THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “Either way, if you play or do not play the Lottery, you have about the same chances of winning. Regardless.”
Now there is tacky, and then there is …… Really tacky.
A wedding chapel in Tel Aviv has come up with a novel way of ensuring that guests remember to leave a gift. The marrying couple pays $155 to rent an ATM-like machine: guests can insert a credit card and tap in a sum, and the funds are transferred into the newly-joined couples’ bank account the very next day.
One of the most enjoyable traditions at a wedding is the tossing of the wife’s garter. Jeff Nichols of San Diego, lifted the wrong side of his new wife’s dress, exposing a thigh holster and a pistol. He was expecting to find a garter belt to throw to the crowd. His wife, is a police officer. I would like to be a fly on the wall at the Ramada Inn tonight, “Honey hand me those handcuffs, I wanna show you a trick.”
A Virginia spa began offering pedicures performed by 100 tiny Garra rufa fish, also known as “doctor fish” in some Asian locales. The toothless fish nibble off calluses and other dead skin. “It’s a little ticklish” said one customer, gee, “do you think so.”
Pass.
The California Legislature took time out from the state budget crisis to pass a bill giving California pet owners the right to set up a legally enforceable trust to care for dogs, cats, horses or other animals. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed the bill, SB685, last week. It takes effect Jan. 1. Before now, pet trusts in California were honorary, meaning they could not be legally enforced.
A legislator commented, “You want the guardian to be the emotional one. You want the trustee to be independent, calculating, someone who will say your dog doesn’t need a $16,000 doghouse, just like your kid doesn’t need a Ferrari when they are 16,” Meek says. “If I’m the caretaker and the trustee, maybe I want to take that dog on a vacation to Acapulco.”
Can our courts handle people squabbling over Fifi and Fido? Isn’t California the place, where you walk in the door, for the first time ever, and they write you a medical prescription for some smoke, sight unseen? Can you imagine the amount of dog homicides that are going to increase statewide, when the cat’s figure out the entire estate can be theirs?
This is gonna be catastrophic for the Golden State. What were you elected moron’s thinking?
Police in Minnesota tried to bring a peaceful end to a high-speed car chase by calling the perpetrator on the cellphone during the chase. The burglary suspect replied, “Dude, I can’t talk,” the suspect was said to have replied, “I am being chased by the police.” He then hung up and he is still at large.
Victoria, Texas, is a town about 80 miles west of Houston. We understand that in Victoria recently, local Hispanic leaders there, in opposition to pending Immigration Legislation, boycotted all Caucasian owned businesses in the Victoria area this past weekend as a demonstration of their economic impact on the community.
The boycott was declared a success by the Hispanic community, noting that revenue in Caucasian owned businesses was down by 19%.
Business owners declared the boycott a positive accomplishment as well, pointing out that shoplifting was reduced by 77%, money orders sent out of the country were down by 97%, and the cost of daily clean-up and trash collection was down by 84%. Shoppers reported that they could actually hear English being spoken throughout the community for the first time in recent memory, and customers actually paid for purchases with real money, not government debit cards!
Yeah I know, don’t send me any letters.
Hard to believe, I am reading where this guy who is skydiving over the weekend has lost his prosthetic leg or his artificial limb, I guess that is what you call it. He has offered a $15,000 reward for its return, which is questionable; I mean how many people return a missing right leg?
Reminds me of the story where the guy takes his first jump out of a plane. The instructor says, “It is a piece of cake. You go out the door and yell Geronimo (again, no letters please) and count to ten, pull your rip chord and the chute will open. Then you coast to earth, the truck picks you up and brings you back to the airfield.”
So the new guy asks, “what if my chute doesn’t open, what then.” The instructor smiles, calmly says, “cut away from that chute, then pull your reserve, look up and it will be billowing above your head.”
They all load up and head out, about 11, 000 feet up, the new kid goes meekly to the door of the aircraft, looks down, takes a deep breath goes out the door and yells Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeronimo!
Pulls the rip chord, looks up, nothing. The main chute has not deployed. He calmly cuts away from that, pulls the emergency chord and looks up, again, no chute. Then he says to himself, “Nuts. I bet that damn truck isn’t going to be there either.”
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