CHECK YOUR SHORTS.
Kind of incredible, I have been re-reading yesterday’s comments, and started laughing to myself. What if you had never read this site before, and you were reading some of this? Bet you would utilize some “gender recognition software” to ascertain whether or not this was really being written by a guy. Now that is funny, I don’t care where it is you live. While we are at it? I did that once, used a gender software recognition on Helen & Margaret and it said it was most likely being written by a ….. Man.
I AM YOUR FATHER LUKE
I also have been musing around this poor slob at Toy’s R Us who evidently went bonkers with a battery operated Light Saber and they eventually called the cops where he did battle with them with his light saber and actually fended off two stun gun attacks in the parking lot. “So how was your day honey?”
Some little town over in Great Britain had it rain apples the other day, and they are still humming over that one. Sad and depressing news out of the la-la-land on the Left-Coast of America … Chaz Bono splits up with his girlfriend, guess she wanted a real man (Yawn?). Now for something really funny …. Uh … Uh … How about a cat that has the ability to put a child to sleep, yeppers, saw that one this week too. Now if they had one of a cat making toast and coffee in the morning, it seems to me, THAT would be noteworthy. Anyway, for all you cat lovers, here it be:
THE BIG MEOW.
They now have a list of the top 30 cats in the country. I am not making this up peeple, a list of cats that are important. No one actually knows where Elvis is buried, but we have a list of cats that are important. I am sorry, but I just don’t get it?
Snowed big time in Albq. New Mexico this week, and the temp’s are really dropping. I love visiting the mountains of the southwest in the summer, but I sure don’t not want to live there. It has been a wild kind of week and it is only half-way done.
WHERE DOES YOUR FRUIT COME FROM?
You ever wonder where it is your fruit comes from? Elle Feeney does and mentions it here. I never gave it too much thought, but now that she mentions it, the stuff does get some mileage on it before you take it home. She may have inadvertently given birth to a new hobby, similar to stamp collecting too. Now watch her go on to make a Million Bucks while I sit here and wither on the vine. Luck of the draw I suppose.
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?
Won $21 on the lottery over the weekend. I think I know what the problem might be. They roll the balls around and around and then zoom, pop ‘em out very quickly. They are not giving me enough time to wish on them. Would be nice to win the Big One (El Grande for our Los Angeles readers) I could buy a new home.
DESIGNATED DUMB CRAP
Closer we get to Christmas the stranger the commercials seem to get. How about this one, Grey Goose Vodka …. “A toast to the nights you will never forget.” Now where is the part where they say … I got really drunk and I don’t know what it is that I did? Kind of reminds me of the old comic strip I read when I was a kid.
Consider this early strip from the 1960′s where two of the kids are arriving back home after attending a football game with their Dad. One of the kids says to their mother: “And we each had a bottle of soda. Daddy brought his own in his pocket.”
No good huh? Well, whadya expect for free?
JUST THE FACTS M’AM
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Is there a problem, Officer?
Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.
Oh, I see.
Can I see your license please?
Well, I would give it to you but I don’t have one.
Don’t have one?
No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
I see … Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
I can’t do that.
I stole this car.
Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please.
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Is there a problem sir?
My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Murdered the owner? Are you serious?
Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Is this your car, ma’am?
Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Thank you ma’am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Bet he told you I was speeding, too.
If you are home, crank it up and let it wail! If you are work, then keep it quiet and be ready to put the spreadsheet back up on the screen (Spreadsheet? Hmmmmm, can’t wait for the comments to come in on that one. I was lying on my spreadsheet in nothing but a Thong, and then the wife walked in … Oh well, whadya expect for free?)
That is it for Wednesday morning, hump day for a five day a week wage slave working for the man … Hang in there … You almost have it made.