Received three disturbing emails this week, which isn’t a record of any kind really, but never the less, I could have lived without all three of them it seems to me.
#1) Was a picture of Nancy’s breasts I took last Saturday, sent to me from their I-Phone.
#2) Was one telling me that my webpage and I personally … Sucked. To which I quickly hit “reply” and typed “thanks Mom, see you for dinner on Sunday.”
#3) Was some kind of new worm virus or computer thing supposed to hit on April 1st (how appropriate is that I ask you?)
More? Sure why not.
A Republican cure for constipation (you don’t want to know) Obama racial slur humor (4), common cures for household ailments (I mean, who gets a snakebite at home?). Modern technology on the move. A Japanese robot developer has developed a new walking, talking robot with a beautiful face (see attachment). The six figure robot can make a variety of lifelike facial expressions, and has a tiny, feminine voice. “The very first human expression they taught her was … I have a headache!” C’mon people … give me a break. Another week of Chinese water torture bamboo slivers under the fingernail e-mails.
It seems when times get bad, so does the mail.
All this week, most of the content has been of a negative nature, and that at times, gets so dog-gone tiring, downright bothersome. And predictable …. Another electronic monster is on the way to gobble up my hard drive and any unsuspecting two year old within reach of the tower. One of the downsides of the Internet is that it reveals the gullibility of humanity. It never fails to amaze me how some folks will just settle in for a good yarn and not even bother to wonder if it has any apparent validity or not.
Just take it on face value and then move on.
You open the box and there it is, oh my gosh, again it rears it’s ugly head … We have a new imposter in our midst. Who could it be? Who could it be? Now repeat after me, “Who cares? Who cares?” So we click on the item, and once again, we find ourselves with an unsolicited benefactor who tells us that the truth can be had, if we truly want to know the truth, and we “pass it on to all our friends.”
Sweet Mother Of Creation, how can this magic elixir of life that is so un-seemingly unimportant (yesterday) be pried from the lips of the Gate Keeper of the Secret Internet Codes? How can we, mere mortals in the play of life, find ourselves privy to this great (and mostly still unknown) secret of CyberSpace. (not bad 230 words, I am on a roll!)
Who among us hasn’t received an e-mail from a well-meaning friend, relative or co-worker, warning of all kinds of dangers lurking in seemingly benign places? Warning us of some kind of “supposedly impending doom, bad thing, or trickery” on the net? You will notice that, out of the kindness of my heart, I did not write the above sentence like this:
“Who among us hasn’t annoyed friends, people on the net who are playing nicely and minding their own business, relatives or co-workers with embarrassing e-mail warnings of ridiculous consequences stemming from completely improbable circumstances that are obviously false on second glance?”
Having one of them epiphany things, it occurred to me that there could be a possible shortage of these types of e-mail hoaxes floating around. And so, today very conveniently we have the opportunity to start all kinds of new rumors with this post. We can be on the other end of the finger, and jerk the collective chain of readers but one more time. We can take this precious time to confuse, amuse and turn each other against each other, and all of it before the 15th of April, the latest “known end to the free world scenario completion date.”
Computers make it so easy don’t they?
Now days you can just about fabricate anything if you want to (Ask Oprah and the Book of the Month Club). All of this possible with just a few clicks, warnings, lies, horrific cautionary tales, designed to scare the bejeebers of of anyone tempted to do anything as dangerous as travel to Barbados, pump gas at twilight, talk to anyone on a municipal bus or forget to flush. Lick an envelope, walk thru a parking lot at Home Depot, step on a crack in the sidewalk or walk under a ladder.
Still here?
Don’t look now, but your hard-drive is infected with a worm virus and unknown truth. With a minimum of keystrokes, you can use the oldest trick in the book, “divide and conquer” become the hero of the hour. So now it is time for me to confess, I am the imposter in your midst. I am really Capt. Ollie South, a widely known and respected member of the Armed Forces of the U.S.A.. But I use a completely different screen name for my own protection and operate under an unsuspecting e-mail alias to protect the innocent.
Now I know for some of you, this is hard to believe, but it’s completely true.
I know for sure that something like this (an e-mail hoax) happened to an 8-year old girl from Tupelo Mississippi. It happened while she was eating lunch at a fast food joint (aren’t your glad I didn’t say Karl’s Jr.) Apparently, this little 8-year old girl, bought a puppy in Mexico. Before she even knew what happened, she was charged $200,000 for a cookie recipe by clicking on an e-mail link on FaceBook. Think about that the next time you are eating lunch at a fast food joint with someone you met on MySpace or your high school reunion site.
As with any other information that you receive from questionable sources such as this, it isn’t wise to believe everything that you have read here without questioning it or attempting to verify it in any way. Or you can do like most of my folks do, just pass the story along to everyone you know. Imagine how you would feel if opened up tomorrow’s newspaper and found out that someone you know was charged $200,000 for a cookie recipe.
You would feel terrible, or really bad, maybe even suicidal or depressed big time. You might even go back to listening to Rush Limbaugh or reading the comments section of Margaret & Helen for heavens sake!
Well I see the old bottom of the page rolling up, I need to get out of here, check my mail, see what is in the box for today. I recently sent out a mass mailing to everyone I know on my mailing list inviting them to a new meeting of a group that I founded this week.
Multiple Personalities Without Real Partners.
We are in the process of starting a citywide singles or multiples banquet on a monthly basis and want to promote it with the help of a massive internet wide e-mail circulation program. I have to go now, you see, I am in charge of the name tags, and I figure I am surely going to be up all night long, and most of the weekend, just filling them out on some of these people.
Remember, new computer worm virus hits on April One, end of the world calendars from the Mayan’s are on sale, get yours before 2012 and trust that everything that you read here, was the absolute truth.
Yours truly
Captain Ollie South
(A widely known and respected impostor of the Armed Forces of the U.S.A., who is using a completely different screen name for his own protection)
Congratulations, it is Friday … You made it! Have a great weekend, take a few new shots of Nancy on Saturday (I am really into tan lines) and check back in with me on Monday.
OOO
