Scratch N Sniff Bandits Strike Again
DALLAS Texas – A man has proven that you can never have too much underwear when he stole more than 130 pairs of panties from a Victoria’s Secret store. The Dallas Morning News reported online Tuesday that a man snatched $1,067 worth of underwear from a table at the Dallas store Monday. A police report says a female accomplice held open the door during the theft and both sped away in a green car. The report did not indicate what styles or sizes were stolen.
Don’t Forget Your Coupons
Coeur d’Alene Idaho – Law enforcement agents are offering $25 grocery gift cards to people who turn in burglary suspects before Thanksgiving. The Kootenai County branch of Crime Stoppers of the Inland Northwest is looking for five suspects in recent burglaries and is offering the grocery cards to sweeten regular cash rewards of up to $1,000. CATCH A TURKEY – WIN A TURKEY …. What a concept.
Locked Down and Lonesome
Paducah, Kentucky – A state prisoner serving a four-year sentence for theft returned to the McCracken County Regional Jail a few hours after he escaped from a cleanup detail. Authorities said Chad Toy, 21, told them he was influenced by family members who feared for his safety. He returned still wearing his orange jump suit.
What a classy move
The auto exec’s all flew into Washington this week in “private jets” to beg for money and a possible bail out. Now that is an austerity program for the rich if I ever saw one. Meanwhile, our beloved Chief Executive has done rather well in this lucrative money-pit of tax payer dollars. It is estimated that Bush will leave the White House with an estimated net worth of some $21 million, not a bad payday, for a sorry job and a proven underachiever. This is the problem with America, we know the price of everything but not the value of nothing.
Thank You For Sharing That
Brad Pitt on fatherhood in an interview on today’s Oprah Winfrey Show says “I am impervious to poo, snot, urine, and vomit.” Man that sure helped me get my breakfast burrito down, thanks a lot. Gee whiz Poppa-Pitt show a little class. Rosie O’Donnell is coming to NBC for another round of “please tune in and allow me to share my rancid life history with you” check your local listings. Wonder if Barbara Walters is gonna watch? Another one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends is leaving him to marry a younger guy … I think he is sixty.
He-Said – She-Said
Silverton Oregon has the nation’s first transgender mayor. His/Her highness wears women’s clothes and has breast implants. By not hiding his cross-dressing from the public he said “I have blackmail-proofed myself.” Wonder which bathroom he uses at City Hall … Just thinking outside the box y’all.
Myopia in Texas (Where else?)
The Terrell, Texas, Tribune did not even mention in its Nov. 5th edition that Barack Obama had won the presidential election because it was not local news. “We covered the local commissioner’s race” said the editor, “We thought that was more important.” Texas is the only state in the nation that executes the mentally insane and also elects them to the highest office in the land.
Look out below
Now this is something everyone in New Jersey can take pride in. Councilman Steven Lipsid, who was arrested at a Grateful Dead Concert for urinating off the balcony onto the crowd below. The 44-year old politician said that he had “resolved not to touch alcohol again.” See what happens when you get a good deal on cheap seats at a concert?
More Nakid News
Tell me that I don’t know my reader base? Twelve participants in the Boulder, Colorado annual Naked Pumpkin Run may be forced to register as sex offenders. As 150 revelers ran naked through the streets of Boulder wearing pumpkins on their heads (I am not making this up – I swear!) the police arrested 12 on charges of indecent exposure. “I was thinking a minor fine or community service, not thinking of sex offender.” Said one arrested 23 year old. I believe the key word in that statement would be “not thinking.” If convicted, I think they ought to have to write and answer the Comments Section at Creative Endeavors for at least ninety-days, that would be good community service.
Back To Law & Order
Former Sen. Fred Thompson is going back to starring on TV after his foray into Republican presidential politics over the last year. Thompson, best known on TV for his role as a gruff district attorney on NBC’s Law & Order, dropped out of the crowded Republican primaries in January after his much-anticipated presidential campaign failed to gain strong support among conservatives.
Val Kilmer (I think he was that Bat Man guy) is officially weighing a run for Governor of New Mexico approaching it as a worthy, serious matter (that is a delightful change of pace). The 48 year old actor said he would be “very comfortable” in the position. Here lately that position is mostly called “bending over’ if you are in politics.
No word on Vanilla Ice, Mr. T or anyone else, but I understand Hasselhoff is staying on America Has Talent. It is also rumored that George Wubya Bush is now considering “acting lessons when they settle down in Dallas” later on this year.
One thing is for sure … They should not have a problem locating a new house or an old one for that matter.
Have A Great Weekend.
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