Kid came by in a new pickup, I asked him, “That sure is some mighty tall cotton you are walkin in, how much is the payment on that?” and he smiled and said, “Oh, it is $560 per month Mr. Smith.” I don’t see how they do it. High insurance, high gas, high payments, the new American Dream.
I believe that there are two forces struggling to dominate this country. Reinvention and nostalgia. The first seeks to imagine and work toward a better future by changing the status quo. The second insists that things were better in the past and works to undo change. Oddly, the opposing forces have come to be represented by colors. Blue and red. It’s no secret where my sympathies lie. I’ve always been a big fan of reinvention. My life is a testament to it, this is why I live in a fly-over state, in the last vast great stronghold of good community living and subsist on a weak diet of Oreo cookies and expired dairy products chilled in my fifteen year old refrigerator with the original lite bulb.
The nostalgic part of me grips my soul on a daily basis. This is why I spend most of my idle time in quiet contemplation of where it is that I would REALLY like to live, whether it be blue or red. Outside a picture-perfect waterfront mansion, the waves of the Pacific lapping gently at the Californian shoreline. It is utterly idyllic - my Sony earphones playing the Beach Boys and Little Surfer Girl, a haven of privacy from prying eyes, a peaceful retreat from the hustle and bustle. But this peace is set to be shattered by the distant rumble of thunderstorms upon the plains and the threat of severe weather.
But I digress, we are talking car repair and new trucks.
Well, we are off to “car repair now.” Had to spend $355 on my old truck this week, one of them thar Oxygen Sensors went out on it, and the poor old hoopie, just could not breathe. Put me in the foot patrol for a couple of days, and a little lite in the pocket, but still, cheaper than a new truck pickup. Like my Grand Daddy used to say, “Life was much simpler back then Sonny, a lot simpler.” (My Grandfather often referred to me as Sonny, I suppose it was because I was so bright as a child?)
Now I am going to the kitchen to get me a fresh juice box, brb.
You know I am watching this lawyer show on television. And the lawyer tells the defendant, “this is a travesty of justice, we will win this, this cannot stand, we will fight it tooth and nail. By the way, because your daughter gave me a box of Girl Scout cookies, I am going to take this all the way to the U.S. Supreme court and I will represent you for free!”
Then I go see MY lawyer and he uses words such as “expensive dog fight, too complicated, this thing is loaded with proactive political issues, this could prove to be drawn out for an extended period of time, and very, very expensive. I am gonna need $2,000 up front to get started.”
So when I get home, the wife she looks at me and says, “Well, how did it go with the attorney today?” and I carefully explain it to her, in the best fashion I know how. She then says, “YOU should have stayed home and let ME talk to him, it would have been much different.” Of course it would have been different, she is right, she is ALWAYS right. In her mind, that is. But alas poor Youric I knew him well, women are often wrong … this is not just a casual statement, I offer proof:
Women always say giving birth is far more painful than a guy getting kicked in the balls. (Carol Burnett once described it as pulling your lower lip up and over your forehead)
But … A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say, “It would be so nice to have another child.”
You never, ever, hear a guy say, “I’d sure like another kick in the nuts!”
Here is another rule of nature.
A shark will not eat a lawyer.
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, “Someone might steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports. Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”
So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people. Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.” So they laid-off the night watchman.
NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter … Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration? Anybody? Anything? No?
Didn’t think so.
Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency … the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember. It was so simple … and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate. The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977, TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
Hey, pretty efficient, huh? Government steps up to the plate to ease our burden, to make our world much, much better.
NOW IT’S 2012 — 35 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE.
(THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, “WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)
It has been said that 34 years ago that 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports. Today it is estimated or have been estimated that about 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports. Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.
NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?
Everything seems to be peachy keeno (as long as you don’t get sick) … Wells Fargo Bank is now the largest investor in the private prison system in America today. The kid at the beginning of the piece with the new pickup? He has an annual A.P.R. that would shock you, courtesy of our good friends at Government Motors, who recently moved all the Volt technology to China. Things are so damn bad that Batman sold his costume on eBay to raise money for his legal defense. Hello! Anybody Home?
Have a great weekend, or don’t, it is still your choice.
What Folks Have Been Reading On Creative Endeavors This Past Week:
|Home page / Archives|
|Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)|
|The Worry Tree|
|EMAIL OF THE WEEK: Of Men and Honor|
|Clear Blue Sky|
|Goin With The Flow|
|Watch Your Step …|
|S.H.I.T. (Store High In Transport)|
|Skinny Dipping With Grandpa|