<><><> Romance South Of The Border <><><>
After the wedding of the world’s heaviest man, Mexican Maneuel Uribe, who has slimmed down to 683 pounds (down from 1244 lbs) attended his ceremony in a custom-made bed and passed up on the cake. “He didn’t break his diet” said his mother. Man, that is something. You lose 561 lbs, about the equivalent of three men and you are still morbidly obese. Whew? Only a mother could love that.
<><><> Good News – Bad News in the Land of Enchantment <><><>
Now I like this …… A New Mexico newspaper, a bi-monthly rag, printed its Oct 26th-Nov 8th issue with a clear headline that read: “OBAMA WINS!” The New Mexico Sun News urged readers however “to get out and vote, even though we spoiled the ending for you.” How about that, a newspaper that actually cares.
<><><> The number you have dialed is really disconnected <><><>
An Oregon teenager said she didn’t see the police officer trying to pull her over for driving 107 mph because she was too busy talking on her cellphone. When asked why she was driving so insanely fast, the pert little teen replied, “It is more fun than a barrel of monkeys.” But when you are 16-18 the world is a fun place, later on in life, you get into politics, paying taxes and voting and you eventually find out what a barrel of monkeys smells like and it all changes.
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, ‘I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!’
<><><> Our loser of the week to sing ONE MORE time for you <><><>
American Idol fans mark your calendar, I am reading in the paper that the show returns for a positive eight season, where does the time go? It seems just like yesterday I saw some freak with orange hair, warbling I got Rhythms in my living room and making our dog stretch real hard and yowl at the ceiling! Eight years, and don’t forget, that simply marvelous Bryan Seacrest will be back, mmmmmmmmmm, yummy! Check your local listings.
<><><> Shop Till You Drop <><><>
Heather Mills has already spent more than $15 million of her settlement from divorcing Paul McCartney in seven months says the London Sun. Mills, who was awarded around $37 million, spent the money on an apratment in New York, renovations on existing homes, an outdoor swimming pool.
Then there was the matter of salary for her staff, and donation of $1 million in vegetarian food to homeless children. I suppose she will just fart the rest of it off in the future. Kind of like that guy who won the lottery in Chicago. After winning this incredibly huge payout, they asked him what he planned to do with it.
He thought about it for a moment or two and then said …. “I think I will spend it on wine, women and song! The rest of it I will just probably blow.”
Easy come … Easy Go I guess.
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