO
OOO
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#1060
Tags: writing, wordpress.com, comments, freshly pressed
Another message from your favorite vessel of the masculine life force is now on your way. Please check your attitude and adjust your thought patterns for another riveting, thought provoking comment on life in general.
Riding up and down the Santa Fe Mainline in the early part of my life, I kept track of where I was by using a milepost. Every mile on the railroad has a milepost, the Interstate Highways have mileposts, all of life, if you are paying attention, will have a milepost. Today I find myself looking at another milepost in time and labor. That milepost is this post, it is #1060 and that has to be a marker in anyone’s book. In the two and one-half years I have been contributing to this site (I took a little over a year to unwrap and relax a little, then came back) I have put out over one thousand and sixty of these.
Recently I read a Freshly Pressed site and they have only been in business three months, and just doesn’t make sense to me, but then again, “it is their sandbox.” Believe it or not, I have seen Fast Rising Blogs that were only seven days old. I see people go as long as five years and never get any kind of recognition and that is often kind of sad for me. But then again, when you look at the statistical side of the coin here, the odds of achieving this lofty goal (much like winning the lottery) are simply astronomical. Just to be recognized would be something.
Most people who visit this website do so deliberately, but others stumble across it while searching the Internet for esoteric topics. Noting from time to time, people are always looking for high numbers, how many hits, who is where and total residents on board. It seems to me that the quality of the posts is what brings them in, not the population that resides, that kind of thing. We have had a lot of traffic over the years, and most folks would just love to see what we see on a daily basis, but traffic is not where it is at.
If you can end a sentence like that?
Some bloggers or writers are looking for ways to attract more people to a site, when they ought to be cultivating interesting people who will “add to it” sort of like that Hollywood adage … “If you build it, they will come” idea. At least that is my take on some of this. At times we have had our fair share of interesting people to comment on the site and add to the mix. Comments are the fuel for the fire for me, I love the comments, don’t know exactly how to cultivate them or make them better, but never the less, they are the meat left on the bone at the end of the day.
Curiously I am finding after all this time that a certain percentage of people across the wide spectrum that is WordPress don’t even bother to answer comments (I am not talking about Freshly Pressed here, which sometimes generates hundreds of comments in one twenty-four hour period) and I find that somewhat of a let down personally.
Comments are the best part of all of it.
So it appears to me, that the game plan has shifted some and the WordPress experience or environment is changing. A great many of the folks that were here when I started three years ago are now long gone, shut down or have closed up shop and moved on. Perhaps this new influx of people (contributors and/or writers) just see it differently? #1060 isn’t anything out of the ordinary, just another post in a long line of them, and I am sure there will be more in the future. More than likely this site will never see WordPress.com up and coming fastest growing blog fame or be Freshly Pressed or any other prominent recognition and that is okay.
We like being #2 it often makes us try harder.
In the future Creative Endeavors will stay basically as it is. A fun place, warm and welcome, and we hope that you will tell others about it or comment from time to time. Some people I suppose actually miss a site where everyone is flaming each other, where the flow of material is coarse, rude and full of hate speech. Swing a dead-cat in any direction on the net, and you can certainly find a lot of mean spirited sites these days.
Creative Endeavors will never be that way.
Be advised, this doesn’t mean we will allow you to come in here in the comment section and beat up on us or exhibit your particular brand of unsocial behavior. This is simply not going to happen. You will be sent to comment oblivion before you know what hit you. Beats me why people seek out activity like that, it is a unsettling, sign of the times I suppose.
So if content is not an issue with you and you have a little time to spare, drop by and stay awhile.
Sift thru all of it, pick out what it is that you can use, and throw the rest of it away. If you want to take some of it home with you that is okay too, we would however, appreciate a link back. Seems only fair.
Stop by here tomorrow morning for #1061 which will be a generous dose of “Something Stinks.” We will even open up the comments section, let Mr. scruffy out of his cage and make him available for petting.
Can’t get a better deal than that.
OOO
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